A Harlequin's Tale
by Lilpixiegirl2511
Summary: A unique Harley-centric origin story that delves into Harleen's mindset, past, family & career. It portrays how her relationship with the Joker developed over time as well as her eventual transformation into Harley Quinn. This is a more realistic look at the traditional Mad Love origin and includes many other characters from the DCU. M for lemons/violence. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Okay Melissa you're up. Your cast is good and strong now, so I want you to focus on your kickover today."

I watched Melissa cross the mat to work on the uneven parallel bars. It was 3:45 on a cold, gray Friday afternoon at the Gotham Y. Since my graduation from Gotham University I had been coaching the girls' gymnastics team from Gotham Central School three days a week, something I regretfully would be giving up come Monday when I started my new job. I still couldn't believe I landed the position. Arkham freaking Asylum! I would be a first year resident working with some of the most dangerous criminal lunatics the city had to offer. I had just gotten the news the previous day and I was so excited I could burst!

"Hey Harleen!" I plastered a smile on my face and turned to greet the familiar voice.

"Hey Dick, how's it hanging? And will ya please call me Harley, everyone does."

Standing there, looking yummy as always was Dick Grayson, boy billionaire and one of the most amazing gymnasts I had ever met. He was a fellow coach for the boys' gymnastics team of Gotham Academy.

"Hang on a sec Dick." I shouted across the mat "Nice front handspring Denise, great improvement over last week!" I turned back to give "pretty boy" my attention.

"So Harley, I hear you're leaving us?" He asked with a slight frown fixed on his extremely handsome face.

Most of the women at the gym fawned over Dick with his cerulean blue eyes, chiseled features and perfect ass. Although I could appreciate a nice looking fella with the best of them I myself was more a brains over brawn type of girl and Dick always struck me as being a little obtuse. We had a few classes at GU together but he dropped out after a couple of semesters, right around the time I was starting pre-med. I suppose when you're adopted by a famous billionaire you don't really have to worry about your career path too much.

"Yeah I am, but I'll hopefully we'll still run into each other on weekends." I replied brightly.

"Arkham, huh?" he ran a hand through his thick black hair, "What in the world made you apply there? I mean, it's full of the most violent criminals Gotham has ever produced. Aren't you scared?"

"A little I guess." I replied with a half-hearted shrug "But mostly I'm just psyched! No pun intended." He chuckled as I continued, "Dick, I didn't go into Psychology to spend my days writing prescriptions for everyday depression and anxiety patients. Not that I couldn't do good work pursuing a private practice, but it's just. So. _BORING_!" I sighed, "I need something more exciting to keep me interested and I've just always been drawn to extreme personalities. Which, come to think of it, is probably why I haven't felt the urge to date for a while. Extreme personalities, great for the career but for the love life….not so much."

He laughed out loud at that.

"Well, I wish you the best of luck, Harley. It will be a lot less interesting around here without you."

He held out his hand and I reciprocated, noticing as we shook how rough his hands were. It wasn't what I expected from a billionaire, even one that was a gymnast.

"Please though, just be careful. We're all going to be worried about you working in that place." I released his hand

"Of course I will Dick. Anyway, they won't throw me to the wolves right away. It's pretty typical to deal with the non-violent patients for a while before you start getting any of the juicy cases. I imagine it'll be quite some time before I see any real action. Take care of yourself, Dick."

"You too Harley. You too."

I turned back to my class, "Okay girls, lookin' good! Let's pack it in and call it a night!"

By the time I left the gym it was twilight and a steady drizzle had started to fall. I had forgotten my umbrella so I slung my gym bag over my shoulder, burst out of the front doors and sprinted to the parking lot. As I began the drive from Gotham's West Side to my apartment in the Bowery I let my mind drift and tried imagining what Arkham would be like. I must have really zoned out too because before I knew it I was passing Monolith Square. Of course the only reason I noticed I was passing Monolith Square was because of the swarm of cops.

I had no idea what the heck was going on but whatever it was, it was _big_! It looked like the entire Gotham police force was surrounding the square and the SWAT team was there in full body armor. I didn't get much more of a look before I was detoured by a panicked looking traffic cop. 'I guess I better switch on the news when I get home,' I thought to myself.

I was about ten minutes from my apartment when I noticed a van coming up behind me fast and driving erratically. I figured whoever it was had to be drunk and I suddenly felt my fight or flight response kick in. Before I could even try to turn or pull over the van swerved to overtake me, sideswiping my car and taking my side mirror along with them. Shaken, I pulled over and shut off the engine then attempted to open my door to assess the damage when I noticed another car coming just as fast if not faster than the van. I slammed the door shut just in time as a big black car blew past me. I launched a stream of curses out the window at the jerk when it hit me. That was not just _any_ big, black car. That was the flippin' _Batmobile_! Holy crap! I almost got run over by the Batman!

Once my shock wore off I got out of the car and groaned when I saw how bad the damage was. It was drivable at least but now my already sad vehicle was just pathetic. The door wouldn't shut all the way, the mirror was completely gone, the moldings were partially torn off and dragging on the ground and the paint job was fucked. I didn't have collision insurance, my student loans dictated that I remain on a very tight budget so I knew there was no way it was getting fixed anytime soon. Knowing the cops were tied up back at Monolith Square and being that I hadn't been able to make out the license plate of the van I figured trying to get a police report was just a waste of time. I sighed, yanked the door back open and slumped into the driver's seat. As I pulled away I heard a sickly scraping sound that got worse as I accelerated. Boy I was really gonna make a great impression on my first day at Arkham.

I finally made it home and realized quickly that there was no point at all in locking the car since I couldn't fully close my door, and since the Bowery was one of the worst neighborhoods in Gotham I silently said goodbye to my shitty stereo. I turned, walked into the building and climbed the three flights of stairs to my floor. One of my neighbor's cats wound itself around my legs and I gently pushed it away with one foot. Once I got into my apartment and kicked off my sneakers I realized that the only thing I wanted at that moment was a nice hot bath. I was still wearing my gym clothes and between the workout and the stress I wasn't smelling particularly fresh. Plus, my muscles had begun to tense up and ache from the accident.

I sat in the bath until the water went tepid and my fingers got pruny. The adrenaline from earlier had finally worn off leaving me utterly exhausted. My drooping eyelids and fatigued muscles convinced me to forget watching the news and just get to bed. I'd check the paper in the morning. I was dead to the world before my head hit the pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I awoke to the incessant ringing of my phone. Still bone tired from the previous night, I blearily reached over and pawed around until I found the source of my annoyance. "WHAT?!" I shouted angrily.

"Where the hell are you Harley? You're late!" Spat Diane, one of my friends from med school.

I groaned, realizing I totally flaked on our brunch date.

"Di, oh my God I am soooo sorry! You can't believe the night I had. I'm on my way, I can be there in twenty!" She tsked.

"Same old Harley. You forgot me didn't you, little miss scatterbrained?"

"I know, but I really do have a good excuse. I'll explain when I get there! Twenty, I promise!"

I threw my phone in my bag, threw on a tight pair jeans and a red V-neck sweater, raked a brush through my hair and put it up in a high ponytail, washed my face, brushed my teeth and flew out the door.

I made a sound of annoyance in the back of my throat when I got to my car, having temporarily forgotten about the damage, and of course, as predicted, my stereo was gone. All that was left were a few severed wires poking out from the gaping hole in my dashboard. I grumbled to myself as I headed downtown just as quickly as my sickly car would take me and I made it to Percy's Place with two minutes to spare.

Percy's may not look like much but they make the best waffles in Gotham and the prices are reasonable. I ran in and spotted Diane right away. She was tall and slim with delicate hands, surgeons' hands. We were in pre-med together and became fast friends. She was now a skilled neurosurgeon making quite a name for herself. She was featured on Good Morning Gotham a few weeks ago because her team was researching possible surgical remedies for mental illnesses and recently had a few breakthroughs in manipulation and regulation of the amygdala.

She didn't see me right away. She was nursing a latte and twirling a lock of golden hair between her fingers. I plopped down into the booth across from her which made her jump and lift her eyes to glare at me with a half pout, half smirk on her face.

"It's about time slo-poke!" I held up my hands in surrender.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!"

"So what was it this time? You don't start at Arkham until Monday, you obviously weren't studying for finals and you don't look hung over..." she trailed off and tapped her lip as she said "Hmmmm, could it have been a _man_? Spill it Quinzel!" She impatiently started tapping her nails on the table.

"Well yeah, you could say that. It was definitely a man, but it's not what you think." Diane raised her eyebrows and swirled her hands in a "get on with it already" motion. I leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, "I had a run in with the Batman last night!" Diane's jaw dropped.

"You're full of it! You're just pulling my leg again aren't you?"

We were interrupted as the waiter came to take our order. Di got a veggie, egg white omelet, ugh gag me, and I ordered the Cap'n Crunchberry waffles. As we waited for our food I filled her in on the events of the previous evening. I was just about finished up with my story when our meals came. I buttered my waffles as I described the state of my now completely piece of crap car. When I finished Di stared at me flabbergasted.

"Harley, have you watched the news yet?" I gave her a puzzled look.

"Well, I intended to but I took a bath and got sleepy. Then I got up late and now I'm here. Why what am I missing?" She blew out an impatient breath.

"Harley, you really have no idea what was going on in Monolith Square last night?"

"Well don't keep me in suspense Di, tell me already!" Diane's shoulders slumped.

"It was the Joker. He set off canisters of that laughing gas he has. There was a children's choir giving a holiday concert. Harley, lots of people died."

I was dumbstruck. I was right there and I had no clue that people were dying just a few hundred yards from my car.

"That's horrible! What about the Joker, did they catch him?"

"As far as I know the Joker escaped the scene in a _van_ with the Batman in hot pursuit. That was the last I heard. You realize what this means, right?" My lips pursed together and my brow creased in annoyance.

"Yeah, I totally know what it means, Di. It means the God damn Joker wrecked my friggin car! I swear if I ever get my hands on that big jerk I'll slap the smile right off his pasty face!"

I continued to seethe for a moment as Di burst out laughing uncontrollably. We gossiped and caught up as I plowed through my stack of sickly sweet, wafflly goodness. Since I had never gotten around to eating dinner yesterday, I had no regrets. We finished our food, hugged goodbye and went our separate ways.

I was able to get my hunk-a-junk back to my apartment although I had to deal with the mortification of everyone looking over at me on the road to see what on earth that horrible noise was. I was going to have to see if I could find someone to help me pull the wheel well out, hopefully that would at least make it sound better even if it looked like a hot mess.

I knew I had a big day on Monday and I wanted to be prepared so I spent the rest of the day tidying the apartment, doing laundry and grocery shopping. The evening was fairly uneventful. I was at the very least happy to have avoided any more run ins with costumed vigilantes or villains.

On Sunday I got up early and went for a long run in Robinson Park to clear my mind. It felt good to be outside even if it was freezing out. Once I got home I decided to do some homework. When I met with the director of Arkham Asylum, Dr. Jeremiah Arkham, to go over the new hire paperwork and expectations of the position he gave me a large file containing all of Arkham's policies and procedures, including the various security codes we needed to memorize. I had flipped through it earlier but I knew I hadn't memorized half of what I needed to so I spent most of the day in my PJ's pouring over the information.

When I noticed it was well past nightfall I decided I had earned a break. I walked over the counter and poured a cup of coffee, added lots of cream and sugar and wandered over to the window to gaze at the skyline. The view from my apartment wasn't great but you could make out Amusement Mile if you squinted through the buildings just right. Only not tonight. Instead of usual view of the Ferris wheel, I could only see a bright orange cloud rising into the sky. Then the sound hit me, the force of which shook the windows of the apartment building. A loud 'BOOM' followed by a 'whoosh' that blew my bangs back from my forehead.

What the hell? Something just exploded on Amusement Mile, something huge! I was about to dial 911 when the fireworks started. Big, bright fireworks in greens and oranges and purples exploded in the sky. Fireworks always made me feel all tingly inside. Some of them were exploding in the form of letters. H.A. H.A. Moments later another light filled the sky, the Bat-signal. It was pretty obvious to me that the Joker was still on the loose and that more people were likely dead because of him.

What the hell was wrong with this guy? I swear, I'd love to get this mook on my couch one day to try and figure out which screw was loose. If I could figure clown boy out it would make for one hell of a book. I contemplated it. It'd be a best-seller, I bet. Book signing tours would follow and interviews. I bet I could even get on Oprah! Maybe even SNL, although SNL has kinda sucked lately. I shrugged. It was something to think about anyway.

I rolled the thought around for another few minutes then shook my head at myself. Who the heck did I think I was kidding? Dr. Arkham would never grant me access to someone like the Joker. The ink on my medical license had barely dried. Heck I'd be lucky to work with one of the D-listers like Maxie Zeus or Killer Moth, at least until I had time to prove myself a competent psychologist.

The sound of myriad sirens filled the air and I watched lines of flashing lights racing towards Amusement Mile. I realized it was pretty late and decided I had enough excitement for one day so I packed my lunch for work, laid out my clothes, washed up and hit the sack. Slowly the sound of sirens lulled me into a peaceful and dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

My alarm went off promptly at 6 AM. I could already feel the butterflies building in my stomach in anticipation of my first day at the asylum. I started some coffee and hopped in the shower. I let the hot water roll over my body, loosening the still stiff muscles in my neck and back. Once I felt clean and awake, I stepped out and wrapped myself in a fluffy towel and headed back into my bedroom to get dressed.

I had picked out my outfit very carefully; a black pencil skirt that I deemed was an acceptable length, a blue button down shirt with a light pink camisole beneath, nude pantyhose and black pumps that were perhaps just an inch too high to be considered "sensible", but I was self-conscious of my height. At 5'7" I felt I could use the extra two inches.

I headed back into the bathroom and got started on my hair and makeup. I decided to pin my platinum locks back in a tight bun at the nape of my neck, which was certainly a bit severe but I desperately wanted to make sure I made the right first impression.

I wasn't stupid, I knew what people thought when they looked at me. They saw the blonde hair, blue eyes, the pouty lips and the athletic body and immediately thought, "Cheerleader" or "Barbie" or "Floozy." I decided minimal makeup would be best. I used just a touch of blush, clear lip gloss, eyeliner and mascara. I topped the makeup with a pair of round wire-rimmed reading glasses that I didn't particularly need but felt made me look more studious. I really needed to be taken seriously today and every little bit helped. I gave myself a once over and feeling satisfied with the result, downed the last of my coffee, grabbed my coat and attaché case and headed to work.

Luckily, the Bowery wasn't all that far from Arkham. Realistically it would be less expensive and take about the same amount of time for me to take public transportation than maintaining a vehicle, but the Bowery was a _really_ bad neighborhood and I felt much safer having a car. Of course, I felt a little less safe now that I couldn't lock my car door but for the reasonable amount of rent I paid to live here I had to take the good with the bad. Before long I was on the north branch of the Tri-Gate Bridge crossing the Gotham River to South Channel Island which housed Arkham Asylum.

As I approached the gates of the asylum, I could feel the nervousness spreading through my limbs. I stopped at the gate house and was greeted by a young security guard with a mop of unruly sandy colored hair. I glanced at his name tag which said "Hendricks". He leaned out of the booth and wrinkled his nose just slightly, likely at the state of my vehicle. Yup, great first impression, Harl.

I rolled down my window and leaned out to introduce myself. I put a big smile on my face as I pulled my new employee ID badge out of my bag.

"Good morning! Dr. Harleen Quinzel, reporting for duty."

He scrutinized my ID and once he seemed satisfied I was who I claimed to be, he handed it back with a timid smile.

"Good morning Dr. Quinzel, you're the new resident, right?" I nodded. "I'm Adam Hendricks, security enforcement officer. Good luck, doctor."

He held out his hand and I shook it briefly. The shrink in me started working overtime as I gave Officer Hendricks a once over. He was soft spoken and struck me as being serious but very shy. I had a suspicion there was trauma there. Perhaps in time I'd get a chance to pick his brain and find out.

"Dr. Quinzel, you can pull around to the back of the building and park in the employee garage. You've been designated space D8 on the second level." he finished as he handed me a parking pass for my rearview mirror.

I gave him another grateful smile and pulled through the gates. After locating my spot and parking I entered the building through the employees' entrance on the second floor. I was met by another security offer, an Officer Mike Stone. He was dark haired, tall and slim with a pointy nose and thin moustache. He reminded me of a weasel.

He grunted what I supposed was his form of a greeting. He was stiff and scowled down his nose at me as he inspected my employee badge and searched my attaché case. About the time Officer "Weasley" finished his inspection I was saved from the uncomfortable situation by a handsome middle aged black woman whose face was framed by a smart looking bob haircut. She was about my height and had an open and friendly face topped off with a brilliant white smile.

"Dr. Quinzel?" I nodded "Welcome to Arkham, I'm Dr. Joan Leland. Joan is fine when we aren't seeing patients. You can come with me and we'll get you all situated."

She had a firm handshake for a woman, which was actually something I appreciated. There was nothing worse than shaking a hand that felt like a dead fish flopping in your grip, and I really hate fish, ewww.

"Very pleased to meet you Joan, please call me Harley, everyone does." I did my best to cover up my heavy Brooklyn accent and tried to lower the pitch of my voice in an attempt to sound "professional."

I followed her down a hallway that was painted a sickly lime green, which was not at all helped out by the flickering of the florescent lights overhead. The linoleum looked ancient and was peeling up in spots. This floor seemed to be primarily dedicated to the asylum doctors' and administrative staff offices. Towards the end of the hall we were traversing was an employee lounge of sorts. There was a refrigerator and a microwave, vending machines and some tables and chairs. The table nearest the door held a large coffee urn and a tray of assorted pastries and doughnuts. It was surrounded by several nurses and orderlies chatting congenially. Joan led me past the group and I offered a smile and a small wave in greeting. In response I got slack-jawed looks from the men and sneers from the women. It felt like the first day of school all over again.

"Harley before I take you to your office to settle in, we'll be meeting with the director to go over a few things and review your new patient files. Later on I'll take you for the nickel tour of the hospital so you can start to get your bearings." She stopped before a large set of wooden double doors and knocked before I could reply. From the other side of the door I heard a man's voice growl.

"Come in."

I followed Joan into Arkham's office. If I haven't mentioned it before, Doc Arkham strikes me as a creepy kind of guy. He was probably in his early forties, thin, of average height with thick glasses and sporting the most hideous bowl haircut I had ever seen. Besides not being particularly friendly there was just something about him that set off alarm bells in my head. I couldn't put my finger on it but being in the same room with him made the little hairs on the back of my neck stand up. He glanced up from the files he was jotting notes in and glanced up at the two of us.

"Joan, Dr. Quinzel, please have a seat."

He continued with his notes as we settled in. I looked around the large office. It was beautifully appointed with a large mahogany desk and bookshelves from floor to ceiling packed full of what seemed to be every abnormal psychology book that had ever been written. The oriental carpets were a deep forest green and intricately patterned. The walls were covered in deep, cherry colored wood paneling. Behind the director's head was a giant portrait of his ancestor, Dr. Amadeus Arkham, who looked equally as creepy as his descendant. Arkham cleared his throat and looked me in the eye.

"Dr. Quinzel, welcome to Arkham. In reviewing your academic transcript, your grades are impressive and you seem to have made quite an impression on your professors as well. You come highly recommended. That being said, I want to make it perfectly clear that in _this_ asylum grades and recommendations mean _nothing_." I winced a little at the recrimination, "I chose you over the other applicants because I was impressed with your intuition and open mindedness during our discussions. That will serve you well here Quinzel, but you still have a lot to learn. Arkham is not like other asylums, as I'm sure you well know." He gave me a grave look then. "I noted that you studied under one of our previous associates, Dr. Jonathan Crane." He paused as if waiting for a response.

"Um, yes sir. Dr. Crane was one of my mentors. He was very strict but a wonderful profess-" He cut me off.

"Are you aware that Dr. Crane was recently committed here?" I wiped my sweaty palms on my skirt and began timidly.

"Yes, sir. I was an intern at GMW when I heard he was dismissed from the University for discharging a gun in class. I saw the story on the news after he attempted to poison the reservoir last month that he was subsequently captured by the Batman and brought to Arkham. Until that time, I had no idea he had been experimenting on his students as well. It's very sad that a mind so brilliant could turn out to be so disturbed." Arkham looked me pointedly in the eye.

"Let this serve as a warning Quinzel. While we work to help our patients recover from the throes of madness it is equally important to take care of one's own mind. Be vigilant and ever alert within these walls. The true test of your mettle as a therapist here will be your ability to rise above the madness you are exposed to and keep yourself balanced. It's as important to take care of yourself as it is to take care of your patients." He straightened a stack of files to the right of his desk.

"Now that we have that out of the way, here are the keys to your office," He slid a small ring of keys across the desk. "And this is your security key card." He held up a slim plastic card on a lanyard. "It is of the utmost importance that you have this key card on your person at all times. It grants you access to all levels of the Asylum including the intensive treatment wing and the special containment units, however, for the time being you are not to enter the west wing unaccompanied until I deem you ready." I inclined my head to indicate I understood. "If you ever misplace it you are to inform either myself, Sargent Cash our head of security or Joan immediately. Most importantly, do _NOT_ let your patients get their hands on it. Are we clear?" I nodded in agreement

"Yes, sir. Clear as crystal, sir."

"You'll be reporting directly to Dr. Leland for the first few months until you get into the swing of things. Any questions or problems you have; you bring to her." Arkham turned his focus on Dr. Leland. "Joan please show Dr. Quinzel to her office and help her familiarize herself with these case files." He handed her the large stack of patient files then turned back to me "Good luck Dr. Quinzel. We expect big things from you. That is all ladies, good day to you."

With that obvious dismissal we took our leave and Joan brought me back down to the second floor and showed me to my office. It was small but at least the walls were a pastel blue instead of the ugly green color the rest of the asylum seemed to be painted in. There was a simple wooden desk which held an ancient looking computer. The desk was flanked by a tiny bookshelf. On the opposite side of the room a typical beige therapy couch was bolted firmly to the floor. The couch itself had heavy D-rings welded to the frame, I assumed for restraint. The couch was surrounded by a line of yellow tape on the floor, something I had never seen before. Noticing my look of confusion Joan leaned in and stated,

"That's the danger zone. Never cross the yellow line when you're in session, even if the patient is restrained. It's for your own safety."

"Ohh-kay." Well that was certainly different procedure than Mercy West. Joan then pointed out two panic buttons in the room, one directly under my desk and the other on the wall near the door.

"Harley, if you ever feel threatened in the slightest, press the panic button and security will be dispatched to your location immediately. Do not hesitate to use it, it might save your life one day."

Joan and I spent the next few hours going over my case files. I'd be seeing about eight patients daily to start off and as I suspected they were pretty standard fare. Actually the most interesting case that caught my eye was a patient with severe case of coulrophobia due to having been dosed with Smilex by the Joker over a year ago. Although the patient was administered the antidote in time, ever since the incident he slips into a state of catatonia when confronted with anything relating to clowns. That seemed like it might be a case I could sink my teeth into. All in all, I couldn't complain, it was my first day after all.

Around two in the afternoon Joan left me to my own devices to take my lunch and continue reviewing my case files. While I nibbled on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich I read the newspaper. The headline read "Joker Bombs Amusement Mile, 103 Dead" I skimmed the article curious if there was some kind of motive to this particular attack, or if it were just another fatal punchline. So far it seemed any true motive was pure speculation.

Arkham's psychological and medical staff worked a standard 12 hour shift and since Joan had patients to see we made plans to meet back up at six to tour the facility. Around quarter till I decided to walk down to Joan's office.

That's when all hell broke loose. Suddenly alarms started to sound and emergency lights began flashing. I heard the commotion well before I saw it. I jogged as quickly as I could in my heels to the source of the disturbance. The security team was running about and orderlies and nurses were shouting and panicking. I couldn't make out anything that was being said over the din. Joan was already there and as I approached her she flung a protective arm across my chest to halt my forward motion.

"Stand back Harleen, we have a code indigo coming in."

I was about to open my mouth to ask what a code indigo was when I heard it. Laughter. No, not even laughter, it was a wild, crazed cackle filling the halls and drawing nearer.

Without warning a tall, dark, caped figure swiftly turned the corner. I had only ever seen grainy CCTV footage of our resident Dark Knight, but let me tell you, seeing him in the flesh was pretty intimidating. He was tall, at least 6'2" if I had to hazard a guess and his chest and shoulders were massive! Though I couldn't see his eyes through the protected lenses of his cowl, the exposed mouth was drawn down in a grimace.

He was literally dragging a bloody, beaten and broken Joker behind him. Since Batman was so large and imposing I didn't quite have a view of the Joker yet, I could only see his legs splayed out, see the blood, rips and tears on his purple pinstriped slacks. Joan approached the vigilante.

"Batman, we have his usual cell ready, if you'll just follow me please." Joan glanced over at me. "Harleen you should go back to your office and lock the door until we have him secure. I'll come get you when it's safe."

I gulped down the knot in my throat as the Batman stopped and appraised me. Damn this guy was scary! I wanted to say something but all I could do was bite my bottom lip and try not to pee my pants. The Caped Crusader stepped around me and followed Joan to intensive treatment in the west wing. As he passed I finally got my first glance of the Joker. His wrists were cuffed in front of him and his face was a bloody mess. His right eye was black and puffy and his cheek was swollen up like a grapefruit. The bruises looked so strange on that pristine white skin of his. A wavy lock of thick green hair tumbled over his forehead. It was actually a brilliant verdant shade with natural highlights and lowlights running through it. His lips were very red and I wondered if it was lipstick, blood or his natural coloring. He continued to grin maniacally and I noticed he was missing one of his front teeth, likely knocked out by the Batman.

I stood there dumbstruck with eyes boggling and my mouth hanging slightly open, staring at the scene as he was unceremoniously dragged down the hallway by the collar of his famous purple overcoat. At that moment the Harlequin of Hate looked up and locked his deep green eyes with mine. I couldn't move, I couldn't even breathe. It was like his eyes kept me glued to the spot. I could only continue to stare. I must have looked like the lamb led to slaughter. He leered at me.

"See something you like, cupcake? Don't worry darling, I'm sure I'll be seeing _you_ around."

He launched into another uncontrollable bout of laughter which made me break out in goose flesh. Just as Batman was dragging the Joker around the corner the clown fixed his gaze back on mine and winked with his good eye. I felt my cheeks flush. He winked at me? That smug bastard actually winked at me! After a moment of standing there with my hands balled into tiny fists I finally realized I was still holding my breath so I relaxed, slumped against the nearest wall and exhaled.

Whooie! Now that was surreal. I decided to take Joan's advice and headed back to the relative safety of my office to await further instructions. About an hour after the pandemonium died down Joan came up to see me.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that on your first day, Harley." She rolled her eyes and huffed out a half laugh. "Never a dull moment, right?" I shrugged.

"At least it's not boring." Joan looked at her watch.

"Well it's a little late to tour the facilities tonight, so why don't you go on home. Let's meet in my office at nine tomorrow morning and I can give you the grand tour."

She looked exhausted. Her lips were dry, there were dark circles under her eyes and she looked like a stiff breeze would knock her over. I felt sorry for her.

"Sure thing Joan. Is there anything I can do for you before I go? No offense but you look bushed." She grinned and replied

"Thanks for the offer Harley, I appreciate it, but Dr. Adams will be here to relieve me soon. Get some rest, you meet with your first patient tomorrow. Have a good night."

"Night, Joan." With that she turned and left.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It was a relief to finally get home and collapse onto my couch. I flipped the television to the local news station and left it softly playing in the background as I undressed and took care of my personal hygiene regiment. I looked in my fridge for something to eat and decided on a ham and cheese sandwich since I didn't feel like making a mess. I was admittedly a lousy cook anyway. If it wasn't microwavable, it usually turned out to be inedible. I poured myself a glass of cheap chardonnay I had chilling in the fridge and plopped back down on the couch to watch the news. No sooner had I taken the first bite of my sandwich, when my land line started ringing.

I glanced at the clock on my cable box, it read 8:15. I grunted knowing that it was inevitably my mother, Sharon, calling to find out about my first day at the new job. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom to death, but she always had this uncanny ability to call me whenever I was in the middle of something. I choked down my mouthful with a sip of wine and answered

"Hiya mom."

"Hi bubby! I hope I'm not calling at a bad time." I glanced longingly at my dinner and sighed.

"No mom, I'm just winding down and watching a little TV. I just got home a little while ago. How are you?"

"Oh, as well as can be expected. I just put Jenny and little Nicky down for the night and figured while it was quiet I'd see how my baby's first day was."

"Why are _you_ putting the kids down tonight? Where's Barry?" I demanded.

"His band is booked at some bar in Staten Island. Since I have a rare day off I told him I'd watch them."

My little brother Barry was 23, four years younger than I, and one of the most irresponsible people I knew. He already had two kids from two different mothers, Little Nicky who was two and Jenny who was six months. He also had no steady income and spent most of his days in front of the TV playing video games or his guitar, poorly I might add. My mom worked two jobs and was practically raising his kids for him.

"Ma!" I shouted "You can't keep letting him do this to you! When is he ever going to grow up if you keep doing everything for him?" She sighed.

"Harleen, you know you were born gifted. I knew when you were a little girl that you were going to make something special out of your life. Your brother…" there was a moment or two of silence before she continued "He takes after your father. If I were to kick him out what do you think would happen to him, huh?" I exhaled loudly.

"He'd end up in Fishkill Correctional with daddy."

My father, Nick Quinzel, was the reason I went into psychiatry in the first place. I always felt the need to figure out how he could do what he did to our family. He was a gambler and a con-man who had made a career out of swindling widows out of their inheritances. For years he lived a double life, wining and dining these women and leeching every penny he could get. It eventually caught up to him.

I was devastated the first time he was arrested. Well the first time I _realized_ he had been arrested at least. My mother had been telling me for years that he was either "at the office" or "away on business" whenever he was gone for more than a week at a time. I was nine the first time the cops busted in our door and dragged him away. By the time I was ten I had figured out that he had been living with other women and sometimes their children.

I can't even begin to explain how hurt I was that he was playing father to someone else's children when we, when _I_ needed him so badly. I blamed myself for a while, thinking I was a bad daughter or that somehow these other families he had were better than me in some way. By the time I was a teenager I realized he was just a selfish man who did as he pleased without regard to how it affected anyone else. Yet I still couldn't help but love him even though I hated him too.

It was at that point in my life I discovered psychology and became determined to get my degree so _I_ could help families in crisis, like mine. If I could keep one kid from feeling as lonely and rejected as I had growing up, I felt like I could make a difference in the world. The problem was we were dirt poor and living in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. It was gymnastics that saved me. I was good, like Olympics good, and thankfully a college recruiter saw me compete and took an interest. I was granted a gymnastics scholarship and before I knew it I was enrolled in the psychology program at GU and was off to live in Gotham City. My mother cleared her throat and continued.

"Enough about Barry, I want to talk about my wonderful, intelligent daughter and find out about her first official day as a full-fledged doctor."

I couldn't help but smile, mom wasn't usually much for flattery but I knew she was proud of me. Not to mention that she could talk to the women in her book club about at least one of her family members without embarrassment.

I filled her in on the events of my first day and the previous night. Needless to say it didn't make her feel particularly secure knowing that I was working in the same facility that was currently housing the Joker, Gotham's most infamous and violent mass murderer.

I tried to assure her that security was tight at Arkham and that every precaution was used to keep the staff and patients safe, but she was still skeptical. I glanced back over at the clock.

"Listen ma, as much as I love hearing from you, it's getting pretty late, I'm starving and I have to get up early tomorrow so I'm gonna run, but I'll call you this weekend, ok?"

"Ok sweetie, you get some rest and for God's sake please be careful. You know I worry." I grinned and replied.

"I know ma, I promise, I'll be careful. I love ya mom, night."

"I love you too. Goodnight Harley."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The next day I was running out the door at 6:30 in the morning. I had received a call from Joan before I went to bed last night to let me know we were having an emergency staff meeting at 7 AM and it was all hands on deck. My car squeaked and screeched the whole way to work and apparently my heater was dying on me too because by the time I reached the asylum it was still only piss warm. I wiped the annoyance off my face and replaced it with a smile as I headed to the elevators.

I still wasn't quite sure where I was going but I knew the conference room was on the top floor in the east wing. Luckily when I stepped into the elevator I was greeted by a friendly face for a change. So far I hadn't really had an opportunity to meet much of the staff and the few I had seemed pretty stand-offish. He was young, I'm guessing early thirties with shoulder length brown hair that was neatly tied back in a ponytail. He had wide set eyes in a stunning shade of hazel, a straight nose that had a light scattering of freckles across the bridge, thin lips and a broad jawline.

I stepped into the elevator beside him and before I could open my mouth to greet him he looked at me, gave me a kind smile and inquired

"Dr. Quinzel?" I dipped my head in acknowledgement and replied.

"Yes, but please call me Harley, and you are?" He extended his hand.

"Ben Stone, I'm the lead medical physician. Pleasure to meet you, Harley." He responded cheerfully and I reciprocated his handshake. "So _you're_ the girl genius we've been hearing so much about." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"I wouldn't say that."

"So what made you want to come _here_?" he asked lightly. I pushed a stray hair out of my face.

"The challenge I guess. Why? Why did you come here?" He snickered.

"Eh, well it was either this or the free clinic and a drinking problem." I giggled, then abruptly covered my mouth with my hand. He gave me a broad smile in return. I liked him immediately. "Well, welcome to hell, at least for the first year of your residency."

The elevator reached the top floor and the door opened with a ding. Ben swung out his hand to indicate I should exit before him. I glanced up and down the hallway, not quite sure where I was headed. Ben noticed and lightly placed his hand on my elbow.

"If you're coming to the staff meeting, the conference room is this way Harley."

He led me to the end of the hall to our right and into a room that held a huge oblong table surrounded by chairs and there were additional chairs lining the walls on either side. It was the first time I had seen the entire staff gathered in one place and it was a little overwhelming. Ben was kind enough to introduce me around a bit, not that I was going to be able to keep the names straight. He seemed to be widely liked and I think his influence was key in reducing some of the icy reactions I had previously experienced with the few staff members I had interacted with so far.

I located Joan and took the empty seat next to her and Ben settled into the seat to my right. He leaned across the table in front of me to greet Joan.

"Ben, good morning! How did you make out with the unholy terror?" she said as she rolled her eyes. He chuckled.

"Fully restrained and sedated to the gills. I was able to set the arm without incident, which is a first, but I feel sorry for whoever we call in to replace that missing crown. I know _I'm_ not willingly putting my fingers in that animal's mouth." I glanced at him with interest as Joan replied.

"Arkham sent for Dr. Kemkar, but if I know Jerimiah he didn't divulge who the patient is."

At that moment Dr. Arkham entered the room and everyone started to settle down. The doctors and heads of each department were seated around the table while the rest of the staff took the chairs by the walls or stood at the rear of the room. Arkham cleared his throat as silence settled over the room.

"As I'm sure you all know at this point, patient 0801, The Joker, is back in our custody. As we also have several new members of the staff who have not yet had the pleasure of dealing with him, I felt it was an opportune time to review the increased security protocols that go hand in hand with his committal here."

I blushed as half the room turned to look at me. I heard several whispers and at least one snigger. Arkham continued.

"Aaron if you'd please take the floor."

"Thank you Dr. Arkham," a stocky black man of medium height stood to address the assembled employees.

"For those of you who don't know me, I'm Sargent Aaron Cash, head of Arkham security. With the re-incarceration of the Joker, we'll be adhering to extra security protocols. All non-essential personnel are restricted from the west wing effective immediately. We will be reinstating employee searches for anyone accessing the Intensive Treatment ward. Our security officers will be equipped with metal detecting wands and you will be scanned upon entering and exiting any restricted areas. That means, bring nothing with you that may be used as a weapon no matter how innocuous it seems. No pens, pencils, letter openers, rulers, clipboards, paperclips etcetera." Cash looked around the room.

"Pay particular attention to your jewelry. I won't go into detail, but there have been previous incidents, so my suggestion is to leave it at home. Next, the security key code for patient 0801's cell will be changed three times daily. If you need to access that cell you will need to commit the codes to memory. Anyone caught writing these codes down will be severely reprimanded!"

Aaron then motioned to a few of his men who were gathered by the door. They were each carrying a pile of small plastic boxes that looked similar to pagers.

"What my men are handing you are individual panic buttons. Each one is equipped with a GPS tracker that will zero in on your position both within the asylum and outside of its' walls." I leaned over to Joan and whispered.

"Why would we need it outside of the asylum?" Joan barely glanced at me but replied.

"In the event of an abduction or hostage situation." That made a shiver run down my spine.

"I expect each of you to keep these on you at all times." The security officers spread out handing the devices to each of the doctors and essential staff members, recording the name of the recipient to the corresponding device number on their clipboards. Aaron continued. "You will not be admitted to the west wing without it. Last but not least, for the next four days access to the infirmary is restricted. Unless it is an absolute emergency you will need to check in at the main security hub and you will be escorted by one of the security staff. Any questions?" Silence followed and Aaron took his seat.

Soon after Aaron concluded, Dr. Arkham dismissed everyone but the shrinks.

"Now comes the part of this meeting I know you've all been dreading." There was a collective pause. The apprehension in the air was palpable. "I have thought long and hard about this and I have come to the decision to assign Dr. Young to treat patient 0801." Dr. Penelope Young was a mousy looking woman with short brown hair and brown eyes and right now she looked utterly horrified.

"You can't be serious about this Jerimiah! I have a family, I have kids! You know what kind of position that will put me in with that animal!" Her face was red with unrestrained rage and her whole body shook, "You know he'll use that to threaten me with!" Dr. Arkham looked at her with indifference.

"Penelope, this decision is not personal. You are simply the most qualified doctor to treat the Joker. Gretchen," he glanced at the eldest female doctor in the room "Would be incapable to fend off any kind of physical attack and since Joan is exempt for reasons you know very well-"

"It's those very reasons I don't want this case Jerry!" Dr. Arkham glared at Dr. Young with a vicious glint in his eye.

"Reign it in, Penelope. The board does not want this patient transferred to another facility as it would cripple our funding, so until further notice this is _your_ goddamn case!" he slammed a huge case file down on the desk and pushed it towards Dr. Young. Then he turned and looked directly at me "Dr. Quinzel," he said sternly, "As the newest addition to our staff I am assigning you to observe two of these sessions weekly." I opened my mouth to object but was cut off before I could "Due to the dangerous nature of the patient, his therapy will take place in one of the interrogation rooms. You will study these sessions in safety through the two-way mirror. I expect a report of your observations on my desk on Friday afternoon of each week." Then we were dismissed and I quickly caught up with Joan down the hallway.

"Joan, what the hell was that all about?"

"I don't know Harleen, it's certainly unprecedented, but Dr. Arkham is the director and what he says goes." She looked at me ruefully and opened her mouth as if to speak, but then closed it and remained silent for a few moments. I wanted to ask her why she was exempt from treating the Joker. I looked at her face and could see the pain there as plainly as if it were written on her forehead and decided against it. I had a good idea at the very least, Joker had killed someone she loved.

"Joan I know you were supposed to show me around but if you need some time….." Joan slowly turned her head and shook it minutely.

"No, Harley, I'm fine, really. We've put it off long enough already and you're scheduled to meet with your first patient shortly." she replied as she looked at her watch. "No time like the present."

Forty minutes later I was being patted down and swiped with metal detectors awaiting my first look at what the Arkham staff referred to as the "Zoo", otherwise known as Intensive Treatment. The worst of the worst were confined here. Joan took me slowly through the floor. They were all here. The Mad Hatter, Victor Zsasz, Poison Ivy, The Ventriloquist, Two-Face. I was awestruck but luckily I caught myself before I gaped at them like a complete idiot. When we reached the end of the hallway I noticed the currently unoccupied cell of the Joker. It was just like all of the others, approximately eight feet in length and ten feet wide with a small cot bolted into both the wall and the floor, a small metal partition that offered at least a modicum of privacy when using the dingy metal toilet and a tiny metal sink. In this wing the front cell wall and door were made of thick bulletproof glass and each patient was monitored 24/7 by a security camera. It seemed secure enough, how did he always manage to escape? At that moment I heard my name being called from behind me.

I spun on my heel and was surprised to come face to face with my old mentor and current inmate Jonathan Crane a.k.a. The Scarecrow.

"Dr. Crane, I didn't realize you were confined to this wing." I searched his eyes hoping to see some semblance of the man I studied under, but I could almost see the madness swirling in the depths of his deep blue eyes. He sneered at me.

"Well hello dear child. You still refer to me as a doctor, that's a nice change." He threw a nasty glance down to where Joan was talking with one of the orderlies on duty then brought his gaze back to mine. "I had thought to see you here one day, but you seem to be on the wrong side of the glass." I was slightly taken aback, I caught the allusion he was making but wanted to be sure

"W-what do you mean Dr. Crane?" He bounded towards the glass partition and slammed his hands against it harshly as he snarled

"You know very well what I mean! We know our own, you know. I can smell it on you." He stuck his nose into one of the air holes cut into the glass and audibly sniffed the air. "It's there alright, just waiting to escape." He removed his hands from the glass and stooped to look me directly in my eyes. "I always knew, child. Why do you think _I_ chose to mentor you? You were always... _special_." he almost spat out his last word. Suddenly Joan came up behind me and placed a protective arm around my shoulders.

"That is quite enough Jonathan!" she began to lead me away, "I thought he was having one of his more lucid days, but apparently not." We were headed towards the special containment units. "Come, we have just one area left to see and then _you_ need to get to your office for your first patient."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Joan and I had completed our tour of the facility and then I met with my first patient. His name was Thomas Schiff and he suffered from paranoid schizophrenia. He was small, slim with dark hair and an olive complexion. The first thing I noticed about him were the multiple motor tics. It made him twitchy and nervous and I was going to have to increase his dosage of Klonopin to help alleviate it. It took me thirty minutes to get him to even speak to me, but eventually he began to open up and overall I felt it was a good session.

The rest of my sessions were pretty standard, nothing all that interesting, but productive all the same. I was sitting in my office waiting for my last patient of the day to arrive. She was a twenty-year-old depressive with a self-injury compulsion named Renee Lylo. I have had a good deal of experience with this particular compulsion in the past and successfully treated it, so I was very hopeful I would be able to help her overcome it. I glanced at my wall clock and noticed she was fifteen minutes late.

You may not be aware that not all of the patients here are committed by the state. Actually most of the patients at Arkham are there of their own accord or committed by family members on a temporary basis. As such, they have complete autonomy and do not need to be escorted to sessions. The patients in those wards, A, B & C Wards respectively, have many freedoms that the patients in Intensive Treatment and Special Containment do not get to enjoy. There are common rooms with television, games, arts and crafts and musical instruments available. A cafeteria where all three wards met for meals and an outdoor area where patients could garden, play basketball or just walk the grounds.

Since I had been cooped up in my office all day I decided to stretch my legs and walk up to B Ward to retrieve Renee for our session rather than send one of the orderlies. I grabbed her chart and headed to the east wing elevators. I arrived at the third floor and headed towards room 308B. When I got to her room the door was closed, so I quietly knocked suspecting that the medications she was currently taking may have fatigued her. When I received no response I knocked a bit louder and after a third knock with no response I threw open the door.

I was in utter shock at the scene before me. Renee was lying on her side on the floor in a large puddle of her own blood. I raced over to her body, knelt beside her and quickly turned her onto her back. I immediately felt for a pulse and it was there but it was very weak. I ran my eyes over her body and saw the source of the blood. She had a deep cut on her inner arm just below the elbow. Lying beside Renee's body was a surgical scalpel. I had no idea how she had gotten it but I speculated that she attempted to make a shallow cut and misjudged how keen the blade was causing her to nick the basilic vein. I grabbed my panic button from my pocket and activated it, then while applying pressure to the wound looked around frantically for something to use as a tourniquet.

Within seconds two orderlies and a security guard burst into the room. I turned and pointed at one of the orderlies, " _You_ , I need a gurney in here stat!" I looked at the other two. The orderly was in scrubs but the security guard wore a uniform, a uniform with a belt. "And _you_ take off your belt and give it to me, _NOW_!"

Once I had secured the belt around Renee's upper arm the other orderly arrived with the gurney. Without discussion we picked up our patient, strapped her onto the gurney and began running hell bent for the infirmary.

Moments later we burst through the infirmary doors. Ben was on duty and when he looked up and saw me soaked in blood he sprinted over to us.

"Dr. Quinzel, what happened!?" He looked me over frantically, saw I was fine then approached my patient and started to examine her while I explained to him how I found her. He looked up at me, "She's lost a lot of blood. I need to get her into surgery immediately." He began to wheel her towards the surgical suite at the rear of the room. Ben glanced at me over his shoulder. "Stay here and I'll have one of the nurses come update you when she's out of danger." Then they were through the doors and I was seemingly alone.

I was still shaking with adrenaline when I looked down and finally noticed the state of myself. My grey skirt was soaked with blood from the hem to about mid-thigh, my blouse and lab coat were also drenched in gore. I examined my hands to see blood drying on my skin and seeping into my cuticles and underneath my nails. I looked around the room. On either side there were three medical bays separated with curtains for privacy. I spied a sink with a mirror towards the back of the room and headed over to the sink to wash off as much of the mess as possible. I looked in the mirror and noticed I must have brushed my face with the back of one of my hands because there was a smear of blood across my forehead as well. I grabbed a handful of paper towels, ran them under warm water and began scrubbing at my stain on my face.

"Oh, don't do that dollface. It's so rare to see a beautiful woman drenched in blood in this dismal place, unless I'm the one who did it to her of course."

I turned as I heard the familiar titter of laughter. There strapped to the bed, was the Joker. He was fully restrained, thank God. Heavy leather straps crossed his calves, thighs, hips, waist and chest. Both of his ankles and his left wrist were individually cuffed to the bed frame. He was lying at such an angle as to make him have to lift his head off the pillow to look at me.

"You're supposed to be sedated." I replied warily. His facial swelling had gone down significantly since I saw him last, but he was still severely bruised. His left arm was in a cast and he was still missing a front tooth.

"Yes, yes, the doctors here like to protect themselves from my sudden fits of _inspiration"_ He cackled evilly and continued. "But they can only give me so much without killing me so, here we are!" I ignored him and continued to lather my hands with soap.

"You know toots, I really think _red_ is your color." I continued to focus on the task at hand refusing to acknowledge him. "Come now, sunshine. You don't have to be shy with your Uncle Joker."

I glared at him and I could feel the color rising in my face because he was pissing me off.

"My _name_ is Doctor Quinzel, and if you can't use it I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from talking!" I was still envisioning throttling him for what he did to my car.

"Well, aren't you feisty?" He leered at me unpleasantly, "I _like_ that. So, why the hostility Doc? Have I killed someone you know?"

"You can really stop talking now." I had removed most of the blood from my skin and silently prayed that the nurse would come out soon with an update so I could get the hell out of there

"No that's not it, is it? Oh come on, Doc! Throw me a bone here! Did I blow up your house, or maybe run over your puppy?" I started walking away to get out of his line of sight.

"Awwww, don't go yet. It's so boring in here all alone. How about keeping a guy company for a while? I swear I haven't slit a throat in weeks! Or was it days? I can never keep track! Hahahahaha!" Since I didn't reply he just kept on talking. "So _Doctor Quinzel_ , you must be the one I hear people whispering about. Am I wrong in assuming you've had a chilly reception so far?" I studied my cuticles and pointedly continued ignoring him. "You should hear the _terrible_ things I've heard them gossip about. Clearly they're just jealous of you. Bright young doctor, a pretty little thing too, getting too much attention from dear Dr. Arkham. I guess you already know what everyone assumes about _that_?"

I had figured as much but it still hurt to hear it out loud, even though I knew the Joker was goading me. Still, I found myself walking back toward the medical bay and stood with my hands on my hips and a smirk on my face.

"Gee, isn't that what everyone assumes about successful women these days. God forbid they have a brain in their head, no, a woman can only get ahead with what's in between her legs. You're not telling me anything I don't already know, Joker and if you think it bothers me you've got another think coming."

"Quinzel, that's an interesting name. What's your first name, Doc?"

"None of your damn business, that's what it is." He raised his eyebrows.

"Oh ho ho, have I struck a nerve _doctor_?"

He kind of had at that, I liked my name fine but I knew the connection he would make out of it. In that instant the doors to the surgical suite opened and Dr. Stone stepped out and approached me.

"Harleen, good you're still here. Ren-"

"Your first name is _Harleen?_ Oh that is just too good! That is _hysterical_! Pretty. Little. _Doctor._ Harlequin. That is just fantastic!" His guffaw filled the room and I finally lost my cool.

"I've heard it before! So can it clown, before I give you a knuckle sandwich that'll leave you asking Santa for your _two_ front teeth for Christmas!" In response he just chortled and cackled until I looked up at Ben.

"Can we discuss this outside please? I've heard just about enough outta this jerk!"

I stormed out of the infirmary with Ben following behind me. It occurred to me that I let my accent slip out and hoped he hadn't noticed.

"Harley, I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was conscious. I just sedated him, I never would have left you alone with him otherwise."

"Its fine Ben, just bring me up to speed on my patient."

"We were able to cauterize the vein and I stitched her up. I had to transfuse her, she's on her second pint now. She should be fine but she needs to stay in the infirmary on suicide watch for 72 hours." I sighed.

"Ben that was not a suicide attempt, I promise you. You can't keep her here with… _him_."

"If that wasn't a suicide attempt then what do _you_ call it?" He asked impatiently.

"She's a cutter, Ben. Trust me when I tell you I know the difference between self-harm gone wrong and a suicide attempt." My already thin patience was growing thinner by the minute.

"Look, Harley the state dictates the rules, not me. She ne-"

"Look! Don't try to tell me what she needs, she's my patient and I say the worst thing we can do is keep her here!" Ben was getting annoyed with me, I could tell.

"How do you know for sure this wasn't a suicide attempt?" he asked coldly.

I grabbed the bottom of my blouse, pulled it out of my skirt and lifted it so my right side was exposed to just below my bra. Ben gaped at seeing a line of straight scars that ran the length of my side, many of which you could tell had been deep or had been re-opened over the years to have so extensively scarred.

"Because I've had a lot of experience Dr. Stone!" Ben backpedaled and softened his voice when he responded.

"I'm sorry Harley, I didn't know."

"Listen, can't we flub the paperwork? I can't leave her here!" I looked at him pleadingly as I lowered my shirt. A tall orderly brushed past us and entered the infirmary doors behind me. Ben exhaled through his mouth as his shoulders relaxed.

"Okay Harley, but if something goes wrong in the next 72 hours it's on you." I admit I squealed a little as I threw my arms around his waist and squeezed.

"Thank you, thank you!" and then realizing I was hugging my co-worker I let go abruptly and smiled shyly. "Um, sorry about that. I've had an emotional couple of days." I pushed my glasses onto the bridge of my nose and regained my composure as he chuckled at me for my indiscretion. "I totally owe you one, Ben. Thanks again." I looked down at myself and realized I still looked like the victim in a slasher flick. "Crap." I deadpanned, "Now what am I gonna do?"

"If I were you, I'd go home, take a long shower and have a few drinks, or a valium."

"But I still have to update my files!" I whined.

"There's no rule that says you can't do that at home, ya know. Word of advice though, keep an overnight bag in your office from now on. You just never know what's going to happen here in Arkham on any given day." He gave me a brilliant smile and I returned it.

"Good idea. I think a shower sounds like heaven right now! Thanks again, I really appreciate it. G'night Ben."

As I took off down the hallway so I could grab my purse and head home I noticed the same orderly slinking out of the infirmary. He looked down at his shoes and wouldn't meet my eyes. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but I would later.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I opened my bleary eyes and immediately realized I should not have had that third glass of wine while I was updating my files last night. My head felt like a herd of elephants were dancing the Lambada on it and my mouth felt like the Sahara. I walked to my kitchen and guzzled down two glasses of water and swallowed a couple of aspirin. It was only my third day at Arkham and it was already taking its toll on me. I glanced at the clock. I really needed to get to the gym to relieve some stress but I didn't have time before I had to be to work, so I packed my gym bag intending to go when I got off. I also packed a change of clothes, a spare toothbrush, toothpaste and a hairbrush to keep in my office in case of emergency.

As I got ready for work it occurred to me that I had to observe Dr. Young's session with the Joker that afternoon. I couldn't understand why Dr. Arkham wanted me to do this. What was his angle? Was he just testing me? After the incident in the infirmary I really had no interest in seeing the Joker again so soon but at least _he_ wouldn't be able to see _me._

I walked into my office a few minutes late due to an accident on the Abel Crowne Memorial Highway. I hoped it wasn't an indication of how the rest of my day was going to go. I immediately went to check on my patient to see how she was recovering. Renee was lethargic but conscious. While it wasn't a formal session we talked for a while. I felt we made a solid connection and I came away from the interaction with some insights not notated in her file. I gave her some things to work on until our next session, which we'd schedule once she was completely recovered from her trauma. One of the "homework" assignments I asked her to work on was to write letters to the people in her life that make her want to hurt herself. We would review them together in our next session. I was fairly confident it would help dislodge some of the apathy she was currently experiencing. Some people consider my methods unconventional, but I seem to get results so I roll with it.

Most of the day was blessedly routine. Joan came by my office around lunchtime to brief me on the proper protocols for my observation session with Dr. Young and the Joker. The interrogation rooms were in the central building near the patient intake offices. Each one was an eight by eight space furnished with only a table and two chairs. I would be observing the session from a completely separate room on the other side of the two-way glass. The session would be filmed so I could review the tapes if necessary and I was to take thorough notes so I could prepare my report for Dr. Arkham on Friday.

Shortly after my meeting with Joan I headed to the employee lounge to grab a candy bar and a diet soda. As I approached the open doorway I overheard my name being mentioned and I stopped dead in my tracks and positioned myself in such a way that I could listen but not be seen. The conversation included two orderlies and one of the day nurses.

"-and did you see those shoes she totters around in. She looks like a hooker not a doctor!" I heard the female nurse say to the others.

"I heard she had to blow Doc Arkham to get the job. I sure wouldn't mind seeing her lips wrapped around my rod!" replied one of the two orderlies as the other two chortled.

"Oh, don't be crass, Gary."

"Yeah well I can tell you for sure she's attracting the wrong kind of attention from some of the patients. Especially from one patient in particular and if _he's_ interested in her, she's a goner!" I recognized that voice. It was Charlie, the orderly who was down in the infirmary the day Renee had her accident. "You should have heard the crap he was asking me to find out for him about the tramp."

"Did you tell him?" asked the nurse whose name I didn't know.

"I told him what little I know and the rest he expects me to find out."

"Dude, what are you crazy? You working for the Joker now?"

"Hey, don't look at me like that. He pays well and it keeps me from getting eviscerated. When it comes to that crazy clown you play along or you end up dead."

"Okay so money out you two," it was the nurse again "I've got twenty that says she doesn't last two weeks."

"Okay, I'll bite. I say she doesn't make it through the week if the clown's watching her."

"Nah, I figure he's gonna play with her first. I bet she makes it a month before he snuffs her out!"

I couldn't listen to any more. I quietly backed away from the door and headed into the nearest ladies room. I checked to make sure I was alone then headed into one of the stalls and wept uncontrollably for about ten minutes. I couldn't believe people were betting money on how long I'd stay alive. How could they be so callous? What the hell had I gotten myself into? Was I really sure this was what I wanted? Right about now a nice, boring private practice was starting to sound like a dream.

No, I couldn't let them do this to me. I was not going to back down and Joker be damned! I worked too hard to get where I was. I was just going to have to be prepared for anything. And I was going to start preparing tonight. I came out of the stall and splashed some cold water on my face, cleaned up the mascara that was running down my cheeks and headed back to my office. I immediately grabbed my cell phone and scrolled through the contacts until I found who I was looking for and pressed the call button. The phone rang twice before being answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey Dick, its Harley and I need to ask you for a huge favor. Can you meet me at the gym around eight thirty tonight?" There was a brief pause.

"Um, sure Harley. What's going on?"

"I don't have time to explain right now, I'm almost late for a session. But you'll be there?"

"Absolutely. Eight thirty it is."

"You're a lifesaver Dick! Thanks so much!"

I ended the call, grabbed my pen and clipboard and headed to down to the interrogation area for my observational session of the Joker.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I sat in the outer interrogation room waiting for the Joker to be brought in. I was sitting so that I was positioned behind Dr. Young's right shoulder, which would give me a fairly good view of the patient. Within moments two orderlies roughly pulled the Joker through the door. I was disturbed to see that Charlie was one of the orderlies on transportation duty today after discovering that he was feeding the Joker information on me. I still wasn't quite sure what to do about that. I could report him to Dr. Arkham, but I had no proof and that would likely just exacerbate the rumors that Dr. Arkham was showing me preferential treatment for services rendered. I could confront Charlie on my own, but what good would that do? I had nothing to threaten him with and even if I did, the Joker was a hell of a lot scarier than I was.

The patient was cuffed by his good wrist and both ankles with a chain running between them. I was a little nervous about his broken arm not being restrained. Once the chains were securely attached through the rings on the underside of the tabletop and the patient was seated he placed his folded hands on the edge of the table and simply stared straight ahead. He was not looking at Dr. Young; he was obviously staring at his own reflection in the mirror but it _felt_ like he was staring directly at _me_. That was probably just paranoia on my part but I had no way of knowing if Charlie told him I'd be observing these sessions or not. Dr. Young cleared her throat and began the session.

"Wednesday December 9th, 3PM. Session with patient 0801 also known as "The Joker" real name unknown. Good afternoon Mr. Joker, I am Dr. Young and I will be your new therapist. Per state law I am required to perform a standard intake mental health screening, which should really not be a surprise to you at this point. We will begin with a basic Rorschach test, followed by a Thematic Apperception Test and concluding with the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. Mr. Joker are you ready to begin?"

The Joker didn't bat an eyelash, just continued staring straight ahead acting as if Dr. Young wasn't even in the room.

"Mr. Joker, I know this must be tedious for you but the sooner we begin the sooner we're finished. Mr. Joker? Mr. Joker, if you're not going to cooperate I'm going to have to end the session early."

Ever so slowly the Joker's bloodshot eyes sharpened and slid over to glare at Dr. Young. He still didn't speak but the look in his eyes was murderous and I suddenly feared for Dr. Young's safety. Dr. Young held up the first Rorschach card first towards me so I could make notes, then turned it around to show the Joker and inquired.

"So Mr. Joker, tell me what you see on this card?" The Joker slid his gaze back to the two-way glass and replied

"It's a bat"

"And this one?"

"A bat."

"And this?"

"They're all bats Doc, and so am I." Dr. Young gathered up the Rorschach cards.

"Let's move on to the TAT."

"I'm all giddy with suspense." He deadpanned.

She brought out a new set of cards each with a drawing on it. The patient is supposed to respond with as detailed a story they can come up with based on the picture. She held up the first card, it was a picture of four male workers sleeping in a field together.

"So, Mr. Joker tell me what's going on in this picture."

"That's an easy one Doc, it's the fallen bodies of the victims from my most recent punchline!"

The next card was a photo of several shirtless men lined against the walls of a small metal enclosure. To me it looked like it could be a submarine.

"And this one Mr. Joker?"

"Jews about to be gassed by Nazis at Auschwitz."

The next card was a crowd of people at an arena or stadium smiling and clapping.

"And this?"

"Those are my adoring fans sharing their adulation for me. I rewarded them with a heavy dose of my Smilex gas so they could be as handsome as I am." God the freaking ego on this guy! I heard he was a narcissist but this is ridiculous.

I was furiously scribbling notes as Dr. Young pulled out the last card. It was a photo of a man silhouetted against a large window. I should add that throughout most of this exercise the Joker continued to stare at that same spot on the glass, and it was frankly starting to creep me out.

"How about this one?"

"That one is me. Escaping Arkham. Again."

"Very good, Mr. Joker we'll move along to the MMPI now."

The MMPI is a list of 567 general yes or no questions, most of which are very benign such as "I am easily awakened by noise" or "I don't always tell the truth". While some of his answers were interesting, I could tell he was outright lying about most of them which honestly, I kind of expected and of course he never stuck to yes or no but had to expound on everything. I had a lot to put into my notes however, which was great since I didn't think he'd cooperate at all.

A little more than halfway through the test you could tell he had lost all interest and that look of dangerous annoyance had returned. He was fidgeting and began tapping the heel of his foot against the floor.

"Question 362, I can remember "playing sick" to get out of something. Yes or no Mr. Joker?" He finally turned his head to glare at Dr. Young again.

"Wanna know what I'm _sick_ of? I am sick to death of all the self-important, insipid, lifeless eunuchs Jerry keeps sending down to me! You're no fun at all. You want me to cooperate, you want to get your sticky fingers inside my brain and rummage around, at least give me someone interesting!" He again turned his head to stare at the two-way glass. "You want me to be a good boy and answer your questions?"

"Well yes Mr. Joker it is what these sessions ar-"

"I was being rhetorical, you brainless twit!" He snapped, "You want me to behave, to comply, then send _her_ down to me." My blood suddenly ran cold. Even more disturbing was the familiar clench just below my belly.

"I'm sorry Mr. Joker, I'm not sure I understand. _Her_ , who?" He gestured with his index finger and pointed directly at me through the glass.

" _HER_." He drawled wickedly. "She is _very_ alive and _very_ interesting. T'was beauty that tamed the beast, after all."

Dr. Young glanced behind her shoulder at the spot the Joker was leering at as if she expected to be able to see me sitting there.

"I'll take it up with Dr. Arkham, Mr. Joker, but I wouldn't hold your breath." She sighed heavily, "Seeing as you have no intention of participating further today, we'll just end the session now and you will be escorted back to your cell."

She activated the call button under the table and within a minute the orderlies were ushering the Joker back out the door. I released a breath I didn't know I has holding. Why me? What the hell is he going to do to me? If Arkham wants to assign me his case what do I do? I'm not quitting, that's for damn sure. I've worked too hard to get to where I am. Surely Arkham isn't foolish enough to throw a first year resident in with that grinning demon, right? Still I think it was Ben Franklin that said "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail", and I certainly had no intention of failing. Preparation it is.

I grabbed the tape from the recorder and headed to the file room. I was greeted by a secretary named Gladys who allowed me entry. I headed over to the wall of filing cabinets and searched until I found the drawer marked J. All client files are kept in triplicate as it's not uncommon for several different doctors to be treating a single patient if the case is severe enough. Once I opened the drawer it didn't take me long to locate the Joker's file. It was massive, nearly three inches thick. I flipped to the first page and located where to find the appropriate boxes of interview tapes. I walked to the other side of the room found the corresponding recordings box and pulled it off the shelf. Behind that was another smaller box marked "Joker". I opened it and discovered some of the Joker's confiscated personal effects. Why it was here and not in the property room I had no idea but I was curious so I grabbed that as well and brought all of it out to Gladys so she could catalogue it and have me sign for it. I don't know why I did it but I signed the ledger "Dr. Penelope Young".

From there I headed back to my office to finish out my daily sessions. Luckily it was actually a quiet day around the asylum and I was able to get caught up on all my patient files and managed to organize my notes and observations on the Joker and prepare my report to give Dr. Arkham on Friday. Joker's sessions would resume next week on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I had plenty of time to construct a game plan before I had to see him again. I turned off my computer, grabbed my gym bag and pulled out my gear. It was easier to change in the comfort of my own office than in the locker room. It was Gotham after all and in a city this size you never knew what kind of bacteria and germies were crawling around in a public locker room. I threw on black leggings and a pink tank top that said Gotham Athletic Dept., socks and sneakers. I pulled the uncomfortable bun out of my hair and separated it into two high pigtails on the sides of my head, topped the ensemble with a hoodie and headed to the Y.

Dick was waiting for me when I got there and was looking a little anxious. He met me halfway across the gymnastics mat.

"Hey Harley. You want to tell me what's going on now?"

"Thanks for coming Dick. I need your help." He raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow which I took as a sign to elaborate. "Here's the thing, Dick. I have, um, somehow attracted the _attention_ of a very dangerous inmate. I kn-"

"Wait, what? What inmate Harley? What kind of attention are you talking about?"

I paused for a moment, he wasn't my patient in any way therefore there really wasn't a conflict of interest in revealing who the patient was. There was no doctor patient confidentiality to consider.

"The Joker, and don't ask me what he wants with me, but he paid an orderly to dig up information on me and today he requested that his current Doctor petition Dr. Arkham to assign me to his case."

Dick blanched as his bright blue eyes grew round as saucers. "Oh Harley I am so sorry." He placed both of his hands sympathetically on my shoulders, "How can I help?"

"Well I remembered you taught a women's self-defense class a few months back, but my job at the hospital didn't leave me any time to go to it. I need to be prepared. I need you to teach me. Will you help me, Dick?"

"Of course I will. C'mon let's get stretched out first."

Dick was a great martial artist and actually a very patient and competent teacher. We started on basic punches and kicks then moved on to defensive blocks and throws. He was very hands on, adjusting my body if my position were off, shadowing my punch so I could see what my follow through should look like, adjusting my foot with his if my stance was wrong. I have to admit I didn't mind it. I had to work my butt off to finish med school with honors, which left me very little time for dating. I wasn't the kind of girl who dabbled in casual dalliance very often either so it had been a pretty long time since I felt the heat of a man's body against mine. And let's face it, Dick is like the perfect physical specimen of the male gender. It's not fair for someone to be that gorgeous _and_ rich _and_ talented. I was considering how to discreetly obtain a sample of his sperm to keep frozen in case I ever decided to procreate when he caught me off guard. I was supposed to be throwing him to the ground but he got the drop on me and threw me instead.

I hit the ground with a "whoomf" and the wind was partially knocked out of me. I was now _VERY_ aware of Dick's weight on top of my body. He raised himself up on his hands and gazed down into my eyes. I could feel my body reacting to his nearness and I felt myself suddenly grow wet. O M G Harley! Think clean thoughts, think clean thoughts! When I could finally draw in a solid breath it caused my breasts to brush Dick's chest and I felt something twitch against my thigh. I could feel my face flushing and my heart started pounding. Slowly Dick began to close the distance between our faces and I panicked.

"So, um okay then. That was a really good lesson." Dick raised his upper body back up with his arms and I took the opportunity to roll out from under him and stand up. "Yeah, so, it's getting kinda late and I have work early, so same time tomorrow?"

Dick seemed to shake off whatever had come over him and though I thought he looked a little disappointed he played it off well, which made me feel more comfortable.

"Sure Harley. You're right it is getting late. I was supposed to meet Bruce for dinner about ten minutes ago. He's probably going to burst a blood vessel." As we grabbed our gym bags Dick's cell phone started to ring. "One second Harley I gotta get this." He swiped the phones screen and held it up to his ear. "Hey Bruce, sorry I know I'm late, I'm on my way now. I really can't discuss that at the moment. No but something important has come up. There's been a new development with your _friend_. No not that one, the _funny_ one. Yeah, I'll be there shortly. Bye Bruce."

Dick opened the gym door for me. It was freezing and I only had a hoodie on so Dick placed his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his warmth as he walked me to my car. Despite feeling all warm snuggled against Dick I still had a cold chill I could not shake. It felt like we were being watched so I looked around but didn't see anyone. We reached my car and Dick did a double take. I forgot we hadn't seen each other since before the accident.

"What the hell happened, Harley?"

"The Joker happened. In the past week that clown has caused me a ton of grief and I think it's only gonna get worse."

At that point Dick wasn't letting me out of there until I spilled my story to him. Since my heater was shot we sat in Dick's fully restored 1971 Hornet while the cars warmed up and I filled him in on the past week of my life.

"If it weren't for bad luck you'd have none at all Harley!

"Yeah, how about telling me something I don't already know, Pretty Boy."

We both laughed and I leaned over and kissed Dick on the cheek before hopping in my clunker and loudly driving off. That feeling of being watched stayed with me until I got on the Elliott Expressway at which point I forgot about it.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Over the next several weeks I fell into a kind of routine. Work was going really well, in fact two of my patients would be discharged this Friday. I kept observing sessions with the Joker, taking notes, preparing my reports for Dr. Arkham. The Joker had been surprisingly compliant in sessions although so far I didn't believe a single story he'd told, and boy did he have some whoppers! I had managed to make a few friends among the staff. Dr. Alex Montez, a research scientist at Arkham had warmed up to me over coffee breaks in the employee lounge, Dr. Mahreen Zahir had been assisting me with one of my patients and we seemed to be getting on well and Adam Hendricks, the soft spoken security guard had actually stared confiding in me. It was nice to not feel as all alone as I had when I first started.

After work I continued to meet with Dick at least three times a week and I was starting to get pretty good. We had progressed through basic moves and were now up to intermediate. Dick, being familiar with my ability as a gymnast started incorporating more acrobatic moves into our routine. It was a gamble on his part that really payed off. It suited me. Dick was honest when he told me due to my size and strength I was unlikely able to beat a man unconscious so if possible I needed to focus on getting away, and get away I did. Dick was good but I was really fast and my bouncing, flipping and tumbling around made it much harder for him to land a blow or get me in a hold. I started lifting light weights too, in fact I had a set of ten pound dumbbells in my desk drawer at work that I used between sessions.

Once I'd get back to my apartment at night I'd study the Joker's file and watch old interview tapes. I wanted to learn every joke, trick and game in his book. I started to realize some things about him that I wouldn't have based on his sessions so far. The tapes allowed me to pause and rewind when I needed so I could figure out his subtle body language. He was incredibly manipulative that much was clear. He was highly intelligent, scarily so, with aptitudes in science, chemistry and math. The way he enacted his plans on the Batman may seem irrational to the casual observer but he meticulously researched and brilliantly orchestrated these schemes. I began to question if he really were mentally ill or not. He obviously enjoyed inflicting pain and suffering on others but that on its own didn't necessarily constitute insanity. He had an ego the size of a small continent, in fact I don't recall ever meeting anyone else as egomaniacal in my entire life. But he was also an attention seeker, and that's what kept me up at night. What was so lacking in the Joker's life that he had to draw attention from everyone. He often hacks into the television networks and preempts their programming so he can have all of Gotham's eyes on him. Could it be loneliness? Is that why he pulls these elaborate, deadly pranks? Who does he talk to when he's not in Arkham? What is it exactly that drives this need for the attention of Gotham and the attention of the Batman?

The Batman, now there was a conundrum. What makes a guy dress up like a bat and fight crime? For that matter why hasn't he killed the Joker yet? I get his whole 'killing makes me the same as them' spiel, but wouldn't it save so many more innocent lives to break that code just once? The Joker has killed over a thousand people so far, surely one life to save another thousand is worth breaking your hokey vow? I didn't get it, that's for sure but I'd love the chance to analyze him someday.

The Christmas season came and went without too much fanfare. I went to Brooklyn to spend Hanukkah at my mom's. It was nice to see my little monkeys, Jen and Nicky but mom and Barry both ended up driving me up a wall so I cut my stay a little short. I took the time to drive out to Fishkill Correctional to see my dad before I headed back to Gotham. It still hurt every time I saw my dad in prison orange. He sat down in the visitor's booth across from me and picked up the receiver on the wall.

"Hiya pumpkin, how's my little princess?" His blue eyes were beginning to show his age and his brown hair had gone gray at the temples but otherwise he looked the same as ever.

"Hi daddy. Please don't call me princess, you know I hate it. How are you?"

"Well kiddo, not so good truth be told. Some ruffians here like giving your old man a hard time, knock me around a bit but that's prison for ya. Your mom tells me you're a fancy doctor in that big asylum they have in Gotham?"

"Yeah daddy, Arkham Asylum, it's good, I like it there." I could never forgive my dad for the things he did and that made it very hard for me to talk to him. I felt at a loss for words.

"How's your mama pumpkin? Oh, my darling Sharon, how I miss her so. She was the only woman I ever really loved. If only I could get out of here I'd go back to your mom and ask her to take me back so we can be a family again."

Since I was a little girl those were the words I had always been dying to hear. My eyes widened and teared up involuntarily. "Oh daddy, you don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that!"

"Ya know princess, I bet with the people you know in that asylum, you could arrange for a transfer, you can treat me and discharge me, then I can run back to your mom and we'll all be together again. What do you say sweetheart? Think you can pull some strings for your old man?" My stomach dropped. I can't believe I allowed him to do this to me again.

"I can't believe you daddy! I come all the way here to see you and you purposely try manipulating me into getting you outta jail? You must think I'm pretty dumb if you really thought I'd fall for that line of crap!"

"It's not crap baby, I mean it, really."

"I'm not one of your gullible, lonely old widows. I knew it was a mistake to come here. Happy fucking Hanukkah _Nick_."

I slammed down the receiver and stormed out of the prison to the privacy of my car where I had a twenty-minute meltdown. Once I was able to collect myself I drove the three and a half hours back to Gotham making lists of shitty band names in my head for pretty much the whole ride. The band name thing is something I do when I'm extremely pissed off, it calms me for some reason. Like I said before my methods are unconventional.

I came home to Gotham on Sunday morning, two days after Christmas. I needed to do some work on my files but I had forgotten to bring them home with me. Still mildly pissed off at my dad and having nothing else to occupy my time, I decided to stop at Arkham briefly so I could grab my charts. I was dressed casually in jeans and boots with a red and black striped sweater, my hair was down and I wasn't wearing my glasses. No one seemed to even recognize me as I walked the halls. I set my car keys down on the couch next to my bag and went over to my desk to gather up the files and charts I needed. I started my computer and checked my email while I was there too. I replied to the few e-mails that seemed urgent, grabbed my files and my bag and left. I was almost out to the garage when I realized that I left my car keys in my office. Crap. I went to the nearest set of elevators and headed back up. There they were right where I left them on the couch. I could be so dizzy when I was distracted. I went back out to the elevators, pushed the button and waited. And waited. After five minutes had passed I decided to just take the stairs. I knew there were a set in the main building somewhere. Arkham is huge and I was still trying to find my way around. I finally located a stairwell and headed down. I knew something wasn't quite right when I got to the bottom and came out on the first floor. I was trying to get to the second floor but apparently this stairwell bypassed it. Probably as a safety measure for the doctors, since I was very close to Intensive Treatment.

As I walked down the hallway I heard voices coming towards me. I was about halfway down the hall when two orderlies turned the corner with the Joker in-between them. He was wearing a bathrobe and flip flops and apparently nothing else. I realized I was close to the men's showers and put two and two together. Joker saw me and grinned like the Cheshire Cat.

"Doc Harley, _well_ don't we look fetching today! I feel so underdressed now!"

I really did not need to deal with this hyena right now. I started ticking off names. ToTo, Mookie Blaylock, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Hoobastank. It wasn't working.

"Good afternoon Mr. Joker. How was your holiday?" He chuckled meanly,

"Oh, just peachy. Arkham really knows how to make a fellow jolly at the holidays. The processed turkey and dehydrated potatoes are always such a treat! And the paper chains the droolers make in the day room during arts and crafts always make the hallways so festive! How was your Hanukkah, Doc? Get to spend time with your family?"

"It was fine, thank you."

"Well you don't sound fine, Doc. You don't really look fine either if you don't mind me saying. Why the long face, Doc? You know I hate long faces. Bad family reunion, princess?"

I needed to get the hell out of there, my emotions were already running high and Joker was purposely pushing my buttons.

"As I don't see how that's any of your business, I'll just be going now. Good day gentlemen."

As I went to push past the trio I suddenly felt a hand slap my ass as the Joker said,

"Oh lighten up toots, I'm just trying to liven up the place!"

I saw red. I didn't think, I just reacted. I spun on my heel and punched the Joker directly in the nose as hard as I could while I screamed.

"Keep your filthy mitts off me!" Then I punched him again "And that's for wrecking my car!" and as I punched him a final time I yelled, "and don't _ever_ call me princess!"

The Joker howled with laughter as blood ran down his lips and chin dripping onto the bathrobe and floor.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you Doc!" He cackled, "I like a lady with a little fight in her, it turns me on!"

I couldn't even be appalled at what I'd just done because his taunts kept coming even after I spun back around and stomped down the hallway.

"Come on back, Doc! Come join me for a shower, I'll wash your back, how about it sweetheart?"

I could hear that maniacal laughter following me down the hall. I burst into the stairwell and literally ran up the stairs and out into the garage. I got in my car and headed home trying not to think about what I had just done, or what Doc Arkham was going to do to me for it. So I continued my list; Chumbawumba, Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, Panic! At the Disco; all the way home.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I was dreading the inevitable fallout from my attack on the Joker. I was afraid to even drink a glass of water as I was positive it would make me vomit. I attacked the Joker. What the hell was I thinking? I attacked the freaking Joker! Truth be told it actually felt pretty damn good to get some retribution in on that smarmy bastard but the consequences surely would not be worth it.

When I got to work I didn't even bother stopping at my office, I went straight to see Dr. Arkham. I stood outside those big wooden doors wringing my hands and trying to will myself into action. As I raised my fist to knock, the door opened and I was greeted by a rather cheerful looking Jerimiah.

"There she is! Just the girl I wanted to see! Come in, come in." Had the pod people been here overnight and taken over the body of our director? Dr. Arkham was not known for his cheerfulness and even less so for being friendly. As he walked over to his desk he glanced over at me and said, "So Slugger, I heard about the little incident last night."

"Dr. Arkham I am soooo sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. He touched me inappropriately and I just reacted!" I blurted out in a rush.

"Harleen, relax, Kenneth told me the whole story. Joker slapped your bottom and you gave him what he deserved. No harm done."

It had to be the pod people, it was the only reasonable explanation. Was I still asleep and this was some crazy dream? I pinched my knee, nope definitely awake. What the hell was going on here?

"Dr. Arkham, I a-attacked the J-Joker. Are you telling me I'm not f-fired?" He let out a belly laugh and leaned back in his chair.

"Certainly not! Are you under the impression that there has never been an incident of an orderly or security guard getting a little too rough with a patient? This is a hospital for the criminally insane, we house the worst of the worst and they give as good as they get. Actually I was rather impressed."

Okay I was beginning to consider demonic possession as the cause for his unusual behavior. I attacked the Joker and Arkham was _proud_ of me? This had to be a practical joke, right? Arkham smiled at me.

"You broke his nose, did you know?"

"N-no, I didn't know. Dr. Arkham, I don't understand. I, um-, He stopped me from continuing.

"Look Harley, I don't just need competent doctors working here at the asylum. I need competent doctors who can hold their own and who have the guts to deal with these animals on their level. You've just proven that you can. You continue to impress me every day. You're intuitive and intelligent, your observations on the Joker are insightful and unique. Your patients are being discharged at a rate we haven't seen here in years. In three weeks you've cured nine patients, patients who are now out in the world fully living their lives thanks to you. It's unprecedented. You have a gift and I plan to put that gift to good use."

"Thank you sir."

"Congratulations Harleen, you have made it to the big leagues. Effective immediately you are being re-assigned to Intensive Treatment." He handed me a stack of files, "Review these files very carefully, this lot can be slippery. You'll begin with Tetch on Monday. You'll continue observing Dr. Young's sessions with the Joker, that hasn't changed, and the rest of your sessions are detailed here." He handed me my patient schedule. Besides Jervis Tetch the Mad Hatter I would be treating Pamela Isely aka Poison Ivy, Arnold Wesker who called himself the Ventriloquist and his dummy Scarface and Waylon Jones the Killer Croc. Arkham extended his hand, "Good luck Dr. Quinzel, I know you'll do just fine." I reciprocated the handshake as I tried to wrap my head around this development.

"One more thing, this Friday the Wayne Foundation is holding a charity ball to help raise funds for necessary upgrades to our security. I would like you to be there to represent the asylum. It's a masked gala event, formal dress of course. Bring a date. This is your invitation."

I took the slim black and silver envelope and read the fancy looping script. The ball would be held on New Year's Eve at Wayne Manor. Jeremiah then walked me to the door. As he put his hand on the doorknob he leaned in and said, "Kenneth says you have one hell of a right hook. Bravo, Doctor."

I was dazed as I slowly walked back to my office. I cancelled my first two sessions, I was still processing the information. I was now officially unrestricted. I had been promoted to treat the most complex cases we had. I was earning the respect of my peers. I went from dazed to giddy and from giddy to elated. I could barely contain my joy. Everything I had ever dreamed of was finally coming to fruition! I was Harleen Quinzel the Psycho Whisperer! Well maybe that was going a little too far but I was still high on adrenaline and praise. My whole life had turned on a dime for socking a clown in the nose. Who woulda thunk it?

I was pulled out of my reverie by the realization that I had a ball to attend in four days and no dress or date.

I ducked into the ladies room, touched up my makeup and straightened my skirt and headed down to the infirmary. Ben was on duty as I suspected. I had thought about asking Dick to be my date, but I didn't want to lead him on. Plus, since I was representing Arkham Asylum I felt going with a colleague was a good and safe idea. Ben turned and smiled when he saw me.

"Hey there killer! Heard you put the clown in his place last night. I hope it makes you feel better to know I had to re-break his nose in order to set it."

I cringed, it actually did make me feel better which didn't make sense to me. Since when did I get off on pain? Well other people's pain at least.

"Hey Ben, good to see ya. Anything new and exciting?" He scoffed.

"Other than the Joker getting his ass handed to him by a girl, no not really."

I couldn't help but laugh, but I covered my mouth as I did. No one takes gigglers seriously after all.

"So what can I do ya for, Harley?" I smiled at him sheepishly and rocked back and forth on the ball of one foot.

"So, um, Doc Arkham is making me attend this boring gala up at Wayne Manor on New Year's Eve and I'm supposed to bring a date, but I have no one to ask so I thought maybe you'd do me a solid and go-" He smiled broadly as I babbled.

"Of course I'll go Harley. I would be honored." I sighed a breath of relief.

"Thank you Ben! You're a life saver!"

"How can I turn down the gal that punched out our most dangerous criminal lunatic? I'd have to be crazy to say no."

We chatted for a little longer and then I resumed sessions for the day. I still couldn't believe everything that had happened. As it neared quitting time I realized I still needed a dress and panicked. There was a high end secondhand shop downtown called Celine's Cellar and I rushed there as soon as I got off of work.

Luck was really on my side for a change. Celine's had a limited selection in my size but I still found something perfect. It was a strapless dress with a black satin corset top and a full skirt in a black and red diamond pattern. The skirt had a subtle split up the left side that allowed glimpses of leg as I turned and walked. I also found a nice pair of black stiletto peek toe pumps and a large elaborate faux ruby necklace. I went the extra mile and bought the elbow length red satin gloves to pair it with. The whole ensemble made me feel like a princess in a fairy story. When I paid and left the store I realized I was still missing an important piece to my outfit. I drove over to a year round costume shop I remembered seeing. I browsed the mask aisle until I found the perfect one. It was a simple black satin domino mask with red, black and white feathers that spread out from my right temple and swept up into my hair.

I was actually getting kind of excited about the ball. My outfit was great, I'd likely see Dick and Ben was my date. I really liked Ben. He wasn't particularly exceptional in any way but he was sweet and thoughtful. He had a good head on his shoulders and a great work ethic. He also seemed to kinda like me too. I hated to admit it but lately I was considering ignoring my "no casual dalliance" philosophy. Three years was too long a dry spell and I was getting that itch a lot lately. No, I liked Ben but he was a co-worker and I fully believed in the concept of "don't shit where you eat". Then there was Dick, who was exceptional in every way but I also knew him well enough to know he never kept a girlfriend long. Plus he was my friend and I didn't want screw that up. No I guess I'd have to lock my libido up and suffer in silence a little bit longer.

The next morning was cold but the sky was blue and cloudless, which you rarely saw in Gotham City. I figured it was a sign of good things to come. Boy was I ever wrong. As I left my apartment building the very first thing I noticed was a big empty space where my car should have been. Seriously? Out of all the cars in this neighborhood they steal the fourteen-year-old, beat to hell Nissan? Really?

I called Joan and let her know I'd be late, then called the Gotham PD to make a report. When I finished up with the cops I walked the four blocks to the nearest subway station. Unfortunately, it's four of the worst blocks in the Bowery. It was only nine in the morning yet there were already hookers out on the corners and I had to step over a passed out junkie to get to the MetroCard machine. I saw my train pull in as I was going through the turnstile and I had to sprint down the platform to make it. I finally got to the asylum just a few minutes prior to Dr. Young's session with the Joker. As I hurried down the hall towards the observation room I felt the bobby pins in my bun digging into the skin at the nape of my neck. It was uncomfortable enough for me to stop in the middle of the hallway, and adjust the pins while juggling my notebook. I finished fidgeting with my hair just in time and I ducked into my room as Dr. Young was arriving. Shortly thereafter the orderlies brought the Joker in. He had a bandage taped across the bridge of his nose and both eyes were partially blackened. I still couldn't believe I had done that to him. The weights were obviously paying off. Dr. Young cleared her throat and began the session.

"Tuesday December 28th 1 PM, patient 0801, real name unknown, moniker The Joker. So Mr. Joker in our last session we were discussing this feud between you and the Riddler. What exactly set that off?"

The Joker was unusually twitchy and agitated today. His pupils were dilated and his eyes kept darting around the room. His body language screamed impatience and I didn't like it one bit. Still he answered the question.

"Well Doc, he tried to steal my spotlight, now he's gotta pay."

"What do you mean when you say he stole your spotlight?" Joker bared his teeth at her and growled.

"I said _ALMOST_ stole, you boob! That second rate, poor excuse for a villain can never match _MY_ greatness!"

"Why do you say that Mr. Joker? The Riddler is highly intelligent, strategic and he's outwitted the Batman before. Doesn't that put him in the same class as you?" I stopped taking notes and glanced up. No, no, no! Change the subject Dr. Young, you're just antagonizing him, I thought.

"You think robbing a bank and leaving a stupid riddle as a damn clue is on the same level as _my_ work?

"Well isn't it?"

The Joker stood up as far as his chains would allow, hunched over the table and began screaming at Dr. Young.

"Intelligent? Strategic? I am a _genius_ in the area of criminal endeavor! I'm the freaking Einstein of Crime! Mass murder, maimings, torture and terror, I've done it all! The Riddler? Amateur night in Dixie!"

Dr. Young slid her chair back as far as she could to get some distance from her raving patient, but she didn't stop her current line of questioning. I was suddenly very anxious and considered going to get a security guard to get the Joker out of that room.

"Well Mr. Joker, the Riddler is still free but you're in here. Doesn't that imply that the Riddler was cleverer than you to evade capture?"

The veins on Joker's forehead were throbbing and he was visibly seething. Was she nuts?

"No you nincompoop! Riddler's still free because he's not a threat! The Bat _had_ to come after _me_ or I would have kept killing people. _THAT'S_ why he's still out there! He's annoying, he's predictable, he tries unsuccessfully to steal my press and my bat, but the bottom line is he's not a damn threat to anyone but himself!"

The Joker sat back down, chest heaving from the effort of screaming and pulling at his chains, but he seemed much calmer all of a sudden. He actually smiled and asked the Doctor conversationally, "So, did that answer your question, Doc?"

Convinced Dr. Young was out of danger I turned back to my notes and furiously scribbled down my thoughts. I wasn't sure what Arkham was going to make of them when I turned in my report on Friday, but my gut was telling me I was on the right track this time.

"Yes Mr. Joker, thank you for your cooperation."

"So Doc, about that request last week. What did ole Jerry have to say, eh? I've been a very good boy, so when do I get my new shrink?" She glanced up at him briefly as she finished up her own notes from the session.

"I'm sorry but the director has denied your request."

"That's not funny."

"I'm not joking." The Joker went stock still as he glared daggers at Dr. Young.

"Soooo Doc, it's come down to this, has it? Jerry is going to force my hand? Alrighty then." He said casually with a shrug.

Without warning the Joker was out of his cuffs and diving across the table. He tackled Dr. Young to the ground. I started pounding on the glass as if that was going to be able to stop him. Dr. Young was thrashing around trying to wriggle away but Joker had her pinned. I realized I had my portable panic button and pressed it quickly. He took his thumbs and pressed them into Dr. Young's eye sockets. I heard a sickly pop as blood sprayed up onto the Jokers face. Joker laughed as he did it though he paused his torture long enough to taunt her.

"Dr. Young, I'm going to have to ask you to kindly keep still while I kill you."

Where the hell were the guards? Why weren't they here yet? Then Joker must have lost interest in his latest victim because he put her in a choke hold and wrenched her neck to one side. I heard a loud crack and it took everything in me not to vomit. He released her and she slumped lifelessly on her side. Joker stood and looked into the mirror, then he bent down and gathered some of Dr. Young's blood on his fingers and drew a large heart on the glass. Inside the heart he wrote J + HQ. Then the guards burst through the door dressed in riot gear and billy-clubbed the Joker to the ground. My head was spinning and the last thing I heard before I fainted was the Joker saying.

"Ow, c'mon guys not in the face! Can't you take a joke?"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

When I came to, I was in the infirmary. Ben was sitting in a chair next to the bed and stood when he saw my eyes were open. He approached me and took my hand in his.

"Harley, are you okay?"

"No. I am definitely _not_ okay. Penelope, is she-" Ben looked down at his feet as he answered.

"She didn't make it, Harley. I'm sorry."

I already knew that was the case but it was still hard to hear it out loud. The sound of her neck breaking would haunt my dreams for weeks.

"How did the Joker get out of his cuffs?"

"He had a bobby pin hidden inside of his cast. He must have picked the locks with it."

I felt bile rise into the back of my throat. Ben must have noticed the change in my color and the sweat that had broken out on my brow and he quickly grabbed a small basin and handed it to me as I struggled with the sickness. I leaned forward and wretched into the basin several times as Ben rubbed my back in a comforting gesture. He took the basin from me and set it aside when I had finished vomiting and that's when the tears began. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. Ben put his arms around me, pulled me towards him and continued rubbing my back and neck. I wrapped my arms around his chest and bawled into his shoulder as he whispered in my ear that everything was going to be okay. Once my tears subsided and I was able to speak again I pulled away from Ben, rubbed my tearstained face and tried to collect myself.

"This is my fault, Ben. If I hadn't been so damn distracted I would have realized one of my hair pins fell out. Penelope is dead because of _my_ negligence."

I was starting to lose it again and Ben pulled me back to an embrace to try and calm me. He gently rocked me back and forth as he quietly made shushing sounds in my ear. He gently brushed a stray hair off my face and said, "That's nonsense Harley. This is not your fault. If it wasn't a hair pin it would have been something else. When the Joker is determined to do something, he always finds a way. _Please_ don't beat yourself up about it." he pleaded.

"What did they do to the Joker?"

"They stuck him in solitary. In my opinion they should leave him there and throw away the fucking key."

I couldn't help but smile a little against Ben's neck at hearing him curse for the first time. I realized I'd been embracing him for longer than was appropriate. I sniffled and broke contact, which was fortunate because that's when Jerimiah and Joan walked into the infirmary to check on me.

Joan rushed over to me and hugged me. She and I had grown close over the past several weeks and she was a comforting, motherly presence in my life.

"Harley, I was so worried." She pulled back and looked me in the eye. "Are you hurt?"

I noticed she asked if I was hurt and not if I was okay. She was a great shrink, she already knew I wasn't okay and I appreciated that.

"No. I have a little bump on the back of my noggin, but other than that I'm physically alright." I grabbed Joan's upper arms, "But I have to tell you something. I think the pin the Joker used to pick the cuffs was mine. I was distracted and I didn't realize. It's my fau-"

"Now, you just stop that sort of thinking Harleen!" Dr. Arkham had stepped forward. He placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "None of this is your fault. I have seen the Joker slit a throat with a sheet of paper. He planned this and he would have had any number of ways to accomplish it. Blaming yourself does not change anything. You need to let it go."

My eyes were starting to tear up again and my breath hitched. Joan placed her hand in mine and squeezed it as she looked imploringly into my face.

"I know how difficult this must be for you Harley, but really you can't put this on yourself."

"Harleen, I want you to go home and I don't expect to see you back in this asylum until Monday." stated Dr. Arkham.

"B-but my patients-"

"Your patients will be taken care of. Now I need you to take care of yourself. I'm writing you a prescription for a low dose of Alprazolam for the anxiety and Ambien to help you sleep."

"And if you need someone to talk to, you call me okay?" Joan added.

I nodded feeling a little defeated. I had a tendency to throw myself into my work when things were bothering me and I was worried that five days of idleness would leave me too much time to think. At least I'd still have my lessons with Dick to take up a little bit of the time. Arkham stepped forward and took my hands to help me off the bed. My bare feet touched the cold tiles and I shivered as I broke out in goose bumps.

"Go home Harleen, get some rest and we'll see you at the gala on Friday." Arkham quickly wrote out the prescriptions and handed them to me. "Take these down to the dispensary and have them filled. I'd like you to take the Alprazolam before you leave. I heard your car was stolen, so I've already called you a cab and it should be waiting outside the front entrance for you. Take care of yourself. I need you to be focused when you come back on Monday."

With that Arkham left. Joan handed me my shoes and watched me as I shakily put them back on.

"Would you like me to keep you company while you fill your scripts? I have some time before my next session."

"No thank you Joan, I appreciate it though." I turned to Ben, "Thank you too Ben."

"It's nothing Harley. Here's my number. I have a few days off this week so if you need anything at all please don't hesitate to call me." He handed me a business card with a cell phone number scribbled on the back. "I'll pick you up for the gala Friday night at eight, okay?"

I nodded, hugged both Joan and Ben and headed to my office to gather my things. As I entered my office I immediately noticed someone had left something on my desk. I walked over to see a single red rose sitting there with a note attached to it. It said. "Come down and see me sometime. –J". How the hell had he gotten this in here? He had to have paid one of the orderlies. I ignored it and went about the business at hand. I grabbed my bag and collected my notebook and some files to work on when I noticed the box of the Joker's personal property sitting beneath my desk. I had not gotten around to examining it yet. I pulled the box out lifted the lid, threw the rose and the note inside of it and sealed it back up.

When the asylum pharmacist handed me my medications I immediately opened the Alprazolam, shook out one of the peach colored pills and dry swallowed it. Gah! I forgot how foul an aftertaste this medication had. I located my cab and was happy to discover that Jeremiah had already paid both the fare and the tip. We drove in silence and I leaned my head against the window as I watched the city roll by. I couldn't get the images of Joker attacking Penelope out of my head. Nor the sickening sounds. I tried to focus on something, anything else but I just couldn't. He drew a heart with her blood. What was his fascination with me? I knew it wasn't sexual, even though he'd been flirtatious and crass with me. I had been studying his files for weeks and as far as anyone knew the Joker had absolutely no interest in sex. In all the time he had been confined within Arkham's walls he had never been observed masturbating, nor had he ever revealed any sexual fantasies, discussed sexual partners or anything else of the sort. As far as his doctors were concerned the Joker was completely asexual. So why me, and why pursue me in such a way? I was completely baffled by the whole thing.

When I got home I took as hot a shower as I could stand then changed into a warm comfortable set of pink flannel pajamas that had Hello Kitty printed all over them. I topped that with a thick fuzzy lilac bathrobe and my bunny slippers. I thankfully still had some wine in the fridge. I didn't even bother with a glass, I just swigged it straight from the bottle. I know I wasn't supposed to mix alcohol with my medication, but I just didn't give a crap so I took another swig and settled onto the couch. I was afraid to turn on the news, I didn't know if the press had gotten ahold of the story yet, but I didn't want to take the chance of having to relive the encounter by hearing it repeated over and over on the news.

The box of Joker's belongings was sitting on my coffee table. I took another swig of wine, followed by a deep breath and opened the box. I removed the rose and the note and looked it over again. It was definitely the Joker's handwriting. I recognized it from some of the psychological testing he had taken in the past. The note was written in lavender crayon. It occurred to me that he had to have done this before the incident with Dr. Young since he was locked up in solitary confinement which was very well guarded and monitored by video surveillance. No one would have been able to slip him writing instruments without getting caught. I tossed the rose aside and began digging through the rest of the box.

I pulled out a garish orange dress shirt. It smelled faintly of chemicals, smoke and something slightly musky, which I had to assume was Jokers own unique body odor. Next I discovered several knives. They varied in shape, size and function. I laid them next to one another on the table, there were five in all. I dug deeper and found a set of vibrating chattering teeth, a joy buzzer which I placed very carefully on the table and a silk flower boutonniere that had a small receptacle which allowed cartridges to be placed into it. He had been known to use it to spray acid or Smilex gas in the past. At the very bottom of the box I discovered a photograph of a woman. She was smiling and obviously very pregnant, plain looking but still attractive in her own way. I turned the photo over. There was something written there. It simply said "Jeannie 1992". I wondered who this woman Jeannie was and what if any connection she had to the Joker. Furthermore, why was the Joker carrying this around with him? Was she a victim, a relative, a girlfriend? I grabbed my notebook, flipped to the last page and wrote down some questions I wanted to look into at a later date.

I tipped back my bottle of wine and finished the dregs. I started feeling the effects of both the medication and the wine and my eyes began to droop. I was supposed to meet with Dick tonight, but I just didn't have it in me after everything that had happened today. I dug my cell phone out of my purse and called him. Thankfully I went straight to voicemail.

"Hey Dick, its Harley. I just wanted to let you know I have to cancel our lesson tonight. Something serious happened at work and I just can't make it. I'll see you on Thursday, okay. Talk to you later. Bye."

As tired as I was I didn't think I was going to be able to sleep so I went to the kitchen and took one of the Ambien with a big glass of water. It was still the middle of the day but I needed some solid sleep so I could stop thinking for a little while. I pulled the comforter off of my bed and snuggled up onto the couch. I decided to switch on the cartoon network since it was the only channel I didn't have to worry about hearing any news reports on. My eyelids got heavy as I watched an episode of Chowder and before I knew it I was sound asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I had never taken a sleeping pill before and since I had a low tolerance to pretty much any kind of drug anyway I slept through the rest of the day and didn't wake up until four o'clock in the morning. I was groggy even after the thirteen hours of sleep and I accidentally walked into the wall when I got up to pee. Ow, that was gonna leave a mark. No more sleep aids for Harley. I turned on the television, walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.

My TV takes a few minutes to warm up and my cable defaults to the local news station when you first turn it on, which if I hadn't been doped up on medication I would have remembered. The screen lit up with a picture of the Joker next to a picture of Penelope Young and I dashed back out to the living room, jumped over the back of the couch and grabbed the remote off the coffee table to change the channel. I was just not emotionally ready to deal with reality at that moment in time. I flipped back to the cartoon network. Adult Swim was playing re-runs of Robot Chicken and that suited me just fine. The smell of coffee lured me back into the kitchen. I poured myself a large mug as my stomach growled loudly. I had forgotten that I spewed out the entire contents of my stomach earlier and after that much sleep and no food I was ravenous. I opened the fridge and sighed at how empty it was. I had plenty of condiments, some non-dairy coffee creamer, a tiny bit of milk just past the expiration date, a couple slices of pizza that had started growing green fuzz on them and a half can of grape soda. The freezer was not much better although there was half a pint of Chunky Monkey in there, but I needed something more substantial than sweets. I checked my cabinets, and came up with a choice between instant oatmeal or Ramen noodles. God I needed to go shopping, which was going to be a lot harder without a frickin' car. I settled on the Ramen noodles, I could manage boiling water.

I sat on the couch slurping my noodles and watching the Venture Brothers. I guess I must have dozed back off after a while because when I opened my eyes it was light out. I decided I needed to get my butt in gear, so I got cleaned up and put on some clothes. I checked my bank account and was happy to discover that I could afford to buy food this week, yay! I grabbed a small purse, chucked my wallet, phone and keys into it and was about to head to the store when I heard someone knocking on my door. It was probably one of my friends checking in on me after the news report the night before. I opened the door to see a delivery guy standing there with a huge bouquet of flowers.

"Delivery for Miss Harleen Quinzel. That you?" Who in the world was sending me flowers?

"I'm Harleen Quinzel." He handed me the parcel which I set down on a side table as I signed for them. "Does it say who they're from?" I asked.

The delivery guy looked at me like I was retarded. "You'll have to check the card." he huffed as he walked away.

I brought the flowers into the kitchen and rummaged in my cabinets for a vase. I found one, although it was on the short side, filled it with water and brought it over to the counter where I untied the red ribbon and peeled back the green tissue paper. I didn't see a card anywhere. As I was cutting the stems down to fit them in the vase I lifted up a large sunflower which had a small box attached to its stem with a smaller red ribbon. What the hell was this? I carefully untied the ribbon and opened the box. There was a set of car keys inside. This had to be a mistake. I walked outside of my apartment building and clicked the unlock button on the key fob. In my usual parking spot, the lights on a brand new, bright red Audi A4 blinked. Whaaaaaat? I rushed over to the car and opened the door. It was magnificent! It had black interior and all the bells and whistles. I sat in the driver's seat marveling over all the buttons and functions. It had a backup camera, heated seats, GPS navigation, dual thermostats, the works! I opened the glove box and pulled out the paperwork. There was a bill of sale and temporary registration both in my name. I looked over the bill of sale, the car was paid for in full with cash. As I sat there puzzling over who had done this one name came to mind, Dick Grayson, billionaire. While it was thoughtful, and he certainly could afford it I couldn't accept it. It was way too much! Why would Dick buy me a car? I hadn't even told him mine had been stolen so how did he know?

I locked the car back up, darted up the stairs and went straight for my phone. I dialed Dick's number. Just as I thought I'd get stuck going to voicemail again he picked up.

"Hey Harley, what's up?" he said pleasantly.

"Dick, while I really appreciate the thought I just can't accept this gift, it's way too much! What were you thinking?" I stammered.

"Harley, what in the world are you talking about? What gift?"

"Oh c'mon Dick, you're the only person I know who can afford to go around giving away new cars!"

"What? Someone bought you a new car?" He honestly sounded puzzled. I was trying to figure out if he was just pulling my leg.

"Seriously Dick, was it you? Just level with me before I go nuts."

"I swear to you I have no idea what you're talking about. What kind of car is it anyway?"

This was crazy, who else had the kind of dough to buy me a luxury sedan? I ran through a list of everyone I knew and came up empty.

"It's an Audi A4 loaded." Dick whistled through his teeth.

"Wow, nice! Well since we know it wasn't me who else could it have been?"

"That's the thing Dick, I don't know anyone who could afford something like this, other than you and Bruce of course. I'm at a loss."

"Well Harley, as my father always used to tell me, don't look a gift horse in the mouth." I sighed.

"I know, I know but it's going to drive me crazy until I figure this out. With the week I'm having I'm going to end up as a patient in the asylum instead of a doctor! Gah!"

I filled Dick in on everything that had happened in the past 48 hours then said goodbye. I finished putting the flowers into the vase, hoping to find a card somewhere, but there wasn't one. I went back outside and just stared at the car for a few minutes until I said "Fuck it." and got back inside of it. I turned the key and the engine roared to life. I needed to go grocery shopping anyway so I pulled out onto the road and headed to the Stop and Bag. Wow this car had some get up and go and the engine was so quiet! It was amazing! I pulled as far away from the other cars in the parking lot as possible, the last thing I needed was someone to scratch it before I figured out who gave it to me.

I finished my shopping and opened the trunk to load up the bags when I froze. There was a green envelope tied up in a purple bow sitting on the floor of the trunk. I cautiously reached down and retrieved it, untied the ribbon and opened the envelope. Inside was a card with a plain front which I opened as my heart pounded like a rabbit in my chest. It read,

Dearest Harley Quinn,

I am terribly sorry about damaging your other car, so I gave you an upgrade. Hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Regards,

-J

No, no, no, no, no! This can't be happening. My elation turned to dread. I just can't get away from this clown! Why would he do this? There had to be some terrible joke in this, some deadly punchline. The Joker was not the kind of man to do anything decent unless there were something in it for him. He was a sociopath with no conscience, he didn't feel things like guilt or remorse. I just wished I could figure out what was in it for him where I was concerned. I pulled out my phone and sent Dick a text.

'I found out who bought the car. It was Joker. What do I do?'

I received a reply as I was loading the groceries into the trunk.

'Come to the Manor and we can discuss. 7:30 we'll have dinner. Bring gym clothes."

'Kk. 7:30.'

I knew Wayne Manor was posh so I packed my gym bag but made sure I looked nice before I left. I chose straight leg black pinstriped slacks, a red lace topped camisole and topped it with a gray and silver woven cardigan. I chose simple silver jewelry and wore my hair down for a change. I got in the Audi, I couldn't call it my car yet since I wasn't sure what I was going to do with it at that point and drove out to the Palisades. It was one of the nicest rides I'd had in many years. This car handled like a dream.

I had known Dick for several years but I had never been to his home before. As I approached I was struck by how obscenely massive it was. The gates had been left open and I pulled up the long driveway and parked beside a gigantic fountain that sat in the center of the property. I grabbed my things along with the card from the Joker I found in the trunk and made my way to the huge entryway. I rang the bell and waited only a moment before it was answered by an elderly gentleman.

"Good evening Miss Quinzel, do come in."

He had a British accent, kind eyes and a cute little mustache. I entered the foyer and couldn't believe how amazing this house was! I can't believe I even referred to it as a house, this place was a freaking castle!

"Master Dick will be along directly. May I take your coat Miss?"

"Yes, thank you. You must be Alfred, I've heard so much about you." I said cheerfully.

"Yes miss, I hope Master Dick was not telling stories out of school for I will deny them fervently." I couldn't help but laugh, Dick was very fond of Alfred from what I could tell. He was more of a grandfather to him than a butler.

Movement on the stairs caught my eye and there was Dick, dressed in tight black jeans and a blue button down shirt. He must have recently gotten out of the shower because his hair was still damp.

"Harley, thanks for coming. Welcome to Wayne Manor."

"Dick this place is amazing!" He flashed me that gorgeous smile of his.

"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet. C'mon, we'll have dinner in the east wing." He placed his hand on the small of my back and guided me through one room after another each more elaborate than the last. He brought me into a formal dining room that held a very long table and had beautiful crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Thankfully I saw that the place settings were all on one end. I would have hated to have to yell all the way to the other end of that thing.

"I hope you don't mind but Bruce and my brothers Tim and Damian will be joining us for dinner." I knew Dick had a brother named Tim but he had never mentioned Damian before.

"Damian?" I inquired.

"Yeah, that's kind of a long story but the short version is Bruce and Damian's mom Talia had a fling about ten years ago. Talia showed up a few months ago, dropped the bomb that Bruce had a son and ditched the kid before sailing off to God knows where."

"Wow!"

"Yeah, it's taken some getting used to. I should warn you that his social graces leave a lot to be desired."

A door at the other end of the room opened and a dark haired teenager entered. He looked to be about seventeen, was slightly thinner and more wiry than Dick but had an open and friendly looking face.

"Harley, meet by adoptive brother Tim. Tim this is Harley."

Tim walked over and shook my hand. The kid had a hell of a grip, he was a lot stronger than he looked.

"Very pleased to meet you Harley. Dick has been telling me about your lessons together. He says you've gotten quite good."

"Well Dick is one heck of a teacher, I owe it all to him."

At that moment Bruce Wayne entered the room with a small sullen looking boy trailing behind him. Bruce walked directly over to me to also shake my hand, the little boy, who I assumed was Damian simply scowled and crossed his arms across his chest.

"Dr. Quinzel, a pleasure to finally meet you. I've heard wonderful things about the work you've been doing up at Arkham. In all my years on the board I've never heard Jerimiah rave about one of his employees like he has about you. He says you have a gift."

I felt my cheeks flush at the unexpected praise. Bruce was a big guy, very tall and barrel chested and very good looking. He had blue eyes, not as deep as Dick's but close, that had just the first hints of wrinkles forming at the corners.

"Thank you Mr. Wayne, but just doing my best to make a difference in the world one troubled mind at a time. Please call me Harley." I glanced behind Bruce and gestured towards the boy with my head, "And who is this handsome young man?"

"This is my son Damian. Damian, can you say hello to Harley?"

The kid rolled his eyes as if it physically hurt to be pleasant.

"Tt. Greetings." He said morosely. He looked up into my face, "You don't look old enough to be a doctor."

I knew it was meant to be rude but I smiled as broadly as I could manage and bent at my waist to offer my hand to the young man.

"I suppose I should take that as a compliment. Very nice to make your acquaintance Damian."

Damian made no effort to remove his arms from their position against his chest and just moodily looked away.

"Ooo-kay."

"Don't mind Damian, Harley." said Tim, "He had an _unusual_ upbringing. We keep hoping he'll come around eventually."

"Don't patronize me Drake or I'll break your face!"

"Damian, that's enough!" said Bruce. The tone of his voice was suddenly a little deeper and had a no nonsense edge to it. "Alfred will be serving dinner in a moment, shall we sit?"

Once everyone was settled around the table Alfred entered the dining room with a cart and served us plates with silver lids. When he lifted the cover the delicious smell of rosemary and lemon hit my nose and I was suddenly starving. We were having roasted chicken with a rosemary and lemon deme-glacé, fingerling potatoes, oven roasted Brussels sprouts and a turnip purée.

"This looks wonderful Alfred! Did you make this all yourself?" I said to the kind old man. He turned with a proud smile and replied.

"Yes miss. I do hope you enjoy it."

"Tt. You don't have to applaud the help. Anyway, Pennyworth's culinary skills leave a lot to be desired."

"DAMIAN!" Shouted Bruce, Dick and Tim in unison.

"From what I understand Damian," I began, as I stabbed a Brussel sprout with my fork, "Alfred is not an employee here, he is a very important part of this family. I hope everyone will forgive me for saying, but I think it would befit an obviously bright young man such as yourself to show a little respect for him." I popped the sprout in my mouth and chewed. "Alfred this is heavenly, thank you."

"Tt."

"Thank you, miss. I will be in the kitchen preparing the dessert. Do enjoy your meal everyone."

With that Alfred departed and we ate as we chatted cordially. Well with the exception of Damian who was just a seething ball of hate. If I had to hazard a guess this little boy needed a whole lot of love, something I suspected he didn't experience much from his mother growing up. I felt sorry for him, really.

Once the dinner plates were cleared Alfred brought in a magnificent looking crème brûlée, coffee, tea, and brandy. I skipped the brandy but helped myself to some coffee. At that point conversation turned to the reason I was actually there, the Joker.

"So Harley, Dick tells me you're having some troubles from the Joker?" inquired Bruce.

I took the time to explain everything that had happened from the night of the Monolith Square attack, through the arrival of the flowers and car this morning.

"How did you figure out that it was the Joker?" asked Tim.

"I'll show you." I retrieved the notecard from my purse and handed it to Tim whose eyes widened as he read it and then passed it around the table so everyone could see it. "I found that in the trunk when I went to load my groceries this afternoon."

Bruce studied the card carefully before responding.

"Harley, have you had anyone look the car over?"

"No, it's brand new, why would I-" I trailed off as I answered my own question, "Oh, I suppose I was so excited that I just hadn't thought about it."

"If you're going to be here for a little while I'd like to call in a friend of mine to examine the vehicle to determine if it's safe. Do you mind?" I didn't, the sudden realization that it could be rigged with explosives or Smilex or any other number of lethal gags I was relieved that he offered.

"No not at all. Thank you so much. I feel like an idiot for not thinking of it sooner."

"Tt." Damian actually had the hint of a smile on his face for the first time all night. "Having a PH.D., one would think that would have been the first thing you thought of."

"Damian!" Dick interjected, "Can't you lighten up?"

"This is as light as I get, Grayson."

"Harley, I'd like to have Commissioner Gordon examine this," Bruce held up the card from the Joker. "May I keep this for now?"

"Yes, by all means. I just wish I knew what this obsession with me were all about."

"I have had some experience with the Joker before, he's robbed several of my charity events, and the only thing I can tell you is that his motives make sense to no one but himself."

"So Harley, wanna spar while Bruce calls in his specialist?" asked Dick.

"Yeah, ok. I just need to change into my gym clothes. Can you point me to the restroom?"

Dick stood up from the table. "Sure Harley, follow me."

I gave the car keys to Bruce and grabbed my gym bag. Dick led me down the hall to a bathroom.

"I'll be right back, Harley I'm gonna get changed myself."

I opened the door and my eyes just about popped out of my head. This wasn't a bathroom, it was more like a Turkish bathhouse! There was a bathtub the size of a pool. Everything was made of imported marble and elaborately carved woods. There was a mosaic mural on the wall and three sinks on the opposite wall. It had a toilet, urinal and a bidet. There was also a bench that sat in front of a gigantic floor to ceiling mirror. I quickly changed my clothes and when I stepped out Dick was waiting for me.

"Holy crap! That bathroom is bigger than my entire apartment!"

Dick flashed me that adorable smile of his.

"Bruce doesn't really do small or simple. Whatever he does, he goes all out."

"I guess so!"

I followed Dick through the halls of Wayne Manor towards the gym which was in the opposite wing of the house. I marveled at all of the amazing artwork. We were in a hallway full of portraits. It seemed to be the Wayne family ancestry. I reached a portrait which made me stop and take a closer look. It was Bruce, seated in a chair surrounded by Dick, Tim and another boy I didn't recognize.

"Dick, who is this?"

"That is another long story. It's my other adoptive brother, Jason. He doesn't live with us anymore, he's kind of the black sheep of the family. He and Bruce had a….falling out and he took off on his own. We don't really hear from him much these days." Dick looked a little somber, I felt I may have struck a nerve.

"Oh, I'm sorry Dick, I shouldn't have pried. I apologize."

"No, it's fine. I just hadn't thought about him in a while. C'mon the gym is down this way."

We entered a gym area that was bigger and better equipped than two YMCA's. It was amazing! I couldn't help myself I went straight for the uneven bars.

"Do you mind?" I asked Dick, "I've been so busy I haven't been able to get to the gym lately, I could use the practice."

"Go right ahead. Mi casa, su casa."

"Yeah I wish."

I hopped on the bars and went through one of my old routines. Dick watched me twirl and flip and spin through the paces. I ended with a triple backflip and stuck the landing. God I wished I had something like this in my house!

We sparred for a while and I had to admit I was getting pretty good. After a bit Dick stopped and brought me over to a wall of weaponry.

"I thought it might be a good idea to start with some of these today. When it comes to the Joker any edge I can give you is a good thing. Let's start with these." He grabbed two sticks off the wall. They were about three feet in length and made of some kind of steel alloy. "These are escrima sticks, here I'll show you how to use them."

We worked with the sticks for about a half an hour and I have to admit I was abysmal. We also tried wooden staffs, which I was much better with, sais again terrible and nunchucks. I ended up smacking myself in the back of the head with the latter.

"Let's try something else." Said Dick as he walked over to the batting cage, yes they had an actual batting cage inside the house, and grabbed a Louisville slugger baseball bat. He brought me over to a sparring dummy. "Show me what you got, Harley."

The bat felt good in my hands. It was just heavy enough and I played softball in middle school so I had a little experience with it at the very least. I pulled back and swung the bat forward with all the strength I had and hit the dummy squarely in the head. The head of the dummy detached and went sailing all the way to the other side of the room.

"Wow. Yeah, okay then. Baseball bat it is! Ya know, you're stronger than you look, Harley."

I smiled pleased with myself. "I've been lifting." I went to hand the bat back to Dick.

"No, no. You keep that, put it in your car, just in case. I did actually get you something. It's no new car but I thought it would help keep you safe."

Dick pulled out a small handheld Taser. "Dick, thank you so much. How does it work?"

He ran through the instructions and it was surprisingly easy to operate. I had that feeling of being watched again. I looked up to the balcony surrounding the upper level of the gym and saw Damian sitting there with his legs hanging down between the rungs of the bannister.

"Hi Damian, do you spar too?"

"Tt. Do I spar? I started training before I could talk. I must admit you are far more capable than I imagined. For a girl."

"Would you like to join us?" I asked the boy.

"It would be counterproductive; I'd have to take it far too easy on you. Father asked me to tell you to meet him in the garage. They've finished with your vehicle."

"Oh, okay thanks." With that Damian stood up and strode out of the gym. I looked at Dick.

"God help Bruce when Damian hits puberty. You know Dick, I would be happy to have a few sessions with him if you'd like, pro bono of course." Dick laughed.

"I wouldn't subject you to that. Damian has a chip on his shoulder, but he just about bleeds a need to be accepted. He just makes it so hard. He and Tim fight like cats and dogs, I think Damian feels threatened by him for some reason. He didn't really grow up in a family per se, he was mainly raised by his tutors. It's going to take him some time to adjust, but I have faith in him." He put his arm around my shoulder and started leading me out of the room. "Let's go check on your car."

Walking into the garage was like walking into a car museum. Bruce had more cars than Jay Leno, it was amazing! Bruce was standing by the Audi.

"Harley, my mechanic friend just left and there was nothing to worry about. You can feel better knowing that nothing was tampered with."

"Thank you Bruce! I can't tell you how much I appreciate this!"

"Well, any friend of Dick's is a friend of mine. I have some business to attend to, so have a good night you two."

I leaned against the car, relieved. The stress of the last few days finally caught up with me and it must have showed on my face because Dick looked concerned. He walked towards me.

"I'm worried about you Harley. This thing with the Joker I don't like it and I fear you're in danger." He gently placed his hand on the side of my face and raised my chin so that I was looking directly into his eyes. I felt a jolt, like electricity run between us. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"As okay as I can be with a mass murdering psychopath obsessed with me." He stared at me and I felt that pressure below my belly again. Without warning he quickly leaned in and placed his lips on mine. I was so shocked I didn't respond right away but after a few seconds I placed my arms around his neck and reciprocated. His lips were soft, warm and gentle at first. After a few moments he leaned his body flush against mine and the kiss became deeper, more demanding. Reluctantly I broke the embrace. Dick looked at me curiously.

"Dick, I'm sorry. I'm very attracted to you, but I'm also very particular with who I let into my heart. I've been hurt before and I think we both know you don't have the best track record where women are concerned. You're a good friend and I appreciate you. I don't want to mess that up."

"No you're right, I'm sorry. I've just been wanting to that for a really long time."

"Honestly I have too. So our curiosity is sated now. Friends?" Dick smiled.

"Friends."

I didn't want to stick around and put that friendship to the test. My body was still screaming yes even if my head was telling me no, so I got in my car and headed back to the Bowery.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

I was restless the following day. My body enjoyed tormenting me for dismissing Dick's advances and reminded me intermittently throughout the afternoon how badly it wanted gratification. It was becoming an almost constant, annoying ache at my core. More distracting than my sexual frustration was the nagging voice in the back of my head that kept questioning the Joker's actions and motive and wanted me to figure out what his ultimate end game was. Where and how did I fit into whatever sick plans he had? What did he want from me? And why take this kind of approach? Why go through all the trouble and expense if the ultimate goal was my death? Or was that not actually his goal? I had read about what he had done to Commissioner Gordon and his daughter. Death wasn't his goal that time. He shot the girl through the spine crippling her for life, then he removed her clothing and photographed her and used the images to try to drive her kidnapped father insane. Ultimately his plan failed, although I doubt that was any consolation to the girl who would be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

I needed a distraction. I had to drop my weekly observations on the Joker off to Dr. Arkham, so I gathered my notes and prepared my report. I had an unusual theory that I needed to get down onto paper. I wrote for about an hour compiling everything I had learned about the Joker so far. The kicker was my last paragraph. I wrote, 'It is my opinion that what we have here is a credible profile of a sane man who willfully causes anguish and clearly enjoys it. My final summation is that the Joker should be retried as mentally competent, declared sane, sent to state prison and executed.' I suddenly considered deleting it fearing Dr. Arkham would assume that my current situation was clouding my judgement. It was my honest opinion however, and I had come up with my theory well before the events of the past few days so I left it in. I printed out my report and set it aside. I would go to Arkham later to drop it in the director's office.

It was still early afternoon and I still needed something to occupy my mind. I drove to Robinson Park, one of the few truly beautiful bits of nature left in Gotham City, and took a long walk. It was cold but not cold enough to freeze the lake yet. I bought a bag of food pellets from a vendor who was strolling past, sat on one of the benches and fed the fish. It made me smile to see their big eyes and their round mouths greedily gulping down the pellets. I suddenly realized I had that uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach again. I slowly stood and scanned the park, there weren't a lot of people here today, which made it easy to spot the man with the camera snapping a photo of me. He was too far away for me to make out his face, especially since the sun was in my eyes. I started to walk towards him to confront him when he turned tail and dashed in the opposite direction. I raced after him, determined to get some answers outta the creep. I saw him dart into a thick area of tree cover and I pursued but by the time I got there he had disappeared.

I headed back to the car more disturbed than I had been before I left the house. I realized that I hadn't really eaten anything yet and my stomach was starting to rumble. I didn't want to cook, that was for sure, but I also didn't want to eat alone after the incident with the creepy cameraman. I dug out my cell and called Ben.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ben, its Harley. I was just wondering, since you're off today, if you wanted to grab some lunch together." You could almost hear his smile through the phone.

"I think that sounds like a great idea. What are you in the mood for?" I thought about it for a few seconds before I responded.

"I know a great little Greek Diner over on Westwood. Will that do?"

"Sounds perfect, Harley. Want me to swing by and pick you up?" Oh yeah, I forgot that I had a lot to fill him in on.

"No that's okay, I'll meet you there, okay?"

I arrived a few minutes before Ben. I had the hostess seat us in the last booth in the furthest corner of the dining room. I put my back to the wall, at least from here I had a good view of the rest of the room and could see if anyone was watching us. I had already decided on the Gyro platter by the time Ben got to the diner. It was the first time I saw him with his hair down, and I have to admit it made him look kind of exotic, like a Viking or something. I liked it. Other parts of my body liked it too and that annoying throbbing between my legs started up again. He was dressed in blue jeans, a patterned button down that was left open at the neck, brown boots and a Timberland jacket. He had a five 'o'clock shadow and as he sat down I caught a whiff of his cologne, which was pleasant and kind of reminded me of a forest. Actually he reminded me more of a very sexy lumberjack.

"Wow, you look different out of your lab coat!" I said and he flashed me that white, charming smile of his as he took off his coat and set it in the booth beside him.

"So do you. I like it." I was dressed down today in jeans, a burgundy long sleeved thermal shirt that had buttons at the neck, three of which weren't buttoned and I had my hair down.

"Likewise. Thanks for meeting me, I hate eating by myself in a restaurant, it makes me feel weird."

"I know the feeling. It's one of the banes of being perpetually single." My gaze wandered up to Ben's amazing hazel eyes. They looked greener today than usual, as if they were picking up the color from his shirt.

"Yeah tell me about it." The waitress came to the table and took our orders then came back with our drinks as Ben and I exchanged pleasantries. I ordered a diet coke but Ben's chocolate cherry shake looked a lot better. I guess he saw me eyeballing it because he offered me a sip. Oh man, that was good stuff. The next time I came here I had to get one.

"So, you sounded a little distracted when you called me. Is there something going on you wanted to talk about Harley?

I sighed and looked back up at Ben. "Yeah, I guess I really do. It's been one hell of a week." I continued to tell Ben about the flowers, the car and the card from the Joker in the trunk, my trip to Wayne Manor leaving out the part where Dick kissed me, of course. I finished up with the guy taking pictures of me in the park and the feeling I'd been having over the past few weeks of being watched. Ben was obviously shocked.

"This isn't good Harley. I've been around Arkham awhile and I've seen him destroy the lives of too many employees of the asylum. I know this is your dream and all, but maybe it's in your best interest to get as far away from Arkham Asylum as humanly possible."

"You're right, I should and I know that, but I refuse to let a psychopathic clown take away everything I have worked so hard for. If I do that he wins anyway." I placed my chin on my hand sulkily.

"Yes but at least you'll get out with your mind and your life intact to start over somewhere else. Harley, you're a great shrink, you can write your own ticket to any mental hospital in the country!"

"Ben, this is my home, this is where my apartment, career and friends are. I know it's dirty and crowded and chaotic but it's my city, I love it here and I refuse to turn tail and run. What I need to do is get to the bottom of all this. I need answers and there is only one person who has them." Ben looked at me like I had grown a second head.

"Are you out of your mind? You are _not_ going to go talk to the Joker. It's suicide!" I gave him a dangerous look that said 'back off'.

"Look Ben, while I appreciate the concern, I have to figure this out on my own."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet."

Our food finally came and we ate quietly, the mood sullied by the ever lingering presence of the Joker in my life. Ben wasn't pleased with me. I know he was worried; heck I was worried but my mind was made up. I needed to talk to Joker and it needed to be today. Ben, ever the gentleman, picked up the check and walked me to my car. He eyed the vehicle like it was going to explode any minute.

"Are you really going to keep it?"

I rolled my eyes when I turned to unlock the door. What choice did I have? Walk through the Bowery in the dark every night and get mugged or raped, or keep a brand new car gifted to me by a mass murderer. Okay so it sounded a little crazy even to my own ears but the car was in my own name so I was keeping it, especially after all the grief I'd taken because of the person who gave it to me.

"Yes Ben, I am. I had the car checked out, it's perfectly safe."

"I don't like this, any of this. You're in danger and you're running towards it instead of away from it."

"I'm doing what I need to do, nothing more and nothing less. Thanks for lunch, Ben. I'm sorry to be such a bother."

He gave me an exasperated look, then sighed as he pulled me into an embrace.

"You're not a bother, Harley. You're probably going to give me gray hair, but you're definitely not a bother. I just want you to stay safe is all."

I buried my nose in his hair and breathed in his woodsy scent.

"Thanks for being such a good friend, Ben"

"Uh oh, am I in the friend zone already? I thought you'd at least give me until after the ball. I promise I clean up pretty good."

I couldn't help but laugh as I pulled out of the embrace.

"Okay, you have until after the ball. You better sweep me off my feet."

"Consider it done." I kissed him on the cheek and headed back to my apartment to get my report for Doc Arkham.

I decided if I was going to sneak into solitary confinement to confront the Joker, I had better wait until after shift change when security was lighter. I was going to have to pull some strings to get away with this without getting caught, but luckily my friendship with officer Hendricks was going to do the trick. I knew he worked nights on Thursdays and that was perfect to my plan. It was also going to help that Aaron Cash was on the day shift. At ten in the evening I headed out to the asylum. I checked in at the gatehouse, parked and headed into the building. I went to Dr. Arkham's office first to both drop off my report but more importantly to make sure the director had left for the day. His office was locked and the lights were off. I slid my report through the mail slot and headed down to the main security hub.

I thanked my lucky stars when I saw that Adam was alone in the monitor room. I only needed a few seconds to freeze the rotation on the security camera that monitored the end of the solitary confinement block that the Joker was being kept in. I made it appear that I was heading for the employee garage and acted surprised to see Adam as I went to pass by.

"Adam, hey how are you. I haven't seen you around in a while. What's new?

He turned to look at me and smiled as I came into the monitor room to talk to him. I saw the camera control I needed right away and stood directly in front of it while talking with Adam.

"Hi Harley. Things are good. What are you doing here so late? I thought you had the week off?"

I slowly and carefully reached behind me and turned the control knob effectively freezing the camera at a point where I could stick to the wall as I passed it and not be seen.

"Oh, I forgot to drop off my weekly report to Dr. Arkham and since I was passing by this way on my way home I figured I better drop it off. I don't need the director breathing down my neck for being late with it."

We chit chatted for a few more minutes then I said goodbye and headed back down the hallway towards the employee garage. I took the stairwell all the way down to the basement level where the solitary confinement cells were. I double checked to make sure there were no guards around who might see me and used my key card to enter the hallway. I flattened myself against the wall and sidestepped past the camera, which I was happy to see was still frozen in place. I slowly walked down to the very last cell, but before I could reach it he spoke.

"Ahh, I smell lavender and strawberries, it must be my dear Doc Harley. I wondered how long it was going to be before you took me up on my invitation. I suppose you're here to ask about the gift I left you?"

He was sitting on the floor of the cell, obscured by darkness. If not for that preternatural alabaster skin, I don't think I would have been able to make him out. He rose and came forward to look at me through the bars of the cell door's small square window. I didn't mince words, I blurted out the question that had been driving me mad for the past two days.

"Why?"

"Well when you broke my nose, which rather impressed me by the way, I had a friend do a little digging to find out what you meant when you screamed about your car. I thought if I made up for the situation, you might be more inclined to take my case. Out of curiosity, how's she handle?" I ignored his question.

"But why? Why me? Why do you want me to take your case? What are you going to do to me?"

He looked offended and placed his hand on his heart as if I wounded him somehow.

"Why nothing at all my dear Harley. I know you may not believe this but Arkham is a lonely place and I am just a man. At first it was your name that made me feel like perhaps I had a kindred spirit in this dismal place. Someone I could talk to. Someone I can trust. Someone I can tell my secrets to. Surely you can see why I'd be attracted to it. But then you broke my nose and it was at that very moment that I knew that you were something special. The kind of gal that comes along only once in a lifetime. So I did what any fella looking to pitch a little woo to a pretty girl would do. For the first time in a very long time, I actually have no ulterior motive."

"I don't believe you."

"You would be stupid if you did, not because it's not true but let's face facts, I don't have the best track record with shrinks. But you're not stupid Harley, _you_ are exceptional. You have so much potential if only you can lighten up enough to let that potential out."

I searched his face for any of the standard tell tales of a lie but found none. Our faces were only inches apart and I was looking into those deep green eyes which were clear and sane for the first time since I had met him. I looked over his facial features, the aquiline nose, sharp jawline and high forehead. I looked at his lips, they were as pale as the rest of him, so it must be makeup he uses to accentuate that gigantic, toothy smile of his. I imagined he must have been a very handsome man prior to his transformation at the hands of the Batman. I realized I was staring and quickly looked away.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to stare."

"It's okay to look you know, I like being looked at."

I felt the blood rush to my face and was grateful for the darkness. I don't understand what it was I was feeling at that moment but it wasn't the revulsion I expected. I didn't know how to respond so I remained silent for a moment. I felt his eyes examining me and I finally found my voice.

"So what is it you want from me?"

"Harley is it so hard to believe that I want nothing more than to be your friend?"

"Yes it is!"

"Fair enough. Here's my suggestion. Arkham is going to offer you my case tomorrow. You accept and I promise to be a good boy, answer your questions and help you further your career by treating the most famous criminal to grace these halls."

"And what do you get out of all of this?"

"I get to spend time with you. To get to know you and earn your trust and friendship."

"I call bullshit."

"Look Harley, if nothing else I get to spend my sessions looking at a young, hot blonde rather than some dour, mousey looking old biddy. No matter what anyone else tells you I am still a man. If you cut me I will bleed. So c'mon Doc whaddya say? Be my shrink?"

I can't believe I was considering accepting his spiel as sincerity but I was. This was the first time he had spoken plainly. No jokes, no puns, no insults, no button pushing and none of that hyena-like laughter. I had never seen him so subdued.

"I'll consider it. I have to go."

Before he could speak again I turned on my heel and quickly walked back down the hallway and out of the solitary wing. I went straight to the garage and left the asylum grounds. As I drove home I tried to work out my own feelings. I don't know what I expected him to say but it certainly wasn't what came out of his mouth. I had theorized in the past that his attention seeking behavior was due, to a certain extent, to loneliness. The lack of human companionship. Was I right? Was he actually on the level this time? I suppose stranger things had happened. I knew I was overly empathetic and I knew I always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, but could I afford to do that with the Joker? I had to admit, as I gazed at him I had begun to see the man behind the monster. And he was right about one thing, if I treated him and he didn't end up killing me, it would make my career. I decided to sleep on it and make a decision later. He seemed convinced Arkham was going to offer me his case, but I wasn't so sure. I may be worrying for nothing. Oh well, I suppose I was going to have to wait and see.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I slept poorly that night. I had so much going on inside of my head I could barely keep it all straight. When I got out of bed I headed right for the Joker's file and skimmed the entire thing trying to find anything he may have said in sessions, no matter how inconsequential, which indicated he was lonely or craved a bosom companion in any way, shape or form. I didn't find anything. He seemed proud to be a loner in his interviews. However, Joker wasn't one to tell the truth very often and he certainly wouldn't knowingly reveal a weakness. So why had he admitted it to me? I suppose the fact that he wasn't being recorded had something to do with it. That brought up an interesting point. If I did accept the Joker's case, I wouldn't get anything useful out of him if our sessions were being recorded. In fact, the Joker hadn't been allowed sessions in an actual office environment since his first incarceration in this facility five years ago. Why I couldn't quite understand, he killed Dr. Young and injured numerous others in the interrogation rooms and there was nothing anyone could do about it, so what was the difference. Maybe if I could get Joker in an actual therapeutic setting I would have half a chance of treating him. As things were now Arkham was putting a Band-Aid on an amputation. I decided then and there what I would tell Arkham if he offered me the case.

I looked out the window as I pondered. It was snowing outside. I loved Gotham in the snow, at least for a few hours it made the city look clean and innocent. Tonight was New Year's Eve and the Wayne Foundation Charity Gala. I decided to splurge a little and made an appointment to have my hair and nails done, which was something I hadn't done since my Senior Prom. I was kind of getting excited, I had never been to a black tie society event before and I wasn't quite sure what to expect.

I decided to walk to the hair salon since it was only a few blocks away. It was still snowing lightly so I grabbed my big rainbow colored umbrella and headed out. It was so beautiful. It hadn't snowed enough for it to get slushy yet and everything was still covered in a pristine layer of white. I watched my breath billow out in cotton candy clouds in the cold afternoon air. I made it to Styles n' Smiles a few minutes before my appointment time. I had to giggle at the name, it reminded me of Joker. That's not why I picked it mind you, it was just the closest salon to my apartment and the Yelp reviews were good. My stylist was named Ross. He was tall, blonde and fabulous and his clients raved about his skill with an up-do. My nail tech was Brianna who was petite with a cute pixie haircut that was dyed vibrant shades of blue, purple and magenta.

I had never felt so thoroughly pampered before in my life. It was my first pedicure, which went great until the massage part, where I wiggled and giggled the whole time. My feet are the most ticklish part of my body and I just couldn't pull it together. Ross had magic hands, and I was so glad I choose him to style my hair. He pulled my blonde locks up and loosely pinned them to the back of my head, then set a plethora of wonderful, wild waves in the back. He pulled a few pieces down to frame my face and curled those as well. Then he accented it with tiny floating rhinestones which he glued onto the individual strands. I think because we got along so well Ross also insisted on applying my makeup. I left the salon feeling like a million bucks. My fingers and toes were a sparkly red color to match the dress and I had smoky black eyeshadow that made me look like I just stepped off of a fashion magazine photoshoot. I made sure I tipped both Ross and Brianna very well, which I knew I couldn't afford, but it's not like I go to balls on a regular basis.

When I got home I carefully got dressed. The dress was kind of hard to get into because of the stays in the back, and I wished I had called Di to come over and help me. Eventually though I was able to get into it and get everything tightened. I decided on lace topped thigh high stockings and a garter belt. The skirt of the dress was really full and I couldn't imagine having to struggle with pantyhose if I had to pee. I put on the necklace and gloves, slipped into the stilettos and looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't recognize myself, I looked like a completely different person. Heck I felt like a completely different person. I touched up the deep crimson lipstick I was wearing and placed it into my black beaded clutch along with my wallet and phone.

There was a knock on my door. I opened it to see Ben standing there looking amazing in a black tuxedo and vest. He was right, he did clean up well. His hair was down, but it was super shiny and I had a feeling I wasn't the only one in the room who saw their stylist today. He was wearing that same woodsy cologne from yesterday. He had a red rose pinned to his lapel and he held a small white box in his hands. He just stared at me for a few seconds slack jawed.

"WOW! Harley you look amazing!" I giggled and quickly covered my mouth with my hand.

"So do you, Ben." He held out the box he was gripping.

"Um, this is for you." I took the box from him and opened it. It was a wrist corsage made of deep red roses and baby's breath with tiny seed pearls sewn into the satin band."

"It's beautiful Ben. Thank you." I held out my wrist, "Will you do the honors?" He fumbled with the wristlet a little as he gently grasped my hand and adjusted the strap. Then he looked into my eyes and gave me a sly smile.

"Is it just me, or does this feel like prom night all over again?" I smiled back at him.

"I was just thinking the same exact thing." He held out his arm to me.

"Well shall we?" I picked up my clutch and domino mask, linked arms with him and headed out to the car. I was shocked when we exited the building to see a stretch limo sitting there.

"Oh my God, Ben you didn't have to do this." He smirked as he opened the door for me.

"I know that Harley, but I wanted to. Anyway, didn't I promise to sweep you off your feet? Ladies first."

I got into the limo, and saw there was a bottle of champagne chilling and two glasses.

"I was only kidding." I said as Ben got in next to me.

"Well I wasn't. Look Harley, I know we work together but I really like you. It's been a long time since I had feelings for someone like this and I want you to see that I'll do what it takes to win you over. Champagne?" I must have turned several shades of pink and it suddenly seemed a little too hot in the car.

"Sure, that would be nice." He carefully poured two glasses and handed one to me.

"To our second date. May it be as outstanding as you are, Harley." I could feel the flush on my cheeks deepen as I clinked the rim of my glass to his.

"I didn't know lunch counted as an official date."

"It did to me, so I'm counting it." The smile on his face reached those amazing eyes and I couldn't help but smile back.

"To our second date then."

I suddenly remembered that this was a masked ball, pulled out the domino and affixed it to my face. Ben had a half mask that came down over his nose to halfway across his cheeks and looked like an elaborate bronze wolf or fox. With his hair it suited him perfectly.

When we arrived at Wayne Manor our door was opened by an attendant who helped me out of the car. There was a long red carpet that ran from the driveway, up the stairs to the grand entryway. I again linked arms with Ben and we ascended the front steps where we were greeted by Alfred, who was looking dapper in a tuxedo of his own.

"Greetings Dr. Quinzel, Dr. Stone. Miss Quinzel if I may say so you look absolutely stunning this evening."

"Thank you Alfred, you look pretty good yourself. Is Dick here tonight?"

"Yes Miss, Master Dick will be along shortly, I believe he is having some trouble with his tie at present. The grand ballroom is directly to your left. Please do enjoy yourselves this evening."

"Thanks Alfred."

As we entered the ballroom Ben leaned over and whispered, "You know the Wayne's'?"

"Yes, actually I was here the other night for dinner. Bruce Wayne's ward Dick Grayson is a close friend of mine."

"You're just full of surprises." I shrugged and winked at him.

"I try my best not to be boring."

"I don't think anyone would ever accuse you of that. If they did I'm sure you'd punch them in the nose."

I laughed and punched him in the arm instead as we went to the bar to get some more champagne. I looked around the room at the crowds of people all in designer tuxedos and dresses. There was an actual orchestra at the rear of the room playing a jazz tune I vaguely recognized. People were dancing and mingling in pockets around the room. The champagne flowed like water. I glanced up and saw the largest, most elaborate chandelier I had ever seen, it made the one in the Paris Opera House seem small in comparison. Not that I had ever been to Paris, but I did see Phantom of the Opera in high school. I spotted Tim and Dick on the other side of the room and waved at them. I didn't see Bruce anywhere, nor Damian, but he was only ten so the likelihood was that Bruce didn't want him to attend an adult function like this. Dick waved and began to cross the room. He looked amazing in his tux and he was wearing a black domino mask that was covered in metallic blue stars.

"Harley, you look gorgeous!" Dick leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, "I wasn't sure it was even you when you waved! Just, wow!" He looked over at Ben, "Who's your friend?"

"Dick Grayson may I introduce you to Dr. Benjamin Stone lead medical physician at Arkham. Ben, this is my good friend Dick."

They exchanged greetings and handshakes.

"Listen Harl, Bruce has me playing host until he gets here so you and Ben enjoy yourselves and I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

"Sure Dick, see ya later!" Ben watched Dick walk away then turned to me.

"So, um, just how good a friend is Dick?"

"He's the kind of good friend who taught me how to defend myself." I looked up into his face and continued, "You have nothing to worry about, the last gifts he gave me were a baseball bat and a Taser. Not exactly romantic stuff." I wasn't being entirely honest but I didn't want Ben to get the wrong idea.

Waiters were circling the room with trays of hors d'oeuvres and I grabbed a little tartlet that was filled with warm blue cheese and pears. It just melted in my mouth. I had never had fancy food like this before, it was wonderful. I was limited to what I could sample though because most of it had fish, crab or shrimp in it. Yuck.

Ben and I walked the room and met some of the most prominent people in Gotham. Vicki Vale and Jack Ryder from GNN were here, Mayor Hill, Commissioner Gordon. There were representatives from the five founding families of Gotham. The rich and the famous. I'm not gonna lie, I felt completely out of place. I was actually glad for the mask and the anonymity it provided.

I have to admit after the first hour I was getting really bored. Apparently I was just not a gala type of girl. Ben was talking to Thomas Elliott; a famous neurosurgeon he went to med school with when I excused myself to go to the ladies room. When I was finished I snuck out onto the balcony for some fresh air. It was freezing but it felt good after the stuffiness of the ballroom, and I wasn't just talking about the temperature. I stood and looked across the grounds of Wayne Manor and admired the topiary garden. It must cost a fortune just to water the damn lawn. My thoughts drifted back to my conversation with the Joker. Actually my thoughts drifted back to his face more than anything. He was so unusual, so different. He terrified me. And excited me. I felt a presence behind me and turned.

"I thought I saw you sneak out here." It was Dick sans mask. "You look like you're freezing, here." He took off his tuxedo jacket and draped it over my shoulders.

"Thanks Dick. Done playing host for the night?"

"Yeah Bruce finally made it. You don't look like you're having a very good time."

"No, I'm fine, just have a lot on my mind I guess." He leaned on the bannister, put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side.

"Well I have some news."

"Yeah? Well don't keep me in suspense."

"I uh, I'm moving to Bludhaven."

"What? Why?" He looked down at me.

"I've been accepted into the police academy there. I leave tomorrow." I was kind of shocked. He never mentioned anything about wanting to become a cop before.

"Oh, well congratulations. I didn't know you had applied."

"Sorry I didn't mention it sooner, it's a sore subject with Bruce so I've mostly kept it to myself. Damian is pissed at me too. Are you mad?"

"Of course I'm not mad. I'll miss you though." I put my head on his shoulder. "Promise me you'll visit?" He turned and wrapped his arms around me. He was so warm.

"I swear, next time I'm in Gotham you'll be the first person I call." He squeezed me and I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back.

"Am I interrupting something?" Ben was standing there looking very put out and very annoyed. I stepped away from Dick.

"We were just saying goodbye, Ben. Dick is moving away tomorrow." I took Dick's jacket off of my shoulders and handed it back to him. "Call me when you get settled okay. You'll make a great cop."

I walked past Ben and back into the ballroom. He followed me and I knew he wanted to talk but Bruce Wayne was on the podium giving a speech so he settled for whispering in my ear.

"Sorry. You disappeared. Then I find you hugging another guy. What else could I have thought?"

"We'll talk about this later." I whispered back. "Let's just go to our table, it looks like dinner is being served soon."

We found our place cards and sat down. We were seated with Dr. Arkham, Joan, Dr. Zahir and her husband and Dr. Cavanaugh, who I really didn't like, and his wife. Finally, Bruce finished his speech and everyone clapped as he took his seat. Immediately the waiters were dispatched with the first course which looked pretty but was basically a seared sea scallop with some kind of vegetables underneath, I pushed it idly around my plate and listened to everyone's conversations. The second course was something I could actually eat at least, a salad with ripe strawberries, walnuts and a warm strawberry vinaigrette. I was doing my best to not speak with Ben, it aggravated me that he was being pissy and jealous of Dick. When the main course was served, filet mignon this time, thankfully there was no fish in sight on this plate, the conversation turned to something that actually interested me. Dr. Arkham addressed me from across the table.

"Harleen, your report this week was very interesting. Not only did I love your ideas but so did the board." I looked up from toying with my steak.

"Thank you Dr. Arkham, it's only a theory though. I would need more time with the patient to come up with anything conclusive." Jeremiah finished chewing a bite of potato and pointed at me with his fork.

"Well good news then. I'm offering you the case." Ben looked up from his plate with a slightly wary expression.

"What patient? What case are we talking about here?" Arkham smiled, well I guess you could consider it a smile, on his face it really looked more like a sneer.

"Why, the Joker of course. Harleen has the most fascinating theories and I think it's about time we had a fresh perspective on this case." Ben looked downright panicked now.

"Dr. Arkham, forgive me for saying so, but Harley is a resident and the Joker is extremely dangerous. How can you put her in that kind of position?" Now I was downright pissed off. How dare he? I knew how to fight my own damn battles.

"Ben, do me a favor and butt out." I looked back at Dr. Arkham. "If I agree to take this case, and I'm not saying that I am, I want to be very clear about something. My case, my patient, my call. If I take Joker's case I plan on making drastic changes in his treatment plan. I don't want to be micromanaged."

"Of course, Harleen. What kind of changes did you have in mind?" I kept my face stern but I was smiling on the inside.

"First off I want authorization to have sessions in my office, no recording equipment and no guards. Before you ask, yes I have a very good reason for it." Arkham nodded at me to continue. "I've had run in's with the Joker outside of Dr. Young's sessions on several occasions. Those occasions have been the only time I was able to get a modicum of truth out of him. When the Joker is on camera, he's performing. He's playing a role and I can't hope to glean anything useful out of him in that kind of environment. I also think allowing sessions in a real office, besides being more therapeutic, will show him that at least someone at the asylum is giving him a little bit of trust, something I'm sure he's never felt from any of his previous therapists." Ben looked absolutely appalled.

"Harley, are you nuts? Unmonitored sessions in your office? He'll kill you within a week!"

"No Ben, he won't. He'll still be restrained and I'll still have a panic button. Plus, I can take care of myself."

"Harleen," Joan interjected, "While I know you can take care of yourself, I still have concerns about this." Arkham interjected before she could add anything further.

"I am inclined to agree with Dr. Quinzel. Joan, we have been going in circles with this case and although some of her methods are unusual, Harley has had incredible results." He looked back over at me, "What other changes are we talking about?"

"I'll need to focus on this case, I need two hour sessions three times per week, which means I will have to lighten my caseload a bit. I also want authorization to access alternative treatments and have complete control over his medication schedule without interference."

"What kind of alternative treatments, Harley?" asked Joan.

"Isolation therapy, regression therapy, hypnotherapy and electroconvulsive therapy. To be used at my own discretion of course." Arkham appeared to be thinking it over. After a few moments he leveled his eyes at me and said, "Done. I agree to your terms Harleen. Will you take the case?"

"Yes. As long as my authority is effective immediately." Arkham's smile grew wide enough to look almost predatory.

"Splendid! As of this moment the Joker is now your patient. I expect weekly reports on your progress."

Ben grabbed my arm, his grip was strong enough that I thought I'd be bruised.

"Can I have a word with you in private?" I looked up at our companions.

"Please excuse us for a moment."

Ben practically dragged me out of the ballroom and into an empty hallway. He was fuming. His eyes were stern, his nostrils were flaring and his lips were downturned.

"Harley, are you out of your fucking mind? What the hell are you thinking?" I pulled my arm out of his grip. I could already see light blue marks where his fingers had been digging into me.

"I'm thinking I have a shot at helping. I'm thinking that this is a major career opportunity and I'm thinking I may be the only person in the asylum qualified to treat the Joker.

"Well I'm thinking you're a fucking lunatic yourself Harley! Please tell me you're not actually going through with this crazy plan?" I lifted my head to glare at him.

"Of course I'm going through with it! I'm sorry if you don't like it Ben, but this is my career and my choice!" We were screaming now. Luckily there seemed to be no one around to hear us. He looked at his shoes and shook his head.

"I can't do this Harleen. I like you, but I can't waste my time in a relationship dedicating my heart to someone who is going to turn up dead one day because she's stubborn, reckless and career driven." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Well nobody asked you to!" I spun around and said over my shoulder, "Lose my number, asshole!" as I stormed away leaving him there with his mouth gaping as he watched me go.

As I turned the corner I almost ran right into Alfred, who was just the man I wanted to see.

"Miss Quinzel, you gave me quite the start. Is everything alright, I thought I heard shouting."

"I'm sorry about that Alfred, my date is being kind of a jerk. I wonder if you could maybe call me a cab?"

"No need miss, Master Bruce has hired transportation for those guests who require it. Follow me." Alfred led me out the front entrance and motioned to the front car in a line of Lincoln Town Cars. Alfred opened the door and helped me inside then said to the driver, "Please take Dr. Quinzel wherever she wishes to go." I could see why Dick was so fond of the elderly butler.

"Thank you Alfred. Please tell Dick I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye."

"Of course miss, good evening."

The chauffeur looked at me in the rear view mirror.

"Where to miss?"

"Arkham Asylum." He looked at me as if he was expecting me to say 'only kidding,' "I'm a doctor there and I need to see one of my patients immediately."

We drove in silence. I was still pretty upset with Ben. He had no right to judge me. I'm a doctor dammit, treating the sick is what I do, no matter who they are. Whatever happened to do no harm? It's a good thing I have a habit of leaving my house prepared and always carry my employee ID and my key card with me wherever I go.

We pulled into the asylum and I asked the driver to wait for me. This wouldn't take long.

I stopped at the security hub and grabbed a security guard and an orderly and had them follow me down to solitary. As my heels clicked down the hallway I heard that familiar voice again.

"Harley, is that really you?" I stopped in front of his cell door. He was already at the window and leering at me.

"Hello Mr. Joker."

"Well look at you! My, my, my but don't you just look good enough to eat? To what do I owe the pleasure Doc?"

I turned to the guard. "Get him out of there and return him to his cell in Intensive Treatment immediately." I then turned to the orderly and handed him three prescriptions. "I want his current medications cancelled and these to take their place starting tomorrow." The Joker started laughing hysterically.

"Does this mean what I think it means Doc?"

The guard opened the cell door and cuffed the Joker and the orderly got on his other side and dragged him out of the cell. I ignored Joker for the moment and turned back to the orderly. "Make sure to update the weekly schedule. As of Monday this patient is to be in my office for therapy at 10 AM sharp on Mondays, Wednesday's and Friday's. Make sure he's given a decent meal tonight and get him showered first thing in the morning. Any questions?" The bewildered orderly simply shook his head and I turned and began heading back down the hallway.

"Doc, wait up a second." I stopped and turned back around with my hands resting on my hips.

"Yes Mr. Joker?"

"Listen, you hear that?" I tilted my head to listen more closely. Faintly you could hear fireworks exploding outside. "It's midnight, Happy New Year Doc!"

"Happy New Year Mr. Joker. Until Monday then." As I turned and strode away I heard the Joker say,

"I'll be there with bells on, Doc!" I heard his laughter fade away behind me as I exited the asylum, got back into the Town Car and went home.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I ignored my phone for the entire weekend. Ben called me six times and I promptly deleted his messages. I didn't have time for his bullshit or his feelings. I had more important things on my mind. Well, it looked like I'd be avoiding the infirmary for a while.

I spent the weekend formulating my treatment plan. The Joker was in for a rude awakening. I don't think he knew what he was going to be in for when he asked me to take his case. It wasn't going to be the usual cake walk he had gotten used to. The doctors who had previously been assigned to his case were so terrified of him they spent their minimum required session time with him and that was about the extent of their treatment plans. I had every intention of doing whatever it took to try and cure the Joker and if I couldn't cure him I at least wanted comprehensive findings I could use to write a book. I was nothing if not ambitious.

For the first month we'd begin with talk therapy three times a week. I planned to spend Saturdays on alternative forms treatment. I'm not just talking electro-shock either, although I fully planned to implement that form of treatment if necessary as well. I was keeping my ideas pretty close to the vest however. I wanted Joker to be as surprised as the rest of the staff, especially if my ideas yielded results.

I did some shopping on the internet that weekend gathering items I thought would help me treat and possibly even bribe Joker with. He was going to be a tough nut to crack and I needed a few aces up my sleeve. I was pretty pleased with myself when I was finished.

Monday morning finally arrived and I was surprised to discover I wasn't nervous or scared knowing that I'd be stuck alone in a room with the Joker for two hours. I was actually pretty jazzed. At ten on the dot, two orderlies brought Joker into my office followed by an armed guard. Joker had a wide grin plastered onto his face and he cheerfully greeted me.

"Good morning Doc! Nice digs, much better than those tiny bland interrogation rooms!" The orderlies brought him over to the couch and cuffed him by both his wrist and ankles to the D-rings welded onto the frame. "I even get a couch? It's been years since I was allowed a couch, what a treat!"

When the orderlies finished and left my office the security guard, Officer Roberts, looked at me.

"If he gives you any trouble, I'll be right outside the door."

I looked up from my notes and leveled my eyes at him coolly before addressing him back.

"No you won't Officer Roberts. Dr. Arkham has assured me that we will have complete privacy during these sessions. You may wait at the end of the hall. I'll activate my panic button if you're needed. Which you won't, isn't that right Mr. Joker?"

His smile was so wide I thought his face would break.

"I promise to be on my very best behavior!" he placed his hand as close to his heart as the chains would allow, "I'm a man of my word!"

"That will be all Officer Roberts, thank you." He looked flabbergasted but he left without another word. I came out from behind my desk and walked over to the chair that was directly across from the therapy couch and took a seat. I busied myself with my notes for a moment. I could feel the Joker's eyes on me, sizing me up. This was the first time he had ever seen me in a clinical setting before. I pushed my glasses up onto the bridge of my nose and raised my eyes to meet his.

"Good morning, Mr. Joker. How are you feeling today?"

"Astonished, frankly. I knew you were good, but I didn't know you were _this_ good!" he motioned a finger around the room, "How did you get Jerry to agree to all this?"

"I simply laid out my requisites for taking on your case. If he wasn't willing to acquiesce I had no intention of taking this on." I smugly looked at him over my glasses, "He caved."

Joker snickered, "Well color me impressed Doc. Sooo, what did you want to talk about today?"

"Well Mr. Joker, seeing that it's our first session I'd like to start with the basics if you don't mind."

"It's your dime toots, fire away!" I shot him a stern glance.

"I would like to establish a ground rule. I am your therapist, Mr. Joker and we need to maintain some professionalism. You may call me Doctor, Doctor Quinzel or Doc if you prefer, but I would appreciate it if you'd drop the pet names or I will call the session early and you can go back to your cell. Understood?"

"Jawohl mein artz!" he said while attempting a salute. I shook my head and looked down at my notes to hide the half smile creeping onto my face.

"So Mr. Joker I'd usually start with your real name, but I know from reviewing your file that's one secret you're never giving up so let's move on. Age?"

"Old enough to see an R rated movie, young enough to murder with a spring in my step!" I continued with my notes for a moment before I regarded him. He had the beginnings of crow's feet at the corner of his eyes and laugh lines around his mouth.

"Approximate age 45-50."

"Oh come on Doc, I'm not _that_ old!" He looked a little annoyed.

"Correction, approximate age 40-45." I noticed his shoulders relax almost imperceptibly. "Gender male, height 6'5", weight 160 pounds, hair green, eyes green. Does that sound accurate to you Mr. Joker?" He was lying on the couch with his hands on his stomach as he stared at the ceiling.

"Boring!" I raised my eyebrows and paused until he looked at me again. "Fine, fine, yes. That sounds about right."

"How about you begin by telling me about a few of the things in your life that bring you pleasure." He raised his head and smiled.

"Now that's more interesting! Sure Doc, let's see. Smiles and laughter, chaos, explosives. Murder and mayhem and black bats with wings, these are a few of my favorite things!" he sang. I smiled but covered my mouth with my hand to hide it. Then I cleared my throat and continued.

"Let's talk about comedy for a bit. You call yourself the Joker, so who are your favorite comedians, who inspires you?" He looked surprised by the question but pleased.

"Well Doc, I like the classics myself. The Marx Brothers, The Three Stooges, Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Abbott and Costello and you can't go wrong with a little George Carlin, of course."

"So you're primarily into slapstick? I suppose that makes sense." I jotted it in down in my notes.

"I guess you're too young to remember the greats. Too bad, you're missing out kiddo." I looked back up and raised my eyebrow again.

"Pet names, Mr. Joker." I tsked, "And I'm very familiar with classic comedy, my father was a fan. One of my favorite movies as a kid was 'Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein'. I'm not _that_ young." Joker snorted.

"You just keep surprising me Doc. Say, you wanna hear a joke?" I looked at him cautiously.

"As long as you're not lewd, go ahead." I prepared myself for something vulgar.

"So a mother says to her son, Patrick 'How was school today?' Patrick says, 'Oh it was great mom! Today we made explosives!' the mother says 'Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you kids these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?' Patrick says 'What school?'." I giggled, I couldn't help myself although I hid my mouth with my hand again. I didn't expect him to actually be funny. The way I understood it his jokes usually ended in bloodshed.

"You were expecting something tasteless, weren't you?" I nodded still holding my hand over my smile "I do those too ya know. Like, where did Billy go after the explosion?" I shook my head, "Everywhere!" He cackled and seemed quite pleased with himself.

"Okay, that one was bad." I was still grinning though. "So let's move along, earlier you mentioned the Batman. Can we talk about him?"

"Sorry Doc, I don't think I know you well enough yet. How about this, you tell me something about you and I'll tell you about Batman, hmmm?"

"Okay, I'll bite. What do you want to know?"

"You mentioned your father earlier, tell me about him." He hit the one subject I was _NOT_ going to get into with him.

"No. Ask me something else." He pursed his lips and studied me for a moment.

"Daddy issues, eh? Fine. Your accent screams New York when you let it slip. Why are you trying to hide it? Ashamed?"

"No not at all, I just sound...well I think I sound like a ditzy blonde when I don't control it, which is something I can't afford in this industry." He seemed to consider that for a moment.

"Hard enough to be taken seriously with the way you look, eh Doc?" He waggled his eyebrows at me.

"Exactly, so the Batman?"

"Ah, the Batman. The yin to my yang, the sun to my moon, the Abbott to my Costello. My arch-enemy and my best friend." I pondered that as I updated my notes.

"I don't think Batman sees it that way."

"Well, he wouldn't, he's my straight man after all. Can't have a good comedy team without a straight man. But he's the best nemesis a clown could have. I create chaos, he restores order. I kill and maim, he's too noble to take me out. It's the perfect partnership!" How can he even vaguely consider Batman his partner?

"I thought Robin was Batman's partner?"

"Gah, Robin, you have no idea how much I hate those kids!" Kids? Plural?

"What do you mean 'those kids'?" He grinned evilly.

"Oh, you didn't know? There's been more than one Boy Blunder. The first one grew up and flew the coop, now he goes by Wingnut or something like that."

"Do you mean Nightwing? _He_ was the first Robin?"

"Nightwing, that's it! Now the second Robin, he was something special. Angry, cocky, reckless and nowhere near as good as his predecessor. I killed him, you know." This was all news to me, but it made sense. Robin had been with Batman for years, of course he would have grown up by now.

"How did you kill him?" He cocked his head to the side as if lost in thought.

"First, I beat him to within an inch of his life with a crowbar," he said pleasantly "and then I blew _him_ and his _mother_ to kingdom come! Hahahaha! Ah memories." I jotted down some theories in my notebook as he continued. "And now there's a new Birdboy and I'm just itching to send him home to Batsy in a body bag!" He chuckled and looked like the cat that ate the canary, or Robin as the case may be.

"Wait a minute, going back to what you said about Batman being your perfect partner. I'm confused, haven't you tried multiple times to murder Batman? How can you consider him a partner yet consistently make up elaborate schemes to kill him?"

"I always give him a fighting chance! And he never lets me down. He and I, we'll keep our routine up until one of us finally goes to that big comedy club in the sky." I glanced at the clock, our time was almost up.

"Well Mr. Joker, our session is nearly over. Was there anything specific you wanted to talk about before we wrap up?"

He considered it for a few seconds and retorted, "Yes actually. I want to know about the _foxes_ that are prowling around _my_ henhouse." I gave him a confused look.

"I don't know what you're referring to Mr. Joker."

"Oh yes you do!" he growled. He was beginning to get agitated. "That doctor from the infirmary and that rich pretty boy! What are they to you?" My eyes shot wide open in shock.

"How do you know about them and why do you even care?" Oh my God the creepy camera guy! He's working for the Joker.

"Good news travels fast in this place. You are _my_ doctor and I don't like other people touching _my_ things! The doctor, Stone, what is he to you?" He was snarling and pulling against his chains. It amazed me how his moods could change so drastically so quickly. I was not about to get into this conversation. I stood, walked to the door and gestured to the guard.

"Mr. Joker, seeing as you're getting worked up I think we'll just end our session here. I'll see you again on Wednesday."

The security guard and orderlies removed the Joker from my office as quickly as possible. I think they felt the tension in the room. At least now I knew why I had been feeling like I was being watched lately, I actually _was_ being watched! What was that outburst all about? Did he actually refer to me like I was his possession? I'd have to think about it later, I had a session with Jervis Tetch within the hour and I still had to type up my session notes.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

My session with Jervis Tetch went fairly smoothly. He was a very strange little man. He was extraordinarily short with a scraggly mop of hair that was either dirty blonde or light brown, it was hard to tell. He had a severe overbite and large square teeth that reminded me of Chiclets gum and there was a sizable gap between the front two teeth. He had a penchant for hallucinogenic drugs, pedophilia, tea, hats, mind control and Lewis Carroll. Not necessarily in that order. It was a surreal combination. Speaking with him was difficult as you had to interpret what he meant by each Alice in Wonderland reference since they were obviously being used out of context. I felt Tetch may suffer from a rare delusional disorder, which fell under the broader category of psychotic disorders. He seemed reluctant to accept treatment which was going to make it all the harder to treat him. Like many with a delusional disorder he still retained many areas of fairly normal functioning and I was optimistic that once a firm, supportive therapeutic relationship had been established between us that I'd be able to make some progress with him. I prescribed a medium dose of Asenapine to help with the delusions.

Tuesday I had my first session with Pamela Isley. I have to admit I found her absolutely fascinating. The first thing anyone would notice about her is her inherent beauty. She had a thick mane of flaming red hair and upturned eyes of emerald green. Her skin was an unusual celadon green color and she actually had winding vines and tiny leaves imbedded into her skin. She was dressed in the standard orange Arkham inmate uniform but her pants were rolled down low which showed off her tiny waist and curvy hips and her shirt was only buttoned enough to keep her ample bosom covered. She was the only inmate in intensive treatment that had a special containment unit. The other SCU's were on the sub-basement level. She needed sunlight in order to survive so it was imperative that her cell had a window. Her cell had specialized filters that both prevented her from releasing her unique mind-controlling pheromones into the ward and also pumped in a very mild defoliant that prevented her from growing anything. Due to this we were forced to have sessions from opposite sides of her cell wall right in the I.T. ward. I didn't like it, it felt like her privacy was being invaded. I made do as best as I could by having a portable partition brought in so we at least had some semblance of privacy.

She wasn't very friendly. She made it pretty clear she thought I was just another "meatbag" who contributed to the destruction of the "green" and didn't want to speak with me. I knew from reading her file that her professor, Dr. Jason Woodrue, had seduced her and then injected her with a deadly plant-based toxin that nearly killed her. The toxin changed Pamela's body chemistry transforming her into the human-plant hybrid she was today. The toxin also resulted in her current state of madness. Due to this she hated humans, particularly men. She apparently saw herself as a plant equivalent of "Mother Nature" and felt that all plants were her children. She was now an eco-terrorist who was out to save the plant world in any way possible. I tried appealing to that side of her nature, asking questions about her "babies" and was surprised when she finally started answering some of my questions. It was short lived however, and she clammed up just as I thought I was establishing some kind or rapport. Jeesh, I thought the Joker was going to be my toughest case, but Pam made me think I might be wrong.

Wednesday was a miserable day. It was dark, dreary and pouring buckets of rain outside. Joker was brought into my office at ten and I could tell almost immediately that something was off. The orderlies quickly restrained him and left. He was squinting and there were dark circles under his eyes. Although it was barely noticeable I saw that his hands were shaking slightly. Joker was like a cat in a way, he knew showing any weakness, illness or injury was dangerous so he had learned to hide it very well. He was noticeably irritable and I was immediately concerned. I left my notebook on my desk, pulled a penlight out of my pocket and approached my patient.

"You're not looking well Mr. Joker, I'm going to need to examine you." I walked over to the couch and broke the cardinal rule; _do not cross the yellow line_. I didn't care, I thought it was a stupid rule anyway. I softened my voice and said quietly, "Lean your head back, please." He said nothing but complied. I shined the light into Joker's left eye and then the right and he recoiled and squeezed his eyes shut. His eyes were very bloodshot and one pupil was dilated more than the other.

"Jesus Doc! Enough with the light already!" he barked.

"I'm sorry Mr. Joker. Do you have a headache?" I placed my cool hand on his brow to check his body temperature. He was very warm, maybe not quite feverish, but his temperature was definitely elevated. He relaxed slightly at my touch.

"Yeah Doc I do, and it's a killer." He attempted to laugh at his pun, then winced and remained silent. I walked over to my desk and flipped on the switch to my tiny lamp, then crossed the room and turned off the overhead fluorescents.

"Does that help?" I walked back over to him and kneeled down next to the couch. His eyes opened cautiously.

"I suppose that's better." He grumbled.

I took his wrist in my hand, turned it over and checked his pulse. It was also slightly elevated. I then placed his fingers in my open palm to judge the extent of the tremors in his hands. They were moderate, but still caused me some concern. I had changed his medications this week and he was obviously suffering side effects from the Paliperidone. I dropped his hand and looked back up at his face to meet his half closed eyes.

"You are either very brave or very stupid to step into the lion's den like this. Aren't you afraid of getting eaten?" I giggled and covered my mouth with my hand.

"Mr. Joker, I'm not sure if you're threatening me or flirting with me." He considered it before responding.

"Ya know, neither do I?" He started to laugh and abruptly stopped. "Don't make me laugh Doc, it hurts."

"I know, I'm sorry. I know from your file you have a high tolerance for pain, but you're having a migraine. I'll lower your dosage of the new anti-psychotic until you get used to it. Have you eaten or slept?"

"No. Couldn't." he said simply then leaned his head back and closed his eyes again.

"I need to use my penlight again so keep your eyes closed and open your mouth for me please?" He must have been feeling terrible because he complied without any argument. I looked into his mouth and saw his tongue was slightly swollen and had a thin white film, also a side effect of his medication. He wasn't producing as much saliva as he should have been and I thought he was slightly dehydrated. I clicked off the penlight. "Mr. Joker are you nauseous?" He gave me an aggravated look.

"Can you drop the Mr. Joker crap already? It's annoying!"

"I apologize. What would you prefer I call you?"

"My friends call me J."

"Well I am your doctor not your friend, so how about I call you Mr. J instead? Does that work for you?" He cracked a smile for the first time all session.

"Mr. J, I like it. Okay Doc, Mr. J it is!" I kept my voice as soft and quiet as possible to prevent exacerbating his migraine.

"You didn't answer my question Mr. J, are you nauseous?"

"A little." He grunted.

"Do you think you can try drinking a little water for me?" I stood and walked over to my desk. I bent down, unzipped my attaché case and pulled out a bottle of water, removed the lid and walked back over to my patient. He was watching me very closely.

"You're not afraid of me are you?" I handed him the water bottle.

"Actually I am, maybe not as terrified as everyone else but I accepted this case. No one forced me into it. You're my patient and my responsibility. I do what I need to do to get the job done. Now can you try drinking please? You need hydration." He took a small sip of the cold water. He looked exhausted. "Mr. J you look very tired, would you like me to call the session early today?"

"No. It's just low blood sugar, my true arch-enemy." I giggled and once more covered it with my hand.

"Why do you do that?" I gave him a puzzled look.

"Why do I do what?"

"You cover up your laugh and your smile. It's kinda infuriating to a guy like me. Why do you do it?"

I pulled my desk chair next to the couch, the other chair in the room, much like the couch, was bolted to the floor.

"My mother always told me that no one takes a girl who giggles seriously, so I guess it started there but when I went away to college I kinda loosened up a bit and stopped doing for a while." He raised an eyebrow waiting for me to continue. "Then one day in class I was quietly talking to a friend and I accidentally laughed out loud just as my professor had stopped talking. He kinda freaked out on me, accused me of not paying attention and embarrassed me in front of the entire class. Then he made me stay after and told me the same thing my mother always had, no one takes a giggler seriously. So the habit kind of stuck."

"Well that's one of the most terrible pieces of advice I've ever heard! You have a beautiful smile and a tinkling laugh. It makes a guy like me happy to see it. It's a crime to cover it up." I felt my cheeks flush and was glad for the darkness of the room.

"Well thank you for saying so Mr. J." I stood back up and went over to my desk. I kept some snacks and Excedrin in my drawer. I pulled out the bottle and shook two pills into my hand and grabbed a packet of peanut butter filled crackers then sat back down. I held out the tablets. "Here, for your headache." He accepted the proffered medication and swallowed it with a sip of water. I handed him the crackers. "When your nausea subsides you need to eat something."

"Thanks, Doc. I gotta be honest, I don't really feel up to talking today but I don't want to go back to my cell yet either. It's too bright in there. How about you tell me a story until this headache goes away?" I felt guilty, I was the one who prescribed the medication after all and I was obviously heavy handed with it. He was known to have a high tolerance to medication and I overestimated what he could handle.

"What kind of story do you want to hear, Mr. J?" He leaned back against the couch, closed his eyes and relaxed.

"Hmmmm, tell me about the worst thing you've ever done."

Wow, that was a big one. I had never told anyone this story before. What the hell, who was he going to tell and if he did who would believe him?

"Um, okay. Well this happened back in my university days. The head of the Psychology department at Gotham University, Dr. Markus, had been giving me a hard time about my final thesis. He said I showed a lot of initiative but I needed something "big" to impress him enough to pass me with honors. He hinted around that if I slept with him I was home free, but there was no freaking way I was screwing that fat mook! I had a boyfriend at the time, his name was Guy Kopski and he would have done anything for me. He was absolutely obsessed with Chaos theory. In a way, you kind of remind me of him a little bit." Joker opened his eyes and rolled his head towards me.

"Should I be flattered?"

"I think so. He was a great guy. That's what makes what I did so much worse." He smiled widely.

"Well this doesn't sound boring! Carry on Doc!" He closed his eyes again.

"Dr. Markus, in lieu of me sleeping with him, said if I presented a really good experiment I could still graduate with honors. So that's exactly what I planned to do. My theory was that there were only two circumstances in which a person would disregard the rules of society. Those instances were when someone commits a crime or when they're in love.

"I thought it was going to be a well-controlled experiment, but I should have known better. Guy studied chaos; I shoulda paid more attention. When Guy got back to the apartment that day I told him I had done something terrible. I told him I was having trouble with my grades and met Dr. Markus in the gym to blackmail him. I told Guy I was going to accuse Markus of raping me, but that Markus laughed at me and pulled out a tape recorder in one hand and a gun in the other. I said that Markus threatened to call the cops and that I suddenly saw my whole life falling apart in front of my eyes.

"I told Guy that I tried to get the tape away from Markus, but in the scuffle the gun somehow went off. I said in my panic I had stolen a car and had to run from the cops because they were chasing me but that I thought I had lost them. I had a real gun and at that moment I pulled it out and showed it to him. I asked if he would stand by me as I cried crocodile tears into my hands and when I looked up both he and the gun were gone." Joker looked surprised.

"So your experiment cost you your lover?"

"Yeah but not in the way you think, it gets worse. I knew where Guy had to have gone, so I ran to the gym to tell him it was just an experiment, a prank, a lark. When I found him he looked panic stricken so I immediately leveled with him that I didn't shoot Markus and that this whole thing was a stupid experiment.

"Then Guy told me a story of his own. He had gotten to the gym and thought he saw Markus in the shadows, still alive….so he shot him. Except it wasn't actually Markus, it was some homeless guy. The body was lying there and blood was pooling beneath it. Guy said he wanted to save me from the man who was going to ruin my life because he loved me, but he ended up killing an innocent man instead. He was beside himself. He knew he'd go to jail; knew he couldn't live with himself. He put the gun under his chin but he couldn't pull the trigger. He begged me, begged me to help him pull the trigger. He pleaded with me and said that if I really loved him, I would do it."

Joker was sitting up at full attention now.

"And I did, God help me, I did it. I pulled the trigger and watched Guy's brains paint the walls. I did it because I loved him and I have never told another living soul. The cops ruled it a murder-suicide." I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I sniffled and wiped my nose with the back of my hand. Joker started laughing hysterically.

"Well, I certainly didn't expect a story like that! Oh, you are indeed something special!"

At that moment there was a loud knock on the door.

"Dr. Quinzel, is everything alright in there?" I looked at the clock, we were a half hour over our time limit.

"Yes everything is fine, we're just wrapping up! Just give me a minute please." I moved my chair back behind my desk, wiped my eyes. I looked at the Joker.

"I expect that story to remain between us." He flashed that predatory smile.

"My lips are sealed, Doc."

I walked over to the door, opened it and allowed the orderlies to unshackle the Joker. As they lead him out of my office he turned his head and winked at me. Ben was right, I had to be completely out of my mind.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

I was sitting in the bathtub having my own little pity party. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I tell the Joker that story? I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that story! What made me think for one second that the clown would keep a confidence? I was only two sessions deep and already I had made some stupid calls. I kept telling myself it was because I knew that without a little give and take I wasn't going to be able to get anywhere with him but come on, Harl! You told him you helped your boyfriend commit assisted suicide. Which happened to be highly illegal in New Jersey. I could lose my medical license, worse yet I could be incarcerated for the rest of my life. Stupid, stupid Harley! You just gave him something huge to hang over your head, what if he uses it to threaten you with, he'd been known to do that with other doctors in the past. I felt sick.

Being that there was nothing I could really do about it at that point I decided to move my mental train of thought down the track to something else. Isley. I had an idea that might get her to loosen up a little, but it would require a trip to the Garden Supply Center in the morning. I got out of the bath, pulled on my bathrobe and walked into my bedroom. I rummaged in my drawers until I found a comfy set of cotton My Little Pony pajamas in a pale pink. Rainbow Dash was smiling on the front of the shirt and it made me giggle. I guess a part of me will never grow up.

I went to the kitchen and poured myself some coffee. I sat down on my couch and picked up the copy of Alice in Wonderland I borrowed from the library earlier that day. If I was going to make any sense out of Tetch I needed to brush up on my Lewis Carroll. I got a few chapters in before my mind drifted off. I kept thinking about the Joker. It was so strange seeing him in a weakened state like that. I knew I should have just shipped him down to Ben in the infirmary but I wanted to take care of him. Why was that? True he was charming and funny but he was also a psychopathic mass murderer and dangerous. And powerful. I couldn't deny that. The other inmates were as afraid of him as the staff was. That was a heady combination. He was so complex, I had barely begun to scratch the surface and I was dying to know more. I tried to put him out of my head and focused on my book. At some point I dozed off because I woke up the next morning on the couch with the book lying on my belly.

I got ready for work then headed over to the Gotham Lawn and Garden supply store. I walked to the back of the store and went into the greenhouse. I grabbed a cart and walked the aisles marveling at all the different flowers and plants. I filled the cart with easy to care for plants, I didn't exactly have a green thumb, then purchased a watering can and some plant food. I didn't know how expensive this kind of stuff was and realized I would be eating ramen again for the next few weeks since rent was due. I loaded my purchases into the trunk, except for a fichus tree that I had to stick on the floor of my backseat.

When I got to the asylum I grabbed a couple of orderlies to help me schlep all the greenery into my office. Now you're probably going to laugh, but I spent the next several hours talking to the plants. Yep you heard me, I talked to the plants. I told them all about myself, I talked to them about how much I admired Pam for her crusade to protect plant life, I told them some jokes, and I read them Alice in Wonderland. (May as well kill two birds with one stone) I watered them and fed them and even played them classical music. My office looked like a jungle. I had to giggle to think what anyone would say if they walked in and saw me just then, having a philosophical discussion with a barrel cactus. Again I will stress, my methods were unconventional. I did actually get interrupted, but lucky for me whoever it was had enough courtesy to knock. I opened the door to see Ben standing there.

"Whaddya want?" I said with my nose slightly upturned.

I was still pissed at him, and I still had a bruise from where he dug his thumb into my arm on New Year's Eve. He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and wouldn't meet my gaze.

"I wanted to let you know we'll be removing your patient's cast today." I was shocked, he had only been brought in at the beginning of December.

"Isn't it too soon, it's only been a month?"

"He heals fast. I mean he's not a meta-human or anything but it looks like his accident gave him some kind of accelerated healing." He finally looked up and met my eyes. "I also wanted to tell you, I'm sorry. I tried calling." I really didn't care if he was sorry. Any affection I felt for him went out the window the night of the gala.

"Okay, you're sorry, great. That fixes everything. So, you've apologized, you can go now. I have things to do." I went to close my door but he placed his palm on it before it could shut.

"Harley, please don't be like this. I was a jerk, I know. I had no right to try and tell you what to do but I still have feelings for you and I was hoping you'd give me a second chance." I put my hands on my hips and looked him directly in the eye.

"Look Ben, I just have to be honest. I'm working on the biggest case anyone could hope to land and I really don't need any distractions. You can be a nice guy, when you're not being overbearing and judgmental, but I just don't have time for a relationship and quite frankly I just don't feel the same way about you as you do about me. Now if you'll excuse me I have work to do." I slammed my door right is his face. Damn, that felt good! I turned to the plants.

"Make sure you tell Pammy about that."

I worked with the plants for most of the day but decided I should go to the infirmary with my patient when he went to have his cast removed. After the exchange this morning I wasn't confident Ben wouldn't try to man-handle my patient out of jealousy. I walked down to I.T. and headed down the hallway to the Joker's cell. He had the top of his jumpsuit rolled down around his waist and was doing one handed push-ups with his good arm. I had never seen him like this before. He was skinny, sure but he was also very muscular, which was something you couldn't tell though the baggy Arkham jumpsuits. His arms weren't huge but you could clearly see the definition as he raised and lowered himself. His back and shoulders were covered in scars, some old and faded, others newer and slightly pink in color. There was sweat dripping from his forehead. He must have noticed I was there because he stopped his exercise and stood to face me. His sweaty chest was firm and hairless and I noticed his nipples were the same white as the rest of him. His abs were unreal, he had a well-defined six pack and those sexy creases that ran towards his pelvis. His jumpsuit was hanging off of his slim hips and I noticed he had a tiny little happy trail of green hair that ran down towards his crotch. I don't know why I didn't already assume that the hair on his body was just as green as the hair on his head. I realized my mouth was hanging open and closed it quickly. He smiled as he ran his fingers through his damp hair which just accentuated his musculature even more.

"What's up, Doc?" I must have had a little color in my cheeks because he was leering at me again in that almost predatory kind of way.

"I-I'm sorry to interrupt you Mr. J." I stammered. I looked down at the ground, it was all I could do to keep myself from ogling him. "I just came to take you down to the infirmary. Your cast is coming off today."

"Oh joy! I guess we get to see your little boyfriend then, hmmm?" I stepped closer to the glass and lowered my voice to a whisper.

"He's not my boyfriend! He's actually a big, fat jerk! I haven't even been on a real date in three years!" Why did I just say that? My love life was none of his business.

"Harleen!" Sneered a familiar voice. I turned around to see Jonathan Crane looking both annoyed and concerned.

"Yes, Dr. Crane?" He pointed at the Joker.

"You need to stay away from that clown! He's dangerous and he will be your downfall!" Joker screwed up his face and shouted.

"Shut it Crane before I shut it for you! Harley is _my_ doctor, not yours!" Jonathan's blue eyes met mine.

"Oh dear child, drop this case and run! Run as fast as you can. He'll twist you, he'll destroy you! Get as far away from him as possible!" I knew Joker and Jonathan had a bit of a rivalry going, although Joker had a rivalry with pretty much all of the rogues.

"Dr. Crane, while I appreciate your concern I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself, thanks. I'm not dropping this case." He had a rueful expression.

"Then I fear dear child that you'll be joining us soon. Think on it and take my advice or you will rue the day you met him!" Joker was fuming.

"When I get out of this cell I'm going to cut that wagging tongue out of your head Crane!" I had to diffuse the situation somehow.

"Mr. J leave it alone, I have no intention of dropping your case. Dr. Crane was a mentor of mine in college, I don't blame him for his concern and neither should you. Now can you please calm down for my sake? The orderlies will be here in a moment and if you're in a tizz we're going to have to wait until tomorrow to remove the cast." The Joker looked at me and gave me a dazzling smile.

"Of course, Doc. Anything for my favorite girl!" I blushed. Damn I needed to get a grip on that. He just made me feel like a schoolgirl sometimes. The orderlies arrived and helped me escort the Joker to the infirmary.

Ben was there when we arrived. I wouldn't even meet his eyes and I guess he got the message because he didn't address me. He looked awfully sulky though. The orderlies cuffed Joker by one arm and both ankles while Ben gathered up the cast saw and began the procedure. I casually flipped through an old issue of Cosmo that was sitting on a side table as Ben worked. Joker looked at him smugly.

"So Doc Stone, you look a little down. Girl problems?" Wisely Ben kept his big mouth shut. "I heard you took our dear little Harley to a ball, but much like Cinderella she ran out on you at midnight." I looked up from my reading.

"Mr. J, that's enough!" He smirked at Ben.

"Oh I don't think it is. I noticed a bruise on her arm Doc, a bruise that was the exact same size as your fat little sausages, Stone." Ben had just finished sawing the cast and set the saw down on a tray as he peeled off the fiberglass. He wouldn't meet the Jokers gaze. He was just trying to get done as quickly as possible. "Can I just tell you how much I hate people touching my stuff?" Joker's arm was now free of the cast and quick as lightening he grabbed the cast saw, flicked the switch and shoved it into Ben's throat. "Never rub another man's rhubarb, Doc!"

Blood sprayed out all over the Joker and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I didn't need to activate my panic button, three orderlies burst through the door immediately. Joker was howling and cackling, blood dripping down his face. He looked at me.

"Sorry Doc, I just don't like to share! Hahahahaha!" I just stood there unable to move as security ran into the room and subdued the Joker. They weren't gentle and I didn't stop them. Ben may have been a jerk but I didn't want him dead. Security dragged Joker out of the infirmary, presumably to put him back in solitary confinement as the orderlies tried in vain to save Ben's life, but it was no use. Joker went for the Jugular and Ben bled out before anything could be done. I leaned against the nearest wall and slid down to the floor as I sobbed.

Joan and Dr. Arkham burst into the room and saw me there. Joan knelt down next to me.

"Harley, what the hell happened?" I looked up at her dazedly through my tears.

"Joker. Ben was careless, left the cast saw within Joker's reach. He grabbed it, and, and….." I started sobbing again. Joan wrapped her arms around me.

"It's okay Harleen, you're safe now." Arkham walked over and looked down at me sternly.

"Why did he do it? What did he say before he killed Dr. Stone?" I looked up at him. I don't know why I did it, but I lied.

"Nothing. They didn't say anything. I was flipping through a magazine waiting for Ben to finish up with my patient, then I heard the saw turn on and heard Ben yelp. Then Joker started to laugh. I guess he thought it was a good gag." Arkham shook his head.

"Very well. It's not the first time Joker killed someone unprovoked. Dr. Quinzel, take the rest of the day off, you don't need to be seeing patients in your state." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Yes Dr. Arkham."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Since Joker was in solitary I didn't have any sessions on Friday but I did stop by the asylum to drop off my weekly findings to Dr. Arkham. While I was there I stopped in and spent some more time with the plants in my office. I made sure they were watered, opened the blinds and left the radio on to keep them company. I decided to take the barrel cactus home with me. If Pam really could talk to plants I thought a look into my personal life might help her grow to like me enough to at least participate during our sessions. I didn't go to see the Joker, he deserved his time in solitary.

I named the cactus Bernie and I felt we bonded over ice cream and rom coms over the weekend. On Monday I made some progress with Jervis, not a ton of progress mind you. It was going to be baby steps with him. He did seem slightly more lucid and he didn't quote Carroll quite as much as the previous week. Tuesday I brought Bernie back into the office with me and we did a little car pool karaoke on our way in. Well Bernie not so much, but I was rockin' out to some Anna Nalick. When I got into the asylum I hunted down a gurney that wasn't in use and loaded the plants onto it. Once I was scanned by the metal detectors I brought my bounty over to Pam's cell and started to unload. She was staring at me like I was completely bonkers, but I ignored her as I placed the orchid, rose bush, fern, fichus tree and cactus on the floor outside of her cell.

"What the hell are you doing?" She questioned as I futzed around with the arrangement. I slowly looked up at her.

"Well Pamela, I know you don't want to talk to me but you need to talk to someone so I brought you some friends. I'm sorry you can't have them in your cell what with the defoliant and all. I've been caring for them for a little while." I picked up the barrel cactus. "I named this one Bernie, he came home with me over the weekend. I think he enjoyed it, he looks a little greener than he did when I found him at the garden center." She was giving me a mistrustful look.

"Why would you do this?"

"I know I'm just your doctor and I know you don't trust me as far as you can throw me. I also know you don't believe that I actually care about my patients, but I do. It's also pretty clear to me that you've been depressed lately and I thought maybe some company would cheer you up. Since you don't seem all that interested in _my_ company, I brought you some friends. I know what it feels like to be all alone." I looked into those glittering green eyes of hers and gave her as dazzling a smile as I could muster. "I'll make sure they're cared for, just let me know if I'm doing something wrong. I talked to them and played them some music, I hope they liked it. You'll have to let me know, okay?" I leaned down and addressed the cactus. "Later Bernie, take good care of Pam, okay?"

Pam watched me walk away with her mouth agape and it took everything in me not to break out in a triumphant smile until I was out of the ward. I did kind of do a little happy dance once I was well clear of Intensive Treatment. I didn't have any sessions today since I decided not to push Pam too far too quickly. I'd give her some time to speak with the plants and see if I could get her to loosen up. That left me feeling pretty idle. Joker wouldn't be released from solitary until tomorrow and I wasn't doing him any favors by getting him out early. I did, however, decide to pay him a little visit.

I walked past security and headed down to the very last solitary cell. They liked to keep Joker as far away from any exits, and employees, as possible. I was actually wearing flats for a change so the clicking of my heels didn't alert him to my presence as usual. As I drew near I could hear him quietly singing to himself. I stopped to listen.

"You turn to the right, you find a little bright light, that leads you to my blue heaven. You find a cozy place, fireplace, cozy room. A little nest that nestles where, the roses bloom." He actually had a pleasant and melodic singing voice. I was surprised. He stopped singing abruptly, "Ya know Doc it's not polite to eavesdrop on a fella." I moved to stand in front of his cell door. He was sitting on the floor again. He was bruised all over, particularly around his ribs, security did a number on him this time.

"I apologize Mr. J, I didn't want to interrupt you. I didn't know you could sing, it was lovely." He looked at me but didn't get up. "You look like hell." He grinned and finally rose. He was obviously sore from the beating.

"Don't worry doll, it's nothing compared to the beatings Batsy gives me. Not quite as enjoyable either."

"You know Mr. J, you really threw a big fat monkey wrench in my plans. You had been so cooperative lately I had actually planned a little treat for you over the weekend. As it is now, Dr. Arkham is considering pulling me from your case. So, I hope your little tantrum was worth it." He smiled widely.

"Oh my dear Harley, it was _totally_ worth it. Can't allow anyone to manhandle _my_ doctor after all."

"Well one more outburst like this and I won't _be_ your doctor anymore. Capisce?" He placed his left hand on his heart and held up the other in a Boy Scout salute.

"I promise to be on my very best behavior from now on. Scout's honor." I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I really hope so Mr. J. You'll be brought back to your cell tomorrow. We'll resume sessions at ten." I turned to walk away.

"Doc, wait a second." I turned back to look at him. "So out of curiosity, what kind of treat are we talking about?"

"When you prove you can actually behave yourself you'll find out. As of right now we'll be doing something that I don't think you're going to like very much this weekend." I turned and strode back down the hall. "Keep your nose clean Mr. J. I'll see you tomorrow."

Since I had nothing else to really do, I left early and went to the gym for a well-deserved workout. While I was there I thought about Dick and the fact that he hadn't called me since he moved to Bludhaven. I'm sure he was just busy what with the moving, unpacking and starting the police academy, but I'd be lying if I said my feelings weren't a little bit hurt. By the time I left the gym my arms were killing me and dusk had fallen. I stopped at Happy Dragon on my way home and spent my last ten dollars in cash on some take-out.

By the time I got back to my apartment it was completely dark out. It was one of the things I hated about winter. It got dark so damn early. I flicked on the TV and grabbed a grape soda from the fridge then settled down to eat my Chinese food when I heard a scraping noise from my fire escape. I placed the carton on my coffee table and slowly got up to grab the Taser Dick had given me from my bag. I quietly slunk along the wall to the window, grabbed the corner of the curtain and quickly pulled it open to see a dark figure perched on the fire escape railing. I screamed and ran for the phone to dial 911 but before I could get to there I heard the window open. I turned to see a guy in blue and black spandex with a mask on his face sitting in the window frame.

"Dr. Quinzel! I didn't mean to startle you." I suddenly realized I recognized this guy.

"Nightwing? Jesus H. Munchkin! You just scared the crap outta me! What the heck are you doing here?" His voice was deep and gravelly but I gotta say he filled out that spandex nicely.

"Batman asked me to swing by and check on you. We know you're treating the Joker and that causes us some concern for your safety." My heart was still pounding like a jackhammer.

"Can't you costumed vigilante types just knock on the door like normal people? You almost gave me a heart attack!" He smiled and for some reason it seemed vaguely familiar.

"I apologize Dr. Quinzel. We heard about Dr. Stone, how are you holding up?"

"I'm fine. I was never in any danger, I just happened to be in the room when it happened." Nightwing was still sitting in the window with his legs dangling into my living room. "You gonna perch there all night or did you wanna come in?"

"I'm fine here actually, I won't take up much more of your time. I just have a few questions if that's ok." I rolled my eyes.

"If you just wanted to ask me some questions you could have used the phone like a normal person, ya know." He flashed me that smile again.

"Sorry, not my style. Dr. Quinzel did Joker say anything before the attack on Dr. Stone." I wanted to tell him yes but I told Arkham it was an unprovoked attack. If my stories didn't match that would be awfully suspicious.

"No. Ben was simply careless. He left the cast saw within Joker's reach and Joker seized the opportunity to create some chaos. It's certainly not the first time." Nightwing cocked his head slightly then frowned.

"Are you sure?" I huffed.

"Are you accusin' me of lyin'?" My accent was out full force. I tend to drop the professional doctor façade when I'm in the comfort of my own home. Nightwing kind of gave me a once over before answering.

"No Dr. Quinzel. Is there anything else you can tell me that might be useful?" Joker was already locked up, what did he mean anything else useful?

"I hate to break it to you but I'm bound by the laws of doctor patient confidentiality. There is nothing else about my patient that I can divulge." He looked disappointed.

"Well thank you for your candor, Doctor. Have you considered dropping this case?"

"Considered it, yes. Doing it, nuh-uh. This is the kind of case people like me dream about. I have too much at stake. Why does it matter to you anyway?" He began to withdraw from the window back onto the fire escape.

"It's just what we costumed vigilante types do, Dr. Quinzel. Thanks for your time." He ducked his head out of my window and I ran over and stuck my head out just as he was about to swing away.

"Wait a second." I had a nice full view of Nightwing ass as I popped my head out of the window. "Woah, can that butt look any better in those tights?" He slowly turned and looked at me with a bemused look on his face.

"What is it with chicks and my butt? I don't get what all the fuss is about."

"Well you're not the one looking at it Birdboy. Before you swing into the night, should I be expecting more visits like this, because I can like install a bell or something?" He chuckled and it was so familiar but I just couldn't place it.

"No promises, but I'll knock next time, ok?" I stared at his face for a second trying to figure out why it felt like I knew him.

"Nightwing, have we met before? It's just that you seem so damn familiar."

"Nope, I guess I just have that kind of face." Then he swung away like Tarzan into the urban jungle that is Gotham.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I got to the asylum early on Wednesday so I decided to go down to I.T. and check on Pam and her plants. As I entered the ward I immediately noticed the change in her demeanor. She was sitting on the floor next to the glass front of her cell cooing and talking with the plants I had brought her. She didn't even register that I was watching her. I cleared my throat to get her attention as I didn't want to startle her. She glanced up at me and actually smiled.

"Dr. Quinzel! It's good to see you again. My babies asked me to thank you for the music, they really enjoyed it. _I_ would like to thank you too. Ya know, for a "meatbag" I guess you aren't so bad." I giggled and a smile spread out over my face as I gazed down at her.

"Pamela, I'm just very happy to see you happy. Maybe we can talk some more when we meet on Thursday?"

"I would like that." It was more than I could have hoped for. I didn't want to push my luck so I started walking down the hall to collect the Joker. "Dr. Quinzel?" I turned back around to look at Pam. "Bernie told me he really liked it at your house. He likes to hear you sing. He wondered if he could come home with you."

"Of course Pam. Only if you're sure you don't need him."

"Now that I have these," she motioned at the other plants, "I can talk to him anytime I want to. And it would make him happy." I picked Bernie up off the floor.

"I would be honored to give Bernie a home. Thank you Pam. We'll talk tomorrow."

I walked down to the Joker's cell. Thankfully he was fully dressed today. I was having another bout of sexual frustration after the Nightwing butt incident and I don't think I could have handled any more visual stimulation. He was lying on his cot with his hands behind his head. His left leg was bent, the right one was lazily swinging back and forth off the side of the cot. He turned his head towards me quickly and caught me staring again. Shit! Stupid, stupid hormones!

"Good morning Mr. J."

"Morning Doc." He glanced at the cactus. "You're looking a little prickly today." He chuckled at his own pun, I simply rolled my eyes.

"Ready for our session?" He smirked at me then looked at the empty spot on his wrist where a watch would have been had he been wearing one.

"Is it ten 'o'clock already?"

"No, I'm a little early today. The orderlies will be along shortly." Just then I spotted Charlie and Daniel coming down the hallway. Daniel was carrying a straightjacket. "Woah, wait a minute fellas. Who authorized this?" They looked at me like I had just spontaneously sprouted horns or something.

"This is standard procedure when an inmate attacks an employee. No one authorized it!" sputtered Charlie. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"The Joker is my patient and unless I authorize something it doesn't happen, got it?" They didn't look happy with me but they both nodded. "Now what I am authorizing for this session is longer chains for the handcuffs. Do we have those?"

"You want to give him more freedom, are you crazy?" I had been asked that so often lately.

"Look, not that it's any of your business but I need my patient to be able to gesture. He talks with his hands a lot and I need to be able to analyze his body language." Joker was grinning wildly watching this all unfold. The orderlies just stood there dumbfounded. "Well? Chop, chop fellas. I have a schedule to keep." They scurried away to find what I had asked for as I turned back to my patient. He really did have an unusual face, I found it interesting to look at, pleasing even. He was staring at me and his eyes were really intense today. I bit my lip as I involuntarily clenched my thighs together. I hoped Joker didn't pick up on that. I really needed to buy some damn batteries.

"So Doc, what's with the cactus?" He leaned down and whispered. "If you really need a prick that badly, I'd be happy to oblige."

Shit, he noticed. It was hard to get anything by the Joker. I must have turned twenty different shades of red.

"Mr. J, that's highly inappropriate!"

I think I figured out why he did this to me. He knew it flustered me and threw me off my game. He was about to open his mouth to respond when the orderlies came back. Saved by the freaking bell!

We entered my office and the orderlies used the new, longer chains on Joker's wrists. They went to shackle his ankles but I stopped them. Again they looked at me like I was nuts but I didn't care. If my treatment of the Joker was going to succeed I needed him to feel comfortable. Plus, I really didn't think he'd hurt me, don't ask me why. I placed Bernie on my desk as the orderlies left and closed the door behind them. My face still felt hot. I sat in the therapy chair today since with his extended mobility, I didn't want to get too close. I started talking before he could taunt me about his comment earlier.

"So Mr. J, I want to talk a little bit about your career so far." He raised his eyebrows at me. "So shortly after your accident at Ace Chemicals, when you first showed up as the Joker, your crimes were completely different than they are today. Your M.O. at the time seemed to consist of thefts and robberies and building elaborate death traps for the Batman. You seemed to be more of a happy clown with zany gags than the mass murderer you have evolved into. Can you comment on that?" He shifted his body so that he was sitting up with his feet on the floor. A position he wouldn't have been able to achieve if his ankles had been shackled.

"Well an accident of epic proportions like I had can leave you a little unhinged. Back then, mostly I was just trying to figure out my act. I was trying new things, fine tuning the gags. Those were strange years for me. Now I refer to them as the "What was I thinking?" stage of my career. It was fine for a while but it quickly lost its luster. The theme weapons, the wacky henchmen, the Jokermobile it was all so ridiculous." He huffed out a laugh. "This was before I was declared insane, mind you."

"So what changed and when?"

"It was my first stretch in the clink. It happened in the cafeteria. I couldn't even tell you what set me off that day, maybe someone tried to shiv me, maybe the guy in front of me took the last butterscotch pudding. I really don't remember, but what I do remember was killing six guys with a plastic tray. After that day I was declared mentally unfit to stand trial and they shipped me off to Arkham, my home away from ho-ho-home!" I made a few notes before I asked my next question.

"So did things change gradually or was it like flipping a switch?"

"It was a little of both, really. After that day I immediately realized that life was just one big game with no rules, and no purpose. Nothing really matters, your morals and rules mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Life is just one big joke."

"But there are rules and they do matter. If there were no rules why are you locked up in here?" He leaned forward a little bit and I realized maybe I had given him a little too much freedom with the new chains after all.

"No, you see, society has rules and the reason they have rules is because they believe some mythical father figure in the sky will spank them if they don't follow the status quo. I refuse to be trapped by the constructs of a rootless value system." He spat, "Its fear that holds the human race back. Fear of God, fear of jail, fear of the unknown." He pointed at himself with his thumb. " _I_ have no fears. Ask Crane, he's dosed me with his silly little fear toxin before and it has no effect on me."

"So do you have a philosophy?"

"You could say that. Look doll, old Willy Shakespeare said it best 'All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players', and it really is. I just happen to write my own script."

"Let's expound on that, you seem to like being in the limelight. If all the worlds a stage, what's your role?" He rolled his eyes as if it should have been obvious.

"I'm the headliner, the leading man, the main attraction!" He was gesturing wildly with his hands at this point.

"So you create chaos so you can be center stage?"

"More or less." I jotted down some thoughts on that before continuing.

"Okay. Tell me a little bit about your victims." Joker smiled widely at me.

"Great question Doc! Well, I have my favorites of course. I particularly like the ones that bring pain to Gordon or the Bat. Like crippling Gordon's little girl, or killing the Boy Blunder, those are just soooo satisfying. Of course they can't all be A-list. I like it when they fight, begging is good too but it's never as much fun if they don't fight."

"How do you determine who your victims will be? Do you have, say, a type?" He slid back on the couch and laid back down with his hands behind his head.

"If it plays into some specific gag I may be more selective but honestly I'm an equal opportunity executioner." I jotted down a few more notes. I decided to change the subject.

"Sooo, um I would like to talk a little bit about your personal relationships. You said your friends call you J. Who do you consider your friends?"

"Well Batman, of course." I sighed.

"Outside of Batman. For instance, who do you talk to when you're on the lam?" He considered it for a moment.

"Well Harvey is okay for a poker night, Croc may not be particularly bright but he's loyal, you gotta appreciate that and ol' Pengers has his uses. Have you ever been to the Iceberg Lounge, Doc?" He had lifted his head to look at me. I was a little shocked by the question. The Iceberg was a place for the elite of Gotham to live dangerously and rub elbows with some of the most notorious people in the city. Mobsters, drug dealers, dirty politicians and of course costumed criminals.

"No, no I haven't. I don't really, um...get out much. Besides a place like that is not in my budget."

"Well that's a shame Doc, you're missing out." I pushed my glasses up the bridge of my nose.

"I will take that under advisement." I looked down at my notebook. I knew what I wanted to ask but wasn't quite sure how to phrase it. "How about more personal relationships. For instance, it's been implied that your obsession with Batman is more than just a friendly rivalry. It's been suggested that there is a somewhat _sexual_ undertone to it. Do you have anything to say about that?" He started chortling.

"Are you asking me if I'm gay, Doc?" I backpedaled a bit.

"N-no not exactly. I'm simply asking what you have to say that the general public as well as the medical community think it's a possibility. Quite frankly based on your file it would seem you're completely asexual." He continued to chuckle as I turned a few more shades of pink.

"Awww, you're just so cute when you're embarrassed. Hahaha! Listen Pumpkin, I'll admit to a little experimentation, but I like-a me the ladies." He winked at me again. I couldn't look at him when I asked him my next question. I busied myself with my notebook.

"So you're heterosexual? How many partners would you say you've had in the past three years?" I didn't look up.

"Look cupcake, I told you I'd answer your questions, but if we're going to discuss this you have to lose the pad and pen." I pursed my lips into a little moue of disapproval. "This doesn't go on the permanent record."

"Mr. J, you gotta stop with the pet names." I finally looked up at him. He sat up again and leaned towards me resting his hands on his knees.

"If you're going to ask me about my sex life, then I get to call you whatever I want. Deal?" I rolled my eyes.

"Fine."

"To answer your first question, yes I am a heterosexual. To answer your second, exactly two." I met his eyes, I couldn't believe he actually answered the question. "Don't look so surprised, you'd be shocked at how many people out there have clown fetishes. It's mundane and a bit messy but it's pleasurable enough as a recreational activity I suppose. I mean even guys like me have down time. Of course my brain is located a little bit higher than most men. It's just not something I think about often. Is that why the doctors seem to think I'm asexual?" I could feel my damn face getting hot again. I didn't really want to explain all the reasons they felt that way. I squirmed in my chair and realized my panties were very damp. Shit.

"W-well, um I uh-"

"Or is it because I don't jerk off like the rest of the cretins in this place?" I tried to answer but my mouth just opened and closed a few times like a fish out of water. "Lemme ask you something, Harley. Is this making you uncomfortable because you're embarrassed to discuss it or because you're aroused?" I swear it was like he could actually see the thoughts rolling around in my head!

"Both!" I blurted out. Joker just smiled which turned into another leer.

"You really have had a dry spell haven't you Harley? I can smell your arousal you know. Poor dear, nose buried too deeply in the books, denying yourself the simple pleasures in life, eh? No matter. The question you're dying to ask is, who were they, am I right?" I was utterly embarrassed at that point and didn't trust myself to speak but he hit the nail on the head. I simply nodded. "The first was a television producer named Cassandra Hahn. She was actually quite a homely little thing, terrible haircut but she did have the key to my cell at the time so I indulged her and then took over the show of course. The other was a lawyer, Donna Gugina was her name, _she_ wanted to live dangerously. I gave her what she wanted but in the end I broke her. Now she was a fighter. Strangling her to death was far more arousing than the sex itself." My mouth went dry.

"Y-you s-slept with her and then murdered her?" My hands were shaking a little. He looked at me and gave me an innocent look.

"Don't get the wrong idea, I don't kill everyone I sleep with. She was asking for it, really! If you pick up a famous and recognizable murderer in a bar you deserve whatever you get." He rolled onto his side and propped his head up with right arm. His expression was a mix of smugness and curiosity. "So, Harley, three whole years eh? Pretty girl like you, I'm sure you get propositioned quite a bit, so why? No dates, no boyfriends?" I shrugged but still wouldn't meet his eyes.

"School I guess, then work. I just didn't really have time for a relationship and after what happened with Guy, I didn't want one."

"Yes but that's not the whole truth now is it Harley. _You_ wear your heart on your sleeve. After what happened with Guy you feel you don't deserve one, am I right?" My eyes started to tear up a little and I nodded my head. Who was analyzing who here? "Well let me tell you something Harley, sometimes being happy means throwing caution to the wind. Your problem is that you're wound so damn tight. _You_ need to let go a little." I sniffled but still kept my head down. "Harley, look at me!" His voice was so forceful my head immediately snapped up and I met his gaze. "You **_need_** release, so this is what I want you to do. When you go home tonight, while you're lying in bed I want you to touch yourself. I want you to let go of all of that longing, all that pent up frustration, all of the guilt and you _will_ let yourself enjoy it." My eyes must have been the size of saucers. Did he just say what I think he just said?

"Mr. J, I, I mean you can-" he cut of my stuttering rebuttal.

"Harley. You need this and you will do it. You will do it because I told you to. Understood?"

"Yes sir Mr. J." I replied quietly. He glanced up at the clock.

"It appears our time is up Harley dear." The orderlies were knocking at the door. "Until next time." I just sat and stared as they took him away.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

I was in a complete daze for the rest of the day. I was sitting at my desk updating my files but I couldn't concentrate. Why had I let him derail our session like that? He was starting to mess with my head and I knew it. The worst part was that I was letting him do it. But he was sharing things with me no one else knew about him. I was utterly shocked when he actually entertained my questions regarding his sexuality. He killed the last doctor who dared to ask, but he was completely candid with me. I knew he was playing a bigger game here. I just couldn't figure out what his motive or goal was.

I found him mesmerizing. He had this aura of raw power about him and I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. I was slowly becoming aware of my physical attraction to him as well. There was no one else on the planet like the Joker. I found his white skin and green hair beautiful and I caught myself looking at him more and more often. His physique was amazing, I had always been into tall men and he towered almost a full foot over me. He was old enough to be my father, but that didn't put me off. Quite to the contrary, his maturity and worldliness, his ability to talk about uncomfortable topics without guilt or embarrassment was one of the things I admired about him. Holy crap, I'm totally crushing on the Joker! I must be losing my mind. I groaned and dropped my forehead onto my desk. What the hell was the matter with me? I was developing a crush on my patient, a dangerous criminal mastermind and psychopathic mass murderer. I needed to have my head examined. I banged my forehead against the desk a few times hoping it might knock some sense into me. I looked up at Bernie the cactus.

"Please don't judge me Bernie, I'm having a weird day, okay?"

Since I realized I wasn't going to get any more work done I grabbed Bernie and headed home. I tried doing anything I could to distract myself to no avail. I still had that dull annoying ache in my pelvis and every time I acknowledged it I kept hearing the Joker in my head.

"Harley. You need this and you _will_ do it. You will do it because _I_ told you to. Understood?"

I cleaned my entire apartment that night. I organized my sock drawer, rearranged the furniture, did one hundred crunches and none of it did me any good. I still kept coming back to those words. Eventually I felt exhausted enough to try going to sleep. I tossed and turned for a couple of hours and finally just laid on my back staring at the ceiling. I couldn't get his voice out of my damn mind.

"You _**need**_ release, so this is what I want you to do. When you go home tonight, while you're lying in bed I want you to touch yourself. I want you to let go of all of that longing, all that pent up frustration, all of the guilt and you _will_ let yourself enjoy it."

I finally stopped fighting it and gave in. I closed my eyes and thought about him that day in his cell, all sweat, rippling muscles and masculinity. My left hand slid up my belly and underneath the baby doll top of my pajamas to grasp my breast. I pinched the nipple and it hardened immediately. I ran my right hand down to the waistband of my pajama bottoms and hesitated there for a moment before slipping down over the small patch of hair that was there. I gently rubbed my hand down over my pubis and on its way back used my fingers to open myself up. I slid my fingers over the wet folds of my pussy and moaned at the sensation. I dipped a single finger inside of myself and rubbed the gathered fluids over my hood and clit. I don't remember a time I had ever been as sensitive as I was just then. I moved back downward and plunged two fingers deep within me. I felt my muscles tense and I moaned in pleasure. I slowly manipulated my fingers, rubbing the inside walls of my vagina, relishing the release of several years of frustration. I slid my left hand into my panties and began massaging my clit. My breath hitched as my fingers found that sensitive little nub. I fantasized. I imagined it was Mr. J touching me, imagined what his tongue would feel like against my sensitive flesh. My hand began moving faster and faster and I knew my orgasm wasn't far off. My breathing became labored and my chest was heaving. Finally, like cresting a wave, my climax broke and I felt my vaginal muscles spasming and pulsating against my fingertips. I screamed out his name as I came. It was the single most powerful orgasm I had ever had in my life. The release of three years pent up sexual frustration. I felt unburdened and I lay there unable to move and trying to get control of my breathing. Wow. Okay then. My fingers were slick and my panties were so wet I could almost wring them out so I reluctantly got out of bed to clean up. When I finally laid back down, still in the aftermath of bliss, my heavy eyelids slowly closed and I slept more peacefully than I had in years.

On Thursday I avoided the Intensive Treatment ward completely. I wasn't ready to face him yet. My sessions with Pamela were going amazingly well. She was opening up to me, really trusting me with her thoughts and ideals and I was very pleased with our progress. I was tempted to cancel my session with Joker on Friday but I got over as much of my embarrassment as I could and kept our appointment.

He was grinning like an idiot when he was brought in that day. I couldn't look directly at him and I felt the heat in my cheeks. I only hoped the orderlies didn't notice. Once he was restrained and we were alone he immediately asked me the question I had been dreading for the past two days.

"So Harley, did you do as I asked?" I didn't vocalize an answer, but I nodded. "Harley, look at me." It was gentle this time yet still commanding. I glanced up at him through lowered lashes. "I want to hear you say it. Tell me. Did you do as I asked?" I took a deep breath and swallowed audibly.

"Yes Mr. J, I did what you asked me to." I squeaked. His grin widened.

"And how do you feel?" His eyes were piercing, like he was looking into my soul. It was disconcerting and wonderful at the same time. It took me a moment to phrase my answer.

"I feel, better…unencumbered, free." I finally met his eyes and my heart skipped a beat. My breath caught in my throat. He looked pleased. Whether he was pleased with himself or with me I wasn't sure.

"Good girl." I lit up from that small iota of praise from him.

I won't relate the rest of that particular session. After the first few minutes of intensity we discussed common things and nothing really of note. He didn't give me any more instructions when we wrapped up and I was both relieved and disappointed at the same time.

Originally I had planned to start a program of electro-convulsive therapy on Saturdays after his attack on Ben, but after what we shared on Wednesday I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I decided to bring in a small reward for his cooperation this week. I showed up to the asylum around three in the afternoon. I was able to gain access to one of the common rooms in D block that wasn't currently in use. It had a large comfortable couch a television and a DVD player available. Mr. J was escorted in and looked surprised to see me. Since we were in an open room, there was no way to actually restrain the Joker so the staff left him with his hands cuffed in front of him and eyed me warily when I explained we were to have complete privacy for at least the next four hours.

"What's all this about Harley?" he asked as he smiled at me. I beamed back at him.

"Have a seat Mr. J and you'll see." I walked over to a shopping bag I had brought with me, picked it up and walked over to place it on a neighboring table. I pulled out a number of items, a bag of popcorn, two 16oz. bottles of Zesti Cola, a package of Red Vines and a box of Milk Duds. I reached into the bottom of the bag and brought out a stack of DVD's and brought them over to Mr. J so he could flip through them. He laughed and smirked at me.

"I thought you said we were doing something unpleasant today?" I looked down at my feet and swayed a little as I responded.

"Well, you've been so well behaved and cooperative this week, I thought a reward was in order."

"Nice selection dollface! These are some of my all-time favorite movies! Why, aren't you a clever little minx?" It made me shiver to hear him praise me.

"So what do you want to watch Mr. J?" I pulled a chair from one of the craft tables over and positioned it next to the couch. He responded as I gathered up the snacks and drinks and brought them over.

"Well, you did tell me this was one of your favorites as a girl so why don't we start with this?" He held up the copy of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein.

"Sounds good Mr. J." I grabbed the DVD out of his hand, placed it in the player and turned on the TV. I sat down in the chair and I noticed Joker was frowning at me.

"Harley, after all we've shared you're going to sit all the way over there. That just won't do." He patted the empty seat next to him. "Come here and sit next to me, I promise I won't bite. Unless you ask me _very_ nicely, that is." He chuckled. I cautiously got out of the chair and sat on the other end of the couch. His voice was a bit stern when next he spoke. "Harley. Come. Here." he said as he crooked his finger. I slid over to sit directly next to him. "Much better. Now see, was that so hard?"

I could feel the heat of his body next to mine. It felt strange to be this close to him and not fear for my life. We watched the movie, shared our snacks and laughed together. When the first movie was finished we watched a Marx Brother's film I had never seen called Animal Crackers. It was really good and I was enjoying it but at some point I must have dozed off.

I awoke feeling warm and comfortable. I slowly opened my eyes and realized there was an arm draped casually over my shoulders. I was leaning against something very warm and very human and I raised my eyes to see Joker looking down at me.

"Didn't like the movie, kiddo?" I abruptly sat up. The credits were rolling and Joker was out of his cuffs. I rubbed my eyes with my hands.

"No I liked it fine, I just haven't been sleeping all that well, I've been a little restless." I had to do a double take to make sure he was actually unrestrained. "Mr. J, how did you get out of your cuffs?"

He reached over and plucked a pin out of the bun in my hair and held it in front of my nose as he chuckled.

"Works every time!" I just sat through a four-hour movie marathon with a notorious killer who was completely unrestrained and I was still alive? I looked at the clock.

"Shit, the orderlies will be here soon. You have to get back into the cuffs Mr. J or it'll be my ass!" He waggled his eyebrows.

"And what an ass it is." I gave him an exacerbated look as I gathered up the remnants of popcorn and soda pop.

"Mr. J we don't have time for banter. Cuffs, now!" I was panicking. I grabbed the DVD out of the player and shoved everything back in the shopping bag as I heard the click of the cuffs going back into place. It was perfect timing too as the orderlies walked in just then. I tried to present an air of professional calm as I turned to Joker and said, "Thank you for your cooperation today Mr. Joker. We'll continue this next session." He smirked again.

"Great session, Doc! You know I really think you're helping me get to the root of my problem! I'll be counting the minutes until we meet again." With that he was escorted out the double doors and back to his cell.

For the next few weeks we fell into a kind of routine. Nothing particularly exciting happened yet it was never boring. We talked, I learned things about him but since the discussion about his sexuality we hadn't really had any new breakthroughs. He didn't ask me to do anything like he had that one Wednesday and I couldn't help but be disappointed. He continued to flirt with me but it wasn't as sexually charged as that one session had been. I was still crushing on him but I had managed to get it under control for the most part. At least I had until that one Friday in early February that changed everything for the both of us.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

It was February 5th, just a few days after that friggin groundhog predicted six more weeks of winter. The temperatures had plummeted and as I left my apartment to head the asylum the snow had already begun to fall. We would be running on a skeleton crew since they were predicting a very serious blizzard. I pulled the short straw to be one of two doctors in the building throughout the duration of the storm. I packed an overnight bag with several changes of clothes, batteries, a flashlight and candles just in case it got really bad. Since Arkham was pretty much the only thing on South Channel Island, plowing the bridges leading to and from was not a top priority to Mayor Hill. Chances were good we would be snowed in for several days.

Sessions were cancelled for all out-patients and A, B and C wards were sent home for the weekend. Only those patients incarcerated by the state for crimes committed would be present. That left us with three orderlies, four security guards, two nurses, two cafeteria workers, one janitor, two doctors and roughly forty inmates. I arrived around eight in the morning and it was eerily quiet throughout the asylum. It was giving me the heebie jeebies. Since there were only two doctors available all regular sessions had been cancelled to free us up for emergencies, except for my session with Joker. Dr. Arkham agreed we had been making a lot of progress and he didn't want to disrupt his treatment. He hadn't killed, maimed or attacked anyone in over a month, a new record.

I was sitting at my desk answering e-mails and thinking about what we should talk about in our session today. We had touched briefly on his past before his accident and he simply said he had little to no recollection of that period of his life. I decided we should revisit it, besides I had something I had been dying to ask him since we first began our sessions together. I thought about changing my clothes, even with the heat on it was freezing in here, and my sweats and hoodie sounded so warm and inviting just then. I decided against it, I didn't think it would be appropriate to have a formal session dressed down, so I threw my lab coat on over my skirt and button down shirt and sucked it up. I would change after our session.

Joker was only escorted by one security guard today. I had noticed security was getting a little lackadaisical since he had been behaving lately. The security guard cuffed him to the couch and left, which was merely a formality as Mr. J had been slipping out of his cuffs as soon as the coast was clear for weeks now. It still amazed me how quickly he could pick a lock. He glanced around my office, noticed my overnight bag and pillow and smiled.

"Are we having a slumber party?" He said brightly. I glanced out the window, in the past two hours we had already gotten about four inches of accumulation and it was still snowing like a sonofabitch.

"Yeah, looks like it. This isn't supposed to let up until sometime tomorrow so I'm here for the duration."

"Oh goody! We can paint each other's nails, talk about boys and then have a pillow fight! Hahahaha!" I rolled my eyes. I had seen him in these giddy moods before, the puns usually flew and the jokes got pretty bad.

"Very funny Mr. J. Listen, I know we've touched on the subject I'd like to talk about today but I think it's important we revisit it." He sighed and stretched out on the couch placing his hands beneath his head.

"I thought we'd be taking a snow day, Doc. Fine. Let's get on with it already."

"Thank you for indulging me. So, I know you said you have little recollection of any events prior to your accident, but I was hoping you could find something, anything you might recall about your past."

"Oh this old chestnut again. Okay Doc, I do have one memory. It's about my dad." I perked up excited to see at least some small glimpse of the man he was before he became the Joker.

"That's great Mr. J. Please, continue." He sighed heavily and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling.

"My dad used to beat me pretty bad. Every time I stepped out of line, Bam! Or sometimes I'd just be sitting there doing nothing and Pow! He tended to favor the grape you see. There was only one time I saw him truly happy. I was seven and my dad took me to the circus. I remember this clown, running aro-" I started laughing hysterically, I couldn't help it. Joker turned his head and looked at me. "You find that _funny_?"

"No, I find you _completely_ full of shit." I tried to get my giggling under control and I wiped a tear from beneath my eye. "C'mon Mr. J I know I'm a blonde but do you really think I'm that dumb?" He was frowning at me but he couldn't hold it. Finally, a huge smile broke out on his face and he chuckled.

"Damn, I thought I had you going there for a minute. Oh well, ya gotta admit if you bought it, it would have been a pretty good gag."

"Yes it woulda but I don't have gullible written across my forehead. Come on Mr. J, there's gotta be something you remember. If you physically saw something from your past do you think it might jog your memory?" He sat up and swung his legs around so he was facing me and gave me a puzzled look.

"Like what?" I took a deep breath and pulled the photograph I had found in the box of his things out of the back of my notebook but didn't hand it to him yet.

"This was confiscated from you the first time you were incarcerated here. The date on it indicates it's from before the accident." I handed him the photograph of the pregnant woman. "Do you remember a Jeannie? Any idea who she was to you?" His whole body tensed.

"Where did you get this?" His voice had a chilly and dangerous edge to it. I was suddenly nervous.

"I-it was in the file room in a box marked Joker. Who is she Mr. J?" He was staring at the photo and I could see the slight shaking throughout his body. He made a sound that became a growl as he launched off the couch and grabbed me by the throat, pulled me out of my chair and slammed me against the wall. My glasses flew off of my face at the impact.

"You and your prying! All your goddamn questions! I've had about enough of it!" he spat and he squeezed cutting off my airway. So this was it, I had finally pushed him too far and I was going to be his next victim. I instinctually grabbed his hands and tried to pry them away from my neck. Black spots were starting to appear across my vision. Then I remembered something he had said to me. "It's no fun if they don't fight back." Well I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. I stopped struggling. I dropped my arms, I looked directly into his eyes and I smiled. He started as if he saw something in my eyes he had never seen before and his grip loosened. He let go and I slumped to the floor coughing, gagging and trying to get air back into my burning throat and lungs. He looked down and ran his hands through his hair in a gesture of utter frustration.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it. It was a joke!" He said abruptly. He turned away from me and took a few steps to distance himself from me. "It was just a joke." He turned back to look at me. "You are one daffy dame, Doc. Out of all the asylums in all the world why did you have to walk into mine?" He grumbled. I had managed to raise myself to a sitting position against the wall but I was still struggling for breath. He turned to me and his eyes softened just a bit. "Damn you, Harley!" He strode over to me and I cowed away from him. He knelt down and placed his hands under my knees and behind my back, picked me up and carried me over to the couch like I weighed nothing. He very gently laid me down and perched on the edge checking my neck to see how much damage he had done. "You'll have a pretty bad bruise but you should be fine."

"Who is she Mr. J?" I croaked from my stinging throat. The anger returned to his eyes. He slammed his palms down on either side of my head with his nose mere inches from mine.

"I don't know!" He was shouting now. "All I do know is that when I look at that picture it makes me uncomfortable! It makes me feel the way I feel when I'm around _you!_ It's confusing and I don't like it!"

My eyes widened and my breath caught in my throat for a moment. He grabbed my face with his hands and searched it with his eyes like there was some mystery there for him to solve. Before I even registered it had happened he closed the gap between our faces and placed his lips against mine. He wasn't gentle. There was a raw need in that kiss. It was like he was trying to devour me and I responded in kind. I wound one arm around his neck and plunged my other hand into his hair. I arched my back and pressed myself against his chest. He moved to straddle my leg and I could feel him hardening against my hip. He plunged his tongue into my mouth and deepened the kiss as his hand roved downward and gripped my breast. I inhaled deeply sharing his breath. My shirt must have pulled out of my skirt at some point because I felt the warmth of his hand as it slid up my side along the line of scars that were there. His other hand dug harshly into my bun and he pulled hard wrenching my head to the side, exposing the tender and already bruising skin of my neck. He suckled and tore at my flesh with his teeth. It hurt but at the same time it felt wonderful. I felt his knee pressing forward which pushed my skirt up around my hips. There was a loud knock at the door and we both froze as we simultaneously whispered, "Shit!"

"Dr. Quinzel I know your time's not up but I gotta get back over to the west wing. Can I take the clown back now?" Joker shot up off the couch. I cleared my throat and tried not to sound as breathless as I felt.

"Okay John just give me ten minutes to wrap up here, okay?"

"Sure Doc. I'll come back in ten." I looked at Mr. J as he was attempting to adjust a rather large erection. I stood and tried to straighten out my clothes and hair as best as I could. We were both suddenly a little sheepish and couldn't quite look each other in the eye. Joker rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

"Well that was…"

"Intense?" He finally met my gaze and grinned.

"I was going to say _unexpected_ , but intense works too." He looked down at his jumpsuit which was still tented out. "Now what am I going to do about _that_? Damn." I giggled.

"Think about baseball?" He looked back up at me and pointed.

"You need to cover up your neck, I think I may have gotten a little carried away."

I reached up and touched my skin and winced. I rummaged through my bag and pulled out a scarf which I carefully wrapped around my neck. Whatever Joker chose to think about it worked because when John came back to collect him we were the epitome of innocence. I was seated and taking notes in my chair and Joker was cuffed to the couch. As John worked with the restraints Mr. J and I shared a look that said this was far from over. Before he was led from the room, Joker made a point of saying,

"See you soon, Doc."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Although we only had forty inmates in residence, with the lack of staff and the severity of the cases, it made for a busy and exhausting day. As the only two doctors in residence myself and Dr. Zahir ran around like chickens with our heads cut off. There were medications to fill and distribute, which was no easy task. I got stuck administering to Victor Zsasz and it took myself, two security guards and an orderly to hold him down. I ended up having to inject his medications as he refused to take them orally. After the incident I found myself thinking about petitioning Doc Arkham to order medications in suppository form in the future. Bet he'd swallow his damn pills then! I also got stuck medicating the patients in the special containment units which was a bitch and a half. Luckily I had the opportunity to speak with Waylon Jones a few times in the past and he seemed fond of me so he complied like a good Croc, but when Basil Carlo doesn't want to take his Benzo's how do you find an appropriate place to inject a guy made out of clay much less successfully hold him down? Victor Fries was thankfully compliant, I had absolutely no interest in donning a parka just to administer meds. I didn't even attempt to get into Charaxes's cell, he was one of the few creatures in the asylum that truly scared the piss outta me. It was a goddamn nightmare.

The orderlies were responsible for bringing the inmates their meal trays, and being that we had no option to order out the staff got the same magnificent dining experience our inmates enjoyed. Which is to say I'd rather eat wet cardboard. Actually I think it's possible I _was_ eating wet cardboard. Good thing I had the forethought to pack a few PB&J's, granola bars and some snacks. Once the inmates were fed and medicated we had about an hour to recoup. Sedatives and anti-psychotics made for sleepy little wackos.

Our reprieve was short lived however. I had to rush down to Maxie Zeus's cell to talk him down from yet _another_ violent psychotic break then quickly to Arnold Wesker's cell to stop Scarface from beating on his "Dummy." Arnold "The Ventriloquist" Wesker was an interesting case and I was kind of disappointed when he was reassigned to another doctor once I took on Joker's case.

I barely had time to think about what had happened in my office with Mr. J earlier that day. I was glad I had packed some turtlenecks in my overnight bag. It was much less obvious that I was hiding something than if I had been wearing a scarf. When I did have a few moments of peace I entered the ladies room and pulled down the collar of my shirt to examine the marks. The impression of two large hands were _very_ obvious as were the angry red love bites on the left side of my neck. I caressed the marks and shivered and my nether region clenched involuntarily as blood flowed to the area. God I had to get a freaking grip on myself, I had a job to do.

The snow hadn't let up, there was over a foot of it outside and it was still coming down. I noticed as I looked out of one of the barred picture windows in the common room that the branches of the trees were heavy and drooping with the weight of the snow. That didn't bode well. If branches started coming down it was a very good possibility that we would lose power. I didn't relish the thought of being cooped up with the most dangerous crazies in the asylum in the dark for the next few days. We did have backup generators and emergency lights, but it would limit our ability to be a fully functioning facility and would undoubtedly create a slew of new problems.

Although I was in the same ward as Joker for much of the day, I didn't really have the time to talk with him, which was actually a good thing. I'm not a great actress and I wasn't sure I could hide how I was feeling just then. It was too fresh in my mind. I felt his eyes following me as I carried out my work however. The intensity with which he was watching me did not go completely unnoticed, I discovered later. Around four in the afternoon Jonathan Crane complained of a stomach ailment and I had to escort him to the infirmary. There was no medical doctor on duty, so I had to examine him myself. He was lucid today which was a blessing. I had Jonathan lay on one of the beds while I felt around his abdomen for any lumps or swelling. If Jonathan had appendicitis or something equally serious, I didn't know how we would deal with it. He'd have to be airlifted, if a helicopter could even get here in this storm. As I examined him Jonathan lifted his head and addressed me.

"Harleen?" I glanced at him as I continued my exploration of the affected area.

"Yes Dr. Crane?"

"He's gotten to you, hasn't he? I see the way he looks at you." I tried to keep my face neutral.

"I don't know whom you are referring to doctor." He sat up abruptly and I stepped back cautious of the potential for an attack of some kind.

"Don't be coy with me Harleen." I felt I wasn't in immediate danger so I took out a stethoscope and stepped towards Jonathan to continue my examination. As I did so he quickly shot out his hand and grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled before I could jump away from him. "I _KNEW_ it! I could tell the clown was on you! Harley, that man is a predator and he looks at you like you're a juicy steak being served to him on a silver platter. He has plans for you my dear, I'm quite sure of it."

"Jonathan, my personal life is my own business and I would appreciate it if you'd butt out." I looked him in the eye. "You're not actually sick are you? Was this all a ruse to get me alone?"

"I had to speak with you without that hyena watching. What else was I to do?" I sighed and put the stethoscope away.

"Well you can zip back up then, since you're wasting my time on an exam you don't actually need."

"I apologize for my deception, but you need to hear me out. Please Harleen, as your mentor and friend just listen for a moment." I huffed out an exasperated breath.

"Fine Jonathan, just get on with it already. I'm swamped today as it is."

"Very well. I know the Joker better than you do. I have worked with him and seen him outside of these walls. You know he's using his chameleon-like coloration to charm you. He always leaves a wake of destruction and ruined lives behind him. You, Harleen, were one of my finest students. You know as well as I do that he's a textbook psychopath. He doesn't feel things like you and I do, he has no guilt, no conscience, and no remorse. You know he can't actually care for you. How can you let yourself be manipulated by him like this?"

"Look Jonathan, you really have the wrong idea. I pushed him too far in session and it caused him to get… _aggressive._ I didn't report it because this case is important to me. I'm writing a book about the Joker and it could make me millions! So, I play his little game." I shrugged. I could tell by the look he was giving me he knew I was full of shit but he didn't say so.

"Harleen, I know what a passionate girl you are, it's one of the things about you I found so appealing. But the Joker will never love you and trust me when I tell you he _will_ destroy you. If he doesn't kill you, which is highly likely, he'll destroy that brilliant mind of yours. As someone who genuinely cares for you I needed to at least try to get through to you." I had finally had about enough of this conversation.

"Jonath-" He waved his hands in front of him in a stop motion and interjected, effectively cutting me off.

"Harley, I have a friend. He's the director of one of the most prestigious asylums in all of Europe. I have already spoken with him and there is a position waiting for you if you choose to take it. He has agreed to pay the relocation costs and can provide you with adequate housing." He pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his jumpsuit and shoved it into my hand. "I hope for your own sake that you make the right decision."

"Jonathan, while I really do appreciate the concern, I'm not moving to Europe." I tried to shove the paper back at him.

"Please Harleen, keep it and think on it. That's all that I ask."

"I'm not going to mention this to Mr. J and if you know what's good for you you'll keep this to yourself. And you better act sick when we get back to I.T."

I brought Jonathan back to the west wing. Joker watched me carefully as I locked him back up in his cell. I could tell by the look on his face he was suspicious. I turned and flashed him a wink and a smile before getting back to my duties.

It was after eight when I finally finished my last set of rounds and was able to grab something to eat and change into comfortable clothes. Since I didn't relish the thought of sleeping in a half sitting position all night I decided the therapy couch was out. So on the way back to my office I grabbed a spare mattress, pillow and linens from A Ward and set up a makeshift bed on the floor. It wasn't going to be the most comfortable night of my life but it would do.

I changed into my pajamas. The pants were pink cotton with cartoon bears printed on them and the long sleeved top said "Daddy's Little Girl" with another cartoon bear to one side. I brushed out my hair and intended to leave it down, but stray pieces kept falling into my face as I tried to read my book and I got annoyed. I split it down the middle and put it up in two fluffy pigtails high on either side of my head. I had the overhead lights off and was using my small desk lamp as a reading light. I was on my belly with my legs kicked up and swinging idly behind me as I read an awful Harlequin Romance novel.

After a little while my eyes started to droop and I could feel myself nodding off every few minutes. I was startled awake by the sound of my doorknob jiggling followed by my door opening and quickly closing shut. I flipped over and was totally shocked to see Mr. J standing there.

"How did you manage to get out of your cell Mr. J?" I pulled my legs in so that I was sitting Indian style and cocked my head to the side as I puzzled out how he possibly could have made it all the way from I.T. to my office in the main building undetected. He had a strange almost awed look on his face for a moment as he gave me a once over, then his face split into a huge grin.

"I have friends in low places, dollface. Don't you just look adorable?" He knelt down on the edge of the mattress, followed by his hands so that he was on all fours as he eyeballed me. "Daddy's little girl, eh? Why don't you come here to Daddy. Right. _Now_?" He grabbed my legs and I squealed a little as he pulled me towards him so that his body was hovering over mine. He continued looking down at me. "I like the pigtails, Pumpkin. You look so very sweet and innocent." His face took on that predatory gleam again. "I just love defiling the innocent."

He was on me then, the length of his body pressed fully against mine, his lips and tongue probing my mouth. I could feel his member stirring to life and my body responded by flooding my panties with fluid. He broke off the kiss to grab the hem of my shirt and rip it over my head. His eyes took in my body for a moment before he leaned back down taking one of my nipples into his mouth as his hand toyed with the other. I moaned breathily and ran my fingers through that glorious green hair. He moved his mouth to my other breast, grabbed the hardened nub between his teeth and bit down, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to make me whimper. His hand explored my sides. He raised his head to examine the scars on my side and grinned as he looked up into my face.

"You'll have to tell me about these sometime. But not now." I reached for the zipper on the front of his orange jumpsuit and slowly pulled it down. I wanted to savor this. It was like unwrapping that first present on Christmas morning. I gently pushed the fabric over those rippling shoulders and down to expose his abdomen. He leaned back onto his knees so that he could pull his arms out of the jumpsuit. I had an amazing view of those abs I had been dreaming about for the past month and I ran my nails down his stomach. Apparently at this point I was moving too slowly for him, because he hooked his fingers beneath the waistband of my pajama bottoms and panties and pulled them off in one motion. It was disconcerting to see the way his eyes raked across my body. I was suddenly a little bashful, I felt so exposed. In the past most of my sexual experiences had happened in the dark.

"You are something else, Harley." He ran his hands up my legs until they reached my knees. Gently he spread them then leaned forward to place his lips against my tummy. He slowly worked his way down to my pelvic bone and I pushed my hips forward in anticipation. He stopped suddenly and I opened my eyes to look at him. He wagged his finger at me

"Naughty girl, all good things to those who wait." He nibbled the insides of my thighs as I squirmed with impatience. He slowly moved his hand to my cleft and ran a single finger from my moist entrance to my sensitive hood. My breath caught in my throat. He watched my face as he circled his thumb around my clit.

"Oh Mistah J." I said breathily as I bit my lip and grasped my breasts with both hands.

He started slowly by inserting one of those impossibly long fingers inside of me shortly followed by a second. He curled them and hit that tender spot most men didn't know about or couldn't be bothered to find and I gasped. He smiled as he rubbed the tiny ridges of my g-spot and my hips bucked trying to get him further inside of me.

"Tut, tut Harley. Daddy is going to have to teach you about patience, isn't he?" He removed his fingers and I pouted as I registered the absence of his warmth. I never realized how hot his hands were. "Let me make something clear, Pumpkin. I am in control here, understood?" I bit my lip again and nodded "Now if you're a very good girl, Daddy will reward you. If you're very naughty, you'll get a spanking. Do you understand?" I nodded again. "No Harley, I want to hear you say it. Do you understand?"

I looked at him through lowered lashed and replied, "Yes Daddy, I understand."

He plunged his fingers back inside of me and started working them back and forth. I threw my head back and he increased the speed of his thrusts. I was quickly approaching climax and my vaginal muscles began to tighten on his fingers. Not slowing his pace, he leaned his head down and took my clit into his mouth and rolled his tongue expertly over it. I was done for. My body shuttered as I let out a loud groan of pleasure, my muscles pulsating. When my tremors ceased he pulled his fingers out and placed them into my mouth. I slowly ran my tongue around his fingers licking my juices off of them. He pulled them back out and he raised himself up onto his knees as he finished unzipping his jumpsuit and quickly wiggling out of it.

Finally, all my fantasies were realized. I stared at him in all his naked glory. My eyes followed his happy trail down to the thicker patch of green hair above his throbbing cock. He held it in his hand and slowly ran his hand up and down the shaft as I gawked at him. It was hard and white with faintly blue veins running along it. The head was smooth and slightly purple in color from the blood engorging it. I didn't want to wait anymore.

"Mistah J, please." A wide grin broke on his face.

"Please _what_ Harley? Tell me what you want."

"You. Please Daddy, please fuck me."

That was enough to satisfy him. He positioned himself so that the head of his cock was just barely touching the swollen lips of my pussy. He rubbed it up and down my wet slit before slowly pushing inside of me. His breath hitched as he did so. Once the head was in he paused a moment while my body adjusted to his size, then plunged himself to the hilt. I felt him hit my cervix hard and I gasped both in pleasure and in pain. He began thrusting as I wrapped my ankles around his hips. He leaned down and savagely kissed me and I moaned into his mouth. Sweat had begun to gather on his forehead and upper lip from the exertion. He picked up his pace as he thrust one arm under my back and used the other to grip my hip.

"Open your eyes, Harley." He said between thrusts.

I obeyed and stared directly into his intense green eyes. He was breathing hard. I was so close and I could tell he wasn't far off himself. He whispered in my ear.

"Come for me Harley. Come for Daddy."

My orgasm was so powerful it felt like every muscle in my body contracted at once. I cried out his name as I shuddered and my vaginal muscles contracted hard around him. He chuckled, grunted then stiffened as I felt him reach his own climax, his warm seed spurting inside of me. He collapsed on top of me panting hard. I brushed a stray lock of sweaty green hair off of his forehead as I felt him softening inside of me.

"Jesus Christ, Harley. If the rest of my stays in Arkham had been anything like this, I don't think I would have bothered escaping."

I giggled as he pulled out of me and rolled onto his back. I propped myself on one elbow and looked into his eyes.

"That was amazing, Mr. J." He looked at me as if that should have been obvious.

"Of course it was. Any job worth doing is worth doing well, after all." I lay down and draped an arm across his chest."

"Look cupcake, as much as I'd like to stay, security is due for their rounds in twenty minutes and if I'm not back in my cell all hell is going to break loose." I gave him a pouty little frown.

"I know Mr. J, get going. I'll try to get you out of your cell for a while tomorrow." He kissed me.

"Thanks for understanding." I watched him longingly as he dressed. He winked at me as he slipped out into the darkened hallways of the asylum, then I was alone again basking in the aftermath of utter bliss.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Once I could finally stand up I dressed and then paced my office after Mr. J left, terrified that he would get caught and thrown back into solitary. After thirty minutes when there had been no sirens, no alarms and no flashing lights I was finally able to relax knowing he must have made it back safely. I flopped down on the makeshift bed and gathered the sheet he had been laying on against my nose and breathed in his lingering scent. It smelled faintly of chemicals, sweat, musk and sex. I realized then my entire office must smell like sex. I got up and made sure my door was locked then lit one of the scented jar candles I brought in case we lost power to cover the distinct smell of our lovemaking. I lay back down and thought about all that had happened lately and since I have a tendency to overthink things, panic began to set in. I had slept with a patient. What if the CCTV caught him sneaking into my office? What if someone found out? I'd lose my job and my medical license. I had sex with the Joker for God's sake! He was the most dangerous, most notorious, most wonderful, most intelligent, most handsome patient in this asylum. I sighed deeply and thought about how he felt inside of me, how his hands, mouth and tongue felt on my flesh. At some point during my musings I dropped off into a contented sleep.

I woke to the sound of pounding on my office door. I jumped up, still half asleep and threw open the door to see Dr. Zahir standing there looking stressed.

"Mahreen. W-wha? What's going on?" She smirked a little bit as she looked me over. I must have looked ridiculous in my pajamas, with my eyes barley open and a bad case bed head.

"I'm sorry to wake you Harleen, but we've lost power and I could use your help coordinating a game plan." I rubbed my hands across my face and yawned. It was still dark outside and I hadn't gotten much sleep.

"Sure Mahreen, just give me a minute to get dressed."

"Take your time, I'll meet you in the main security hub." She smiled. "I'll make sure there's coffee brewed for you."

I quickly got dressed in gray slacks and a baby blue turtleneck, grabbed my flashlight and ran to the nearest ladies room to get cleaned up and brush my teeth. I threw my hair back in a messy bun and headed down to meet Mahreen. The emergency lights were on but it was still very dark in the hallways. When I got to the main security hub Mahreen handed me a steaming cup of black coffee. I hated black coffee but I needed the caffeine so I took a big gulp and winced at the bitterness. Joining us were the four security guards, and the head orderly on duty. The cells automatically go on lockdown during a power outage so they could only be accessed with the manual door codes but the CCTV systems were down throughout the asylum which was a pretty big problem. We had gas stovetops and ovens in the kitchens, so we would still be able to prepare meals but the refrigeration would be out as well as the freezers, although in this weather that shouldn't be too much of a problem. The most immediate concern was Victor Fries. His cell needed to be kept at sub-zero temperatures in order for him to survive and the temperature in his cell had already warmed by several degrees. I had an idea.

"Look, I know this isn't going to be ideal, but it's 15 degrees outside with wind chills making it feel like negative two right now. Worst case scenario we put him out in the rec yard. There's a covered area out there, right?" Officer Roberts seemed to think about that for a moment.

"It's small, but yeah. I think with a couple of tarps from the storage room, we might be able to make it work, but it means losing one of our armed guards to keep an eye on him."

"Well we can burn that bridge when we come to it."

We sat around for the next hour figuring out the logistics of running the asylum at one quarter power. All in all, I think we had a pretty good handle on things. As for me, this whole situation was ideal. Darkened hallways, no CCTV, only three armed guards, one of which I suspected was on Joker's payroll, no ability to change the door codes to the cells, and a gigantic asylum that was currently three quarters empty. I couldn't ask for anything more. It was like I won the lottery!

We got to work right away medicating the patients, which was only slightly easier than it had been the previous day. I'll admit I was purposely heavy handed on the sedatives today, except for my Joker who got a cup full of sugar pills. Once it was time to bring around the lunch trays I quickly ducked into one of the admin offices and wrote a quick note on a post-it. It said,

'Have your man on the inside come to my office at 10. I'm getting you out. Play sick.'

I stashed the pad in my lab coat pocket. I volunteered to help distribute the lunch trays. When I got to Joker's cell I carefully stuck the post-it to the underside of the tray and slid it through the slot in the wall made for that purpose. I looked Mr. J in the eye, motioned almost imperceptivity at his tray and said,

"Bottoms up Mr. J!"

He pulled the note off and palmed it, then he read it as a large grin split his face. He winked in acknowledgement then crumpled the note and popped it into his mouth. I winked back and then went back to work. I went through the rest of the workday with a spring in my step and a song in my heart. God, I _really_ had it bad. I mean, can you really blame me? I hadn't had sex in three whole years and the sex I finally did have was absolutely mind blowing! I was thinking about all the things Mr. J had told me during our sessions on his philosophies and worldview and some of it suddenly started to make a little more sense to me now. He really was a genius and he really was mine. Well sort of. I mean sleeping together one time did not a relationship make, but he had admitted to having some kind of feelings towards me last night. I had faith that over time and many, many sessions _together_ it would grow into something more.

We did indeed have to go to our plan B in regard to Victor. The temperature in his cell reached 29 degrees and you could see the physical toll it was taking on his altered body chemistry. He couldn't have been happier. It was still snowing when we brought him outside and there was almost three feet already on the ground. He frolicked out in the yard like a damn kid until he simply fell backwards into the snow and relished the flakes hitting his skin. It was the first time I had ever seen Victor smile and I was pleased with myself for coming up with it. Officer Roberts got stuck on guard duty. He was bundled up in a parka, snow boots, gloves, hat and scarf but he still looked like he was freezing. He was up in guard tower three which wouldn't have heat but at least he could get out of the wind. I didn't envy him.

I finally finished up my rounds around nine in the evening. I went down to the women's showers and got cleaned up. Good thing I remembered to bring my own shampoo and soap, the stuff they gave the inmates smelled horrible. The water was barely tepid with the power out. Once I was nice and clean I changed into a pair of black yoga pants, a tight red t-shirt that said 'I can't adult today' and my hoodie. Once my hair dried I put it back up into pigtails since Mr. J had commented on liking them last night. It was pretty cold throughout a lot of the asylum due to the power outage. I gathered up a ton of blankets, the candles, the bag of items I ordered online, some sandwiches, candy, snacks and drinks I got form the vending machines in the employee lounge then headed to the common room in the A ward and got everything set up. I headed back to my office just a few minutes before Officer "Weasly" aka Mike Stone showed up at my office. I instructed him on what I wanted him to do, which security officer to switch rounds with, gave him the door code to Joker's cell, then told him which path through the buildings to take and where to bring him. I could have easily sprung him from his cell myself, but the other inmates would be suspicious as to why I was even in the ward at that time of night and the jig would be up. We would need to be very careful in the future. But tonight was completely ours and we needn't have a care in the world. I planned everything very carefully and made sure I dotted my I's and crossed my T's. We would never have another opportunity like this and I wanted it to be perfect.

Mike escorted Joker to my location and quickly left to handle rounds in the Intensive Treatment ward like a good little lackey. I had laid out a makeshift picnic on the floor in front of the couch in the common room. I had candles lit and lots of pillows to sit on. Joker walked in and looked down at me with a curious smile on his face.

"What's all this Poo?"

"Well Mr. J, I figured we only had this one chance to spend a night together. I made it so we'd be all alone where no one could find us. So even though there isn't any power I did my best to make it special."

"Well aren't you just a peach?"

"Why dontcha have a seat? I gotcha some food that didn't come out of the cafeteria. I had the pleasure of trying the asylum cuisine yesterday and I figured you would appreciate a change of menu."

I let my put on "professional" voice go and spoke the way I normally would. He crossed the room and sat down next to me on the blanket.

"So how did you manage to pull all this off?"

"Well, we had to put Mr. Freeze outside because we can't divert power down to his cell and that meant one of the armed guards got stuck outside in the guard tower to keep an eye on him. Then I had "Weasley" switch rounds with Adam so no one would sound the alarm that you weren't in your cell." He chuckled and raised an eyebrow.

"Weasley?"

"Yeah, your guy Mike looks and acts like a weasel, thus the nickname. Say Mistah J, how'd you recruit him anyway?" He picked up a sandwich and swallowed a bite before answering.

"He used to work for the Penguin. I used to see him around the Iceberg Lounge quite a bit. After a particularly dangerous job, he decided to go straight and got the job here. The next time I was in Arkahm for a little _vacation_ I offered him a job that paid five times more than he ever made with Pengers and the rest, as they say, is history." I gazed at him in admiration for his resourcefulness.

"You're so smart Mr. J."

"Yes, I know Pumpkin, but thank you for saying so."

Once Joker had finished eating I pulled out the bag of games and novelty items I brought with me.

"I wish we had power over here so we could watch a movie or something, but I have a deck of cards and a couple of travel games in here if ya wanna play." He eyed the bag.

"Let's see what else you have in there."

I handed him the bag and he started rummaging through it. He laughed as he pulled out each item. There was a shocking pen, gag gum that dyed your mouth, fake vomit, a screaming pickle, a rubber chicken, the chattering teeth I found in his belongings and some other joke items.

"They're silly, but I thought you might get a kick out of some of it." He pulled out a Whoopee Cushion and that almost malicious looking grin crossed his face.

"I think I know something we can do to keep ourselves occupied. Come to Daddy, Pumpkin." He said as he crooked his finger at me.

He grabbed me around my waist and pulled me onto his lap so that I was straddling him. He kissed me deeply and when he broke the kiss he asked me,

"Ready to have a little fun?"

"Oh yeah Mr. J!"

I won't go into too much detail here. What happened that night was just for me and Mr. J. What I will tell you is that it was passionate, unique and utterly amazing! He did things with a Whoopee Cushion you wouldn't believe! And those chattering teeth? Totally multi-purpose!

Afterward while we basked in the post-coital euphoria and caught our breath I climbed into his lap and laid my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and lazily stroked my side, running his fingers over my scars.

"So, how did you get these Poo?" I was a little embarrassed to tell him, but I did.

"Well, when I was growing up my dad wasn't around a lot. I found out when I was nine that he was a crook, the cops busted in and arrested him while I watched." He shifted me a little on his lap and looked down at me.

"What did they arrest him for?"

"Fraud and embezzlement. He was living a double life, swindling widows. I found out he had a whole other family at one point. He was living with this woman, Linda Gilmore and her son Robbie who was about my age. Here I am just dying for my dad's love and attention and he's playing daddy to this other kid. He took him to little league and played football with him. I can't tell you how hurt I was by that.

"As I got older that pain never went away. In fact, once I hit puberty it got worse, I was like, totally hormonal. One day I was sitting in the kitchen by myself and I took a knife from the butcher block and just started making cuts on my arm. I didn't know why at the time; I just know it made me feel better. As a shrink, of course I know it was my way of escaping my emotional pain, if only for a little while. That pain was the only thing in my life I had any control over. Well, a friend of mine at school saw the cuts in the girl's locker room and told on me. My mom got called in and I had to see the school shrink. It was humiliating. So I started cutting in places where no one could see. I cut in the same places over and over again. It was oddly…. comforting. I don't know how else to explain it." Joker turned his mouth down into a little frown.

"Awww, my poor widdle Harley. No daddy to help you grow up, what a cad. No wonder you wouldn't talk about him. Is he still in the pen?" I sighed and cuddled closer to Mr. J.

"Yeah, he's doing a twenty year stretch this time. I went to see him over the holidays and he tried playing on my emotions to get him a transfer here. He's never gonna change." I pouted. "Whatever, I'm done with him anyway." Joker chucked me under the chin.

"Well chin up kiddo, you've got all the daddy you're gonna need right here."

"I know Puddin'." He turned his head and looked at me with one verdant eyebrow raised.

"Puddin'? Really, Harley?" I smiled and leaned forward to give him a quick peck on the lips.

"I like it."

"Well I don't."

"Okay Puddin'." He flipped me off his lap and onto my back and started tickling me. I squealed and laughed and tried to get away, so he straddled my hips effectively pinning me down and kept on tickling until tears were streaming down my face.

"Okay, okay Mr. J! No more Puddin'…Puddin'!" He smiled down at me.

"Oh, now you're really asking for it."

The tickling led to kissing and the kissing led to heavy petting and…. well you get the idea. Afterward I fell asleep in his arms and we stayed that way until Mike came back at four thirty in the morning to bring Mr. J back to his cell.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Sunday morning the power came back on, which was a blessing as the temperatures were already beginning to rise. We got Victor back in his cell without incident, although he didn't look particularly happy about it. I could see the snow plows in the distance clearing off the Tri-Gate bridge so hopefully before long the rest of the staff would be able to make it in to relieve us. The thought of leaving, for me, was bittersweet. The one thing I loved the most was right here in this asylum. Did I just say love? In my heart of hearts, I knew that was exactly what this was. I had always been quick to love, which was why I was so careful about who I dated in the past. Mr. J was just the perfect guy for me. It was crazy, I know, but the heart wants what the heart wants and mine wanted Mr. J body and soul. He was so smart; I may have a PH D but his mind ran circles around mine. He made me laugh like I haven't laughed in years, maybe ever and that body, just wow. Yup, I had it bad.

I headed straight for the employee lounge to brew some coffee. I had gotten a total of maybe seven hours sleep the whole weekend and my ass was dragging. Mahreen was there when I walked in and she was already working on the coffee situation.

"Good morning Harley. I spoke with Dr. Arkham this morning and help is on the way. We should be home in our own beds by noon." I pulled open the refrigerator and rummaged around until I located some creamer.

"Well that's good, I need at least a full eight hours of sleep so I can be fresh for my session with Joker on Monday." Mahreen poured two cups of coffee and handed me one.

"Oh, you're not coming in tomorrow. The director gave us a mandatory day off to recuperate. I told him how harrowing this whole situation was and he wants us fresh before we resume sessions." I hope it didn't show on my face how disappointed I was. I was really looking forward to having two hours alone with my Puddin, and now I'd have to wait three whole days? I was very put out over that bit of news.

We got to work distributing meds. I gave Mr. J placebos again. The shrink in me knew he actually needed the anti-psychotics, but the lover in me knew that they often caused erectile dysfunction and/or spontaneous ejaculation so I guess I was being a little short-sighted and selfish just then. We finished our rounds at about ten and that's when the rest of the staff slowly started rolling in. I was exhausted, it was a good kind of exhausted but I knew I must have looked like hell. I've always needed a minimum of six hours of sleep a night to function and the lack of it was taking its toll. I had a crick in my neck and my back ached from two nights of sleeping on the floor, among other things.

I found an excuse to go back to I.T. before I left for the day and stopped at Mr. J's cell. He was pacing the small space and looked a little out of sorts. His brow was furrowed and he was holding his chin in his fingers as if deep in thought. I stood there watching him until he stopped his pacing, and turned to look at me.

"What?" he shrieked. I was a little taken aback at the harshness of his tone.

"I just wanted to let you know that our Monday session has been cancelled. We'll be resuming on Wednesday, ok Mr. J?" He waved his hands in the air in a shooing gesture.

"Yes, yes. Fine."

I felt a pain in the middle of my chest. Was he mad at me? Did I do something wrong? He resumed his pacing. His face was screwed up in what could have been frustration or concentration it was hard to tell.

"I-is everything o-okay Mr. J?" He turned and stared daggers at me.

"It would be if I could just have five minutes alone to think you twit!" he shouted, "Now run along already!" He went back to pacing again. He reminded me of a caged tiger just then, he seemed like he was in total predatory mode.

"O-okay Mr. J. I'll see you Wednesday then." I said weakly. He didn't acknowledge me so I turned and walked away. I held it together until I made it to my office where I fell to my knees and bawled into my hands. I had to have done something wrong for him to speak to me that way, right? But what was it? Our weekend had been blissful, he seemed to have liked it as much as I did. Was he mad because Jerry cancelled our session, or was something else bothering him?

Eventually the staff made it in and I was able to go back to my apartment building. I grabbed my mail from the box in the lobby and headed up to my floor. The light on my answering machine was blinking. I had three messages, one from Dick apologizing for not calling sooner, one from my mom and one from Di telling me to watch Good Morning Gotham tomorrow. I couldn't call anyone back just then; I was feeling terribly depressed. I changed into my pajamas and bathrobe, made coffee and turned on the news.

As I fixed my coffee and made some toast I heard something unusual on the news. I walked into the other room, turned up the volume and listened to the report.

"This is Vicky Vale, with a GNN News special report. Panic spreads throughout the city as a new threat emerges. "Get smart Batman" is the message from the costumed super villain known as the Riddler. Television and radio signals throughout the city were hacked last night to deliver the following message."

They cut to a video feed of Edward Nygma, The Riddler, wearing full villain regalia. His suit was green underneath which he wore a deep purple button down and a green tie covered in purple question marks. He wore a black mask tied around ginger hair and sideburns topped with a green fedora with a purple band. He carried a gold cane in the shape of a question mark.

"Hello again Gotham! It is I, The Riddler, back to needle your noggins. I'm here to deliver a message to our dear Dark Knight. I know you're watching Batman, so pay attention. I have a series of crimes planned throughout our fair city and the only way to catch me is to get smart! Solve my riddles and you may be able to stop the crime. I don't give you much hope, but you can certainly try.

"Riddle me this Batman! Under pressure is the only way I work and by myself is the only way I'm hurt. What am I? Run that around your noodle Batman and I'll give you another clue tomorrow. Goodnight Gotham!"

He took his hat off and waved it at the camera before the video feed cut off. They cut back to Vicky Vale in the studio.

"Will the Batman be able to stop this nefarious villain? We can only wait and hope. I am Vicky Vale, GNN News signing off."

Uh oh, I'm pretty sure I know what was bothering Mr. J this afternoon. If Riddler hacked all the TV stations Charlie must have seen it and told J when he got into work today. Joker hated the Riddler, and if he was challenging the Bat directly of course he'd be furious. I actually breathed a sigh of relief knowing he wasn't mad at me. He was pissed at Riddler! I suddenly felt lighter and a little bit giddy. So he yelled at me, so what, he was stressed that's all. He's a genius and I interrupted his thought process like a dope. It was my fault he yelled at me. Oh my Puddin still loved me. Well, liked me at least.

My train of thought suddenly derailed when I realized that I had seen that look on Mr. J's face before. I ran to the box of interview tapes, found the one I was looking for and popped it in the VCR. It was from a session with Dr. Cavenaugh from three years ago. It wasn't what he said in this session, it was the facial expressions, the way he moved. I rewound the tape and watched his body language very carefully. Yes, that's exactly it. My stomach dropped as I hit the stop button. This session was taped two days before he escaped from Arkham. He was planning a breakout and there was nothing I could do about it. What if I never saw him again? My heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. How would I find him? Would he even want me to find him? I dragged myself to my room and curled up in the fetal position on my bed feeling sorry for myself until I fell asleep.

I woke up around eight in the evening, still sad but not as much as earlier. I walked out to the living room and turned the TV on. The Riddler was on the screen again.

"Greetings and salutations citizens of Gotham! So Batman, did you solve my first clue yet? If you have brava! If not, then you have no chance with the next one. Riddle me this! When the day after tomorrow is yesterday, today will be as far from Wednesday as today was from Wednesday when the day before yesterday was tomorrow. What am I? Good luck, Caped Crusader!"

I jumped at the sound of my land line ringing. I muted the television and picked up the receiver.

"Hey scatterbrain! Did you get my message?" It was Di, it felt like it had been forever since I talked to her. I was really happy to hear her voice; I could use a friend right now.

"Hey Di, how the hell are ya? I've missed you."

"I know, sorry Harley. I've just been so busy! I know you'll see it on GMG tomorrow but I couldn't wait, I wanted to tell you myself!"

"Wha, tell me what Di?"

"My team has been working on finding a cure, so to speak, for psychopathy. We started with the amygdala, the fear processing area of the brain. We have developed a procedure to stimulate it and were successful in normalizing the activity. We are doing the same with the orbital frontal cortex which processes our decision making and the anterior insular cortex our empathy center. Harley we succeeded!"

I didn't really understand what she was talking about but I suddenly had a bad feeling.

"That's great Di. Um, think you can run that by me again in laymen's terms?" She scoffed.

"Harley, it means I'm one federal approval away from human trials! Through medicine and surgical science, we can cure people like the Joker!"

What? I didn't want the Joker cured. I loved him the way he was.

"Oh um that's, great Di. So how exactly does this all work?" She sounded excited to talk about her life's work. I was getting a sick feeling in my stomach.

"We implant tiny electrodes into the corresponding areas of the brain. The electrodes stimulate the abnormal areas and normalize the patient's brain chemistry."

"What are the side effects?"

"Well it doesn't work one hundred percent of the time. In primates we have had a few failures."

"What kind of failures Di?" She paused, "Di! What. Kind. Of. Failures?"

"Wellllll, if the procedure fails it has the same effect as a lobotomy." I was struck dumb. I couldn't believe this is what Di was so excited about. I thought it was a bad idea to poke around inside people's brains, especially brilliant brains like my Puddin's.

"Harley? Harl are you there?" I pushed those thoughts away.

"Di, sorry I gotta run. Congratulations I guess. Talk to you later." I didn't wait for her to reply, I hung up the phone and set it aside. Could this day get any worse?

I was completely stressed out and I decided a bath was in order. I soaked in the tub for over an hour. When the water started going cold I'd drain some and add more hot water. I didn't want to face reality right now because reality was sucking. I knew it was really bad when I caught myself considering opening up one of my scars. I decided I should get dressed and take the anxiety medication Jeremiah had prescribed me for my own good. After donning clean yoga pants and a t-shirt my phone started to ring again. Damn it Di, can't you take a hint? I picked up the phone.

"Yeah?"

"Harley? It's Joan don't be alarmed but the police will be at your apartment shortly. It's just a precaution."

"Joan, what the hell is going on?" I held my breath.

"The Joker has escaped."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

The cops showed up about ten minutes after I hung up with Joan. There was a knock at my door and when I opened it I was greeted by the sight of three detectives and two uniforms standing outside.

"Yes? Can I help you?" The eldest of the trio stepped forward.

"Dr. Quinzel, I'm Commissioner Gordon, these are detectives Harvey Bullock and Renee Montoya. As I'm sure you're aware the Joker has escaped and we need to ask you some questions." If I had any chance of finding Mr. J they really needed to go away.

"Yes, the asylum contacted me. I was told the Joker escaped but I don't know what kind of help I can be to you. There are doctor/patient confidentiality laws in place here." The fat one, Bullock, rolled his eyes at me, turned to Commissioner and said,

"C'mon already commish' she ain't gonna help us. Times a wastin' and da' clown is out dere' somewhere." Gordon turned towards him and gave him a look I couldn't see but he shut up at least.

"Dr. Quinzel, may we come in? We won't take much of your time." My gut just turned to ice. What kind of questions were they going to ask me? I had to be very careful not to reveal anything about me and J. I let the detectives in and they looked around the room suspiciously. Gordon was obviously good cop, Bullock bad cop and Montoya lawful neutral cop, I guess.

"Dr. Quinzel," continued Gordon, "What can you tell me about the Joker stealing and then replacing your vehicle?"

"The Joker was obsessed with my name." Bullock interrupted.

"Your name? What's so special about dat, Doc?" I sighed, how could this tub-a-lard be a detective?

"Mix the letters in my name up a bit and you get Harley Quinn." Bullock just stared at me in incomprehension. "Harlequin, like the 16th century clown character. Why wouldn't he be attracted to it, he is the Clown Prince of Crime after all. When he found out he was the one who sideswiped my car he told me he felt that by replacing it I would be more inclined to take his case. He also told me I was eye candy, so there you have it." Gordon wrote something down on his tiny notebook and flipped the page before he continued.

"I know you can't give me specifics Dr. Quinzel, but how did you feel your overall treatment of the Joker was going so far?"

"I felt we were making a lot more progress than he ever had with his previous therapists. He seemed to, well I can't say trust me per se, but I believe he had at least become comfortable with me. For the first time in Arkham history he was actually actively participating in his treatment." Gordon looked me directly in the eye before asking his next question.

"Dr. Quinzel, did the Joker give you any indication at all that he was planning to break out." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, sure. He told me his whole plan before he busted out." I scoffed. "Of course he didn't. I would have reported it right away. Incidentally, I don't think he "planned" it." I used air quotes on the planned. Detective Montoya stepped forward a little, studying me.

"What exactly do you mean by that, Doctor?" I put one hand on my hip and jutted it out to the side.

"I mean, I think it's this whole Riddler business. It's well known that the two despise each other." The three Detectives stared at me. "I think he heard about it somehow and I think he broke out to deal with him. I believe the decision was spontaneous. In my experience spontaneity is one of his strongest character traits." The three dicks gave each a look before Gordon addressed me again.

"Thank you Dr. Quinzel for your candor. We're going to post a uniform outside to surveil your building for the time being."

"That's really unnecessary Commissioner, and a waste of the city's resources. First of all, I am the farthest thing from Joker's mind. I've watched him kill two people and when he's on the scent ain't nothing pulling him off until he gets what he's after. Second of all," I reached behind the kitchen counter and pulled out the baseball bat and Taser that Dick gave me and showed it to them. "I'm not helpless you know. My friend Dick taught me how to defend myself when I took on this case. I'm blonde, not stupid."

They exchanged a look I couldn't decipher, then thanked me for my time and left. I leaned against the door and slid down it, my heart still beating like a racehorse.

Nothing else crazy happened that night, but I couldn't stop thinking about my Puddin. I was going out of my mind by Monday. Joker escaped and I had no idea where the hell he was. My stomach was tied up in knots and I was thinking about calling in sick tomorrow. I wanted to get out there and start looking for him, but I didn't have the slightest clue where to start. I spent the entire day glued to the news waiting for any kind of story that may involve J or the Riddler to no avail. He was gone without a trace. He usually did something pretty big pretty quickly but what if weeks passed without seeing white hide nor green hair of him. I was starting to despair again so I looked for a distraction. I opened my mail at the kitchen table and it distracted me alright. Pretty much every bill I opened was marked PAST DUE: FINAL NOTICE. That stupid ball in December had set me back a pretty penny. I was three months behind on my med school loans, two months behind on my credit card and if I didn't get the electric bill paid right away they were going to cut off my service. It was a good thing I made double time this weekend but it still wasn't going to get me caught up. I hated being sad, I hated being scared. I just wanted to be happy but it felt like the world was against me. I laid my head down on the table and cried. Once I was able to get a hold of myself, I decided that the best thing for me was to get out of the house. I went shopping, that I couldn't afford, stopped at a café for a latte, that I couldn't afford then went to the Y, at least that was free. I worked myself to exhaustion but I felt better than I had since Mr. J yelled at me on Sunday. When I got home I flicked the front light on and nothing happened.

"Shit, damn electric company! I thought I had two more days to get that damn payment in!" I said out loud to no one but Bernie who was sitting on my kitchen counter. I walked down the hallway towards the bedroom to take off my gym clothes so I could grab a shower. Even though the power was off, the building supplied the hot water so I could still get cleaned up. I kicked off my sneakers in the dark. I pulled my tank top over my head and threw it in the general direction of my bed. I had my pants halfway down to my ankles when I heard a voice drift through the darkened room.

"Need some help with that cupcake?"

I literally fell over with a squeal, both legs half stuck in my leggings. That familiar wonderful chuckle hit my ears. I stared into the dark with my jaw hanging open. As realization dawned on me I ripped my leggings all the way off and jumped onto the bed where the voice of my Mr. J had come from. I couldn't see him, my eyes hadn't adjusted yet, but I certainly felt him. I smothered him in kisses and pinned him on his back on the bed.

"Okay Pumpkin. Enough already! I get it, you're excited to see me!" I couldn't have been happier. He came for me!

"Mistah J." I said breathily. "I didn't know if I'd ever see you again."

He shifted beneath me and turned on the bedside lamp so I could look at him. He looked amazing dressed in his purple pinstriped suit, orange dress shirt and green waistcoat and tie. I had tears in my eyes I was so happy to see him. He sat up, grabbing me around the waist so that I was straddling his lap, and swung his legs off to the side of my mattress. I put my hands on either side of his face and gazed at him in utter devotion before kissing him deeply. As much as I tried to savor that kiss, wouldn't you know that luck just wasn't on my side. I heard knocking on the window above the fire escape. I slapped my hand over Mr. J's mouth and whispered,

"Get in the closet. Don't move, don't make a noise, don't breathe if you don't have to. I'll take care of this." He looked at me skeptically but didn't argue. I looked down remembering I was naked. I ran into the bathroom, threw my hair up in a clip and wrapped a towel around my body then stomped out to the window in the living room. I slid open the curtains, raised the window and screeched when I saw not just Nightwing but Batman standing on my fire escape!

"Jeeezzus! You are trying to give me a heart attack! I'm not kidding, I will totally give you guys my number but this swooping in in the middle of the night bit is getting ridiculous." Batman scowled while Nightwing smirked behind his shoulder. The Bat stepped forward.

"Dr. Quinzel," If I thought Nightwing's voice was gravelly, Batman's was the entire gravel pit. "As you know your patient has escaped. We need your help to find him." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Look B-man, my whole world has been turned upside down by this situation. I told the cops everything I know already! All I wanted was a hot shower and some sleep. What insight do you think I have that's going to break your case?" Batman and Nightwing looked at each other as I heard a third, younger voice above me say,

"I told you she wouldn't know anything. Let's move on. We find Riddler, we'll find Joker." I gave the two adult vigilantes a very annoyed look.

"Robin? What is he, like eight, nine?" I looked down at myself, my breasts were swelling over the top of the towel and my cleavage was very obvious. I tried my best to cover up. "Fantastic, the Fetus Wonder has just seen my boobs. Great parenting skills Batsy. Is he even your kid?" Nightwing looked at Batman.

"We should probably go now." Batman turned to me.

"Here Dr. Quinzel, take this. If he comes for you, we'll be able to help you." He handed me a tiny metal bat with a red light in the center. I gave him a puzzled look.

"What is this, a tracker?" His deep voice replied,

"Among other things."

The trio swung back out into the night as I closed and locked the window. I looked at the tiny device in my palm. Among other things, eh? I bet it was also a bug. I opened my front door and called down the hallway sweetly.

"Psss, psss c'mere Mr. Bonkers, here kitty, kitty." My neighbor Selina was a crazy cat lady, she had like thirty some odd cats. I picked Mr. Bonkers up and affixed the tracker to his collar. "Okay puss, puss, go out and play now."

As I closed the door I felt him standing behind me. I spun around holding my towel in place and taking in his gorgeous face. He didn't look pleased.

"Who was that, Harley?" I bit my lip.

"It was B-man, Wingnut and the Boy Blunder. I got rid of em' for ya Puddin." I gave him a large smile that didn't quite reach my eyes. He suddenly looked furious. He stepped towards me and grabbed my hair in his hand as he pushed me up against the wall.

"First of all little girl, how does Batman and his brood know where you live and why were they here?"

"W-well Mr. J, y-ya know I am listed in the phone book, and they were looking for you. They were afraid you might come after me."

"What were you just doing out in the hallway?" I giggled and he narrowed his eyes.

"Batsy gave me a tracker, bug, bat thingy. I put it on my neighbor's cat. Let em' track that and wonder." Mr. J's face broke out in a wide smile and he lifted his head back and laughed. His hand in my hair loosened and he looked into my eyes.

"Well aren't you a clever girl?" I smiled and put my arms around his neck. His hand moved from my hair to the side of my face and he caressed my cheek with his thumb.

"Hey Mr. J, if the power is still on why won't this one turn on?" I flicked the switch up and down a few times. He let go of me.

"It's simple Poo." He reached up and screwed in the lightbulb to the right two times and the light came back on. "See." He turned from me to look around my tiny apartment. "Not much to look at is it?"

"No, I know it's not, but the rent ain't so bad." He looked at me over his shoulder.

"The neighborhood is though." He walked the few steps into the kitchen. "Got anything to eat in here?" I scurried in behind him.

"Sure Mr. J." I opened the fridge and peered inside, glad I had gone to the store today. "Your choices are leftover Chinese, ham and cheese sandwiches or frozen pizza." I turned to look back at him and saw he had my bills in his hands. He had a look on his face that seemed mildly amused but also slightly concerned.

"Are you struggling financially, Harley?" Crap, if I had any idea Mr. J would actually show up here I would have put them away. I was pretty embarrassed.

"Med school ain't cheap Puddin." I could feel my face getting hot again. That seemed to happen so often around him. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. I'm going to talk to Dr. Thompkins over at the free clinic downtown and see if I can pick up some weekend shifts to get caught back up. I just shouldn't have gone to that stupid ball back in December." He smirked at me.

"Well seeing you in that dress was worth it Poo. You were an absolute vision." He set my bills down and leered. "Ya know, when the heat dies down I'd love to show you off down at the Iceberg in that dress." I threw my arms back around his neck.

"Really Pud?" He placed his hands on my waist, leaned in and gave me a quick kiss.

"Of course, Harley-girl! I'll have the whole room jealous. Well more jealous than normal at least. Hahahaha!" I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Oh Mistah J, the things you say. I'm such a lucky girl."

"So how about that grub Pumpkin?"

I went and put on my bathrobe and got to work heating up the leftover Chinese takeout as Mr. J borrowed my laptop to do some work of his own. When everything was warmed up I brought Mr. J a nice big plate and a cold Zesti and sat down next to him on my couch.

"What'cha working on Pud?" He looked up and closed the laptop when he saw the food. He took a big bite of Sesame chicken and swallowed before answering.

"Tracking down that dunce, Nygma. When I get my hands on him I'm going to wring his scrawny little neck." I was eating a small bowl of white rice with chopsticks.

"Do you think the Bat solved his riddles?" He scoffed.

"Of course he did, they were completely obtuse. I already know what he's planning, but I want to get to him before the Bat does which means finding him before Thursday." I gave him a puzzled look.

"What's happening on Thursday Mistah J?" He glanced at me with a look of slight disbelief.

"Harley, the answer to his first riddle is a diamond, the second is Thursday and if I had to hazard a guess the answer to his next one will have something to do with the docks, a ship or the Greek muses." I was utterly baffled.

"What does it mean though Puddin?"

"What it means is that the Calliope Diamond is coming in on loan to the Gotham Natural History Museum this week arriving on a boat from Greece on Thursday. It's worth $150 million. But that is neither here nor there. What I need to do is isolate the frequency Nygma is using to hack the comm satellites and then I can pinpoint his current location and take him out before the Bat does." His intelligence always astounded me.

"Wow. Is there anything I can do to help Mr. J?" I fluttered my eyelashes at him.

"Actually there is, I need to keep that for now." He motioned to my laptop.

"Of course Puddin. Take whatever you need."

We watched the news as we finished our meals. Mr. J was right, Riddler had another clue tonight, the answer to which was a ship. He was such a smarty!

"Ya want some dessert, Mr. J? I have ice cream."

"Sure Poo, that sounds delightful." I brought him a nice big bowl of chocolate ice cream with whipped cream and sprinkles and set it on the coffee table. He smiled wickedly at me. "Harley, you realize I can't stay here, right? It's simply not safe and I have work to do." I screwed my mouth up into a moue of disappointment.

"I know Puddin."

"So, as much as I hate to be a glutton, I think I want both of my desserts right now."

He grabbed the ties on my bathrobe and pulled, then opened the front of my robe revealing my naked body beneath it. He leaned me back so that my head was propped up against the arm of the couch. He grabbed the bowl of ice cream, spooned up a large scoop and dolloped it on my right nipple then leaned forward and took the whole mess into his mouth. I gasped as his tongue rolled over the hardened nub. It was a strange but wonderful sensation with the cold of the ice cream and the warmth of his mouth. When he finished that mouthful he repeated the process over other parts of my body. I moaned and writhed beneath his ministrations. When the ice cream was gone, he removed his clothing and we made love right there on my couch. Being in my own apartment, knowing we didn't have to worry about being found out removed my inhibitions and I was able to show Mr. J the benefits of sleeping with a gymnast. By the time we finished we were both sticky, sweaty and panting.

"Jesus Harl, I didn't know it was even vaguely possible to get a human body into that position. You are something else kiddo." I giggled as I caught my breath.

"Well it's good to know all those years of training are good for something Puddin." He chuckled.

"Oh, Pumpkin, they are very good indeed. So you really almost went to the Olympics?"

"Yeah Mr. J, if I hadn't of gotten my scholarship I would have, but I wanted a career that wasn't going to be over by the time I was twenty-five." He looked over at the clock on the cable box, it was a little past midnight.

"I have to run Harley, I have a radio tower to climb and a satellite signal to track. I won't be able to come back right away. When I get this whole Riddler nonsense taken care of, I'll send word." My heart sank, I would miss him terribly, but I didn't want to seem too clingy.

"Okay Mr. J, just please be careful. I'll be worried the whole time until I hear from you." He leaned off the couch and rummaged around in his suit pocket and produced a small prepaid flip phone.

"This is how I'll reach you. Do not make any out calls on it and don't let anyone see it." He got up off the couch and walked to the bathroom to clean off the remnants of chocolate and sprinkles then donned his suit. I waked him to the door and he pulled me against him and kissed me deeply.

"Bye Puddin, be careful and I…..I love you." He looked completely taken aback at first, then his expression softened and he leaned down and gently kissed me again.

"I'll be in touch." Then he was gone and I was once again alone with my thoughts.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

I tossed and turned all night worrying about Mr. J. What if he fell off the radio tower, or the Bat got him or a million other scenarios my mind came up with? I went to work the next day and resumed sessions with Tetch and Pamela and since I didn't have the Joker three times a week now I was assigned to a handful of the D-list villains, which was boring but at least it kept me busy.

My session with Pamela was the last one I had for today. Over the past several months she and I had grown fairly close and developed a sort of friendship between us. When I saw her today though she did not look happy at all and it troubled me.

"Pam, what's wrong? Is everything okay?" She glared at me through the glass.

"Harley, are you completely out of you mind?" she hissed. I was baffled, what was she talking about?

"You're going to have to be more specific." She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Okay, how about you sleeping with the Joker? That specific enough for you?" I was struck dumb. How did she know, did anyone else know? As these thoughts ran through my head Pam said, "Look your secret is safe with me, I just don't understand why you'd risk everything for that psycho. I thought you were smarter than this."

I leaned in as close to the glass as I could and whispered. "How do you know? Who told you?" I turned my head and looked around, afraid someone might hear us.

"Bernie did." I pivoted my head to stare at her open mouthed.

"What? What do you mean? How could Bernie tell you?" She smiled.

"Harley, I communicate both with and through the Green. Since you brought me these," she gestured the plants I had given her, "I can speak with virtually every plant in the city, including Bernie."

"O-oh, um, I didn't know you could do that. So, um, what exactly did he tell you?" I asked as I turned pink. She screwed her face up.

"Enough to make me want to lose my lunch. The Joker is a lot of things but sexy is not one of them." I scowled at her.

"Heeeyyyy! He is to me!" The corner of her lip quirked up.

"If what Bernie told me is true, that much is obvious. So, you're a psychiatrist/contortionist who likes ice cream and has a clown fetish and I'm the one they have locked up in here?" She chuckled.

"Hmpf. I'm a gymnast, not a contortionist." I stuck my tongue out at her and she laughed.

"That's not the impression Bernie got." Her face suddenly took on a serious expression, "Look Harley, I don't care about many people, but I do care about you. You're smart, friendly and have a kind heart. I just don't want to see you get hurt. I've seen the Joker in action and I've been around him in the long term. He's dangerous and violent and I'm just worried for you."

"Well you don't have ta worry about me, Red. Mistah J cares for me and I'm in love with him. It's crazy, I know, but we just…fit." Pam looked down into her lap for a moment before meeting my gaze again.

"Look, I don't want to rain on your parade Harley, but how is this going to work between the two of you? If you carry on an affair in Arkham, eventually somebody is going to find out and you can kiss your career goodbye. And it's not like he's going to leave Gotham, he's not going to run off somewhere with you to settle down. He's simply too obsessed with Batman for that. So what do you see happening in the long run?" I was suddenly crushed. Honestly I hadn't thought that far ahead. My eyes started to get a little misty.

"I don't know Red! I just, it's not. Dammit. I've been so caught up in the now and been so deliriously happy that I hadn't really put any thought into it." She gave me a rueful smile.

"I know and that's why I wanted to talk to you about it. I don't want to see you get so wrapped up you throw away everything you've worked your whole life for. I don't want to see you trapped inside one of these cells and if you keep fooling around with the clown that's a very real possibility Harley. You're a strong intelligent woman and you deserve so much more out of life." A tear escaped and ran down my cheek.

"I know, but you don't understand, Red. I love him. I mean really, really love him. I've never felt like this about anybody before. I can barely think about anything else. Everything I look at reminds me of him, and when I'm not with him it physically hurts, as if there were a hole in the middle of my chest. When we're together it feels like all is right in the world and I'm so happy I could burst." I took off my glasses and wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. Pam had a look on her face that said if there wasn't a foot of glass between us I'd hug you.

"There are no easy answers Harley. I only want you to think about it." I gave her a half-hearted smile.

"Thanks, Red. You're a great gal. I hope someday, when you're on the outside we can be friends." She smiled back at me.

"Harley, we're already friends. There aren't many people I can tolerate but, I like you and I care about your welfare. Please be careful."

"I will."

After our session I went to my office and checked my bank account online to make sure my paycheck cleared. I called the electric company to pay my bill so I wouldn't have to sit in the dark tonight. The woman who answered looked up my account and said,

"You've already paid your bill today Miss Quinzel."

"What, no I didn't. I just checked my bank statement."

"Well I'm showing that not only are you paid in full, but you have a $500 credit on the account." How is that even possible?

"O-oh okay. Um, thanks."

I hopped back onto my work computer and logged into my student loan account. I stared at the screen in disbelief. My balance read $0.00. Yesterday there had been a balance of $42,533.29. I logged into account after account. My credit cards, my car insurance, my cell phone and every single one was completely paid off. My hands shook as they hovered over the keys. I pulled the prepaid cell phone out of my pocket and stared at it. I flipped it open and checked the contacts but there weren't any. It had to be Mr. J. How the hell did he get access to my accounts? It's not like he swiped my bills off the table, they were still sitting there when I left this morning.

I was conflicted. I was ecstatic that I was suddenly debt free and my heart swelled to think Mr. J cared about me enough to do something like this but Pam was right, I hadn't thought about the long term logistics of our relationship.

I went to shut down my computer and it hit me. Oh my God, my laptop. Mr. J had my laptop and I had all my user ID's and passwords saved on my browser. I am such a dope! That's how he was able to get into my accounts. I quickly logged onto my personal Goth-mail account and checked my messages. There was all the usual spam, a slew of payment confirmation e-mails, one from my mom, one from Di and right at the top of my messages was an e-mail from Joseph Kerr. I smirked, very clever Mr. J. I clicked on it.

Dr. Quinzel:

Hasn't anyone told you not to save your passwords? You just never know what can happen if they fall into villainous hands. Not to worry, I've made sure everything is taken care of. You should go out and do something nice for yourself. Until we meet again. Regards.

Joe Kerr :D

My heart swelled. Screw the logistics! I loved Mr. J and he obviously loved me too or he wouldn't have spent over $60,000.00 to pay off my debts. We'd figure it out. If I ended up in the nuthouse, I didn't care as long as I had my Puddin. I responded to his message.

Mr. Kerr:

Thank you for taking such good care of me, next time it's my turn to take care of you. ;) Missing you terribly. Hope you wrap up your business trip soon and counting the minutes until I see you again. Xoxoxoxo. Harley.

On my way back to my apartment I stopped at the store and grocery shopped, like I hadn't been able to in years. I made sure I had plenty of food on hand just in case Mr. J stopped by. I stopped by the liquor store and grabbed some wine, both red and white since I didn't know what J liked and some Champagne. Then I stopped at the G-Mart and got some men's clothes in what I thought were Mr. J's size. In his business he got bloody and dirty a lot and I wanted a few things in my apartment just in case. I also stopped at Veronica's Secret, a high end lingerie store on the East side and picked up a nice selection I thought would get my Puddin's motor running.

I happily headed home with my treasures. I danced around the apartment as I put things away. When I was done with the groceries I turned and looked at Bernie and shook my finger at him. "No telling Pammy about my sex life anymore, got it? Next time, you're going in the cabinet. I suppose it's a good thing you weren't there for the Whoopie Cushion incident."

I showered and shaved and even though I knew he wouldn't be by tonight put on one of the things I had picked up at the lingerie store, just in case.

I checked my e-mail on my cell and hadn't gotten a response yet. I picked at some vegetables and hummus as I watched the news. Riddler released another stupid riddle clue but there was no mention of Puddin. It was getting late and I had to be up early so I crawled between my sheets and fell asleep.

I was having this crazy dream that Mr. J got pushed out of a window by the Bat and I was so angry I attacked him with a giant mallet when I slowly started to stir.

"Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead!" I felt his breath on my ear. I was still mostly asleep but I registered his presence and rolled over to put my arm around him.

"Mmmm. Mistah Jaayy." I said sleepily, "You came back." I tried to snuggle myself into him but I was suddenly rudely awakened by a series of light staccato slaps on my cheek. I sat up abruptly. "Okay, okay, I'm up already!" I heard him chuckle in the dark. I pounced on him. "I didn't think I'd get to see you tonight." He rolled me over so he was lying on top of me.

"Yes and that's becoming a problem. You're disrupting my work and that bothers me. A lot." He grumbled.

"Awww, Mr. J, all work and no play makes Joker a dull boy, ya know." He grunted.

"I'm hungry. How about you get up and do something about that." I smiled widely although I doubted he could see it.

"Okay Mr. J." I threw on my bathrobe and went into the kitchen to make, okay to warm up, some dinner for my Puddin. As I was in the kitchen he wandered out still fully dressed in his suit and overcoat. "Ya know Puddin, I gotcha some comfortable clothes if you wanted to change. They're in the top drawer of the wardrobe." He smiled, surprised I had thought of it I suppose. As I was pulling some store made chicken Marsala out of the microwave he came back out from the bedroom.

"Harley." I turned to look at him with a smirk in my face. He had a bright yellow pair of underwear dangling from his finger and a sourpuss on his face. "Did you buy me Batman boxer shorts?" I started laughing as he looked at me. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.

"I, haha, I'm sorry Puddin, tee hee, I just couldn't resist. Oh my God the look on your face!" I was holding my stomach and tears were starting to run down my cheeks.

"Oh, so you're a comedienne now, eh?" I wiped the tears from my face and looked at him.

"I don't know about that, but this just keeps getting better!" I threw off my bathrobe and he stared, gaping at me.

"You have got to be kidding me." I started chuckling again as he stared in confusion. "They actually sell Robin Underoos?"

"So whaddya think Puddin?" I said as I twirled around and shook my tush at him. I was smiling so wide I thought my face would crack.

"I think you're nuttier than squirrel shit, Harley." I held my belly as I doubled over.

"Wait, Mis-Mistah J, I gotcha something from Veronica's Secret today." I gave him a peck on the cheek as I ran to the bedroom.

"Oh this can't be good." He said with one eyebrow raised.

"Okay, Mistah J hold out you hand and close your eyes" He gave me a skeptical look.

"I am not closing my eyes. You're having too much fun with this." I smirked as I placed what was crumpled up in my hand into his palm.

"Surprise Mr. J!" He opened his hand and hung the object between his thumb and forefinger as if it would bite him.

"Harley, what in blinking blue blazes is this?" It was very obvious what it was, it was a male G-string with a picture of the bat signal on the crotch.

"Aww Puddin, I thought it would make you look sexy." He stared at me, stunned.

"I'm not wearing that." I tried to hide my smile although I don't think I was totally successful.

"Why?" He screwed up his face.

"Because it's a banana hammock!"

"Aww c'mon Puddin, wontcha just try it on once for your little Harley girl?" I gave him a pouty look. "Pweese?"

"No, I'm drawing a line here Harley!" He snapped the G-string at me like it was a rubber band and it hit me square in the face. "Get rid of that! Better yet, burn the damn thing!" I couldn't hold it in anymore I was hysterical. "Oh, that's it little girl, you are soooo getting a spanking!" He walked over to me, threw me over his shoulder and stalked towards the bedroom.

"But Mr. J, your dinner."

"Spanking first, dinner later!"


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Mr. J wasn't kidding about the spanking, he really did it and he wasn't gentle about it. I had a feeling I'd be bruised later on. Truth be told it really turned me on. In the past my sexual experiences were pretty vanilla, with J they were Ghost Chili hot! I did as I promised him in my e-mail earlier and 'took care of him' and judging by his reactions I think he was more than satisfied with my technique. We lay in bed together for a while afterwards. He had his arm around me and my head was resting on his chest. I gazed up into that handsome face of his.

"Mr. J, have you ever met Superman?" He turned his head to look down at me.

"As far as pillow talk goes, that's kind of a strange question kiddo. Yes, I've met Stupidman a couple of times. Why do you ask?" I shrugged.

"Just curious I guess. What's he like?" He scoffed.

"Well he has a complete lack of irony, that's for sure. The first time I met him he actually introduced himself! Haha, as if the giant 'S' on his chest didn't give it away. He's definitely not my target audience though. I aim for an edgier demographic." He put his fingers up to the sides of his head emulating bat ears. "His costume is just _terrible_. More Jock than Goth. Ya know, here in Gotham we all shop at the same Hot Topic." he shrugged, "Overall he's completely boring. He's just a nice guy that flies. He thinks I'm funny though. He actually laughed at my jokes." My eyes widened in awe and admiration.

"Really Puddin?" He looked down at me again.

"You're still going with that, huh?" I giggled.

"Uh huh." He pulled his arm out from under me.

"Well, as enjoyable as this has been, I need to get some work done, Pumpkin." He kissed me on the top of my head and got up to dress. He glanced at me over his shoulder. "How about you get up and make yourself useful. I'm starving."

"You got it Puddin."

I went back to the kitchen, reheated the chicken and placed it down on the coffee table in front of Mr. J. He was looking at a map of Gotham City that had red dots connected by black and green lines all over it spread out on the table. I sat down carefully on the couch next to him as he stabbed into a bite of chicken and placed it in his mouth. My behind was still stinging from earlier.

"You're not much of a cook, are ya kiddo?" I turned red in embarrassment.

"No I'm not. What with gymnastics and med school I never really had time to learn. I make a mean bowl of Ramen noodles though." He laughed.

He went back to studying the map in front of him as he ate.

"So Mis-" He didn't turn and look at me but he put one finger over my mouth in a shushing gesture.  
"Harley, let's get one thing straight here. When Daddy is working, you need to not be talking, got it?"  
I nodded my head. "Good girl."

His phone rang and he dug it out of the inside pocket of his suit jacket and answered.

"What?" He listened for a moment and then a wide grin spread across his face. "That's the best news I've had all week Rocco! Remind me to give him a bonus! Job well done, Roc!" He paused before saying, "I'm on my way, don't forget to bring the sniper rifle with you." He snapped the phone shut and looked at me. "Gotta run Harley-girl! I have an annoying little twerp to pulverize." I pouted and looked up at him coquettishly.

"Do ya really haveta Puddin?" He sighed.

"Don't give me that look, I shouldn't even be here tonight. Consider yourself lucky I came at all." I giggled again.

"Twice, Puddin."

"Hey I do the jokes around here missy. That's why they call me the Joker." He put on his overcoat and headed towards the door. I got off the couch and trailed behind him. "Be a good girl while Daddy's gone, ok Poohbear." He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss then headed out the door. I missed him already.

I walked to the bathroom and pulled down my panties in the mirror to see what my butt looked like. Oh yeah, both cheeks were bright red and I could see the beginnings of bruises blossoming. There was a perfect impression of Mr. J's hand on my left cheek and I smiled to think I'd be secretly carrying around his mark on me for the rest of the week. It was two in the morning and as much as I wanted to stay glued to the news, I needed to get at least a few hours of sleep before work.

When I got to Arkham the next day it was completely chaotic. Everyone was rushing around and it seemed there was more traffic than usual heading in the direction of the infirmary. It reminded me of the day Joker first arrived. I saw Joan heading towards the intensive treatment ward and I jogged to catch up with her.

"Joan, what's going on?"

"We got another big bad in overnight." My eyes widened. I needed to play dumb.

"Who? The Joker?"

"No, he is still at large unfortunately. The GCPD brought in Edward Nygma last night."

"The Riddler? How did they catch him?"

"They didn't. He was found beaten to a bloody pulp, with a note stapled to his chest. He was tied to the lamppost outside of the MCU in a giant red ribbon." I had to hold in my giggle and keep my composure.  
"Is Nygma going to be alright?" She shrugged.

"He'll live, but he's going to be in the infirmary for a very long time. He's in pretty rough shape." 

"So out of curiosity, what did the note say?"

"I'm not one hundred percent sure, it's being held as evidence at the MCU, but the rumor is that it was Joker who perpetrated this crime and supposedly it was a taunt to the GCPD and the Batman for having done their work for them. That's all I really know."

"Oh, okay. Well I better get to my first session." As I turned to walk back down the hallway to the elevators Joan said,

"Oh Harley, I almost forgot. Dr. Arkham wants us to meet in his office at two this afternoon to meet a new staff member." I nodded.

"Okay Joan see you then."

When I finally got a break between sessions I went to my office, turned on my computer and searched for the story on Riddler. I found it on The GNN website and played the video.

"This is Vicki Vale with a GNN News special report. Residents in Burnley were startled from their beds early this morning. Jack Ryder is on the scene to explain what happened. Jack?" The camera cut to Jack Ryder standing in front of an apartment building.

"Thank you Vicki. At four o'clock this morning, residents here in Burnley received a very rude awakening. Gunshots rang out followed by a horrifying crash as a giant weather balloon fell from the sky and crashed into the side of the building behind me. As you can see," the camera cut to a shot of a gigantic green balloon which sported a large purple question mark on it and there appeared to be some kind of equipment rigged to it, which was now smashed and scattered in the street. "This is obviously the work of the Riddler. Just what he was trying to accomplish is still unknown but with me I have Dr. Emmet Baker who may have some insight." The camera panned back to Jack and an elderly gentleman with wild white hair and a thick mustache.

"Thank you Jack. The equipment behind us is the type used to jam radio and television signals as well and satellite communications. Essentially what we have here is a mobile cloaking device that shielded the Riddler's machinations from the GCPD and the Batman. There was a second device found floating in Gotham Harbor and a third in the Warehouse district. With these three devices working in tandem the Riddler was able to hide his actions and carry out his plan from anywhere in the city without detection."

The camera cut back to the studio. "Jack, do we know who brought down the balloons?"

"No Vicky, at this time we do not have confirmation. The Riddler was found beaten and tied up outside the GCPD MCU early this morning but Commissioner Gordon will neither confirm nor deny the involvement of the Batman. Reporting from Burnley this is Jack Ryder. Now back to Vicki in the studio."

I stopped the video. So _that's_ what Mr. J needed the sniper rifle for, to take down the cloaking devices, I had wondered. I had been expecting to see Riddler turn up dead, but apparently his defeat and humiliation was the goal of Mr. J's little escapade.

When two o'clock rolled around I headed to Dr. Arkham's office. I walked in and saw Dr. Arkham, Joan, a man I didn't know who was balding on top and wore round pink tinted glasses, and Diane. I started then a big smile crossed my face.

"Di, what are you doing here?" I walked over to give her a hug. She whispered in my ear.

"I got my final approval!" Joan and Doc Arkham looked at us in confusion.

"Sorry. Dr. Green and I are old friends from college." Arkham nodded in acknowledgement.

"Please have a seat Dr. Quinzel. Since Dr. Green obviously needs no introduction I would like you to welcome Dr. Hugo Strange to the staff." He pointed at the man in the glasses. I leaned over to shake his hand.

"Pleased to meet you Dr. Strange."

"The pleasure is all mine, Dr. Quinzel." His voice was deep and he had a strange accent I couldn't quite place. It reminded me of recordings of Henry Kissinger I heard back in high school. Dr. Arkham resumed.

"Dr. Green and Dr. Strange will be joining our staff. I'm sure you're familiar with Dr. Greens work?" I nodded. "The FDA has recently approved Dr. Green's groundbreaking procedures. Both the state and the board has agreed that our facility is the perfect place for clinical trials. Our patients will be studied by Doctor's Green and Strange and the most befitting subjects will undergo the procedure. I have asked you here Dr. Quinzel because I would like you to help them work through our patient files to help identify which inmates would benefit most from undergoing this procedure." I was slightly taken aback.

"Oh, um, yes. I'd be more than happy to assist any way I can."

"Wonderful, Dr. Green your team can get started in the morning."

With that we were dismissed. Di caught up to me in the hallway.

"Harley, are you okay, you don't look very well. I thought you'd be excited to be working together." I swallowed down the lump that was steadily climbing up my throat.

"I am, it's just that, I mean it's a little controversial don't you think?" She looked surprised at my reaction.

"Aren't all new medical trials at first?"

"Yes but in other medical trials, the subjects volunteer. The inmates here won't have any choice. I'm just not one hundred percent okay with this Di."

She looked crestfallen and I suddenly felt guilty. This was one of my best friends in the world and she expected me to support her newfound success, but for purely selfish reasons I simply couldn't bring myself to be happy about all this. Besides Mr. J, I had other inmates I genuinely cared about, Johnny and Red to name a few, and I didn't want them to end up being a test subject for a procedure that had the potential to dramatically change their personalities or worst case scenario turn them into vegetables for the rest of their lives. She adopted and indignant facial expression.

"Well fine then Dr. Quinzel, I'm sorry my work offends you. I'll just be on my way then."

"Oh come on Di, don't be like that!" She ignored me and walked away with her nose in the air.

I was restless when I got home. I was grateful Mr. J wasn't in Arkham, but the problem was going to be keeping him out. For him Arkham was like a revolving door he was in and out so often. If he landed himself back in the loony bin, he'll be patient zero for Diane and Dr. Strange's research. I paced my apartment then tried to find chores to occupy myself. Midnight came and went with no word from J.

I eventually managed to fall asleep but I was troubled by vivid nightmares. I sat straight up in bed having been awakened by a particularly violent nightmare about J undergoing Di's new procedure. I grabbed the cell phone from Mr. J and checked it. No missed calls but there was a text message.

H. Now that this Riddler business is wrapped up I need to get back to my real work. I won't be around for a while. Too much to do and I can't have you distracting me. DO NOT answer this message and don't call or you could compromise my position. I'll be in touch. J.

My heart was breaking. He's ditching me for the freaking Bat. If he goes after Batman the chances were good that he might be recaptured. My instinct was to text him back but I didn't want to piss him off so I settled on plan B which was quickly forming in my mind. I had a lot to do. 


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it pays to be prepared. I started using my evenings scouring the city for the things I thought I would need. I had to buy a new laptop since J took off with mine but since he paid off my debts I had a lot more disposable income these days. What I couldn't buy legally in Gotham I managed to scrounge up online. It's amazing the shit you can get on E-Buy. What I couldn't find online I found with the help of Pam and Jonathan and their contacts on the outside, and that was amazingly helpful to my cause. The tailor especially. I watched I-Tube tutorials on skills I knew I'd need to get good at and practiced daily. I taught myself how to pick locks, jimmy car doors and how to hotwire a vehicle as well as a few others that I felt would be useful. I did a lot of research which helped to fill up my suddenly lonely nights. It had been days and I hadn't heard from my Puddin nor seen anything on the news about him. I suppose hearing nothing was far better than hearing that B-man dragged him back to Arkham. It hurt to know I was so easily cast aside for the Bat though. God I hated that flying rodent and his bird boys. Someone needed to do something about them, permanently. Unfortunately, I knew that was above my pay grade at this juncture.

I started going to the gym every night. I was lifting daily and was up to bench pressing eighty pounds, which may not sound like a lot but I only weighed one forty so that's generally considered a little impressive. I found a sparring buddy at the Y, a tall black guy named Lewis, although his nickname was Spider because of the tattoos he sported. He was good. He had a long reach and he was fast, just not as fast as I had gotten.

My days at work were just awful. I was forced to work with Di, who was still completely pissed at me, and that creepy Dr. Strange. He was a weird one, let me tell you. He spoke of previous experiments he had conducted in the field of genetic engineering. He had at one time created a serum that turned the subjects into monsters, who ultimately ended up having to be put down for their own good. He was also known in the field of mental manipulation and neurosurgical implantation. The guy totally made my skin crawl. We had narrowed down the possible participants of their experiment to three subjects. Aaron Helzinger aka Amygdala, Roman Sionis the Black Mask and Victor Zsasz. So far Victor appeared to be the patient they were most interested in. He was without a doubt a pure unadulterated psychopath. We were now conducting a series of testing to determine the likelihood of success in each patient. Blood tests, x-rays, MRI's, CT Scans, cerebrospinal fluid screenings, EEG's and the list just went on. I didn't mind, at least while they were busy testing they weren't actively turning anyone into a drooling idiot for the rest of their lives.

Pam and I had grown extremely close recently and I have to be honest, I was trying to figure out a way to get her out of this dump. She didn't belong in here. If I only knew how to shut off the defoliant in her cell she had a chance. I decided to go down to the records room to look for floor plans of the asylum. What I ended up discovering was more than I could have hoped for. I rolled up the papers and shoved them down the back of my skirt then put my lab coat on to conceal them. I started formulating my plans. It would take some finagling, but I was pretty sure I was going to be able to pull it off.

I let her know what I was up to during our next session.

"Pam, we need to talk." She looked up at me. She was sitting on the floor again talking with her babies.

"Sure Harl, what's going on?" I knelt down, got as close to the glass as possible and whispered.

"I'm getting you out." She was in shock.

"What? When? How?"

"Tomorrow night. Listen, all you need to know is that when you hear the fire alarm go off, the defoliant in your cell will automatically shut down. You can handle the rest from there, am I right?" She smiled wickedly.

"Oh yes Harls. That I can definitely do."

"There will be a getaway car waiting for you on the other side of the north fence. The keys will be in the ignition and the tank will be gassed up. There will be a cell phone in the glovebox. Get somewhere safe and stay there until I contact you, okay?" She smirked at me.

"I knew when I met you were a girl who was worth her salt." I stood and put my hands on my hips.

"Lier. You hated me when you met me. You said and I quote, "You're just another self-righteous, know it all, do-gooder meatbag who thinks they have all the answers." She chuckled.

"Well, what can I say, you grew on me like a fungus." I winked at her.

"Until tomorrow my little daffodil!"

I went home and poured over the Asylum layout and security specifications I found in the records room. I figured out exactly where I needed to be and when in order to pull this off. I was excited at the thought of having a girlfriend again. Since this whole situation with Diane and the fact that Mr. J dropped off the face of the planet I was terribly lonely. I mean, I talked to my mom quite a bit but that's not the same as having a friend or a lover. I went through cycles in regard to my feelings for Mr. J. One minute I'd be angry, the next one I'd be depressed and then I'd just crumble into a sobbing mess on the floor. Get a freaking grip Harley. Listen to Red, you're a strong, independent woman and you don't need a man to make you happy. You have a full life that revolves around you with friends and activities of your own. Yeah, I just wish I could really believe it. My life had gotten much simpler in a lot of ways when J was in it. Well screw him, he's the one who walked out on me. Ugh, I told you I was conflicted.

The next day I was a bundle of nerves. I stopped at a bodega on my way to work and bought a pack of cigarettes which I had in the front pocket of my lab coat along with a pack of matches. I had everything in place. I knew a neighbor who had one of those fancy keypads to lock and unlock his car and I knew he always left the keys in the center console so very early in the morning I jimmied the door and stole it. I parked it where I told Red I would, on the north side just behind some tree cover. I took the train back to my apartment then drove in at my normal time. I did my best to avoid Di that day, she knew me well enough to be able to tell when I was stressed. I finished my sessions and then made it obvious to my co-workers that I was swamped with paperwork that I needed to catch up on. I didn't need anyone wondering why I was at the asylum so late.

I waited until shift change at ten then snuck down the hallway and took cover behind the corner. I pulled a slingshot and a steel ball out of my coat pocket. I broke my cover just enough to fire off the silver projectile. It hit my target, the security camera, smack dab in the middle of the lens, shattering the whole front and rendering it useless. I walked down to the ladies room, entered and then checked each of the stalls to make sure I was totally alone. I looked in the trash can, not enough fuel. I ripped the cover off the paper towel dispenser and wadded up the entire roll then threw it in the can. I lit a cigarette. I choked and gagged on it. How did people find this enjoyable? I threw the lit cigarette directly on top of the wadded up towels and waited until it started to smolder, then took back off for my office where I simply waited for the fireworks to start. Within a minute the fire alarms started to go off. Because the defoliant in Ivy's cell was highly flammable there was an automatic failsafe installed in the system that shut down the tanks. Before long I heard the destruction starting.

Red used the rose bush I had gotten her to grow into the floors and walls themselves. The vines grew and twisted until they shattered the glass of her cell. She was able to use her pheromones to stop the guards in their tracks. She then placed the orchid on her windowsill and used her powers to make it grow until it broke the glass and destroyed the bars then climbed down to ground level. My office window was on the north side, I looked out to see her bolting across the yard and using a tree to grow a bridge right over the top of the razor wire fence. I saw the brake lights light up then speed away into the night. I was so relieved I could pee myself.

I put on my practiced demeanor of panic and concern. I'd been working on my acting skills too. I rushed down to intensive treatment to see the carnage, I mean see if there was anything I could do to help. Tee hee. I pitched in making sure the other inmates were still secure. I stayed long enough to seem sincere but no longer than that. I rushed home, pulled out the prepaid cell phone I bought for myself and texted Red.

'Are you safe and in a secure location?' She responded immediately.

'Yes. Thanks I owe u 1.'

'Address and what can I bring you?'

'225 Elder Lane, East Park Side. If you bring me a burger I will kiss u!'

'Omw'

225 Elder Lane was a beautiful brownstone in one of the classier neighborhoods of Gotham. Apparently crime really paid off for Red. I was wearing a dark coat and hat to try to hide my identity a little bit. I walked up the steps and rang the bell. After a few moments the door opened just enough for me to squeeze through. I smiled when I saw Red, she looked healthier and happier than I had ever seen her.

"I come bearing sustenance!" I held up the Gothamburger bag and drink caddy I grabbed at a drive through for us. Ivy threw her arms around me and squeezed until I almost couldn't breathe anymore. "Um, Red, stronger than you look. Must breathe." She let go and laughed. It was beautiful to hear her laugh, it's something she never really did in Arkham.

"Harley, you're a goddess! Thank you so much for getting me out of there! God it feels good to be free!"

"Aww shucks Red, it was nothing really. Oh by the way, you ditched the car right, cause it's kind of a little stolen?" Her jaw dropped open.

"Little miss psychiatrist stole a car?" I pouted.

"Hey, this psychiatrist is dating the Joker, or was at least. A little grand theft auto just comes with the territory, right?"

She led me down the hallway into a large living room that took my breath away. Almost every single surface was covered with plant life. Moss, lichens, large tropical plants and exotic flowers bloomed in a lush profusion of colors and scents.

"Wow! Red, this is really out of this world!"

"Here, have a seat and let's eat. I am sick to death of that disgusting tripe that Arkham presented as food and that burger is calling my name!"

We ate and chatted. Then she gave me the nickel tour. It was a three bedroom two and a half bath brownstone with a full basement that Pam was using as a makeshift lab. The entire house was breathtaking. The master bath sported a bathtub big enough for three people, and oh how I would love a soak in that! We talked until late in the evening. It was a Friday which meant I didn't have to work in the morning, so when Pam invited me to spend the night I accepted. It felt like the sleepovers I used to have in high school where we'd talk about boys and music then do each other's hair, except we talked about killing men and stealing diamonds. I could see the appeal to the criminal lifestyle. Pam, unlike J, didn't kill indiscriminately. She only killed when it would save her precious plants or her own ass. She was more a thief and eco-crusader than a murderer. The profits she made from her heists mostly went to saving the rainforests of South America or battling deforestation in the west. She kept enough to live very comfortably though.

I had a couple bottles of wine in my bag and we went through both until we were giggly, giddy and sleepy. She showed me to one of the guest bedrooms and I curled up in the bed and passed out almost immediately.

I woke up with a pounding headache. I walked into the kitchen to find Red bright eyed and bushy tailed making coffee. She saw me and smirked.

"Someone is looking rough this morning." I sat down at the kitchen table and held my head in my hands.

"I'm _feeling_ rough this morning. Got any aspirin?" She opened a cabinet and pulled out a green vile of liquid.

"I have something better than aspirin. Here drink this, it will fix you right up." I smelled it. It actually smelled pretty good. I chugged the contents and within minutes my headache was almost gone.

"Wow, that stuff is amazing! What is it?" She set a cup of coffee down in front of me.

"It's an extract derived from a hybridization of milk thistle, ginger and prickly pear cactus. Works like a charm every time. You know Harley. If we're going to be hanging out together we need to get you immunized. My body produces over thirty different toxins and I wouldn't want you to pick up something nasty. Follow me."

She led me down to the basement lab. She had me sit in a chair as she prepared a hypodermic needle which she filled with a greenish blue substance. She swabbed my arm with an alcohol prep pad and said, "This is going to make you dizzy and maybe a little sick at first, don't panic it will be over in a few minutes. Ready?"

I scrunched up my face and squeezed my eyes closed. "Ready Red."

She injected the serum quickly and expertly. I barely even felt the needle. But then it hit me. The room started to spin and I felt hot all over. I leaned back in the chair and put my arm over my eyes.

"What the heck is happening Red?"

"It's okay Harley, it's just your immune system adapting. Not only have I immunized you from most toxins but the serum is also increasing your strength, speed, and stamina as well as the ability to heal more quickly. It will take a few minutes to run its course."

Finally, the spins went away and I actually felt better than I had in years, maybe even ever! I hopped out of my chair and did a standing backflip that almost launched me through her ceiling.

"Hey, hey Harl! No gymnastics in the lab okay?" I smiled and hugged her around the neck.

"Red you're the best!"

I stayed with Ivy the entire weekend. I ran errands for her during the day, picked up groceries and anything else she needed and in the evenings we watched movies and talked. It felt so good to have a best friend again. Over the next week I was at Ivy's more than I was at home. My apartment felt too empty. Besides Pammy was on the lam and couldn't really leave the house so I helped her out and kept her company.

The following Thursday night I heard a notification tone ding on my phone. I dug through my purse and unlocked the screen. No messages. Oh crap. I dug around in my bag for the other phone. There was one new message. It said.

'Where the hell are you?'

He told me not to text back so I didn't although to be honest I didn't answer him because I was mad and felt he should get a little taste of his own medicine. Within five minutes another message popped up.

'So help me God Harley, if you don't answer me right now I swear you are going to regret it!' I texted back.

'At a friend's.'

'What friend, you have no friends! WHERE ARE YOU?'

'With Poison Ivy.'

'Get your ass home right now or I will come and drag you out of there by your damn hair!'

I looked up at Ivy. "Um, sorry to bail but something just came up Red. I gotta run but I'll call you okay?" She scowled at me.

"That was the clown wasn't it?" I sighed as my shoulders drooped. I nodded my head. "What the hell is wrong with you? He abandoned you for two whole weeks and now you're going to run back into his arms? Grow a spine Harl!"

"It's not like that Red. He, um, we have to talk is all. I really do have to go now. I'll talk to you soon."

I hugged her and ran out to my car. It took me forty minutes to get home with all the traffic. When I opened my apartment door I was instantly met with a backhand to my face. I wasn't prepared for it and it knocked me to the ground. Then I felt Mr. J's hand gripping my hair, fingers digging into my scalp. He wrenched my head up to look at him and my scalp was in agony from the force he was using to pull my hair. His other hand encircled my throat and squeezed, not cutting off my air but limiting it. He looked furious.

"Where have you been for the past week?" He bellowed. "Have you been out tramping around? Maybe meeting with that filthy rich, pretty boy from the gym? Hmmmm?" He yanked on my hair harder and I yelped in pain.

"No Mr. J, I been with Red the whole time!" he slapped me again, harder than before and I tasted blood in my mouth.

"Don't you lie to me little girl! Ivy is in Arkahm and we both know it!" Tears were openly streaming down my cheeks.

"I guess you haven't read the papers then." I sobbed. "I helped bust Red out last Friday. I been at her place ever since! I swear Puddin!" He grabbed my chin and pulled my tear streaked face up to look into his eyes. His fingers were digging into the hollows of my cheeks. I tried to talk and it came out garbled due to the pressure on my face. "I didn't know where you were, and I was all alone so I went over there. You gotta believe me Puddin!" He finally released me and stalked over to the new laptop that was sitting on my coffee table.

"If I search the news and find out you're lying I am going to beat you bloody!" He screamed. I sat in a crumpled position in the floor blubbering hysterically. He hit me. My precious Puddin hit me. I glanced over at him as he tapped away in the keyboard. Then he stopped typing and appeared to be reading. He got up from the couch and walked back over to me. He knelt down.

"Honey, baby, Pumpkin Pie. Daddy didn't mean it darling. But when I came for you three nights in a row and you weren't here what was I supposed to think?" He was using a coddling tone of voice. I sniffled but wouldn't look at him.

"You left me all alone. You ditched me for the Bat. I didn't think you were coming back." I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them ducked my head down and started bawling again. "What, was, I, supposed to think?" I hiccupped.

"Awwww my poor wickle Harley. Well I'm here now so why don't you stop all these hysterics and come to Daddy." I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck as I sniffled into his chest. He wrapped his arm around my back and slid the other under my knees to pick me up. I clung to him but I still couldn't look at him. "Shhh, shh. Hush now Harley, Daddy's here and everything is going to be just fine. Kay?" I nodded as he brought me into the bathroom and set me down on the closed toilet seat. I hung my head and looked at the ugly yellow tiles on the floor. "Harley, look at me." Coddling Joker was gone, control freak Joker was back. I glanced up and pouted at him. "I said I'm sorry now stop the dramatics already."

"But you didn't." he glared at me.

"I didn't what Harley?"

"You didn't say you were sorry." He scoffed and threw his hands out to either side.

"I just did! Oh for the love of-" He blew out a frustrated breath. "Harley, it's your fault his happened. You could have left me a note, or better yet you could have stayed your ass home where I could find you! But noooo, you had to go run off to the weed lady's house to pout." He bent down and grabbed the peroxide from under the vanity and poured some on a cotton ball. He roughly started scrubbing at the blood on my face with it.

"S-sorry Mistah J." He smiled.

"There's a good girl. Now let's just put all this nonsense behind us. Okay?"

"Yes Mistah J." He finished dabbing at my face and kneeled down so he was at the same level as me.

"Now how about you give Daddy some sugar then you can be a very good girl and dig up something to nosh for your adoring Mr. J."

He grabbed my face in both hands and kissed me deeply. I didn't mean to respond but I did and inwardly cursed when I felt myself grow suddenly wet. He released me, stood and walked out to the living room where I heard him flick on the TV. I looked at my face in the mirror. My right eye was blackening and my left cheek was swollen. I swallowed my pride and went to go make Mr. J some dinner as I wondered what else this night was going to hold in store for me.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

I quietly moved around the kitchen making Mr. J a sandwich. He was on my couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table watching Reservoir Dogs. It was the Mr. Blonde scene where he chops off the cop's ear and J was laughing hysterically. I carefully placed his plate and soda down next to him and sat on the far end of the couch with my knees pulled up to my chest. He absentmindedly reached for his sandwich while keeping his eyes glued to the screen. I kind of zoned out and stared blankly across the room. I didn't quite know how I felt just then. On one hand I was happy to see Mr. J, I really hadn't thought he'd be back after two weeks with no word. My feelings were hurt for sure, but I knew I still loved him. On the other hand, he hit me. I was a shrink, I knew the signs of a serial abuser and J displayed several of them tonight. If I stuck around this was not something that was going to change so I either needed to come to terms with it or I needed to get the hell out of Gotham. J was very possessive and insanely jealous so it's not like he'd let me walk out on him. He'd kill me first. I was pulled out of my reverie by the sound of his voice.

"Harley." I quickly spun my head to look at him. He was frowning and looked annoyed.

"Yes, Mistah J?"

"Are you going to sit there and pout all night? You know how much I hate long faces." I gave him a smile that I knew didn't reach my eyes. It felt a little awkward but I didn't want to make him angry.

"Sorry Mistah J. Just got a lot on my mind I guess." He pursed his lips.

"Ya know, it's okay to call me Puddin." I nodded. He opened his arms in a welcoming gesture. I took the hint and quickly slid over next to him. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. "Look Pumpkin, Daddy is under a lot of pressure right now. I have big plans for Batsy that are about to come to fruition and distractions like looking for you are unacceptable. Of course I lost my temper, what did you expect?" He grabbed my chin and made me look at him. "Don't let it happen again."

"Yes Mistah J." He let go of my face and I buried it into his chest and clung to the lapel of his suit jacket. There were several minutes of silence.

"Now Harley, usually I can't get you to shut up. Do I strike you as the type of guy who's going to tolerate the silent treatment from my girl?"

"No Puddin. I'm sorry, really. I just didn't want to upset you again." He chucked me under the chin.

"So kiddo, you said you busted Pammy out of Arkham. Just how did you manage that?" I shrugged.

"I really didn't have to do too much. I took out the security cam, started a fire and stole a getaway car. Ivy took care of the rest." He threw his head back and laughed.

" _You_ stole a car? Really?" He was beaming at me.

"Yeah, Puddin' I did. I had nothing else to do while you were gone so I taught myself a few things I figured would be helpful when you came back." He actually looked interested.

"What kind of things, Poo?"

"Oh, well I learned how to pick locks but I'm not so good at it yet. I can hotwire a car and I can use a slimjim. I taught myself how to use some new weapons and I learned a little bit about demolitions, but I haven't put it into practice. Afraid I might blow myself up." He chuckled.

"Well aren't you a clever girl? How resourceful of you." My heart fluttered at his compliment. I raised my head off my chest and looked at him.

"Mistah J, I don't know what you're up to with B-man but you need to be careful. You can't go back to Arkham or they're going to use you as a guinea pig." He looked a little confused.

"A guinea pig for what, Harley?"

"Arkham is letting my _ex_ -friend, Dr. Diane Green and this creepy Dr. Strange guy experiment on the patients in Intensive Treatment. They're using surgical implants to try to cure psychopathy, but it can all go wrong and lobotomize 'em. They're eyeballing Zsasz for the first trial, but it's _you_ they really want. You gotta be careful Puddin." He was visibly shocked at this new development.

"I go away for a few weeks and everything goes to hell in a handbasket! I've heard of this Dr. Strange fellow before. He's a kook, but I hear he's a dangerous kook. Hmmm, so Jerry went along with this whole idea, eh? Doesn't surprise me." He slid me off his lap and stood up to pace the length of my living room. "You know this really throws a monkey wrench in my plans. I mean Batsy and I have this routine down to a science! I create chaos, kill a bunch of people, we have a good punch up, he drags me back to Arkham, I escape and the fun starts all over again! I suppose I'll just have to find a way to kill those two nitwits when I go back in."

I wanted to tell him my backup plan, but if I had to execute it I'd be giving up everything. For him. My Mr. J., my Puddin. I needed to know he'd stand by me, but if I asked him outright of course he'd say yes. He was a master manipulator after all. I bit my tongue and kept it to myself.

"Puddin?"

"Yes, Harley?" He ceased his pacing to look at me.

"Um, I don't know exactly how to ask this but," I sighed, "I love you Mistah J. I'm sure of it and I just need to know if you care about me too." He huffed out an exaggerated sigh.

" _Women_! Look Harley, I'm here aren't I?" I nodded my head. "And didn't I pay off your student loans and get you a new car?"

"Well yeah Mist-" he cut me off.

"Harley, you've studied my file inside and out, you know me better than almost anyone. You know things about me no one else knows. So tell me, am I the kinda guy who goes around doing nice things for people?" He didn't let me answer he just talked over me. "No, I'm not. Have you ever known me to spend any considerable amount of time with anyone other than you, well and Batsy of course?"

"No Puddin." He held his arms out to either side with his palms facing upward.

"Well, then you have your answer." I guess I knew that deep down but I just needed to hear him say it. It was like he read my mind because before I could voice that thought he said, "Look, I am not the type of guy for grand gestures and romantic sentiment. You knew who I was before that night between us in your office. I'm the Clown Prince of Crime, The Jester of Genocide, The Harlequin of Hate! Violence and malevolence are a part of who I am. None of that is going to change! If you're gonna be with me Harley, you'll take what I can give or walk away. I'm giving you that option right now. If you take it, then we're at quits. If not, I don't want to have this conversation ever again. So what's it gonna be cupcake?"

I suddenly started to panic. The thought of losing him made me feel completely empty inside and I realized I had already made my decision. I stood up from the couch, walked over to my boyfriend and wrapped my arms around his neck. I gazed into those gorgeous green eyes.

"I love you Puddin and I'm not going anywhere."

I stood on my tiptoes and he leaned his head down as our lips met. His mouth was demanding, urgent even as our tongues explored one another. I breathed in his scent which after two weeks of not seeing him was enough to make me wet. His hands slid down my back until they were gripping my buttocks and he lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I ran my fingers through his hair as he walked us to the bedroom.

That night was magical, passionate and very intense for us both. Afterward I fell asleep with my body half draped over him, my head on his shoulder as he casually ran his fingers through my hair. It was the first time we shared a bed for an entire night and it was strange yet wonderful to wake up with him beside me. He was still asleep and I had never seen him look so peaceful. He was lying on his back and I watched the shallow rise and fall of his alabaster chest. I smiled realizing that even though the words weren't spoken the Joker was really my boyfriend. He was my love and I was his. He rolled over and wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me towards the warmth of his body. I was a happy girl.

I was afraid to move as I didn't want to wake him. My Joker wasn't much of a cuddler, so I wanted to savor the feeling of being snuggled up beside him but my bladder was full. Before long it became urgent that I get to the bathroom so I reluctantly slipped out of his embrace and headed down the hall. After washing my hands, brushing my teeth and getting the tangles out of my hair I headed to the kitchen to make coffee and toast. Just as I was pouring two steaming mugs of caffeinated goodness, J woke up and I heard him in the bathroom. The toast was burnt on one side so I quickly scraped as much of the blackness off as I could before buttering it. Meh, it would be ok. J wandered into the kitchen wearing a pair of polka dotted boxer shorts slung low on his hips and nothing else. His green hair was tousled. I walked over to him and slid my arms around his waist as I gazed into his eyes.

"Mmmm Puddin, you look sexy as hell this morning." He looked at me sleepily and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't be greedy you little brat, I gave you enough last night. Where's the coffee?" I walked back over to the counter and grabbed the mug.

"Cream and sugar Puddin?" He nodded as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "I made ya some toast too."

We sat at the tiny kitchen table munching our toast as I beamed at him. It was our first breakfast together. I guess he felt me staring because he raised his eyes and said.

"What?"

"Nothing Puddin, I'm just happy is all." He rolled his eyes.

"Let me guess, you're a morning person aren't you?" I nodded my head vigorously with a huge grin on my face. He groaned in response.

"So whatcha wanna do today Puddin?" He drained the rest of his coffee.

"Some of us have to work, dollface. I have a date with our dear Dork Knight and have some loose ends to tie up beforehand."

"Anything I can do to help you?"

"Not this time Pumpkin. Just do yourself a favor and don't go downtown tomorrow."

He got up from the table and headed back into the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on. I poured myself some more coffee then turned on the news. They were reporting on the 67th annual Gotham St. Patrick's Day parade. The grandstand was being erected in Gotham Square, right in front of Wayne Tower. Kiosks were already in place hawking green hats, scarves, beads and various other Irish themed novelties. The parade would start at one tomorrow afternoon and streets along the parade route would be closed all day in downtown Gotham. That had to be what Puddin was up to. He came back out to the living room now fully dressed and I stared at him.

"What?"

"It's the parade isn't it?" He walked towards me chuckling as he did so.

"See, didn't I tell you that you were a clever girl?" He leaned down and gave me a quick peck on the lips. "Make sure you tune in if you want to see your Mr. J in action. Gotta run doll. Pengers should have delivered my stuff and I have a float to put some final touches on. See you in the funny papers!" He walked towards my door.

"Please be careful Mistah J." He winked, blew me a kiss and was gone.

I didn't like this, it was too big, too public and bound to get him thrown back into Arkham. I decided to call Red.

"Harley, are you ok?"

"Sure Red, I'm fine. It's Mistah J I'm worried about. I need your help can I come by?"

"Of course come on over."

"Thanks Red, you're a real Pal!"

I spent the day over at Pam's. I told her what I was going to need and she had no problem at all synthesizing something perfect. She really was a brilliant scientist.

"Oh by the way Harl, Vincenzo called. He finished the commission you had him working on. Said you can pick it up tonight." I squeed and jumped up and down in her living room.

"Really? That's perfect! I can't wait to see it." Ivy gave me a curious look.

"Neither can I frankly." She paused looking thoughtful. "Harley. I have a pretty good idea what you're up to so I have to ask, are you sure this is really what you want?"

"Red, I have never been more sure about anything in my life."

"Okay then. I'll stand by you if you need me. Now let's get something to eat then we'll go see Vincenzo together because this I have gotta see."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

The night before the parade, I went with Pam to meet with Vincenzo Sartini, the tailor she had put me in contact with over a month ago. I had sketched out an idea and sent it to him with my measurements and now he was ready for the final fitting. I was surprised Pam knew a tailor as she grew most of her own clothes, but Vincenzo was famous for designing some of the most recognizable costumes among Gotham's Rogue community, including the Joker. So that's where he got all those wonderful purple suits. Vincenzo operated out of a very nondescript building in Coventry, which you had to access from the neighboring alley. We climbed the stairs and Pam knocked in code, two short staccato knocks followed by two regular knocks and three more short knocks. The door opened into a warmly lit parlor filled with beautiful antique furniture, elaborate rugs and tapestries and an intricately carved fireplace. Standing there to greet us with a welcoming smile was a petite woman in her golden years with a beautiful head of thick white hair that was impeccably curled and styled. She was wearing a black shift dress with a handmade lace collar over which she had tied an apron.

"Benvenuto, benvenuto." She came over and gave both of us a kiss on either cheek which kinda took me by surprise. She motioned towards the seating arrangement in front of the fireplace. "Par favore siediti."

She shuffled out of the room and quickly returned with a tray bearing espresso, biscotti, almond and anise cookies, which she placed on the table in front of us.

"Mangia, mangia! Vincenzo sará giusto con voi." She headed back out of the room and could be heard calling to Vincenzo to announce our arrival I assumed. I nibbled on one of the moist almond cookies while we waited. They were absolutely delicious. I'd ask for the recipe if I didn't think I'd blow up my kitchen trying to make them. After a few moments, a man I guessed to be Vincenzo entered the parlor. He was of average height, slightly pudgy around the waist with a balding head that still held silver tufts hair above his ears and at his crown. He was wearing a striped button-down shirt, a four button charcoal vest with red pin striping, matching pants and a gorgeous red tie with blue and green florets. He had a pair of wire-rimmed glasses on the bridge of his nose and a tape measure dangling from around his neck. He had a very friendly face with a silver mustache under his nose.

"Buona sera signora." He walked over to me and took my hands in both of his. "Ah, dolche signora, you must be the Joker's fidanzata. Welcome to my home. Please come with me and see what I have prepared for you."

He led us to a large room in the back of the house. It was a workroom with tables piled high with bolts of fabric, multiple pairs of scissors and shears, trims, thread and patterns. There was a small platform surrounded by a trifold full-length mirror, and a small fitting room through a curtain to one side of the room. He brought Ivy over to take a seat in a nearby chair as he led me through the curtain. There was a dress form in the corner, which held my costume. I was so blown away I couldn't even speak at first. My sketch was crude in comparison to this masterpiece. I had styled my design vaguely off pictures of harlequins and court jesters I had seen on the internet but he took it to a whole other level! The outfit was made completely of very soft black and bright red leather. It was a form-fitting suit that split down the middle with the colors alternating and there were diamonds sewn into it that accented the arms and legs. There was a white ruff at the neck that ended in six white pompoms. The headpiece was a jester's cowl that would completely cover my hair and ears with one red and one black liliripe that also ended in white pompoms. There were white ruffled cuffs on the corresponding gloves and one red and one black low-heeled boot. The final touch was a black domino mask that would need to be glued into place with spirit gum.

"Vincenzo, it's amazing! I can't believe it. You're a miracle worker!" He smiled with pride.

"You try and we make any adjustments you need, okay?" He said in his heavily accented English. He walked out to let me get dressed. I was glad I wore a thong because this thing left very little to the imagination. I was surprised to discover the headpiece didn't distort my hearing, as it seemed to be vented somehow. There were invisible zippers sewn into the seams of the arms, legs and front of the suit to make it easier to get in and out of it. Once I got the whole suit on and looked in the mirror, I almost didn't recognize myself. I looked badass! Truth be told, in this outfit I _really_ felt like a different person. I threw open the curtain and walked into the outer room. Vincenzo had a huge smile on his face seeing his creation come to life and Ivy's jaw dropped to the floor.

"Molto bella! You will break hearts in this! Joker will be molto soddisfatto!"

"Harley, you look amazing! I hate to say this but it really does suit you. Wow!"

"Come, step up bella." Vincenzo took my hand and helped me up onto the platform where he pinched and pinned, measured and stitched until he was completely satisfied. When he finished it was as if I was wearing a second skin. The fabric stretched and moved with me. I tested a few splits and backbends to make sure the thing wouldn't rip and let everything pop out at an inopportune moment.

"I have never felt so amazing in my entire life!" I said as I slowly spun in the mirror examining every angle. I jumped off the platform, threw my arms around Vincenzo's neck and squeezed. "Thank you sooo much! You are a virtuoso Vincenzo!"

"I am proud to have made Joker's amore happy singnora."

He packed up my items in a garment bag and boxes. I paid him in cash and kissed him on the cheek on our way out. I had Ivy drive us to the year-round costume shop where I ran in and picked up some theatrical clown white makeup and powder and some spirit gum while she waited in the car. She dropped me off at my place and I hugged her before I got out of the car.

"Thanks an awful lot Red. I couldn't have pulled all this off without ya!" She hugged me back.

"It was my pleasure Harley. I'm happy when you're happy. I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into. Once you take this leap, there is no going back you know."

"I know Red, I mean maybe Mr. J will get lucky and avoid getting caught by B-man and the Bat Brats. Then I can save this for another time, but if I know my Puddin, he's bound and determined to fight the Bat and that usually means a one-way ticket to Arkham."

"You have the serum and the pods I made for you?"

"Sure do Red."

"And have you figured out a delivery system for the serum yet?"

"Oh yeah. You said it just needs to be shaken up right?" she nodded in agreement. "Then I have just the thing sitting home in my closet. Thanks again, you're the best friend a girl could ask for."

I kissed her on the cheek and headed up to my apartment. I had to take my outfit out of the garment bag to admire it again. It really was outta this world. It made me feel fierce and powerful when I had it on. In a way, I really hoped Mr. J did get caught, just so I had an excuse to wear it. I didn't hear from J, although I hadn't really expected to. When it came to Batman, I rated second best and I knew it. I decided I had better get cleaned up and get to bed early since it looked like tomorrow could turn out to be quite the eventful day.

Sunday morning ended up being bright and clear and the temperatures were warmer than they'd been in a while. It was by no means warm, but fifty-five degrees was definitely better than the twenty to thirty degree weather we'd been having lately. I washed my face and brushed my teeth then started the coffee as I tuned into GNN to watch the St. Patrick's Day parade. It wasn't _actually_ St. Paddy's Day; the parade was always held the first weekend in March but boy it sure looked like it with over two million Gothamites dressed in green. As I settled onto the couch with my coffee and a slightly burnt bagel, I heard my cell phone ring. My real cell, not the prepaids I used with J and Red.

"Hello?"

"Harley, how are you? I haven't heard from you in a while and I was starting to get worried."

"Dick? Oh my God, I'm so sorry I forgot to call you back. Work has just been crazy lately."

"Heh, with the Joker escaping I'd have thought work would be pretty quiet."

"Yeah well six of one, half a dozen of the other, right? No actually I've been roped into a project I'm not real happy about and the sucky thing is it's cost me my best friend to boot."

"What kind of project?"

I explained to him everything that had happened since Diane and Dr. Strange showed up in Arkham's office. I told him what they were up to and my unease at using inmates as test subjects.

"Wow. No wonder you're stressed. How the hell did something like this get approved?"

"I don't know, but you should ask Bruce. Arkham said the board of directors are the ones who approved it and I know Bruce is a member. Surely he knows something about it."

"No Harley, trust me when I tell you he doesn't. He would have said something to me. His love life aside, Bruce is nothing if not ethical. I mean we're talking about the guy who lost fifty billion dollars when he found out Lexcorp was using their joint Waynetech project to turn space mission robots into weapons grade robot soldiers to sell to the US government. He didn't even hesitate about losing that amount of money; he cut all ties with Luthor and his company immediately."

"Are you telling me this is going on illegally?"

"It has to be. Either that or they neglected to invite Bruce to this particular board meeting. Bruce is Arkham Asylum's biggest benefactor and he would have threatened pulling his funding in order to get this project squashed. He's going to hit the roof when I tell him."

"I freaking knew it! I always thought there was something off about Doc Arkham, now I'm starting to figure out what."

"If I were you I'd be more concerned about Dr. Strange. I've heard of him before, here around the precinct. He's smart, calculating and dangerous. You need to stay as far away from him as you can. Listen, I gotta get to the station, my shift is starting soon, but be careful okay?"

"I will, thanks Dick. Talk to you soon."

I _knew_ there was no way this project could be legal. Diane lied to me to further her own damn career and I didn't appreciate her strong-arming her way into my asylum and disrupting my life. I was completely fed up with her. She was committing crimes against humanity! Well, so was Mr. J technically, but I wasn't sleeping with Di, so whatever. Any affection I ever felt for her just went right out the window and I wanted to make her pay.

I was thinking about ways to do just that when I noticed a rather large float coming down the parade route on the television. It was covered in shamrocks, rainbows and had a huge pot of gold in the center. To the casual observer there was nothing amiss, but to me it all stood out like a sore thumb. The men on the float were all dressed in kelly green crushed velvet jackets, knickers and top hats. Each of them wore red wigs and beards so I guessed they were going for the leprechaun look. What struck me were how burly these leprechauns were and the fact that most of them were sporting facial piercings and prison tattoos. Definitely not your normal Irish parade goers, and more than likely Mr. J's men. They were throwing what appeared to be gold coins and green shamrocks out into the crowd. I didn't see J yet, but with his white skin, he tended to be noticed easily. I didn't expect to see him pop up until they reached the grandstand, and the main TV cameras, which was still quite a way down the parade route from their current location.

I sat glued to the broadcast waiting for the inevitable moment Mr. J made his move. As the float neared the grandstand, it slowed and finally came to a complete stop. Bagpipe music began to play, well you really couldn't call it music, it sounded more like a bag of kittens that were just dropped into a pot of boiling water. The top of the pot of gold in the center of the float exploded in a flurry of colorful confetti and the walls fell flat revealing my Joker. I had to giggle when I saw he was dressed in full Highland gear. He had on a kilt and sash in a green and purple tartan and a billowy white dress shirt. He paid attention to detail, I noticed the leather sporran hanging in the front of the kilt, the purple socks with green kilt flashes on his calves and a jaunty Balmoral hat with a green pompom on top adorned his head. He stopped blowing into the bagpipe to everyone's relief and set it by his feet as he addressed the Grand Marshalls and the television cameras in a pretty spot on Irish brogue.

"Happy St. Pad's me lads and lassies! Greetings from yer Uncle Joker! I do so love ta see so many of ye kickin' up yer heels and makin' merry." He was tapped into the grandstand's speaker system via a small wireless mic on his sash that I could barely make out. "Me boyos," he gestured to his henchmen, "have been throwing ye good folks some goodies along the parade route. If ye don't cooperate they will release me Smilex, so if ye don't want to make even merrier, me leprechauns will be collecting _your_ green and gold!" He cackled manically. When next he spoke he dropped the corny accent.

"Now for the bigger and better part of this gag! Let's see who our Grand Marshalls are this year. Mayor Hill, pleasure as always. Katherine Kane our token ginger for this St. Pat's celebration. Bruce Wayne, wait a minute, did anyone see where old Brucie boy got to?" He turned his head from side to side scanning the grandstand for a cowering billionaire playboy. "Oh Brucie, you've run off as always ya big baby! Oh and Senator Crowne, thanks so much for joining us today. I see everyone is having a good time out there in the crowd, but I want you all to really have a blast!" He pulled a detonator from his pocket and held it in his hand. Suddenly a shadow fell over Joker and as he looked up he smiled. Gliding down from a neighboring building was the Batman all grim and determined. Joker quickly reached down and grabbed the bagpipes, pointed them at the caped crusader and hit a mechanism that fired a projectile at the Bat. A spray of green paint covered the Dork Knight and he fell unceremoniously to the ground covered from his boots to his pointy ears in emerald splotches. I fell off the couch I was laughing so hard, as was Mr. J on the newsfeed. B-man looked so freaking ridiculous! A massive fight ensued as the crowd panicked, screamed and began to scatter which was creating mass confusion and chaos. You gotta admit, my Puddin sure had style! B-man and Mr. J were pretty evenly matched in battle, and so far neither had the upper hand. That changed when one of J's henchmen got the drop on the Bat and bashed him in the head with one of the large speakers on the grandstand.

"Well Bat Brain, this has been fun but it's time for me to dash!" J ducked under the tissue papered base of the float and came zipping out riding a Segway. "Ta ta Batsy. Erin go bragh!" J cruised up the street and quickly turned down an alley as B-man tried to follow, but the henchmen were converging and dragging Batsy down. In the far corner of the television screen, I saw the bat brats, Robin and Nightwing had arrived. One by one, the pair cleared out enough of the henchmen to get to B-man and help him out of the fray. At the same time, the float exploded showering Apple Street with debris and tissue paper. It didn't look like anyone got hurt, most of the crowd had since dispersed but the blast did blow out the windows of the neighboring buildings. At that point, it appeared that the Bat brood had disappeared and the feed cut to Jack Ryder for a special report.

I shut off the television and began working on my last minute preparations. I figured at any time I could be getting the call that Mr. J had been dragged back to Arkham by a green and very pissed off Batman and I needed to make sure that Diane and that creep Strange didn't get to him first.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

I scoured the news stations for the rest of the day hoping to hear anything at all about my Puddin. So far they just kept re-running the same footage from the parade over and over again with no new updates. I had my gear packed in a large duffel bag by the front door and my costume was laid out over the back of the couch in its garment bag. I had all three of my cell phones lined up on the table just in case someone called with some news. I couldn't concentrate on anything so I ended up pacing my apartment for most of the day. At some point I realized if I didn't talk to someone I was going to explode. I wanted to try to get in touch with J, but I knew that was a very bad idea that would make Puddin angry so I picked up my other burner phone and called Red. She picked up on the first ring.

"So any word yet Harl?" I sighed in frustration.

"No, not yet and I'm going out of my damn mind." She chuckled.

"I hate to break it to you sweet pea, but you're already out of your damn mind."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny Red. Ugh, the anticipation is killing me! I'm a great big bundle of nerves right now." I threw my body backwards over the back of the couch so I was sitting with my legs in the air and my head hanging off the cushions. My pigtails were dangling down so that they almost touched the floor and I could still see the television albeit inverted. "Am I doing the right thing Red?"

"That's a question you need to figure out on your own Harl." There was a pause. "Do you really love him?"

"Yeah Pammy, I really do. More than I've ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life."

"Well then, as much as I hate it _and_ the clown I guess you have to follow your heart."

"Thanks for saying so. Hey Red, I was wondering if you could maybe do something for me?"

"Anything for you my little cabbage."

"Um, okay that has got to be the weirdest term of endearment I've ever heard." I heard her laugh on the other end of the line. "So can you talk to the green or whatever you call it and see if there's any word on J for me?"

"Well I suppose I can but this is a big city and it could take a while. I'll need concentration so give me a few hours and I'll call you back okay Harley?"

"Thanks Red, I really appreciate it. Talk to you soon!"

"Bye Harl."

It had been hours and I still had no word from Red. I was tempted to call work, but figured it might be a little obvious. Joan would have called me if Mr. J had been dragged back to Arkham, wouldn't she? I mean he was my patient, so someone would have to inform me if he was captured.

The sound of my stomach loudly growling interrupted my worrying and I decided I had better have at least a little something to eat before anything went down. It's hard to be stealthy when your body is making rude noises after all. I had neglected to shop so I ran down the street to the Happy Dragon for some Chinese takeout. When I got back to my apartment I checked my phones. There was a message from Red.

'Get over here. NOW. Pack your gear in the trunk and bring in the maps.'

I rushed around the apartment gathering my things and dashed out to my car. I drove to Ivy's as quickly as I possibly could without getting pulled over. I couldn't risk having the car searched or my whole plan would end right then and there before it had even begun. I got to Red's in record time. When I knocked on the door it opened a crack but I was suddenly caught up in vines that wrapped around me and started constricting.

"Red!" I screamed

"STOP! Release her!"

I suddenly felt the vines expand and I fell onto the floor after having the wind squeezed out of me. Ivy ran over to me and dragged me inside.

"Oh my God Harley I am so sorry! It's just, there is so much going on I forgot to call off my security." I wheezed and took deep breaths trying to get enough wind to properly express myself.

"What the fuck is wrong with you RED? You told me to come here but you had your plant sentries try to squeeze the life outta me!" She looked panicked and remorseful so I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

"Harley I found him. But it's bigger than you think!" I screwed up my face and glared at her. "Get out the maps you stole from the asylum." I did and spread them out in the table. "Joker is there," she pointed to a place on the map that didn't actually have any rooms included in the blueprints. "He has Batman down there as well. Your Dr. Strange has them in a room below the special containment units where there is apparently an additional sub-basement level. I'm sorry it took me so long to find them but I had to resort to speaking with mold and fungi spores in order to locate them and their conversational abilities leave a lot to be desired. Strange is not what he seems Harley, he has been working on this plan, whatever it is, for months down there. The green tells me you need to be very careful. It tells me Strange is a maniac. In order for you to even get to him you have to make your way through the asylum, bypass regular security then find your way through the catacombs under the asylum. I can help you there."

"Strange has Mr. J? Tell me what I need to do."

Red and I went over the plans for well over an hour. Then I finally donned my makeup and suit. When I did so I left Dr. Harleen Francis Quinzel behind and became Harley Quinn, the Joker's moll and would be sidekick.

"Wow, Harley. I'm not gonna pretend I've known you for a very long time, but in all the time I _have_ known you I have never seen you look more like yourself, if that makes any sense at all."

"Red, I think my whole life has been culminating to this very moment. I'm ready, let's move out."


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

My original plan had been to show up as Dr. Quinzel, get through the main gates then change into my costume, but with Ivy coming with me on this mission we had to adjust things a little. Based on the blueprints of Arkham there was an access point just outside the perimeter fence that was mostly obscured by rocks and brush. The problem was that it was directly in front of guard tower three which was currently occupied by Officer Adam Hendricks. Having Red with me made this part of the plan go a lot more smoothly. Had I been alone I would have had to blow the tower, which would have alerted security that something was amiss immediately. Plus, I liked Adam, he was one of the good ones and I didn't want to see him injured or killed. Red simply bound and gagged Hendricks with some tree roots then we were easily able to remove the outer grate and quietly slip into the ventilation system. We crawled through the shaft for approximately one hundred feet or so before we found the first opening so we could exit. We were in the east wing of the asylum, which was convenient since security in this wing was light. I pulled up the grate and peeked in each direction before swinging down into the hallway followed closely by Ivy. I leaned in and whispered to Pam.

"Red, keep close and stay behind me. There are two cameras between here and the main security hub I need to take out."

I pulled out the slingshot and a bag of steel balls. As I had done before, I shot out the first camera on the first try. We crept down the next few hallways until we came to the second camera. I missed on the first attempt but nailed it on the second. So far, so good. We hadn't run into any security yet but we were about to enter Arkham's main building which was where the security hub was located. I swung the duffel bag off my shoulder and pulled out a small pink bowling ball. I'd had the thing since my league days back in high school and I finally had a use for it. Red gave me a veiled look.

"What are you doing with that?" she whispered.

"You'll see." I winked, stepped out into the hallway and yelled, "Hey boys!"

The guards in the booth turned and stared at me confusedly for a few moments. I stood there in my new costume and waited until the door to the hub started to open. I lobbed the ball down the hallway, it arced slightly to the right then headed directly for the guard who was standing in the doorway. The ball knocked him off his feet entirely and I heard it hit the wall inside of the room. A blue gas was released from the finger holes in the ball and quickly filled the room as the guards started to drop to the ground one by one. I jumped in the air and pulled my fist and elbow down in a gesture of triumph.

"Steeerike!" I heard Red chuckling behind me.

"Oh, so _that's_ the delivery system you used for the knock out serum I gave you. Not what _I_ would have done, but clever." I gave her a wry look.

"And _hilarious_! Did you see the look on their faces?" I was laughing and holding my belly. "Okay now I get why Mr. J does this! That was a whole lotta fun!"

I ran into the security room once the gas cleared out and shut down the security cameras throughout the rest of the asylum. We were going to need the rest of the guards distracted if we were going to make it down to the special containment units where there was another ventilation shaft that led to the area underneath the asylum. So I pulled the master door release for the cells in Intensive Treatment and set all the inmates free. I knew it meant the Bat brood would come running but by the time they got here we would be well below the asylum proper.

We ran towards the elevators that would bring us down to the SCU's but I stopped and ducked into the infirmary briefly to grab a few things I thought we were going to need. Ivy and I made it to the sub-basement level. I pulled out the map and double checked the location of the correct grate. This one was solid steel and well imbedded into the wall. My crowbar was not going to be enough to get this thing off. I looked expectantly at Ivy.

"Little help here girlfriend?" She approached the grate as she pulled a handful of seeds out of her pocket.

"No problem Harley. Stand back and just leave it to my babies." She tossed the seeds into the grate and concentrated her powers towards it. Vines and plants began to grow between the steel bars. You could hear the metal groan as the plants began to bend and twist the grate. After several minutes there was a loud metallic pop as the grating fell inward and landed with a clunk at our feet. I pulled out a flashlight and shined it down the shaft. It appeared to go straight down but it wasn't an obscene distance, I could see a faint light at the bottom.

"Well here goes nothing. Follow me Red!" I swung inside the tube and slid down the shaft. "Weeeeeeeeee!" I ended up at another grating which was easily knocked out with a swift two footed kick. "C'mon Red, the coast is clear!"

I saw her look down at me then swung one leg over the side of the upper opening. Grabbing ahold of one of the vines, she used it to carefully climb down.

"Well just take the fun outta life, Red." When she reached the bottom we both looked around carefully surveying our surroundings. We had no map of this area and only a vague approximation of where Strange was holding B-man and Puddin. We were in a series of small caverns that were lit with the occasional carbide light. It was damp and chilly with a steady breeze that blew through the caves. We made our way along the path that seemed to have been most recently used. There were footprints in the mud which was convenient because I could see the potential to become hopelessly lost down here. We walked for the better part of a mile before we hit a fork in the path. The breeze was coming from the right and the footprints led to the left. Red looked at me ruefully.

"I think this is where we part. Are you sure you can do this on your own, Harley?" I wasn't sure but I couldn't tell her that. I gave her a brilliant smile.

"Of course Red. You get to working on our exit, I'll spring Mistah J and Bat-brain and meet up with you.

I felt uneasy as I crept through the catacombs. I knew I was heading in the right direction, the lights were more consistent and there was evidence of man-made structures as I got further into the narrow passageway. I skulked through as quietly and carefully as I could. I had reached an area of the path that was covered in plywood to form a sort of sidewalk or ramp. I was cognizant of the fact that if someone had gone through this much trouble to build all this, there was a possibility that there were security measures in place. I glanced around to see if I could locate any cameras to no avail. As the walls of the passage narrowed, the ceiling of the cave grew taller. I stopped and listened, realizing that I could faintly make out voices ahead in the distance. I surveyed the area I was in. I saw a ledge above my head that traversed the rest of the passage. There were no handholds to get up to it, so I pulled open the duffel bag and withdrew a grappling hook attached to a length of rope. I aimed and threw hoping I wouldn't make too much noise and praying the hook caught. It didn't and I had to make a second attempt. This time it caught. I pulled hard once to make sure it was secure and climbed the relatively short distance to the ledge. Once there I realized the ledge led to another tiny passage. It was barely big enough for me to crawl through but I saw bright lights in the distance and I could clearly make out voices now.

I began the crawl through the small space and began feeling mildly claustrophobic. It took several more minutes but eventually I made it to another ledge that allowed me to look into a chamber below. After the darkness I had just crawled through, the lights practically blinded me. I was looking down on my Mr. J and the Bat both of which were gagged, straight jacketed and strapped down to examination tables. Strange was there with his back towards me. I glanced around the rest of the chamber and saw a table full of surgical instruments, an array of medical equipment and a generator was humming in one corner of the room. There was a female store mannequin that was virtually naked except that it was draped with a cowl very similar to the one the Bat was wearing. Strange was seemingly addressing the mannequin. I strained to hear what he was saying.

"You see my love, I am dedicated to the understanding of the psychological workings of the human mind no matter what the cost. Take our vigilante here. His obsession with criminals fascinates me almost as much as the criminals themselves."

Oh, boy this guy had lost his nut, for sure. Strange walked to stand between J and Batsy as he continued.

"Look at these two. Both are truly extraordinary specimens. One the antithesis of the other, both locked in a battle that can only eventually lead to one or both their deaths. Look into their eyes my dear, and you will see that they both know it, yet they continue this madness night after night. I long to understand them as much as I look forward to breaking them."

I glanced around frantically trying to devise a plan. I opened the duffel as quietly as possible and pulled out my baseball bat. I had affixed a strap that snapped off and onto it so I could strap it to my back, which I did then. I pulled out a hypodermic needle, two vials of sedatives, a knife and the pods Red had given me and put them into a fanny pack which I strapped around my waist. I held the Taser Dick had given me in my hand as I waited for an opening. Strange was hovering over B-man.

"I assume you thought you were untouchable Batman. Well as you can see, no one is untouchable. What makes a man dress up as a bat and fight crime, I wonder? You are clearly psychologically traumatized and I am going to discover exactly what trauma is hiding inside that magnificent brain of yours. I have a question for you Batman. This city is drowning under a tide of filth. Have you ever realized that this is all your fault? Your presence creates these animals. Like germs they spread. Look at Joker, a monument to your failure. Would he even exist if not for you? It must be depressing. All your sacrifices and yet, you are the one to blame. How does that make you feel?"

B-man was grumbling beneath the gag. I used Strange's distraction to my advantage and pounced on him slamming the Taser into his neck which dropped him. Mr. J stared at me wide-eyed. I unbuckled the gag and pulled it out of his mouth.

" _Harley?_ Is that you?"

"Say hello to your new and improved Harley Quinn, Puddin!"

He cackled maniacally. I began to unstrap my Joker when I heard the Bat trying to shout around the gag. He was straining at his bonds and I glanced at him to see he was looking at a spot directly behind me. I pulled my baseball bat off of my back and spun around to see Diane Green advancing on me with a chair raised over her head. I swung the bat at her head and it connected with a resounding crunch as the chair clattered to the ground. I saw red and kinda lost control of myself for a minute. I pounded her head over and over again until her brain was oozing out of her skull. I was wiping the blood off my face when I heard Joker yell.

"Harley, behind you!" I did a front handspring to get some distance between me and whoever it was behind me then somersaulted to face my attacker. Strange was holding a scalpel and was advancing on me. When I turned to face him he stopped and smiled at me.

"Dr. Quinzel? Well, well it seems you've thrown your lot in with the Joker. How delightful. I can always use another interesting test subject."

"Yeah well, you're not going to get a chance to test anything on me or Mistah J creepo!" I opened the pack at my waist and pulled out the knife and palmed one of the pods from Ivy.

"If you wish to die here Harleen that can easily be arranged."

"Yeah, well I can say the same to you bozo."

We circled one another until Strange had to stop briefly to side-step over Diane's body. I took the opening and threw the pod in my hand at Strange's feet. Nothing happened and I suddenly started to panic.

"And what exactly was that supposed to accomplish Dr. Quinzel?"

I glanced at my baseball bat which was lying on the floor behind Hugo. I gave up my reach in order to use that damn pod. If I ever got a chance to see Red again I was gonna wring her neck!

"Eh, just trying to keep you on your toes jerkwad."

He lunged at me and sliced through my new suit leaving a cut on my upper arm that started dripping blood almost immediately. I grabbed his arm as he withdrew and pendulumed my body through his legs taking a pot shot at his nuts as I slid across the floor. He fell to his knees and I was able to get my baseball bat back into my hands. I pulled back ready to swing at his head when the pod I threw at Strange finally exploded into a perfusion of vines that wrapped around him, rendering him helpless. I leaned down and plucked the scalpel from his hand, then patted him down to make sure he didn't have any other weapons hidden. I bent down to look at him.

"Uh oh! Did little old Harley outsmart the big bad Dr. Strange. Awww." He glared at me.

"Don't look so smug Quinzel. I will get out of this and when I do I'm coming for you. You and the clown!"

I giggled as I chewed on my fingernail. "Oh I don't think so Hugo, did you forget about Batsy over here? He's gonna cart your sorry butt upstairs and introduce you to your own padded cell Strango. Ha ha ha! But in the meantime since I don't feel like hearing your mouth…" I pulled back on the bat and swung it at his head knocking him unconscious.

Joker was laughing hysterically. I turned and started to unstrap him.

"Well, well, well Harley. You never cease to amaze me." I smiled at him coyly. "And babe, the outfit, hubba hubba! Where did you manage to get such a thing?" I had loosened the final strap and he sat up so I could unbuckle the straight jacket.

"From your tailor Puddin. Red introduced me. You really like it?"

"I do, I do. Although I don't think it'll stay on long once I get you home Poo." I giggled again and glanced over at Batsy. Once I got Mr. J unbuckled I walked over the Bat and took off his gag.

"Doctor Quinzel? What are you doing? Did Joker coerce you?"

"Ha! That's funny B-man. Nope, he didn't have to. He didn't even know about it to tell you the truth. This is who I really am Batsy, I love Mr. J and I want to be with him."

J slung his arm around my shoulders.

"The kid's right Guano-man. She did this all on her own, she loves me. Can't say I blame her, I love me too!" He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. "So Pumpkin, what are we going to do with him?"

I pulled out the syringe and one of the sedative bottles and prepared the needle making sure to double the dosage.

"Well I suppose we have to let him go, but since we can't have him following us…"

I walked over and stabbed the needle into Bat-brain's neck and depressed the plunger. Before he lost consciousness he was able to mumble a few last words.

"I'm coming…for…you. Both…of yo-" he dropped off before he could finish his sentence.

I quickly unstrapped Batman and unbuckled the jacket before turning to Strange.

"And now to take care of you, you weirdo." I filled the needle with the other bottle of sedative and injected him as well. "Now when Batsy wakes up he can drag Strange to the cops and we'll be long gone Puddin!"

"So I guess you're running off to join my little circus, eh Harley-girl?"

"Yeah Mistah J, I guess I am." He chuckled.

"Ya know Harl, I thought you'd be a walk down the midway but clearly you're more a ride on the teacups. You and me kid, we are two of a kind. I can see it now. We'll be a team. We'll make a big splash on Broadway. Hahahahaha!" I looked longingly into his eyes.

"Ya really mean it Puddin?"

"Sure kiddo, at least until you annoy me to the point I gotta kill ya! Ha!"

"C'mon Puddin, we gotta meet up with Red and get the heck outta here before the Bat Brats get here. I kinda had to let all the inmates go in order to get down here to spring ya."

"Lead the way cupcake!"

I doubled back to the fork in the path and dragged Mr. J down the tunnel. I could already smell fresh air and there was noticeably more natural light down here than there had been before. As we got to the end of the passageway we saw a large hole in the stone wall that was surrounded by huge vines. We came to a halt at the edge of the hole to see Red just below in a small motorboat.

"C'mon guys, we gotta get out of here! The bat-signal's been lit for over an hour and the place is crawling with cops!"

Joker and I hopped in the boat and within seconds we were speeding across the river towards the city. J wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my neck before whispering in my ear.

"Thanks for busting me outta that mess kiddo. I'll make it worth your while when we get back to my hideout." I glanced over my shoulder to look at him.

"You sure you're ok with this Puddin? I know I didn't really prepare you for all…..this." I motioned to my costume.

"Are you kidding me? Seeing you bash in that doctor's head while dressed like a kinky clowngirl, now that was sexy!" He pressed his hips against my tush so I could feel his erection through my suit. "I'm giving the henches the night off when we get home!"

"Home Puddin? Are you inviting me to move in?"

"Well it's not like you can go back to your apartment and your job at Arkham, so yeah. I guess I am!" I squealed and spun around to throw my arms around his neck and gaze into his eyes.

"I love ya Mistah J."

"I know kiddo. I'm, um, quite fond of you too."

For some girls that response wouldn't have been enough but for me it meant the world. We both leaned in and our lips crushed against one another as we cruised into the Gotham night.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

I kept scanning the water behind us trying to locate any coast guard or police boats in pursuit, but so far it seemed we had gotten away clean. My heart was still hammering in my chest. I had killed someone. Not just anyone either, but my best friend from college. I was shocked that I wasn't freaking out. Freaking out would have been a normal healthy reaction for a sane, rational woman to experience post-homicide. The fact that I felt nothing other than the adrenaline rush, indicated there was something seriously wrong with me. I wasn't remorseful, I wasn't horrified, I just had this weird sort of apathy towards the entire incident. Maybe I had lost my mind after all. Well there was certainly no going back now. I knew before I set out on this crazy escapade that I wouldn't be able to change my mind at the last minute and go back to my normal life. They'd throw me in the slammer the first chance they got. On the other hand, I saved the B-man's life so he kinda owed me one, right? Maybe they'd cut me a break. Whatever, it was too late to worry about all that now. Whatever happens, happens. No use letting it torment me when there was nothing I could do to change it at this point.

I leaned over the driver's seat and tried to yell over the loud rumbling of the engine hoping Ivy could hear me.

"Red, we're good! No cops. Where are we going?"

"To ditch the boat. I have a friend who works in the marina. He's the one who got it for me in the first place, he'll get rid of it." She yelled back. "There should be a car waiting for us when we get there. From there I can drop you wherever you need to go."

"Good thinking Red! I'll tell Mistah J!" I wobbled to the rear of the boat where J was sitting with his knees apart and his arms stretched along the top of the bench seat. I leaned over to talk to him when we hit a pretty big wave and I was knocked off my feet right into Mistah J's lap. I went down with a squeal.

"Oof! Sorry Mistah J." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me more firmly onto his lap.

"That's okay Poo. Were you trying to tell me something?"

"Yeah, sorry. I just wanted to tell ya that Red has a car waiting on us at the marina. We should be there soon." He gave me a sly smile.

"Then we still have a few minutes for this?"

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. Usually kissing J was like making war but this time, for the first time, he was gentle. It was strange at first, unexpected from him but it was extraordinary. My heart was fluttering so badly it felt like it would just explode outta my chest. His tongue darted out and ran lightly over my bottom lip before gently probing inside of my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself as close to him as was humanly possible. He opened his eyes and I stared into their dark depths as his hand began to slide up my side towards my chest. His tongue and lips grew more insistent as I felt the boat slow down. I suddenly heard Ivy making gagging and retching noises behind me. I broke the kiss and swung my head towards her as I asked,

"Red you ok? Ya seasick or something?" She gave us an agonized look.

"Please, for the love of all that's green, do not ever do that in front of me again. Seeing you get it on with the clown makes me want to lose my lunch!" She squished up her face and shook her head as if trying to dispel the image of us making out from her mind. Mr. J gave her a cheeky grin.

"Jealous Pammy? Were you hoping she might mist your fern? Too bad weed-girl, I got to her first." He stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry at her. Pam just rolled her eyes and responded in mock dejection.

"Oh, yes J I am terribly jealous of the pasty faced, psychopathic clown that's incapable of true emotions. This is all going to blow up in your face and I just want to be around to see it happen." She said smugly.

Mistah J growled and abruptly stood up, spilling me off his lap and onto the hard floor of the boat. I jumped up in between them before they could get their hands on each other.

"Hey! That's enough you two! Hello? Does anyone else remember that we just broke outta Arkham, released all the inmates and left dead bodies behind. Does the whole 'cops are looking for us' situation sound vaguely familiar to ya, hmmm? Can we maybe get out of here first and measure our dicks later?"

They glared at one another but backed off. We had pulled up to a darkened marina. I was pretty sure we were at the Port Trinity Place Marina which wasn't far from Central Heights. Red cut the engine and we slowly drifted into one of the slips. True to her word her friend was there to help us first climb up to the dock and then to take the boat off our hands. There was a black SUV with tinted windows idling in the parking lot awaiting our arrival. We quickly headed over. Ivy hopped up front and J and I took the backseat. There was a portly Asian fellow at the wheel who smiled widely at Ivy as she hopped in.

"Exciting night Miss Ivy?"

"Yeah, you could say that. Xinyi, you hear of any heat on this side of town looking for us?" He continued grinning like a Buddha.

"No Miss Ivy. I think you're in good shape. The Triads will distract any that come sniffing your way." Joker leaned forward and addressed our driver.

"Well you seem a happy fellow! Love the name by the way. If you ever get tired of working with the plant and find yourself looking for work, here's my card. My organization could always use a man like you, Xinyi." He handed the driver a Joker card. He took it looked at it briefly and tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket before addressing Pam again.

"So where to, Miss Ivy?" Ivy turned in her seat to look at us.

"Harley where can I drop you two?" I glanced questioningly at J.

"Sandy Hook if you please Pam. We have a little place on Cask Street that will do for now." replied J.

We rode in silence, tensions between Ivy and J still riding high. They _really_ disliked one another so it was kind of a testament to how much they both cared about me that they were restraining their urges to kill each other.

Sandy Hook is the most southern point in Gotham City, an island only slightly larger than South Point Island where Arkham stood. Sandy Hook was home to Gotham City Stadium where the _Gotham Knights_ played. A little contrived, doncha' think? As was typical in the Eastern part of the country, while the stadium was a magnificent structure, the areas that surrounded it were dilapidated tenements and row houses full of poor minorities and warehouses in disrepair that rarely seemed to do any business. I was surprised he had a place down here. There was a fair amount of foot traffic through this neighborhood when people from out of town decide they don't want to pay the $35.00 fee to park at the stadium. That's when they unwittingly park on one of the dirty side streets and walk the eight blocks to the stadium. Those folks rarely have a car to come back to after the game or concert, although sometimes the local kids will just steal the tires and rims. They should consider themselves very lucky if they manage to hang onto their wallets and avoid getting scammed by shady ticket scalpers. We pulled up in front of a large warehouse, no more distinguishable than any of the others on this street. J hopped out. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around Red from behind and gave her a squeeze.

"Thanks for all your help Red. I'll call you when I get a new prepaid." I kissed her cheek and quickly followed J down an alley as I heard the SUV pull away. We came to a steel door with an intercom on the wall next to it. J hit the button on it and waited a few seconds until a voice said,

"Yeah?"

"Battling Butler." He replied. The door lock buzzed and J turned the knob and pushed the door in. "Fair warning Poo, the boys aren't going to know what to make of you. This should be an unnecessary warning but don't take any crap from them."

He strode into the room and I followed closely behind him. My eyes roamed around the large space. For the most part it looked like a typical warehouse. It was stacked full of boxes, crates, and piles of supplies. There were two forklifts and I noticed a pulley system hanging from the tall ceiling that I guessed was used for moving whatever merchandise was inside the crates. There were tables filled with guns, ammunition and explosives. One corner of the room was filled with fifty gallon drums of some kind of highly flammable liquid, maybe gasoline? There were about twenty to twenty-five henchmen moving about the warehouse. Most of them were big, ugly thugs that were lugging boxes and assembling weapons, but I noticed a few working at desks with computers who didn't quite fit in. I knew J had tabs on the whole city and I had to guess these were his computer hackers and information gatherers. J was smart, he knew muscle only went so far. You needed brains to back up the brawn in this operation.

J stepped aside so the henches could clearly see me. I was still spattered with blood and brain matter from killing Di and I had an open wound on my arm that was still bleeding slightly. I must have looked a sight because every set of eyes on the room were glued to me.

"Boys this is Harley, Harley Quinn. She'll be joining our odd little family. You'll be showing her the ropes over the next few weeks. But know this, Harley is _mine!_ If I find out anyone has been disrespectful to her, I'll tear out your lungs! Understood?" He walked over to another door passed through it and came out moments later holding several wads of crisp one hundred dollar bills. Two he threw to the henchmen.

"Tonight the entertainment is on me boys. Go find something fun to do and don't come back until tomorrow night. Rocco?" he shouted out the name. A chubby Italian fellow in his late thirties, early forties with a boxy flat top hairdo waddled over.

"Yeah boss?" he threw the other two wads of bills at him.

"Roc, I need you to stay behind for a few minutes. Harley is going to make you a shopping list. Her place is gonna be hot for a while so she'll need some basics until we can get in there. Harley, while I go get the first aid kit ready let Rocco know what you'll need. Give him your sizes and an idea of what you like to wear." He looked up at his henchman, "You think you can get Betty to help on this? You guys have a teen daughter, surely she'd be better suited to the clothes shopping."

"Sure boss, my Betty loves spending money. She won't mind at all."

"Good man. If you'll both excuse me." Joker walked out of the room as I made a list of basics. Shampoo, soap, conditioner, a hairbrush, deodorant, toothpaste etc. I gave him a list of my shoe and dress sizes and made some notes on what kind of style I had and handed it to the chubby cheeked henchman. He seemed like a pleasant guy if maybe a little on the nervous side.

"Thanks, Rocco. I really appreciate it." Actually I was more surprised that Joker had even thought of it. He tended to be a little egocentric, I was touched that he actually considered my needs. Then again, I did just save his ass from a psycho shrink that wanted to basically dissect his brain, but still it was somewhat out of character for him. I couldn't hide my smile as I stared off moonily in the direction Mistah J walked off to.

"So, um, Harley. You and the boss are like, together or something?" I glanced over at him.

"Yeah, Rocco. Something like that."

Joker came back into the room carrying a small first aid kit, a bottle of alcohol and a small sewing kit. He sat down at a table nearby and beckoned to me. I sat down as he started to examine the wound.

"You're going to have to take this off so I can stich you up Pumpkin." He tugged at the arm of my costume. Rocco was still there looking mildly uncomfortable and was rocking back and forth from one foot to the other.

"Um, boss did you need anything else or can I go now." J looked up absentmindedly and waved Rocco off.

"Go on now, Roc. I have work to do. See ya tomorrow."

J got straight back to work once he heard the door close. I partially unzipped the front and wrist of my suit and carefully tried to pull my injured arm out of it. The blood had mostly dried and peeling the fabric off of my skin smarted and I cursed under my breath. Finally, my arm was free and J started cleaning up the wound. It wasn't a super deep cut, but it was deep enough that it required stiches. He slid me two Vicodin as he sterilized and threaded the needle. Not seeing any water handy I dry swallowed the pain killers knowing this was going to hurt like a bitch. He swiped the cut with more alcohol and asked,

"Are you ready?" I nodded, "This isn't going to tickle kiddo but I'm going to need you to hold still. Can you do that for me Harley?" He looked into my eyes and I stared back at his.

"I'll do my best Mistah J."

I bit my lip to keep from screaming as he passed the needle through the skin surrounding the wound and carefully began stitching. He had a good hand for sewing I was surprised to discover. I suppose when you've had as many fights with the Batman as Joker has, you learn a few things about first aid. It didn't take long, only about ten minutes but once he was finished I was feeling woozy and black spots were starting to pop up in my field of vision.

"Uh, Puddin? I think I might pa-"

That was as far as I got before I blacked out. When I came to, I was lying in a bed. It was queen sized by the look of it but it was a bit musty smelling and had squeaky old springs that groaned as you moved. My bladder was screaming at me to get up and empty it immediately. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up on shaky legs. I located a small lamp and flicked the switch. I was in what must have at one time been an office. The interior wall that held the door had huge windows that had been painted black for privacy. There was a recessed ceiling that had florescent lights that apparently hadn't worked in decades. Various filing cabinets and stacks of papers cluttered the floor and there was another door at the far end of the room. I walked over and opened the door happy to discover it was a bathroom. I was still in my costume which I had to shimmy most of the way out of in order to use the facilities. I should probably ask Vincenzo to install an emergency zipper in the crotch of the next one. Once I was finished washing my hands and dabbing at the blood spatters on my makeup and suit, I decided to go find Mistah J. I opened the door and peered down the hallway.

It was quiet, eerily so. I saw a door at the far end of the hallway, it was cracked slightly and yellow light was spilling out into the darkness. I tiptoed down the hallway and peered through the crack in the door. Joker was bent over a desk scribbling away. He was in just his dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his purple pinstriped suit pants with the suspenders dangling down on either side of his chair. His feet were bare and one of them was furiously tapping away on the wooden floor. I felt like I was violating his privacy so I stepped back and gently knocked on the door, causing it to swing inward slightly.

"Come in."

He didn't look up as I walked towards him, he continued scribbling whatever brilliant ideas were currently spewing from his brain. There were no other chairs in the room and since he was bent over I couldn't sit on his lap so I carefully perched on the edge of the desk and crossed my legs as I glanced over the pages strewn across his work space. There were scribbles and doodles in crayon on most, some of the Batman, Robin and the rest of the Bat Brats. Some were rough sketches of city officials and the police force, others were outlines of death traps or makeshift maps of banks and buildings. The rest were filled with his crowded scrawling print, spelling out plans and ideas, formulas and mathematical equations I couldn't even begin to comprehend. After a few moments he finally stopped writing and looked up at me.

"Well, finally awake I see. You know, you almost spoiled my plans for tonight." I looked at him sheepishly.

"Sorry for passing out on you Puddin. Thanks for takin' such good care of me." He slowly looked me up and down in my costume. When our eyes met again his expression was wolfish, with that dangerous toothy grin and sly eyes peering at me.

"My, my. Remind me to give old Vincenzo a bonus when we go to pick up your new suits. He did do a hell of a job on it." I gave him a quizzical look. "Well we can't have you running around in this one now that it's been slashed up. I have a reputation Harley, a brand to protect. No, we have to have you dressed to the nines and looking fine if you're going to be seen on _my_ arm."

"Thank you Puddin! So you really like it? I designed it myself, although Vinny improved it a whole bunch."

Joker stood from his chair and stepped out from behind his desk to position himself in front of me. He placed his hand on the edge of the desk on either side of my legs.

"Oh I more than like it Poo, it couldn't be more perfect." He placed his hands around my neck. I thought he was going to squeeze. Breath play was a thing with him, although I admit I didn't mind it. "And now I'm going to do what I've been thinking about doing to you since I first saw you in it."

His fingers dug into the seam on the ruff at the back of my neck and gently pulled the Velcro apart and tossed the collar aside which revealed the ring on the front zipper. He hooked his index finger in it and slowly pulled down on the zipper until it stopped just below my navel. Next he grabbed my left hand and placed the tip of the index finger of my glove between his teeth and pulled. He repeated the process with each finger until my glove was off and he was able to access the zipper at my wrist. He did the same with my other hand then slowly peeled the leather off of my shoulders and down my arms until my torso was completely exposed. He crushed his lips against mine as his hands explored my body, caressing the scars on my side. His expression turned mischievous and with one hand he brushed all of his scribbled plans onto the floor as he grabbed me around the throat and leaned me back until he had me pinned against the surface of the desk. I heard him slide a drawer open and withdraw an object I couldn't see in my peripheral vision. I felt something cold gently prick the skin of my side and he slowly drew it up in a line. The pressure wasn't enough to hurt, but the look on his face was beginning to make me a little nervous. I squirmed underneath him.

"Harley, do you trust me?" I did, I was probably completely out of my mind to do so, but I trusted my man. I looked him directly in the eyes.

"Yes Puddin, I trust ya."

He grinned as he held up a medium sized knife that glinted in the light of the desk lamp. He placed the tip of it directly in between my breasts and drew it down my chest. It didn't pierce my skin but the possibility that it could got my adrenaline pumping. He stopped at my navel where the zipper ended.

"Well, since we can't use this suit again I suppose I may as well just cut you out of it Harley."

He pulled up on the fabric at my pubic bone and drove the knife through the leather. The knife must have been very sharp on at least one edge because it cut through the textile like butter as he brought it downward. I felt the tip of the knife brush my nether lips and I quickly drew in a breath and held it as he worked. He paused to lift my leg and remove one of my boots. With that done he casually threw that leg onto his shoulder as he worked the knife into the bottom seam and slowly, gradually cut the suit open until the knife intersected with his first cut. This time he did cut me, albeit accidentally, shallowly on the inside of my thigh. I didn't complain but I did whimper a little. He leaned his head down to the tiny cut and lapped at the blood that was welling up there. He switched legs. Once he had the costume thoroughly shredded he set the tip of the knife on the seat of my G-string and drew it slowly down my cleft. I shivered involuntarily as the blade dragged across the satin. His eyes were getting that predatory glow that usually meant he had almost had enough of the foreplay and was ready to get down to the main event. He sliced through the strings on each of my hips and roughly ripped the small handful of fabric from my body. One of them caught as he tore and I felt it roughly drag along the crease of my thigh, rubbing the skin raw as he did so. He took his open palm and gently placed it on my stomach. He rubbed the smooth skin there. He leaned down and kissed the area, then swiped his tongue across it once before looking up at me and holding my gaze.

"I'm going to ask you again. Do you trust me?" I was nervous, I didn't know what he was going to do but yes I trusted him.

"Yes Mistah J."

He placed the knife against the skin above my pubic bone and continued to look at me as he made the first cut. This cut was not shallow like the one on my thigh. This one was intentional and he wanted it both to hurt and to leave a mark. I squirmed as tears began to blur my vision. He pressed the blade down again and made another cut, this one larger than the first. I felt hot tears stream down my face and run into the edge of the cowl I was still wearing. He continued his torture with two more agonizing cuts. I couldn't see what he was doing through the tears that were freely flowing now. Then the cutting was over and I felt his tongue and lips slurping at the blood that was steadily oozing from the wound. It hurt but felt kinda good at the same time. My sobs turned into hiccups and as he continued lapping at the blood and I suddenly felt him enter me with two fingers. Through all that pain I was surprised to discover that I was still aroused and ready for him. He curled his fingers until he was once again on my G-spot and I moaned despite the discomfort from the cuts. His mouth moved from the wound to my clit and my back arched a little at the sensation of his tongue manipulating me. I looked down and caught a glimpse of what J had cut into my skin. It was a heart with a capital J in the center of it. I swooned to think he had marked me as his own, as his property. There was a time when we first started working together that his possessiveness disturbed me. Now I was simply elated to think of myself as _his_. I was so close to coming, but I wanted him inside me when I did. I lifted my head and looked at him.

"Please, Puddin. Your little girl needs you inside of her." He growled in the back of his throat which sent vibrations through my already sensitive flesh. He stood and unbuttoned his fly, he didn't even bother with his shirt. He grabbed both my legs and threw them over his shoulders as he rubbed his length against my moist slit. "Oooo, I've been a good girl. Daddy please, I need you, _now_."

With one swift forward thrust he buried himself balls deep inside of me. He groaned and threw his head back as a strange expression briefly crossed his face, one I couldn't quite read. He began to thrust, slamming his hips into my ass with such force I slid an inch upwards on the desk. He wrapped his arms around my thighs and pulled me back towards his hips as he pummeled me relentlessly. He was fucking me like he was angry at me for some reason. I lifted my hand to brush his cheek but he shook off my touch. He leaned forward so the tops of my thighs were pressed to my shoulders. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them down above my head with one hand as the other closed around my neck, squeezing off my air. I finally reached my climax just as the black spots began to obscure my vision and my muscles clamped down around him throbbing and clenching his cock. I heard him grunt in response. I felt his body stiffen and felt the warmth of him pulsating as he ejaculated inside of me. He didn't release my throat only clamped down more tightly. I gazed at the odd look on his face, of both ecstasy and frustration as the world went black around me.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

When I came to for the second time that night I was back in the makeshift bedroom alone, lying naked on the squeaky mattress, partially covered in a dingy sheet. There was no clock in the room but it must have been pretty early in the morning at that point, it was well after midnight when I had woken up the first time. I turned onto my stomach to reach for the lamp when I realized my hip was on fire. I yelped and sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I flicked on the lamp and looked down. The wound J had carved into my flesh was covered with a bloody gauze pad and medical tape. I peeled back the tape to see what it looked like. It was slathered in antibiotic ointment but the skin was an angry reddish color and swollen, but the lines were well done. It would scar, of that I was certain but unless he intended on going over it more than once after it had healed it would be faint. It was nothing like the scars on my side at least. Those I had opened and re-opened hundreds of times over the course of six or seven years.

I started thinking about what had happened towards the end of our lovemaking. Everything had been going swimmingly until that shadow had crept over his face. I wish I understood what I had done to make him angry. I had theories but I needed to speak with him to figure it out. I stood up intending to find J and maybe seek out some coffee when it occurred to me that I had absolutely nothing to wear. I walked over to a wooden wardrobe not far from the bed and opened the doors. It contained a row of purple suits, all just slightly different from one another, brightly colored dress shirts and his trench coat. There were two drawers built into the bottom section of the wardrobe which I opened. The first held socks and ties. The second actually yielded something I might be able to wear until Rocco came back with some proper clothing for me. I pulled out a plain white t-shirt and pulled it over my head. Joker was so tall the bottom hem fell to just above my knee but he was also so skinny that it hugged my curves. I looked in the mirror in the bathroom, it would do for now. I really wished J hadn't destroyed my only pair of panties but since there was nothing to be done about it I guess I was going commando for the time being. I pulled the cowl off of my head and scrubbed the makeup off of my face. My hair was a matted mess. I located a comb in the medicine cabinet and worked the tangles out before putting it back up in high pigtails. Looking clean and presentable again I ventured out to look for Mistah J.

I peeked in the office where we had recently made love but it was dark and the room looked empty. I moved along the hallway until I came upon a kitchenette. I spied a coffee maker on the counter and searched the cabinets for some grounds and a coffee filter. The first cabinet I opened held nothing but a gun and a large cockroach that hissed at me before scurrying through a crack in the wall. I squealed and slammed the door closed. Cabinet number two held a few chipped coffee mugs, paper plates, plastic cutlery, sugar and coffee filters. Yay! I finished searching the cabinets but still hadn't turned up any coffee. I opened the fridge and was happy to see half and half that was within the expiration date but still no coffee. I was about to give up when I opened the freezer and discovered a huge can of a cheap generic brand. It would do for now. I put on a full pot and flipped the switch then busied myself with straitening up a bit while I waited for it to brew. I found some dish soap and washed out two of the grimy mugs. When the coffee was ready I fixed two steaming mugs and carried them with me down to the end of the hall where I could see the flickering of a television screen.

I paused in the doorway and cleared my throat to get J's attention. He didn't acknowledge me at all. I padded across the cold floor until I was standing beside a dilapidated couch in a hideous flowered pattern. Joker had his legs propped up on the small coffee table in front of the TV and his head was supported by his fist as he quickly surfed through channels. He was wearing a loose pair of pajama bottoms and nothing else. I gently set the mug of coffee down next to his legs for him and slowly sat on the other arm of the couch quietly sipping my coffee and hoping he'd address me. Minutes passed in silence and he had yet to glance in my direction. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Um, Puddin, are ya mad at me for something?" He exhaled heavily and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. He didn't respond. "If I did, I'm sorry. Just tell me what I did wrong so I know not to do it again."

He growled in the back of his throat as he had a habit of doing when he was excited, angry or frustrated. He took his feet off of the coffee table and sat forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands grasping the hair on either side of his head as he stared at the floor.

"Puddin?"

"I'm not mad Harley. Okay?" he replied flatly, still refusing to meet my gaze.

"Then what's wrong? Things were going so well and then…" I trailed off and stared at the dregs of coffee in the bottom of my cup. I felt his eyes on me and I slowly turned my head to meet his gaze. He was glowering at me, but he quickly turned his head back towards the TV when I met his eyes. He swiftly stood and began to pace. A sure sign he was aggravated by something. "J, please talk to me."

He stopped his pacing and glared at me sourly. "You remember what Pam said earlier on the boat?" I gave him a puzzled look.

"She said a lotta things. Which one is eating at you Puddin?" He huffed out an annoyed breath.

"The part about me not having real emotions and this thing with us blowing up in my face." He distractedly ran a hand through his messy green waves. "She was right you know. To an extent at least."

"I don't understand what you're talk-"

"Just, shut up for a minute Harley!" he spat, "Pam was right, before you came along I didn't have very many feelings. My _urges_ were purely work related. The anticipation of a new scheme, the thrill of battle, the agony of defeat, the joy at carving a smile into someone's face. Life was simple then. But then you showed up at Arkham and everything changed. Now there are all these little….emotions. Little considerations and sentiments that are simply maddening to me!" he began pacing again and gesturing with his hands as he was prone to do when agitated.

"Feelings are weaknesses and weakness in my world can and will get you killed! I've tried to repress it, to put it all out of my mind, which was easy when I was here alone but now _you're_ here and it's like a nagging splinter just below the skin of a finger. A constant annoyance you can't just shrug off. It makes me want to take a needle and dig it out!" I opened my mouth to respond but he cut me off with a piercing look.

"If you haven't noticed, Harley, I don't like change but everything has, and it's spiraling out of control. I don't like having these…feelings." He uttered the word as if it were completely repugnant to him. "I don't like the troublesome insistence of the pedestrian urges I feel around you. I'm the Joker God damn it! I'm not ruled by my baser instincts!" He skulked towards me. "It makes me want to _do_ things to make you _pay_ for the way you make me feel, and for the physical appetite you provoke. It's puzzling and uncomfortable and I just want to strangle you for it sometimes!" he screamed as he tried to restrain himself from wrapping his hands around my neck.

I was stunned. Not necessarily of the confession itself, I had already suspected this _might_ be the case, but of the fact he was actually sharing it with me. I couldn't help but feel happy about what he'd just revealed, he was admitting that he had genuine feelings for me and that I titillated him. Yeah, every girl just hates hearing that from their boyfriend, right? I made sure my euphoria didn't show on my face or I might end up with a black eye to go along with the delirium. He was really on edge and I really didn't want to provoke him to violence at this particular moment. I carefully stood with my arms at my sides and raised my eyes to his.

"Then do what you have to do to get through it Puddin. Yell at me, threaten me, hit me, humiliate me or blame me. Whatever it takes for you to keep me around. I'll always forgive you and I'll never stop loving you." He stared at me in bewilderment.

"Harley, you can't really mean that. One day I'm _going_ to hurt you and you'll be gone before I can blink. Then Pammy can have a great big laugh at my expense, swoop in and pick up the pieces and come out smelling like a rose!" He walked towards me with fire in his eyes and I backed up until I bumped into something behind me, halting my escape. He grabbed my shoulders and slammed me into the wall. "Why not just kill you now and get it over with?" He said darkly. My blood turned to ice, the look in his eyes said he was really considering it.

"Because that's not going to happen Puddin. Sure we'll fight and sure we'll hurt each other. We may even spend some time apart one day, but I promise you I'm always gonna come back and I'm always gonna love you." He shook his head in disbelief. "I spent years alone waiting for my prince to come, who knew mine was going to be the Clown Prince of Crime? Please don't push me away." I reached up and placed my hands on the sides of his face and gave him a pleading look. "Let's just give it a chance and see how things go. We'll take it as it comes and work through it together."

"Don't go all Dr. Harleen Quinzel super-villain shrink on me Harls." He said impassively. I giggled and wrapped my arms around his neck, stood on my tiptoes and caught his bottom lip between mine. He stiffened for just a second then relented and reciprocated.

"It's okay to enjoy this, ya know. I know it's not as exciting to you as fighting the Bat or coming up with a new scheme, but it doesn't mean it has to be boring either." I brushed a stray curl of emerald hair off his forehead. "Now, let's just try to enjoy our first night together as wanted criminals and have a little fun, okay?" I stretched as far on my tiptoes as I could and swiped my tongue up the side of his aquiline nose. He stopped and blinked at me several times.

"Did you just lick my nose?" I giggled as a smile spread across my face.

"Yup. Whatta ya gonna do about it tough guy?" I said playfully. He sniggered at me as he wiped the moisture from his nose with the back of his hand.

"Oh, so that's how you want to play, eh? Well, I think I just might have to beat your bottom blue for that." I sidestepped towards the door, still smiling at him brazenly.

"Oh yeah? Well, you're gonna have to catch me first." He lunged at me. He had a long reach but I was faster than he was and I quickly darted out of the way. The ceilings in this room and the hallway were vaulted so when he came running after me I did a series of five front handsprings which got me to the stairwell that led down to the warehouse level. I straddled the railing and slid down to the main floor, forgetting that I had no panties on. That ended up being a not so great idea, it didn't feel very nice going down and I think I chaffed something. I should have borrowed a pair of Mr. J's boxers.

"Hey, enough with the gymnastics kiddo! Daddy can't spank you if Daddy can't catch you."

"All's fair in love and war Mistah J!" He bounded down the stairs after me and I was already flipping myself on top of a pile of crates. When I reached the top of the pile I jumped out and grabbed a hold of a net that was hanging from one of the crane hooks in the ceiling, swung myself upwards and wrapped my legs in it so I was swinging upside down. "Now whatcha gonna do Mistah J?" He was looking up at me with an evil grin.

"Hmmmm, ya know, I happen to know something that you don't, little girl." I was still swinging upside down, arms crossed over my chest, looking petulant.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" He pulled his hand from behind his back. He was holding a small boxy looking controller with two buttons and a joystick on the front of it.

"This." he said casually as he pressed a button. The crane I was swinging on dropped towards the ground and I suddenly found myself buried head first in a crate of Styrofoam packing peanuts. I eventually managed to untangle my legs and get my head above the sea of packing material to take a breath. Joker was cackling uncontrollably.

"Heeeyyyyy! Mistah Jaaayyy! No fair, no fair!" I whined. J popped up on the side of the crate smiling like a fool.

"Awww, what happened baby?" I struggled to get out on my own but the crate was pretty deep and the peanuts were like quicksand, the more I struggled the deeper I seemed to get buried.

"C'mon Mistah J, get me outta here. I got Styrofoam stuck to my butt!" he pulled a handful of peanuts from my pigtail.

"Stuck to your hair too, Poo." He chuckled as he leaned over and grabbed my hand. "Up you go naughty girl." He pulled me out of the box and the static electricity caused the Styrofoam to stick to every part of my body. J was laughing so hard I thought he was gonna bust a gut. "Oh my goodness, don't you look a sight! If only I had a camera!" I stuck out my bottom lip in an exaggerated pout as I tried to brush the mess off of myself.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny Mistah J." I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Now, now Pumpkin. It was that tongue of yours that got you into this mess in the first place." I gave him a sultry look.

"And maybe it's what's gonna get me out of it too, Puddin." He raised his eyebrows as I strutted over to him and wrapped my arms around his slim waist.

"You're insatiable, you know that?"

"I'm just making up for lost time."

I ran my hand down his bare chest, across those rock hard abs and continued down until I reached the front of his pajama pants. He twitched beneath my hand and I gently rubbed until his body began to respond. I slowly bent down until I was on my knees, hooked my fingers into his waistband and I looked up at him, seeking his permission to continue. His eyes were already glazing and he nodded almost imperceptibly. I took it as a sign to continue. I pulled down his pajamas and his erection sprang out eagerly. I took him in my hand and started to run my hand along his shaft as my other hand gently cupped his balls and began massaging. I peppered the head of his cock with tiny kisses and licks as I continued to stroke him. I ran my tongue along the underside until I felt him fully harden. Still stroking him with my hand, I took one side of his scrotum into my mouth and caressed it with my tongue tenderly rolling it around in my mouth and sucking with a very light pressure, I repeated the motion on the other side until I heard him moan. I took his head into my mouth and swirled my tongue around the tip. I put special concentration to that special area on the underside of his head and I felt Joker dig his hands into my hair urging me forward. Slowly I manipulated him with my lips and tongue and worked my way down as far as I could until I could feel him pressing into the back of my throat. I gagged a little and pulled back, a string of saliva still connected from my lip to the tip of his cock. I was massaging his nuts with one hand and I wrapped the other behind him, grabbing his ass and pulling him towards me until he was at the back of my throat again. I rubbed my tongue roughly around the underside of his shaft as I moved back and forth increasing my pace slightly. I had to pull back to take a breath through my nose and I looked up at him as I descended once again. He held my gaze with his lidded eyes as he watched himself disappear inside of my mouth over and over again. He roughly pulled me forward with my pigtails, impaling my throat and I gagged again, but he didn't let me pull back this time. I squeezed his ass as he deep throated me. I moaned, sending vibrations through his phallus and I heard him sharply inhale.

"Jesus Christ, Harley." He said breathily as he stared down at me. He finally allowed me a brief respite so I could take a few breaths. His shaft was slick and glistening with my spit. I leaned back in and sped up the pace, caressing the area around his balls a little less gently. I moaned with him in my throat again and I heard him groan as I felt his cock swelling. He was close. I used a bit more suction as I stroked him with mouth and tongue. I heard him whisper, "Fuck Harley, I'm gonna come."

As I felt him stiffen I pulled his cock out of my mouth, gripped him in my hand and pumped his shaft. His seed spurted out onto my face and dripped down my chin and onto the T-shirt I was wearing. Before he softened I took him back in my mouth and sucked as hard as I could while running my tongue up and down his shaft. He sucked in air through his teeth and his entire body shuddered. I released him from my mouth as he began to soften. He looked down at me with a sort of awe.

"Your mouth may be insolent from time to time Harls, but damn if it doesn't have its uses."

We both froze as we heard the steel outer door bang shut and an embarrassed Rocco yelling. "I didn't see n-nothing boss! I-I'll j-just go now and c-come back l-later!"

I could only imagine the sight poor old Rocco walked in on. Joker's bare lily white ass, with my hands gripping his cheeks, me kneeling between his slightly spread legs. If this had happened to me with anyone other than Mr., J I would have been mortified. Instead we both looked at each other and burst out laughing hysterically. He reached down and quickly pulled up his pajama bottoms.

"Listen cupcake, why don't you go back upstairs and get cleaned up and I'll go deal with Roc."

When my giggles subsided I nodded and said, "Be nice to him J, it's our fault for being down here. The poor guy must be horrified." He chuckled and gave me a noogie before wandering off to find his poor embarrassed henchman. I padded quietly up the steps and into our shared bathroom to wash the evidence off of my face. J came in a few minutes later, his arms laden with bags.

"Rocco thought you might be wanting a shower so he brought some things for you. His kid is about your size so his wife threw together a few things for you to wear until she can get out to shop later today." I took the bags from him and sheepishly asked.

"So what did he say, you know, about us?"

"Not a damn thing. He denied seeing anything. There's a reason Rocco has been with me for this long, ya know."

I eagerly went through the bags. He had done very well, he got pretty much everything I had asked for and he even managed to find my favorite strawberry scented shampoo. There was a bag of clothing. On top was a new package of white cotton panties, a package of white socks and a sports bra with the tags still on it. The rest must have come from their daughter's closet. There were two pairs of yoga pants, a pair of hip hugger jeans, several t-shirts with names of bands I had never heard of before, a few of which would be going on my bad band name list the next time I was extremely pissed off. There was a white button down, a black hoodie and a pair of sneakers that were half a size too big, but they'd do for now. I glanced longingly at the bathroom.

"Mind if I get cleaned up Puddin?" He walked over and fell backwards onto the bed making the springs squeak loudly as he did so.

"Do what you want sweets. After all that exercise I need to get a few winks in. Wake me at six if I'm not up." I walked over, leaned down and kissed him.

"Okay handsome, sleep tight. I love you."

"Yeah, yeah." He rolled over on his side, pulled the blankets up to his neck and closed his eyes as I headed in for a long, hot, well-deserved shower.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

I felt like a new person when I left the bathroom. I was clean and smelled nice, although my hair was going to have to air dry. I would have to ask Rocco to get me a hair dryer sometime soon. I put on the grey yoga pants and one of the tight t-shirts that had the band name Arson Anthem on the front. I had never heard of them before, but yup, this one was making the list. It felt nice having clean panties and socks on. As I entered the bedroom I saw J was deep asleep. He was lying on his back with one hand on his chest and his other arm bent above his head. I didn't want to wake him, I knew from Arkham that he very rarely slept, but I couldn't help but stare at him for a few minutes. He looked so different in sleep. He was completely relaxed, all his usual tension gone, the twitching of his eyes as he processed all the information he took in absent from his face. In sleep he looked like an angel. I swooned to think that he was mine and that we were living together now. Wow, I guess I hadn't really taken much time to process that yet but this was _my_ home now too. I figured I may as well explore the rest of the hideout and get the lay of the land, so to speak.

I walked around the upper floor opening doors. The first room I entered looked a little bit like Ivy's lab, sans plants of course. There were beakers and test tubes full of multi-colored liquids. Bunsen burners, microscopes and Petri dishes filled the table tops. There was a huge whiteboard to one side filled with formulas and equations in Joker's messy handwriting. Further down this hallway I discovered three rooms that held cots, tatty twin mattresses and bunk beds. Each was messy with trash and dirty dishes scattered all over the floor. I assumed this was where the henchmen slept when they were in residence. Further into the hideout was a large open space with a huge flat screen TV and several mismatched couches arranged around it. This must be the henches common room. There was an X-box and a Playstation on the coffee table and a cardboard box full of games and DVD's next to the TV. I rifled through it and found some old school games I hadn't played since college. The movies were mostly action and horror flicks, nothing that particularly excited me. I was more a comedy and romance kinda girl myself.

I continued exploring and saw there was a larger kitchen off of this room that actually had a stove. Our kitchenette only had a sink, fridge and a microwave. Not that I cooked all that often, but I liked having the option at least. These rooms were also filthy. I looked around for any kind of cleaning supplies but came up empty. I found a pad and pen and made out another list for Rocco. If I was gonna be living here, there was a certain standard of cleanliness that needed to be maintained. At least I was going to have something to keep me occupied when J was working. The last door opened onto a large area that was obviously used as gym/workout room. There wasn't a ton of equipment but there were dumbbells, free weights, bench press, plyo-box, kettle balls, jump ropes, medicine ball, a pull up bar and a set of rings hanging from the ceiling. There was also a stereo in the corner. I could definitely work with this.

It was only about one in the afternoon and Joker asked me to wake him at six so I had time to kill. I went into the henches living room and played video games for a few hours. When I tired of that I headed to the gym. I turned the stereo to WGTU, which played a nice variety of hits from the seventies to today. I started off by stretching out really well then launched into my usual regiment of crunches, push-ups, freestanding handstand push-ups, splits, box jump-overs and a few other basics to help keep me strong and nimble. I had to admit it was much easier keeping in shape now that Ivy had given me that serum. I moved on to weights and finished up working on the rings. The room was too small for floor work so I wandered down to the warehouse area of the building and cleared a space large enough to work on flips, pikes and handsprings.

As I was in the middle of a complicated combination of moves the outer door opened and about ten of the henchmen came into the warehouse. I estimated it was around five in the afternoon. I ignored them and finished my routine with a triple back handspring that ended in a round off. I stuck the landing and glanced over at the group of guys standing around and staring at me.

"Why doncha take a picture, it'll last longer." I said haughtily as I crossed my hands over my chest and stood with my hip thrust out to one side. One of the bigger, braver and obviously stupider henchmen walked over and glared at me.

"What the hell are you doing here? This is a big boy's game sweetheart, a little girl like you won't last ten minutes out there on the job." I raised an eyebrow and rolled my eyes at him. He was about six feet tall, bulky with full sleeves of tattoos on both arms. He was wearing camo pants, a wife beater, military jacket and combat boots and had a shaved head. I judged he was an ex-marine if the skull tattoo with U.S.M.C. underneath it on his chest was any indication. He was a real tough looking dude. I was going to enjoy taking him down a few pegs.

"Oh yeah, well Mistah J doesn't seem to think so. Especially since I just saved his butt last night." He laughed at me.

"Heh I guess even the boss can get preoccupied by a cute piece of ass. No skin off my nose if you get killed on your first job. You may be able to flip around like a human jumping-jack but you need to know how to fight to make it in this business sugar lips, and you? You couldn't hurt a fly." I stared at him indignantly.

"Yeah? You wanna test that theory tough guy?" I glanced around the room scouting out things I might be able to use as a weapon if I needed it. One of the other henches, one who was obviously wiser addressed his cohort.

"Raze, cut it out. That's Joker's girl, man. You heard what he said last night. Are you fucking nuts?" I giggled.

"Raze? That's your name, meathead?" He gave me the evil eye.

"It's Razor ya blonde bim!"

"Ooooooh, so scary." I said mockingly. "So let's see whatcha got roidhead." He pulled off his jacket and threw it angrily on the floor. He sneered as he began circling me.

"J's girl or not, I'm gonna enjoy wiping that smile offa your smart mouth."

"Well quit flappin your gums already and come at me, bro." I said sharply as I got ready to move.

He swung at me and I ducked to the side as his fist passed by the side of my head.

"Well thanks for that cool, refreshin breeze. Your aim ain't so good is it?" His left came up as if to uppercut me in the gut, but I cartwheeled out of the way. With big guys, Dick taught me that if you can evade their hits long enough, you can wear them out, eventually giving you the upper hand.

"C'mon slut, quit avoiding me and do something already!" he swung and missed yet again.

"Ha. You need glasses or something tough guy? You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!"

I was really pissing this guy off but I was also wearing him down. I was putting minimal effort into avoiding his blows and he was already sweating and breathing heavily. I finally saw my opening. He swung and I jumped back putting the right amount of distance between us. I did a front handspring and grabbed him around the neck with my legs. My motion continued pushing me up and forward and I was able to flip his body completely over as I landed on my hands, slamming him into the ground. I squeezed hard with my thighs, choking him out as I punched him repeatedly in the nose. When I tired of that I casually got up and wiped my hands off on my pants. He was coughing and sputtering, trying to get back up off the ground. I walked over to a table and grabbed a sledgehammer that was propped there. When Razor was back on his feet he charged at me. I simply stepped aside and brought the hammer down on his kneecap. Everyone in the room cringed at the loud crack and pop of the bone shattering. He went down. Hard.

Razor rolled over cussing up a storm as he writhed on the ground. "You fucking psycho bitch! I'm gonna fucking kill you, you cunt!" I walked over swinging my hips and looked down at him as I waggled my index finger at him.

"Ah ah ah, I don't think so. You kinda need to be able to walk to do that. So, I couldn't hurt a fly, eh? I sure hurt you plenty!" I kicked him in the face before turning to look over at the other guys. In the scuffle it seems a handful more showed up. I put my hands on my hips and glared at them. "Anyone else wanna piece a me?"

The henchmen all shook their heads as they gazed at their wounded buddy screaming in pain on the floor. From above us a slow round of applause echoed through the warehouse. I looked up to see Mistah J, now fully dressed in one of his suits looking down on the spectacle. He was smiling with pride.

"Brava, Harley my dear. Very well done." I beamed at him for his praise.

"Sorry I had to take out your guy Puddin, but you said not to take any crap."

"That I did Poo. Razor should have known better but I think the steroids have addled his brain." He walked down the stairs and over to the huddled mass on the floor that was Razor. He looked at the assembled henchmen. "Let this be a lesson to you fella's. She is not to be trifled with. If she doesn't take you out." He pulled a long barreled gun from his pocket and aimed it at Razor's head. Razor began to apologize and plead for his life. J looked down at him unsympathetically. "I will." He pulled the trigger and Razor's brains splattered all over the floor. Joker looked back up at his men and motioned towards the corpse with the barrel of his gun. "Take care of this mess. Then report back to me in the lab, we're going to have a little meeting."

He walked over and put his arm around my shoulders and led me back upstairs. He looked down at me with a smirk on his face. "I just can't leave you alone for a second without you getting into trouble can I?"

"Sorry Mistah J, but he started it." I pouted. He placed is hand under my chin and tilted my face up to look at him.

"That's okay, Pumpkin. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm just glad to see you were able to handle yourself down there." He released his grip on my face. "Who taught you how to fight?" Eeek, I knew he was a little jealous of my friendship with Dick, but Dick was a cop in Bludhaven now so obviously that friendship was caput.

"Um, the rich, pretty boy?" I said it like it was a question instead of a statement. A flicker of annoyance crossed his face. "He taught a self-defense class at the Y. When I took on your case I figured I better learn how." He chuckled.

"You learned how to fight to protect yourself from me? I'm flattered. He teach you how to use a knife?"

"No, and I haven't fired a gun yet either. I bought one but I left it at Ivy's. Dick says I'm better with a weapon that has a little heft and a long reach since my arms are kinda short." He walked me into our living room.

"I saw that. You handled that baseball bat pretty well last night and you looked like a natural with that sledgehammer, dollface. You know what might be funnier though?" I gazed up into his handsome face.

"What Puddin?"

"An L.W.M." I gave him a puzzled look.

"A what now?" He chuckled.

"A large wooden mallet, and I just happen to know where to get one." My eyes widened in glee.

"Ya mean like the ones Bugs and Daffy use on the Looney Toons?" He nodded and made a sound of agreement. "YEESSSS! Puddin that would be killer!"

"What an interesting choice of words Poo." I sat down on the couch. "Now Rocco should be back soon with groceries and some clothes for you. Think you can manage to stay out of trouble while I have a little talk with my men?"

"Of course Mistah J. I'll wait here until you get back." He patted me on the head.

"Good girl. Oh and Poo?"

"Yeah Puddin?"

"Think you can make me something to eat when Rocco gets back? After all of that _activity_ last night I'm famished."

"Sure thing boss!" I winked at him as he turned to leave the room.

I flipped through the channels on the TV for about an hour but there was nothing on but the news. I was starting to get bored when I heard a knock on the door to our living room, which I thought was odd considering the door was wide open. I peeked over the back of the couch to see Rocco weighed down with a ton of bags. He was staring directly at the floor, I guess he didn't want to chance walking in on us again. I turned pink remembering how he found us earlier.

"Come on in Rocco. I'm decent, I promise." I watched him blush a deep red as he wandered into the room.

"Miss Quinn, I have some stuff for you here." I walked over and took some of the bags from him.

"Call me Harley, Rocco. Everyone does." I placed the bags on the couch and scanned the names. His wife obviously had good taste, there were bags from Burgdorf's, Veronica's Secret, Lord & Taylor, Macy's and a slew of other high end department stores. Rocco unloaded the rest of the clothing bags on the couch with the others. "Wow Roc, your wife really outdid herself! What exactly did you tell her?"

"The truth… _mostly_. I told her the boss just moved in his girlfriend because her apartment building burned down. She doesn't know Joker, but she knows my boss was always an eternal bachelor. She was happy to hear he finally had a lady and was pretty excited to help out."

"How long have you worked for Mistah J Roc?" He looked thoughtful as he tallied it up in his head.

"Going on seven years now I guess." I glanced up from rummaging through bags to look at him.

"Wow, that's a long time. I hope he keeps me around at least that long."

"Say, how did you two get together anyways?" I giggled as I pulled a negligee out of the Veronica's Secret bag. Betty did a great job, so far I loved everything she had picked out.

"We met at Arkham. He slapped my ass and I broke his nose for it. The rest happened over time. After he killed his first shrink I got the job. The rest is history." He stared at me open mouthed.

"Oh, okay. That's um, an interesting way to fall in love. Harley, I'm gonna go put these away in your kitchen for you." He held up a few bags of groceries.

"Thanks Roc. Oh wait a second." I grabbed the new list off the coffee table and handed it to him. "Sorry to ask you, but sometime soon could you grab this stuff too? I can't live in this filth, the place needs a woman's touch."

"Sure no problem." He turned to leave.

"Oh and please thank your wife for me. She has excellent taste!" He smiled over his shoulder.

"I will."

I watched him waddle away down the hall to our kitchenette. I busied myself with sorting out my new clothes and finding a place to put them, then I headed down to make something for J to eat. I found a bag of pre-prepared penne ala vodka in the freezer and popped it the microwave. J came back from his meeting just as I was pulling the pasta from the microwave. I fixed him a plate and brought it into the living room. He gave me a radiant smile as I walked over.

"I think you scared the boys Pumpkin. I don't think you'll be having any problems from them again."

"Yeah? I guess that little scuffle served to mark my territory. That's good, because they're gonna help me clean this place up. It looks like it hasn't been cleaned in, well ever." He chuckled then took a bite of the pasta. "So Puddin, when do I get to go out on a job with you?"

"Well, after we pick up your new suits I suppose. Of course you need to learn how to fire a gun first." He took another bite and thought as he chewed. "Tell you what, I'm gonna have Kilson give you some lessons tomorrow. He's one of the best shots I have and he's a quiet fellow too. Should be easy to work with. Once you're an adequate shot, you can come on a job with me, okay Pumpkin?" I squealed and clapped my hands.

"Thank you Puddin! I promise I won't let you down."

We chatted over our pasta and when he was finished he put his plate on the table and turned to me with a mock frown on his face.

"As much as I hate to leave you Poo, Daddy has a lot of work to do. Think you can manage to not cripple another henchman in the meantime?" I grinned at him.

"Well yeah, as long as none of them challenge me again. Sure." He leaned in and gave me a quick peck on the lips.

"Good girl. I've got to run now, I have a meeting in Otisburg with the Harvey's. I won't be back until late so don't wait up." I pouted a little but I knew better than to interfere with his work.

"Okay Puddin. Please be careful, I love you." He grunted in response and I watched him as he walked down the hall and descended the steps that led to the warehouse. I missed him already.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

It was very late but I couldn't sleep. I was sitting in the living room flipping through channels. There was very little to watch at this hour, mostly infomercials and old re-runs of bad sitcoms. I had purposely been avoiding watching any news channels. Unlike Joker, I wasn't anxious to see my face blown up on the screen. Reluctantly I turned on GNN. They were running a story about a terrorist attack in Europe but the next story was about me and Mr. J. The picture they were using was the one I had taken for my employee ID badge when I started at Arkham and it was _really_ unflattering. I watched the entire story then muted the TV. I just couldn't bear to listen to any more. I was wanted for "questioning" in the ongoing investigation into the murder of Dr. Diane Green and for twelve counts of criminal facilitation in the escape of the Joker and the rest of the Arkham inmates.

Without J around to distract me I got caught up in my own thoughts. My chest hurt as I imagined the look on my poor mother's face when she finally saw the report. I had to ditch my cell and obviously I couldn't check my messages on my land line at my apartment without the cops tracing me but I could imagine the multitude of frantic calls and the messages she must have left hoping there had been some kind of mistake. She must be so worried. I realized I had just completely broken her heart, stepped on it and smashed it into thousands of tiny pieces. I was no better than my father. No, I was actually worse than him. My father was a liar and a con but he had never killed anyone. Not only had I murdered my best friend but I ran off with the most notorious criminal in the entire United States. I was the only person in our family mom had ever been proud of and now she'd be ridiculed and shunned because of me. She'll be hounded by the press wherever she goes and it was all my fault. What was I thinking? I wasn't thinking, I was being selfish and my mom would pay the price for it. I felt sick and my eyes flooded with tears. The more I thought about it the harder I cried until I was having a full blown meltdown.

I was curled up in the fetal position on the ugly flowered couch crying uncontrollably. I didn't even hear Joker come in, I was bawling so hard. He sat next to me and pulled me onto his lap and I clung to him and buried my head into his neck. He smelled faintly of whiskey and cigar smoke. He gently rocked me as my tears soaked the lapel of his suit.

"Shhh, shhh, shhh. It's okay Poo. What's all this about?" I knew I was incapable of speech at that moment so I just pointed to the TV which was looping the same four or five stories over and over again. "Oh, I see. Haven't come to terms with being a wanted criminal yet? I really can't say I understand, but I know you women are more sensitive to these kinds of things." He gently stroked my hair as my sobs turned into sniffles.

"It's my mom." I hiccupped, "She must be worried and hurt and the press is gonna follow her and it's all my fault!" He tipped my chin up so that I was looking at him.

"Well, yes, there is that I suppose. But Pumpkin, what's done is done. You can't do anything to change it now." I wiped my face with the backs of my hands.

"I know that Puddin, but it kinda hit me all at once when I saw my face on that news report. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to see me like this."

"Well I guess I kind of expected it, this being your first homicide and all." He fixed his eyes on mine. "This isn't going to become a _thing_ is it? You're not going to fall to pieces _every_ time you kill someone, right?" I couldn't help but giggle a little.

"No, it's not going to become a _thing_. I promise Puddin. Like you said I can't change it and I already broke my mother's heart." I sniffled again and I could feel tears threatening to spill over my eyes. "I just know how disappointed in me she must be. Another crook in the family. She always thought it'd be Barry who ended up in jail, not me." He gave me a quizzical look.

"Who's Barry?" I didn't realize we had never talked about it.

"My younger brother. He's a mess. He lives with my mom, has two kids with two different women and no job. Do ya understand now why it hurts me so much to have let her down?" He gazed at me with soft sympathetic eyes, a reaction I hadn't really expected.

"Yes, I can see that. I didn't know you had a sibling, Poo. You don't talk about your family much."

"Yeah well, that's because my family is too batshit crazy to talk about. We put the "fun" in dysfunctional." He chortled and wrapped his arms around me.

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, now does it?" I had finally gotten my emotions under control and I nuzzled my nose against J's neck as I relaxed in his embrace.

"No I guess not. I'm as nutso as the rest of them." I looked up and inquired, "How did your meeting with Two-Face go Puddin?" A smile split his face.

"Splendidly! We came to an agreement that's mutually beneficial. Or should that be triply beneficial? I get so confused about that sometimes. Heh. Anyway, after our deal was done I beat the pants off him in a game of poker. As a matter of fact, I got you a little something with my winnings I think might just cheer you up." I beamed at him.

"You did? Whatcha get me Mistah J?" He stood carrying me in his arms and brought me into the bedroom. It was dark and I couldn't see anything. He set me down on my feet.

"I had thought to surprise you when you woke up, but when I got home you weren't in bed." He flipped on the light switch. Leaning against the wall next to the bed was a huge wooden mallet. I squealed in joy! "I had a friend put some personal touches on it for you Pumpkin."

I went over and examined it. It had a handle that was about four feet long, with a grip on the end made out of a fine smooth rope. The head of the mallet had two brass bands around it. One of the flat surfaces said 'Your face here' the other had a picture of Batman's head with X's for eyes and his tongue hanging out. The best part was engraved in between the two bands. It said 'J's Girl' in a looping script.

"Puddin I love it! Where do you get such wonderful toys?" he shrugged.

"Eh, I know a guy. You ever hear of Toyman?" It sounded familiar and I realized I had seen a news report about him fighting Superman a few years back.

"Yeah I have, but I thought he lived in Metropolis."

"Apparently he and Tetchy were working on something before Hatter got pinched and thrown back into Arkham. Now that you released everyone, Toyman is back in town to finish up whatever it is they're up to, so I gave him a call. He was happy to oblige."

I picked up the mallet. It was heavy but not too heavy to wield. I took a test swing. It felt pretty good. It would take a little getting used to after the baseball bat but this thing could do so much more damage!

"Wanna try it out Poo?"

"Yeah Puddin! I really do! What did ya have in mind?"

"Well normally I'd take you out into the city, but since your suits aren't ready yet, I brought you home some targets. Follow me." He walked into the hall and down the stairs to the warehouse.

He had set up four empty fifty gallon drums in a line in the center of the floor. There was produce on top of them. The first held a huge watermelon, the second a pumpkin, the next a cantaloupe, and on the last was an apple. I was hopping up and down in anticipation. J noticed and smiled widely.

"Well, have at it doll." I stepped up to the watermelon and gave a few slow practice swings.

"I have always wanted to do this ever since I saw that Gallagher guy on HBO as a kid!" I pulled back, swung and hit the watermelon squarely in the center. It exploded outwards as the head of the mallet connected. "Weeee! This is sooo much cooler than a baseball bat!"

He chuckled as he watched me wind up to hit the pumpkin. I clipped the top of the barrel on my swing knocking both the pumpkin and the barrel across the room. The fruit broke but didn't have the same dramatic impact as the watermelon. I hit the next melon pretty squarely and it launched into the back wall in a spray of white seeds. The apple was going to be tricky. I tried lining up my swing but I could tell I was just going to end up hitting the barrel.

"Ah the heck with it!" I raised the mallet up over my head and smashed the apple into oblivion, putting a sizeable dent in the barrel in the process. "Applesauce anyone?" Joker wrinkled his nose.

"Do me a favor kid and leave the comedy to me, okay?"

"Sorry Puddin." Joker walked over and inspected the damage.

"Good, now enough with the inanimate objects. Let's see if you can hit a moving target."

He walked behind a pile of crates and came back out dragging a Hispanic guy behind him. He was bound by his wrists and ankles and had duct tape across his mouth. He was maybe twenty years old, was wearing gang colors and had a tear drop tattooed under his right eye.

"Where did ya get him Puddin?"

"Let's just say he was dealing dope in the wrong alley at the wrong time." He leaned over the gang banger. "Now, you see that pretty lady over there Paco? I'm gonna untie you. If you can outrun her and make it to that door," he pointed across the way at the main entrance, "You get to keep on breathing. If not, then you better start praying to Santa Maria son." He ripped the Duct tape from his mouth and the kid immediately started spouting off.

"The fuck is wrong wit you man? You puto payaso loco!" J slapped the tape back over his mouth.

"That's enough of that." He looked up at me as he pulled a knife out of his pocket. "You ready Poo?"

I planted my feet apart with my knees slightly bent, raised the mallet up to my shoulder and nodded. J cut the tape binding the kid's ankles and wrists and the game began. He scrabbled up off of the floor and sprinted towards the door. He was pretty quick, but not quick enough. I swung the mallet and caught his ankle and he screamed behind the tape. He tried limping towards the door and I cartwheeled until I was next to him, swung the mallet and connected solidly with his head. I heard a crack and he went down. I didn't know if he was conscious or not, but I didn't wait to find out. I swung the mallet above my head and brought it down with every ounce of strength I had. His skull shattered and his brains exploded very similarly to the watermelon. I felt warm blood spatter up into my face. It wasn't necessary but I pulled back and swung again, just for the fun of it. I heard a gasp and a gagging noise above us and looked up to see a few of the henchmen had gathered around the upper balcony, likely woken up by the commotion. One of them was retching and trying not to puke. What a puss. Joker was laughing and clapping his hands.

"I think we have a winner folks!" He pointed up at the henches. "Good of you boys to join us. Now get down here and get this cleaned up!" He walked over to me picked me up by my waist and spun me around. "You're a natural kiddo!" He leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Did you know you look incredibly sexy when you're covered in gore." He waggled his eyebrows at me. "Why don't we go upstairs Pumpkin?" The corner of my mouth quirked up. Violence really got my Puddin's motor running. The scary thing was it was starting to do the same to me.

"Thank you for my present Puddin. You're so thoughtful and wonderful." His mouth twitched.

"Don't forget handsome." I batted my lashes at him.

"How could I forget?"

I took a moment to wipe the blood and brains off my new mallet and brought it upstairs. I propped it against the wall in our bedroom. I started to head to the bathroom to get the gang bangers blood off of me, but J grabbed my hand and pulled me back.

"No, don't wash it off. I want you just. Like. This."

He put his hand behind my neck and drew my mouth towards his. His lips were soft and tasted faintly of whiskey. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled his body towards mine and I could feel how excited watching me kill someone had made him. My hair was down and he wound the hand at my neck into it and yanked, exposing my neck so he could bite and nibble the sensitive flesh. I could already tell I would be carrying marks from this foray for the next couple of days. I won't go into too many details but what I will say is that the mallet wasn't the only wonderful toy Joker had brought home with him that night.

Once we were both satiated we cuddled, which was unusual for Joker after sex. He was weird about things, he had no problem having me sit on his lap but cuddling after lovemaking was fairly taboo. It was nice for a change. I think maybe it was the alcohol that loosened him up. He was certainly not drunk by any stretch of the imagination but he was definitely in a very good mood and was accommodating to my needs and desires. We bantered back and forth, just silly pillow talk for the most part until I started to get sleepy and eventually drifted off nuzzled into his chest.

When I woke the next day J was gone, which didn't surprise me. He rarely slept through the night if he actually slept at all. I showered, I was still coated in gang banger blood and changed into comfortable clothing, throwing my hair up in a high ponytail. I wandered into the kitchenette and was happy to see coffee had already been brewed. I made a cup and headed down the hall to see where my Puddin had gotten to. He was in his office bent over his desk working on who knows what. The door was open but I knocked on the door frame anyway, not wanting to invade his space. He didn't turn but grunted out a response.

"What?"

"Morning Puddin!" I walked over to his desk, leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek which he promptly rubbed off. Someone had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today. "I just wanted to see if there was anything I could get ya to put a smile on your face. Coffee, breakfast, a quickie maybe?" he grimaced.

"Is that all you ever think about Harley? I think I've indulged you far too much the past few nights as it is. Anyway don't you have something you ought to be doing?" He raised an eyebrow. It took me a few minutes to remember what he was talking about.

"Oh, yeah. I wasn't sure when your guy was going to be available to give me a lesson. What's his name again?"

"Kilson, and it would be in your best interest to go find him and stop bothering me while I work!" he growled.

I knew well enough to back off and leave him alone when he was in one of his dark moods. Joker's moods were like a damn rollercoaster. There were lots of very sudden ups and downs and it was difficult to keep up sometimes. I plastered a smile on my face and brightly replied.

"Okey dokey, Mistah J. I'll go find Kilson and get started. Wish me luck!" He didn't reply just waved me away like I was an annoying insect buzzing around him.

I headed over to the henches common room and poked my head in. There were a bunch of guys milling about, watching TV, eating cereal and drinking coffee.

"So which one a ya is Kilson?" They turned and looked at me warily, like I was a rabid dog who might attack them at any second. A tall olive skinned fellow stood and approached me. He had dark hair and eyes, was toned but not necessarily muscular and had a slightly bowlegged gait.

"That'd be me ma'am." He was soft-spoken with an adorable southern drawl.

"Nice ta meet ya Kilson! Please, call me Harley. So the J-man wants you to teach me how to shoot. Should we get started?"

"Um, sure but we can't do that here. We have to drive out to the sand pits in the Pine Barrens. Too much of a chance of drawing the cops here ma'am."

I hadn't thought of that. I guess a lone gunshot in this area might be a fairly normal occurrence, but multiple gunshots might cause the locals to get nervous.

"Okay, let me go grab a jacket and we can get outta here. You got a car?"

"Yes ma'am, a truck with dark tint on the windows. We'll be safe." I bounded up the stairs grabbed my new leather coat and yelled down the hallway to J.

"We're going for our lesson now Puddin. See you later!" I didn't expect a response, I just thought it was polite to let him know I was leaving.

I hopped into the back of the big Yukon as Kilson loaded a large duffel bag into the back. We headed west out of the city. The sand pits were on the outskirts of Millville in the Pine Barrens. The Pinelands were pretty much the only sparsely populated area in all of New Jersey. Driving through it reminded me of trips I used to take to South Carolina to visit my aunt Rita before she died. There were miles between houses and there was a small commercial area on the main street through town. I still found it funny that even New Jersey had its share of rednecks, or as we called them Pineys, but it was evident here. It took us just under an hour to get to our destination. We took an unpaved road through the woods and came out in the center of a large sandy area with giant dunes all around.

Kilson wasn't much of a talker. When he stopped the truck he got out and opened the rear gate, pulling the huge duffel out and walking a few paces before setting it down. He opened it and began removing targets and bottles which he set up against one of the large dunes. Then he pulled out several different types of guns and lined them up along the tailgate of the truck along with the corresponding boxes of ammunition. Then he pulled out a video camera and a tripod which he set up off to the side.

"What's the camera for, Kilson?"

"Boss wants to see how ya do." He waved me over to the back of the truck. He picked up a small pistol. "We'll start with a .22 Magnum semi-auto, it doesn't have much kick, so you can get used to how to aim before we move to bigger calibers. This pistol's got a 30 round magazine. You know how to load one of these?" I shook my head.

"Not really. I've only ever held a gun once before in my life."

He walked me through how to load the gun, pop in the clip and turn off the safety. We ran through all the basics like the correct stance, how to hold the gun, how to use the sights, how to breathe. Then he gave me ear and eye protectors to put on, turned on the camera and let me have a go. My first shot was nowhere near the target. Kilson came behind me to give me a few pointers and I tried again. I hit the target far to the right of the head. I kept going until I emptied the clip. By the end of the first clip I was at least hitting the target although not in the "kill" zones. By the end of the second clip I was doing pretty damn well. Then we switched to a 9mm Glock19. This thing had a kick that threw me off quite a bit at first. After the fourth clip I had mostly gotten it under control though. After that we ran through the gamut of hand guns, .40 Beretta, .357 Magnum, Uzi .38, Colt .45. I did best with the Glock. Once we finished with that we moved to assault rifles. It felt strange holding an AK-47 in my hands but if I was going to be J's partner this was a skill I would definitely need. It was surprisingly easy to operate and to hit the target, but with automatic bursts of ammo you were bound to hit something.

Overall we were out in the pits for about four hours and I could hit the target in the head eight times out of ten. We packed everything up and headed back to the hideout so Kilson could teach me how to disassemble, clean and reassemble all of the weapons we had used today. That part was tedious and I grew impatient with it by the time we finished up. Finally, our lesson was over and I headed upstairs to take a shower. I smelled like gun oil and black powder and had sand stuck between my toes. When I got to the top of the stairs I heard Joker call out to me.

"Harls, that you?" he was still in his office. I walked down the hall and popped my head in the door.

"Yeah boss. You need something?" He turned his big leather desk chair towards me and patted his lap. Before I sat I warned him, "I'm a little stinky Puddin'." I shook my hands as if it would dispel the heavy smell of the gun oil clinging to me.

"Nonsense, come." He patted his lap again and I sat. "So, how did it go Poo?"

"Good, I think. You'll have to watch the video and then you can give me your opinion."

"Good, good. Some things came for you while you were out" My brows knitted in confusion.

"Like what, Puddin?" He swatted me off his lap and stood up.

"Why don't you come into the bedroom and take a look." He placed his hand at the small of my back and guided me down the hallway. As we entered the bedroom I saw it immediately. It was a rolling rack full of my costumes. There were six of them in all along with cowls, boots and gloves. I screeched in excitement.

"Oh, Puddin! There are so many of them! I know what I paid for one, this must have cost a small fortune!" His mouth curved up in a smile.

"Well, yes it did, but you'll make it up to me. If that video shows me you're ready, we have a bank job to pull this weekend."

"Really Puddin? Oh my gosh, I am sooo excited! My first real job! Thank you Mistah J, I promise I won't let ya down!"

"You had better not or there'll be hell to pay. Oh and Rocco brought you more stuff, it's in the kitchen I think."

I bounded down the hall and ducked into the kitchenette. There were bags of cleansers, disinfectants, sponges, dish towels, dust pans, scrub brushes and toilet brushes. There were several brooms and mops leaning against the wall. In another bag was a hairdryer, a curling iron and some cosmetics.

"Thank God! Puddin can I boss the henches around tomorrow?" His forehead creased.

"Why?"

"Because this place is getting cleaned. It's filthy around here and it's making me crazy. Well crazier." He chuckled.

"As you will, Poo." I looked at the wall clock. It was around six in the evening.

"Puddin, ya mind if I grab a quick shower? Then I can make ya something to eat if you'd like." He swatted my bottom.

"Just hurry up, I'm starving. I'll be in my office finishing up some work." He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and walked down the hallway.

I headed to the bathroom, super excited that I was going to get to pull my first heist with Puddin. I'd finally be coming out in public as the Joker's girlfriend and partner, Harley Quinn and I was on cloud nine! The weekend couldn't get here soon enough!


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Joker watched the video of my shooting lesson and decided my performance was acceptable enough for me to join him on the job Saturday. As of yet he had not given me any details but it was only Thursday so there was plenty of time for him to fill me in. I spent the bulk of the day cleaning the hideout and the henchmen were none too pleased with me. I had them lugging around furniture, taking out copious amounts of trash and scrubbing floors, grumbling under their breaths throughout the duration. It was well worth it. When we were finished the place was practically spotless. I put up curtains and covered the nasty couches and chairs with slip covers, put new sheets on the beds and added some throw rugs, which I sent some of the henchmen to go out and buy. I liberally Fe-breezed the entire lair and put out scented candles to keep it smelling like anything other than dirt and man-sweat. It wasn't perfect but at least now it was livable. I had the guys grab a new set of coffee mugs and dishes for me since it grossed me out drinking coffee from mugs _that_ stained and disgusting.

I scrubbed the bathroom thoroughly removing years of dirt and grime. You could actually see the ceramic in the bottom of the old claw foot tub again. I replaced the mildewed shower curtain and hung a new mirror since the old one was cracked down the center. I was very happy to get rid of our squeaky old mattress. I replaced it with a new pillow-top mattress, added a deep violet duvet cover and fluffy pillows. Now the guys wouldn't be able to hear us whenever we got a little romantic. I also found a stack of old newspapers that detailed some of J's previous heists, which I carefully framed and hung on the walls to spruce up our bedroom. I added a few lamps and a large area rug in a hunter green. I had to admit it looked amazing when I was done. When we were completely finished with the rest of the lair, I got showered and changed, blew out my hair, put on some light make-up then made a sandwich and went to go find Puddin. I was excited to show him what we'd accomplished.

He was in his lab today which was good since it was the one room in the place he had forbidden me from touching during my cleaning project. When I walked in he was tinkering with what looked to be a detonator. I cleared my throat to get his attention and he spared a quick glance at me.

"I thought my big, strong genius might appreciate a little lunch." I walked over and set the sandwich, a small bag of chips and a cold Zesti on the table by his elbow. He didn't look up from his work.

"Thanks Poo. Finish your little project?" I leaned over and placed my elbows on the table opposite him.

"Sure did Puddin, and I'd really like to show you when you can spare a few minutes." He soldered two wires together then closed up the casing and screwed it into place before he finally looked across the cluttered table at me.

"I'm actually done for the day, so I suppose now is as good a time as any."

I brought him from room to room and though he didn't say much I could tell he was impressed. I left the bedroom for last. When he walked in his face lit up. He walked over to one of the walls and read over the news articles I had hung up.

"Ha! My utility belt, I had almost forgotten about that. Look at this! My Joker Blimp. Batsy blew that up ages ago! And this was the time I almost got the chair, but I outsmarted those fascist bureaucrats by faking my own death and taking advantage of the double jeopardy law. Harley, this is wonderful!" I could feel my face break into a huge smile at his words.

"You really like it Puddin?" He was standing with his hands on his hips looking at his own face staring back at him from the articles.

"Indeed I do, Pumpkin." He turned and assessed the rest of the room. He walked over to the bed. "Is this new?"

"Yeah Puddin it is. Sit down and try it out!" He sat on the edge of the mattress and bounced up and down a few times before falling back onto it with his arms out to his sides.

"Oh, this is nice." He sat up and continued looking around. He stood and walked into the bathroom and gave it a once over. "You really outdid yourself Harley. Color me impressed." My smile was so large my face was fit to split.

"I'm really glad you like it Puddin. Your men aren't too thrilled with me, but too bad. As long as you're happy, let them be sore at me." His eyes twinkled as he gave me a sly look.

"You enjoyed bossing them around today didn't you?" I gave him a cheeky grin.

"Yeah, I totally did. Having underlings who jump when you bark an order was pretty fun, I have to admit." He closed the distance between us and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You know Harley, you have really quite impressed me of late. I think you deserve a reward for all of your hard work and dedication. How about we get dressed up and have a night out on the town?" I squealed in glee.

"You mean a date night Puddin?" he nodded, "Yay! What did you have in mind?"

"Well back in Arkham you did tell me you had never been to the Iceberg Lounge. It's a shame that dress of yours from New Year's Eve is back at your apartment though. I would have loved to show you off in that." I batted my lashes at him.

"Well as luck would have it, that dress isn't back at my apartment. It's over at Red's." The corner of his mouth quirked up.

"Oh really now?" he pulled a burner phone from his pocket and handed it to me. "Call the weed and let her know I'm sending someone over to collect it within the hour." He left the bedroom and I heard him calling for Leo to grab a set of keys and get ready to leave on an errand. I dialed Red.

"Hello?"

"Hey girlfriend! How's it hanging?" I heard her give a small sigh of relief.

"Harley, I'm so glad to hear from you. I was starting to get worried."

"Nothing at all to worry about Red. Things are just great! I've never been better."

"Well that's good." I could hear the skepticism in her voice. "So that psychotic boyfriend of yours is behaving himself then?"

"Yeah Pammy, he's great! In fact, he's taking me out for a date night later on. That's why I'm calling. Mistah J is sending one of his guys over to pick up the dress I left at your place. Oh and, not to nitpick, but he's not psychotic, he's a psychopath. There is a difference." She scoffed through the phone.

"Whatever Harley. So where is he taking you?"

"The Iceberg Lounge! Isn't that exciting?"

"I suppose if it's your first time it is. Personally I've been before and I prefer the company of my plants to the trash that washes up there." I huffed out an impatient breath.

"Pam, you prefer the company of your plants to pretty much everybody so that doesn't really surprise me. Well _I'm_ excited, it's our first real date! Look, I know you and Mistah J don't really get along but could you maybe just try to be a _little_ happy for me? You are my best friend after all." Her voice softened.

"Okay Harley. I'll get your dress out of the closet, have J send his guy over. I really hope you have a good time tonight, okay."

"Thanks Red, you're the best! Gotta run though, lots to do to get ready!"

"Bye Harl."

I disconnected the call and jumped up and down in excitement. My first date with my Puddin and we were going to a fancy, exclusive nightclub. I couldn't be happier.

Leo came back at about five in the afternoon with my dress, shoes, necklace and gloves. I busied myself with curling my hair and putting it in an up do. It was nowhere near as nice as when Ross had styled it, but it's not like I could just walk into a hair salon these days without the possibility of being arrested. I wimbled about how to do my makeup. I couldn't decide if I should just go glam like I did on New Year's Eve, or if I should go more with the clown motif since it would be my first time out in public with Joker. I finally decided to go somewhere in-between. I put a very thin layer of the clown white on my face, you could still see my own natural skin tone show through. I went with a dark smoky eye, light blush and crimson lipstick. I went through the items Betty had gotten me from Veronica's Secret and found a garter belt and lace topped thigh high stockings and a lacy thong to pair with it. I didn't need a bra since the dress was a corset top. I was standing in the bedroom in my lingerie about to put on my dress when J came out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. He had showered and styled his green locks with pomade into a low pompadour. He was wearing cologne tonight, which was unusual for him, but it smelled wonderful, a little spicy and somewhat aquatic. He stopped and looked me over and a hint of lust glowed in his eyes.

"You look almost good enough to eat Pumpkin." I nibbled my bottom lip, seeing my man shirtless always made me a little moist in the panties. There was no time for a tryst if we were going to make our dinner reservation.

"Well maybe for dessert I'll give you a little taste of my pie when we get home, Puddin." He slapped my ass as he walked past me to grab his tuxedo from the wardrobe.

"Naughty girl. Don't tease."

He pulled on a pair of green satin boxers then began the ritual of dressing. I rummaged in the drawer for his cuff links and tie and helped him with both. His tuxedo was purple with tails. He chose a green dress shirt, orange waistcoat and a purple tie. He put on his black patent leather shoes and white spats as I began the process of getting into my dress. I tightened the stays as much as I could but I ended up needing J to help me towards the end. I put on my shoes and finished the look off with the faux ruby necklace and the red gloves. J assessed me when I was finished.

"You look lovely my dear, but there's something that's just off." I was suddenly very self-conscious.

"What's the matter Mistah J, is it my hair? Or do you not like my makeup?" He held his chin and cocked his head slightly to one side.

"No, no. That's not it at all." He playfully smacked his head with his hand. "I know what it is!" He walked over to the dresser and pulled a large square velvet box out of the top drawer. He walked over and handed it to me. I stared at it for a moment, confused. "Well, go on Poo. Open it."

I slowly lifted the lid. I sucked in a breath and stared in awe at the necklace inside. It was ruby, real rubies, not the cheap glass gems I currently had on, and 24 carat gold. It was exquisite.

"Oh my God Puddin! It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!" He came behind me and unclasped the fake around my neck.

"Well there's no need for a gaudy knockoff when I happen to have the real thing on hand." He picked the ruby necklace up out of the box and fastened it, then spun me around so I could see us both in the full length mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door. "There, that's much better." I gazed at him in the mirror in utter adoration.

"Thank you Puddin. I love it!" I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck. "And I love you. How did I ever get so lucky?" He chuckled.

"You broke my nose, remember? How could I not be attracted to a girl with enough moxie to punch out the evil, dastardly Joker?" he said playfully. I giggled and went up on my tiptoes to press my mouth to his. He broke the kiss, pulled his pocket watch out and checked the time. "Time to get going kiddo. We're already fashionably late."

We put on our coats and headed out to the car that was idling in the back alley for us. Rocco was at the wheel tonight and he got out of the car to open the door for us. Twenty minutes later we were pulling up to the rear entrance of the Iceberg Lounge. We were greeted by a large bouncer in a black tuxedo who led us through a long darkened hallway and up a flight of stairs that opened onto a magnificent balcony that overlooked the entire club. The décor was amazing. Everything was made of glass and crystal, the floors, walls, ceiling, stairs and bannisters. In the center of the main floor was a gigantic pool with a huge stage in the shape of an actual iceberg. There were showgirls dancing on it as live penguins and seals lazed around the perimeter. The chandeliers looked like stalactites of ice suspended from the ceiling. The bouncer led us to a large round booth that gave us a perfect view of both the stage and the dancefloor below us.

"Mr. Joker, Miss Quinzel, your first bottle is on the house, compliments of Mr. Cobblepot." Joker smiled widely.

"Well tell old Ozzie we appreciate his generosity. We'll take a bottle of the Krug Clos d'Ambonnay." The man gave a quick bow.

"Excellent choice Mr. Joker, sir." He hurried away as I stared at my Puddin in awe. Within moments a waitress in a body suit, a tuxedo tailcoat and fishnet tights brought over a tall ice bucket. She presented the bottle to us and J nodded. She quickly popped the cork and poured two glasses of the rich golden champagne before retreating into the shadows. She was immediately followed by a tall, thin waiter in an all-white tuxedo who presented us with menus.

"Is there anything at all I can get you Mr. Joker or would you like a few moments to peruse the menu?"

J looked up and told the waiter "We'll start off with," and then he rattled off some words that must have been in another language because I had no idea what on earth he had just ordered. The only word I did make out was oysters. Yuck.

I eyed the menu warily and there was very little I recognized until I came to Filet Mignon. I knew that was steak so I felt pretty safe ordering it. I glanced around the room and discovered that I actually recognized quite a few faces in the room. Jervis Tetch, who was wearing a green suit and top hat was sitting at a table with two rather rotund gentlemen who were wearing garish yellow shirts and red suits, a woman who looked like a playboy bunny dominatrix in pink and white and a short brunette who had on overall shorts and was wearing a tool belt. On the other side of the room I recognized Edward Nygma who was sitting with Jonathan Crane. Arnold Wesker and Scarface were in a booth not all that far to the left of us sitting with a short Italian looking fellow who was beside a man who was the size of a tank. Then I saw someone who puzzled me entirely.

"Puddin?" J looked up from his menu and I pointed at a tall brunette sitting at the bar.

"Yes Harley?"

"Do you know that woman?" He squinted in the direction I was pointing.

"Yes of course. That's Catwoman. Why?" I blinked at him several times in confusion.

"That's my neighbor, well my old neighbor Selina Kyle. She's Catwoman?" J started chuckling.

"You mean to tell me you lived next to Catwoman and you didn't even know it? Ha, that's fantastic!"

"Now I get the whole crazy cat lady shtick." I giggled, "It was her cat I put Batsy's tracker thingy on. Hope that didn't end up causing her any trouble."

"Well I doubt it did, she and Batsy have been on again off again for years."

"What? Are you serious? She screwed that Bat? No freaking way!"

"No really it's true. Ask her yourself." Joker began to wave and call out across the room. "Yoo hoo, Selina! Selina dear, hellooo!" Slowly Catwoman turned her head and glared daggers at J, but she got up and began stomping over.

"Joker. What the hell do you want?" He grinned widely and gestured towards me.

"Hey there pussycat! My girlfriend tells me you were neighbors." She squinted her eyes and looked at me until recognition hit her and her eyes widened like saucers.

"It's you! The shrink from Arkham!" She leaned down and pointed her finger in my face. "Thanks to you I had to move. Do you know how hard it is moving thirty-five cats? Thanks for bringing the heat down on the entire building you twit!" She glanced between me and J for a moment. "Wait a minute, you and the Joker? No, you can't be serious! What kind of sick freak are you sister?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Hmpf. Well at least I'm not banging the Bat sweetheart!" She was getting flustered.

" _That_ is none of your damn business!" J was happily resting his chin on his joined hands watching the spectacle unfold.

"Heh. You were right Puddin. She is bumping uglies with Batsy! I never realized he was a cat person." J just continued to smile as he watched Selina start to lose her temper.

"Oh how I love a good catfight! Be careful Pumpkin, this one hasn't been declawed."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a short, stout man quickly waddling towards our table. He was immaculately dressed in a custom made tux and top hat with a monocle in one eye.

"Selina dear, Holly has been looking for you. I have taken the liberty of moving you both to an exclusive table. Drinks on the house of course. Now if you will kindly follow Trey, he'll show you the way." She glared at both Joker and I.

"Fine Oswald, I've had enough of these two clowns anyway!"

She stormed off following one of Oswald's men to the other side of the balcony. The little man wiped a bead of sweat from his brow with a finely made, hand embroidered handkerchief as he let out a deep breath. He turned and plastered a smile on his face as he addressed us.

"Joker, how wonderful to see you again. I hope the service has been satisfactory so far. And this delightful creature must be the ebullient Miss Quinzel. How very lovely to meet you my dear." He reached out and took my hand kissing the back of it and I was suddenly very glad I had chosen to wear gloves. J leaned back and placed an arm around my shoulders.

"Well hey there Pengers! Thanks for the bubbly, buddy! Looks like business is good!"

"Yes, well with the unexpected release of the entire Rogues Gallery from Arkham we have had a bit of a full house here most evenings." He turned his head towards me. "I hear through the grapevine that I have you to thank for the influx of patrons Dr. Quinzel."

"It's Harley now, Harley Quinn."

"My apologies my dear Miss Quinn. May I just say that it is splendid to hear that you've taken the consummate bachelor here off the proverbial market!" He turned back to J "Joker I never thought I'd see the day, but if I may say so one would be a fool to let this beautiful young lady slip away. Congratulations to you both! If there is anything at all you may need please let Demetri there know." He pointed to a tall bald man in a three-piece pinstriped suit who was standing next to the bar. "Now if you will both excuse me I have to make the rounds. Miss Quinn, lovely to have met you. Joker, a pleasure as always." He gave a quick half bow and waddled off.

"So that's the Penguin, Puddin?"

"Indeedy do, Poo. Ah it appears our appetizers have arrived."

The wait staff placed down several dishes and I was appalled to discover that at least three of them were some kind of seafood. The one plate that didn't smell fishy looked like some kind of a patè. We gave the waiter our dinner orders and J dove into the food before us.

"Um Puddin? What exactly is all this stuff?"

He pointed to the first plate that smelled very heavily of fish, "This is Fugu, a highly poisonous Japanese fish, however when prepared correctly an utter delicacy. These are Coffin Bay King Oysters from Australia. They're an aphrodisiac you know." He said as he pointed at a plate that looked like globs of phlegm on the half shell. "This here is Asestra caviar, one of the finest in the world." He was pointing to a jar of little black balls that was served with tiny potatoes, toast rounds and some kind of white creamy stuff. "And last but not least is the foie gras."

"That's not fish is it?"

"No Poo, it's not fish. Why?

"Because I kind of have this thing about fish is all."

I scooped a little of the pate onto a cracker and cautiously took a bite. It was creamy and kind of melted on your tongue but it had a metallic undertone that reminded me vaguely of the few times my mom had made me eat chopped liver as a kid.

"So what exactly is fwa-grass?" He chuckled at me as he slurped down an oyster.

"It's foie gras Pumpkin and its goose liver patè. What do you think?" I wrinkled my nose as I quickly washed my mouth out with a swig of champagne.

"I think I'm not cut out for hoity toity fancy foodie type stuff Puddin." He almost choked on his champagne from the unexpected chortle that burst out of him.

"Oh Harley, you do know how to make me laugh."

Our dinners came and I have to admit it was the best steak I had ever had in my life. After the main course we had cappuccinos and shared a sinfully decadent chocolate pyramid that was almost too pretty to eat. I had noticed throughout our meal that we were getting a lot of looks bordering on stares from the other patrons. It made me a little uncomfortable, but J was loving it. I knew he was vain and I suppose I couldn't blame him for being proud of the attention since it was the first time in his life, well at least since his accident, that he had a pretty girl on his arm to show off. Once our bellies settled J suggested we mingle. Our first stop was at Nygma and Crane's table. J didn't ask to join them but simply took the nearest empty chair and sat down. I followed his lead.

"Nygma." The Riddler scowled at J.

"Joker. What are you doing here?"

"Just showing my lady a night on the town." Nygma looked at me. It took a moment since we had only ever met once before but realization suddenly dawned on him.

"You're the shrink, Dr. Quinzel, right?"

"It's Harley Quinn now. I think, much like Jonathan here, that my medical license has probably been revoked at this point." Jonathan looked at me.

"I suppose we all have you to thank for our early release. I may not be fond of the why of it, but I am appreciative all the same Harley." I quirked a smile at him.

"No problem Jonathan, I was glad to help everyone out. What are you up to now that you're on the outside?" He brightened at the question.

"Well I'm currently working on a new strain of my fear toxin. It's much more potent and has the pot-" Joker interrupted.

"Blah, blah, blah. Can the nerd speak Craney, I don't want my date falling asleep from the boredom." Riddler looked stunned.

"You. You and…he. Are you? No certainly not." Joker rolled his eyes.

"Oh spit it out already Nygma! _You_ want to know if she's riding the J-Train and the answer to that is a big fat yes!"

"Puddin!" I must have turned twenty different shades of pink. Nygma sputtered and didn't quite know how to respond.

"Well fellas, lots of folks to talk to, we really must be off. See you geeks around!"

He chuckled as we walked away from the two dumbfounded rogues. We did make the rounds. Joker paraded me around the room like a new toy he couldn't wait to show the other kids but refused to share. We stopped and spoke with Jervis who introduced me to Jenna Duffy the Carpenter, Jaina Hudson the White Rabbit, Tweedledum and Tweedledee of the Wonderland gang. Jervis was quite appreciative of the unexpected release and offered his help to us if ever we needed his services. He was very different when not in the asylum and dosed to the gills with anti-psychotics. He may be a strange looking little man but he was rather sweet and I couldn't help but like him. We stopped to talk to Arnold, but Scarface was apparently in a mood so we left them after a few minutes.

Finally, J turned to me and asked, "Do you know how to Tango?" My eyes lit up.

"Well it's been awhile but yeah I do. I took a ballroom class for my cousins wedding a couple of years ago."

He offered me his arm and I looped mine through it as he led me down the grand staircase to the dance floor. I was a little nervous about being on the main floor. This was where all the "normal" people were and I wasn't quite sure the two of us being seen out in the open like this was wise. He had me wait as he went to talk to the band leader. I saw J slip him a bill and within a minute a lively tango began.

I was surprised to discover that Joker was an amazing dancer. He knew how to lead and was easy to follow. Within moments the dance floor cleared out and we began to draw a crowd as he spun and strutted me around the floor. Whenever he would dip, spin or swing me around we received applause from those gathered. I found myself forgetting my misgivings and just enjoying myself. I wasn't used to being the center of attention and I could see why J loved it so much. It was a heady feeling. As the song came to an end J dipped me elaborately and leaned in to kiss me in front of God and everyone. I was ecstatic.

That feeling was short lived of course. When we left the dancefloor to a loud round of applause I noticed someone familiar out of the corner of my eye. Standing there on the outskirts of the dance floor was Bruce Wayne. J was still enjoying the adulation of the crowd when I leaned in and whispered harshly.

"Puddin. We gotta get out of here right now! The jig is up!" He gave me a confused stare.

"What do you mean Pooh Bear?"

"Bruce Wayne is here and he knows me. I'm friends with his ward remember. I've eaten dinner with his family. He is staring right at us and if I know him, he's already called his buddy Commissioner Gordon and the GCPD will bust in here any minute. C'mon, let's go!"

We tried walking out as casually as possible, but as soon as we hit the back hall we sprinted as J called Rocco to meet us out back pronto. The car pulled up as we dashed out the back door and we both jumped in as quickly as we could. I could already see the flashing lights and hear the sirens approaching. As Rocco tore through the alleyway, Bruce burst out the back door of the club staring at our vehicle as we tore around the corner and out of sight. We had to have one of our other henchmen meet us with a different car, a van this time, and Rocco had to ditch the previous one in the Gotham River to avoid being spotted or traced.

We made it back to the lair without incident. We were lucky this time. We needed to be a little more circumspect in the future or we'd both be back in Arkham before we could blink. Once safely ensconced in our bedroom I was finally able to release the breath I was holding as I sunk down onto the bed, my knees having gone watery. Joker wasn't nearly as concerned as I was, in fact he thought the whole thing was a pretty fine joke.

"Did you see the look on Brucie boy's face? Oh it was priceless! I don't think I've ever seen him so angry. You must have made quite an impression on him sweetheart. Ha ha ha!"

I kicked my shoes off and began pulling off my gloves. I wasn't half as amused as he was. I tried reaching the tie to the stays on the back of my dress as I pointedly ignored him. Suddenly I felt him grab the ties and pulled out the knot so I could wiggle out of my dress. He leaned his head down to my ear.

"Oh come on Pumpkin. I know you got a little nervous, but you have to admit it was a fun night out." I rolled my eyes.

"It was Puddin, but we've gotta be more careful. We both could have been arrested tonight and then what?"

"Well, we regroup and when the time is right we escape. The threat of incarceration has never stopped me from having fun before, why would it now?"

"Look Puddin, I know it hasn't but you have to understand that I've never even gotten a speeding ticket before. The thought of going to Arkham as a patient, or even worse to federal prison scares the shit outta me!"

"Awwww, Sweety, Darling, Pumpkin Pie. Would I ever let anything bad happen to you? You worry too much! Loosen up and enjoy yourself! That's my motto." I took off the dress and hung it up in the wardrobe.

"I know Mistah J and I don't mean to put a damper on your good time but I'm not a super villain like you. If I go to jail, I won't be respected like you are. It could get really ugly for me."

"Well not yet you aren't but you're making your big debut this week! Harley, do you trust me?"

"Yes Mistah J, you know I do." He lifted my chin with his hand so I was looking in his eyes.

"Then just relax and leave it to me okay Pumpkin? Now," He eyed the bed then looked back at me, "I believe we have a brand new mattress that needs christening." I couldn't help it, I laughed despite myself. Then his lips were on mine and any other thoughts I may have had, left my head as another more demanding part of my body took control.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

The next day, Puddin finally briefed me on the Gotham General Bank and Trust job. GGB&T was a relatively small bank in Gainsley which the Joker chose for multiple reasons. First of all, it was located far away from any of the GCPD precincts which gave us about seven minutes response time before the police arrived. Secondly it was open until two in the afternoon on Saturdays. Gotham cops had a change of shift at three so it was a perfect time for a heist as all the squad cars would be heading back towards their respective precincts instead of patrolling. A small bank like this didn't have a bullet proof glass partition separating the tellers from the public and wouldn't have any armed security so that was less to worry about as well. The take would be small, ten to twenty grand, but we were in this more for the publicity than the money anyway. This was meant to be _my_ debut and an announcement to the world that I was the Joker's moll, partner and second in command. An announcement to Gotham, the Bat and the world that a young, beautiful, successful doctor had given up everything to join her man, the Joker, The Clown Prince of Crime, in a life of crime and debauchery, which I knew stroked his ego in all the right ways.

It was a fairly simple plan. We'd plant two of the less obvious looking guys on the inside as bank patrons, then we'd bust through the front doors guns a blazing. One of our inside guys would subdue the tellers, the second would handle any account managers hiding out in the back offices. I would be on crowd control. Two of our other guys would collect the money while Joker worked the crowd. The last guy would film the whole thing and afterward we'd make multiple copies of the disk which would be sent to the media.

Joker was locked away in his office for most of the day putting the finishing touches on our plan. Late in the afternoon he came to find me. I was sitting in our living room watching Adventure Time when he walked in.

"Ah, there you are Poo." I glanced over my shoulder at him.

"Hiya Puddin! Are ya finished working for the day?" He flopped down in the seat next to me and grabbed the remote.

"What the hell are you watching?" He hit the mute button.

"Adventure Time. It's about a kid named Jake and his magical dog who's also his adopted brother, Finn who live in a kind of post-apocalyptic world called Ooo. It's kinda Dungeon and Dragony, but I watch it because I like Princess Bubblegum." He gave me a blank look. "So was there anything I could do for you Puddin?" He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and held it up. "What's that?"

"Your lines for tomorrow. I highlighted your parts. Are you capable of committing them to memory overnight?" I took the piece of paper and glanced over it.

"No problem Mistah J! Easy, peasy, Japanesey!" He grinned.

"Good. Now, what gun did you feel most comfortable with Pumpkin?" I gave him a half shrug.

"Well the .22 was the easiest to aim but I know that won't do much damage, so I guess the Glock?" It sounded like a question instead of a statement.

"Good enough. Go see Kilson in the morning and have him equip you." He gave me an inscrutable look. "Are you sure you're ready for this, kiddo?"

"As ready as I'm ever gonna be I guess." He slung an arm across my shoulders and pulled me into his side. I leaned my head against him as I savored his warmth.

"Are you scared Pumpkin?" I glanced up at him.

"Not scared, no. Just a little nervous. I'll be fine though, don't worry about me Mistah J. I won't let you down, I promise." He squeezed my shoulder.

"I never had any doubt Poo." His stomach growled loudly.

"Ya want me to make you something to eat Puddin?" His look was slightly pained.

"No offense darling, but I don't think I can choke down yet another burnt grilled cheese. How about we send Leo out for some Chinese. I could really go for some Kung Pao right about now." I felt a little dejected by his comment but I was well aware of the fact that my cooking skills sucked.

"Sure Puddin, Chinese sounds great. I'll go get Leo." I lifted my head from his shoulder. "You want egg rolls and soup too?"

"That would be wonderful. Thanks, doll."

As the day of the heist arrived I was a bundle of nerves and excitement in equal measure. I had memorized my lines after we finished dinner and felt pretty confident I wouldn't muck it up. I sought out Kilson and he set me up with a Glock 19 and three clips. I carefully applied my makeup and mask then donned my suit and cowl and looked at myself in the full length mirror. I loved the way I looked in the suit, it hugged every curve and made my ass look amazing. I had to strap the extra clips to a belt that I wore loosely draped around my hips. I held the Glock in both hands and posed in a firing stance to see the full effect when I heard the bedroom door open.

"Now that's just how I like to see my girl. She's beautiful _and_ dangerous." I dropped my arms down and spun around to look at Mistah J.

"I look okay Puddin?" He walked over and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"You're truly a vision my little Harley Quinn. I can't wait to see what the media makes of you." I beamed at him.

"So do ya think Batsy is gonna show up?" I knew cops weren't going to be a problem but the thought of Batman busting in on us was the one thing that made me nervous about this whole plan.

"No. No worries there my dear. Guano-man doesn't like coming out during the day. I would have to threaten to blow up a stadium or something to get him out in the daylight. 'He is the night,' " he used air quotes, "after all."

That really made me feel better. J was already dressed but he reached past me to grab his trench coat and fedora. It was almost go time.

"Well come on Harls, time to get a move on."

We loaded ourselves, our weapons and a duffel bag into a panel van and headed out. We arrived at GGB&T at quarter to two. We sent our boys in and waited for the signal. A few minutes later J's cell beeped. He checked it, tossed the phone aside and said,

"Let's go kiddies!"

My stomach felt like it was full of angry bees. We walked quickly to the entrance, pulled our weapons and entered the bank. There were two tellers that were now being covered by one of our henchmen and about five customers. Leo was on film duty and got the camera rolling right away. The first line was mine.

"Everyone on the ground! Don't try to be a hero and everyone might be lucky enough to walk outta here!" I stuck my gun in the face of the biggest guy in the bank just in case he tried something. "Now without any further ado, may I introduce the one, the only…Joker!"

Joker walked through the bank lobby and you could see everyone blanch at his appearance. I thought the big guy I was holding my gun on was going to crap his pants.

"Good afternoon everyone! Don't worry yourselves we're just here to make a little withdrawal." He motioned to the other two henchmen who got to work collecting the cash. The henchman who searched the offices in the rear came out dragging the bank manager along with him. He saw Joker and his eyes flickered first with fear and then defiance.

"Take what you want and get out, but leave these people alone!" Joker pulled his long barreled gun out and pointed it in his face.

"Do you know how the Banker died?" The bank manager's eyes widened in terror. He realized he should have kept his big mouth shut. "He cashed out!" Joker put a bullet between his eyes. He looked round at the other hostages. "Anyone else want to add their two cents?"

He looked around and it appeared no one else was going to make any trouble.

"In a moment my men and my lovely assistant Harley Quinn will be coming around to collect your valuables. If you cooperate this will all be over in a matter of minutes folks." He paused, "Harley?"

"Yeah boss?"

"Do you know why money is called dough?"

"No boss, why is money called dough?"

"Because we all knead it!" It was my job to laugh at his jokes so I let out a high pitched chortle.

"You know Harley, money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with."

"Good one Mistah J!" One of the guys tossed me the duffel bag and I slung it over my shoulder.

"Do you know what the midget said when I asked him for a dollar?"

"No Mistah J, what did the midget say?"

"Sorry, I'm a little short." I giggled as our men took the hostages wallets, purses, jewelry and watches and I tossed them in the duffel bag that was now heavy with cash.

"Ya know, men are like bank accounts."

"Why is that boss?"

"Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest."

It looked like we had cleaned everyone out and we were approaching the seven-minute mark. It was time to get moving. I was feeling pretty damn good. Everything went off without a hitch, or so it seemed. I wouldn't realize until later that I was about to make a very big mistake.

"Ya know Mistah J, now that we've robbed the bank, the owner is going to have to buy some cows to 'beef' up security."

J grabbed me firmly around the waist and roughly yanked me into his side. He plastered a strained smile on his face that did not reach his eyes at all.

"Well folks, that's all we have time for today, but you can catch us at the Bellagio next week!"

J pulled me along with him until we got outside at which point he grabbed one of my liliripes and savagely dragged me to the van. He literally threw me into the back and I fell hard on my hands and knees. He climbed in, closed the door and banged on the roof to signal Leo to get going. J was seething the entire ride home and I was afraid to ask what I did wrong until we were alone.

When we got back to the lair he stormed through the warehouse and up to our bedroom and I followed behind him trying to keep up. My heart was pounding in my chest, whatever I did that upset him, it was bad. I had never seen him so angry. When we reached the bedroom he pulled me in by my cowl and loudly slammed the door. Without warning he spun and backhanded me, hard. I fell to the ground. He pulled back his foot and kicked me firmly in the belly twice. Tears were burning my eyes and pouring down my cheeks. I wanted to ask him what I had done, why he was angry with me but the last kick knocked the wind out of me. Finally, he screamed at me.

"What the _hell_ was that Harley? Did I not write down your lines?" I still couldn't take in a deep breath so I just nodded.

"What made you think it was okay to improvise you witless wonder? **_I_** tell the jokes around here! Not _you_! **_ME! THE JOKER_** **!** " He pounced on my prone body and straddled it as he throttled me about the head, neck and shoulders. He caught my right eye with his fist and I could feel it swell immediately. "You're lucky I deigned to give you a role to play at all and _this_ is how you repay me? That had to be the single most horrendous joke I've ever heard!" He clipped my chin with his other fist and my teeth came together with a loud click, puncturing the side of my tongue as pain shot through my jaw. I could taste blood in my mouth. "How many times do I have to tell you to leave the comedy to me before you learn, you useless, pathetic waste of space?"

I could feel his spittle spray my face as he shrieked at me. I was finally able to breathe again and I tried to pull him out of his rage.

"I'm s-sorry Mistah J. P-please. P-please s-stop. I w-won't do it again I p-p-promise!"

He grabbed me around the neck and savagely slammed my head into the floor as he growled loudly.

"You're right, you won't!"

He pulled my body upwards and shoved my face into the corsage on his lapel as it released a solid dose of Smilex. I coughed several times as I waited for the laughing to begin, to feel the corners of my mouth start to stretch into a rictus grin but after a few moments, nothing happened. I think it distracted Joker enough to pull him out of his frenzy.

"What the hell?" He got up off of me. "How can you be immune to my toxin?" he yelled.

I coughed, rolled onto my side and spat blood onto the floor. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled my legs up to protect my body in case he decided he wasn't done beating on me.

"Ivy." I croaked out between sobs.

Through my tears I could barely make out his form but I saw him grab what I assumed was his hat and watched him as he stomped out of the bedroom. I could hear his footfalls go down the stairs and faintly heard the sound of the heavy steel outer door slam shut.

I was starting to feel nauseous, I suspected Joker had given me a concussion when he slammed my head against the hardwood flooring. I lay on the floor for a good fifteen minutes bawling before I was able to crawl to the bathroom. I barely made it to the commode in time before the contents of my stomach spewed out of my mouth. I retched several more times. Once my stomach felt empty I flushed the toilet and leaned my head against the cool porcelain for a few minutes. I tried to stand but my knees gave out and I ended up sprawled out on the bathroom floor. I was so tired but I knew I couldn't sleep or I might not wake up.

My first instinct was to leave. To pack a bag and go to Ivy's place but I recalled the conversation J and I had a few nights ago. We discussed his insecurities about me leaving him the first time he hurt me. He was honest about revealing the fact that he _would_ hurt me eventually. This was it. Did I keep my word and stay or did I turn tail and run? I was hurt and I was angry but did I still love him? Yes. Yes, I did and I would honor my words to him.

I slowly stood and walked back into the bedroom to remove my costume. When I was nude I stood and looked at myself in the full length mirror. My right eye was swollen almost completely shut and the left side of my jaw was swelling and turning an ugly purple. I had bruises around my neck and there was a very large bruise forming where he had kicked me in my stomach. My knees were also beginning to bruise from him throwing me into the van. I looked at the wound J had cut into me earlier that week. It was healing nicely but it was still a bright pink color where the skin was knitting back together.

I limped back to the bathroom and ran a bath. I made the water as hot as I could stand and eased my aching body into it. I scrubbed off the clown paint on my face. I hugged my knees and sat in the hot water until it eventually went cold then slipped into my pajamas and curled up in the bed we shared together. I lay there facing the wall with the blankets pulled up to my neck, trying not to fall asleep, for hours. Eventually the sun set and a few hours later I heard light steps coming towards the bedroom door. I knew it was him when I heard the door slowly open. I may have decided to stay but I certainly hadn't forgiven him and I didn't want to talk to him yet. I snapped my eyes closed and slowed my breathing to feign sleep. I heard him flip on one of the new lamps and I could detect the light from behind my closed eyelids. I heard him quietly step over to the wardrobe which he opened. I could hear him changing his clothing and then I didn't hear anything else until I felt his weight indenting the other side of the mattress. I didn't move.

"Harley, I know you're awake." He said softly. I didn't respond. "Kiddo, you snore when you're really asleep so why don't you just roll over and talk to me." I did roll over and glared at him.

"I do _not_ snore!"

The corner of his mouth twitched. He was in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms that were covered in smiley faces. His torso was bare.

"Yes, you do Pumpkin." He ran one of his hands through his hair. "I'm surprised you're still here."

"I told you I would be, didn't I?"

I rolled back over to stare at the cracks in the plaster wall. I could smell liquor on his breath which I assumed meant he went to Harvey's place or the Iceberg. He let out a harsh breath.

"Look Harley, you know I take my work very seriously. You were doing such a great job and then you had to go and ruin everything!" I rolled back over and gave him a sulky look.

"It was my very first job! Unlike some people here, I'm new to the costumed criminal game. How was I supposed to know you'd lose your shit if I told a joke? I was just trying to have a little fun with my role! _Excuuuussseee_ me!" He frowned and his brows drew together.

"Don't get cheeky with me Harley."

"Why not? Ya gonna beat me up again? Try to kill me maybe?" He grabbed my wrist hard enough to bruise.

"I am doing my best to restrain myself right now Harley! I suggest you not poke the bear or it might just bite your head off!"

His nostrils were flaring. I pulled my wrist from his grip and rubbed it with my other hand then sat up to scowl at him. His eyes ran over my face and he dialed his temper back a notch when he realized how much damage he had done earlier.

"Harley look, when it comes to the job, stick to your part, don't improvise and we'll be just fine, okay?"

"Is this your idea of an apology?" He threw his hands up in the air.

"What the hell do you expect Harley? I'm the Joker!"

"Are you gonna use that as your excuse for everything?" He gave me an impassive look.

"Probably." Well at least he was being honest. "Are _you_ going to apologize for screwing up the job?" I sighed heavily.

"Yes. I'm sorry I made a mistake Mistah J, I didn't know any better and now I do." I looked at him expectantly waiting for his apology. He smiled.

"Good. Now things can go back to normal again." I was flabbergasted.

"Really? That's it? That's your big apology?" I made a sound of frustration in the back of my throat. He rolled his eyes at me.

"Okay, fine! I got a little out of hand earlier. I didn't mean it. Alright?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I suppose it's about as good as I'm getting so whatever, apology accepted." He reached over and gently turned my head so he could see my eye.

"C'mon Poo, I brought home an ice pack for you to put on that shiner." He tenderly grabbed my hand and led me to the living room. He walked back to the kitchen and when he returned he was shaking a medium sized ice pack and carried a thin towel. He wrapped the pack in the towel and carefully placed it over my swollen eye. I winced. "Did you watch the news yet Harl?"

"No why would I have?"

"Because we're the top story Pumpkin. Here check it out."

He flipped on the TV and turned it to GNN. There we were, larger than life on the screen. The headline read, 'Joker and Harley Quinn, Gotham's New Terrible Twosome!' I had to admit it was kind of cool. They played the video although they pixelated out the part with J shooting the bank manager. The reporter speculated correctly that we were romantically involved and they had a slew of experts commenting on the nature of our relationship. I had to laugh out loud at some of their assumptions which were so far off base it was ridiculous. J settled onto the couch and pulled me over onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me.

"So Poo, what do you think?"

"It's pretty amazing actually. Puddin, I really am sorry I screwed up today."

"That's quite alright sweetheart. I'm sorry I lost my temper with you."

I looked him in the eyes and felt my heart swell. Even after our fight I knew I loved him more than life itself.

"I love you Mistah J."

He didn't respond in words but let his lips do the talking for him. And just as quickly as our fight had started we were back in each other's arms again. It was crazy, _we_ were crazy. It was a mad, mad love we shared and it suited us both. And I wouldn't trade it or him for the world.


	39. Epilogue

Epilogue

So that's how it went for us. There were good times, there were bad times. There were times when things were blissfully wonderful and times when we made each other miserable. There were times he'd smack me around and times when I'd beat the snot out of him instead. Sometimes I'd get mad and leave and sometimes I'd come home to discover he had moved to a new hideout without telling me how to find him. Sometimes I'd have to seek him out and other times he'd come get me and drag me back home. There were times when we made love every day and times that weeks or months would pass and he wouldn't touch me. Those were the times I would practically have to beg to get him to sleep with me. He was like an addiction, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't go too long without having my fix. But one thing was consistent. We always ended up back together. His crazy fit together with my crazy. We were two pieces of the same whole. Two of a kind he had said.

Until I went too far. It was one of the times when he ignored me for months, too busy working on a new plan to battle the Batman to be bothered with me. I got jealous, I couldn't help it, so I tried to take Batsy down by myself. If there were no B-man I'd have my Joker all to myself. I almost accomplished it too. I had him tied up over a tank full of hungry piranhas and was ready to drop him in. I underestimated him though and he tricked me into calling Mistah J which was the worst thing I could have done. Joker was in a rage unlike anything I'd ever seen once he got there and I paid for my mistake.

He threw me out of a third story window and left me for dead.

Miraculously I survived and once I was out of the ICU at Gotham Mercy West I was transferred to Arkham to serve my first stint as a patient. They had to keep me in the infirmary for over a month before I could be transferred to a cell. I had a broken arm, a broken leg, three broken ribs, a punctured lung and a ruptured spleen. I was lucky to be alive even if I wished I were dead.

As they wheeled me to my cell I made a decision. I was done. Never again. No more obsession, no more craziness, no more Joker. I could finally see that slime for what he really is. An emotionless, evil, irredeemable monster.

I was placed in the cell across the hall from his empty one. My shrink was Joan Leland, my old friend and mentor. She came to visit me as the orderlies transferred me from the gurney to my cot.

"Well Harley I hope you learned your lesson, but probably not. And to think you were once so strong, so sure of yourself. So, tell me Harley, how did it feel to be so dependent on a man, that you'd give up everything for him, gaining nothing in return?"

"It felt like…"

I turned to look at her and noticed a small vase with a single red rose and a note attached to it sitting next to my cot and my heart soared! It said, "Feel better soon. -J". Under my breath I answered Joan's question.

"It felt like a kiss."

-Fin.

 **A/N – Thanks again to all of my readers. You guys make writing these stories so worthwhile. I love all of you, you totally rawk my socks! I hope you enjoyed my version of Harley and Joker's origin story. I have started my outline for my next J+HQ story. It's called Legacy and I will hopefully have the first chapter out sometime this week. It takes place much later in the relationship as J and Harls are trying to finally get pregnant, but there's a bit of a twist that I think you'll find amusing.**

 **Adendum – I recently updated the entire story to clean up typos, missing punctuation etc and realized that I inadvertently deleted all of my author notes since I did not save those to the hard copies of the story on my PC. So I apologize to the people I gave shout outs too, that is why they're missing now. Oops.**


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